Mom doesn't have enough life insurance. I suggested she sell he car and let me put the money in a burial acct.

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I want to open a burial acct since she does not have enough insurance for even a decent creamtion. She was complaining about paying for insurance and up keep on her car which she no longer drives, so I suggested she sell it. She's all for selling, but she wants access to the money for her own over-the-top spending habits. I think a burial fund needs to be started and I think she needs to contribute since she didn't provide adequate insurance for her final expenses......thoughts on how get her to see reason?


Go halves on it or give her part of it for her spending but invest the rest as you if Mom has just always been short-sighted financially, well, her bad decisions are hers to make; if she is losing math and judgement skills due to early cognitive impariment, here's hoping you have DPOA or can get it as someone will likely need to take over fairly soon. You don't mention her age or her health status; watch out, some of the burial insurance policies they will actually sell to seniors who are likely to use them soon are likely to be total rip offs, and the legitimate ones will require several years of fully funding them first.

Either way, it's a small blessing she is willing to give up the car! My mom wasn't - she would never drive it, but just thought it was a nice car and didn't want it sold, but I more or less had to or else I would have been paying all the expenses and upkeep on it while it sat in the driveway between my visits (no room in garage, that's another story...) and I just never told her...I had to quietly collect my mom's QVC card too or else she would have spend several hunderd dollars a month on "stuff" we already had more of than we could even give away...well, let us know what happens with all that, everyone's experience has its own nuances, twists and turns and there is always more to learn.
the funeral business is a complete joke to me based on unfounded belief systems and superstition. dont mean to sound insensitive but im an insensitive person. " whats best for your loved one " . what a freakin joke. they are dead, there is no good, better or best. my mother insists on being embalmed so theres no risk of her waking up in a coffin. * sigh *. couldnt we just bury her with a 15 dollar tract phone? the funeral business is in a world of hurt because a couple of current generations would prefer to be eaten by pirrahna fish. i know im one of them..
Mom has always been financially irresponsible....QVC, Belk, you name it. She has more clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and purses than Ivanna Trump! She is in poor health now, so additional insurance isn't even an option. I wasn't aware until recently that she'd cashed in most of her life insurance policies for "spending money." When she retired, she got a significant payout then my stepdad and later stepsister passed within 2 years of that, she went through the money like it was water! She has never planned for tomorrow, ever, so I guess that's why I do. She thinks it's unfair of me to want her to put the money back for HER final expenses. I have life insurance on myself, plenty of it. My family will not have to worry about paying for anything out of pocket when I pass, so why is it too much for me to expect her to contribute? As it is I will have to sell (yard sale, no real property) everything she has to cover some of the costs...I'm very frustrated right now.
Do you have Power of Attorney, sandih61? Can you do this even if she doesn't agree? Where is she in the realm of being able to make her own decisions?

I wonder if it would help if you sat down with her and planned her funeral -- heck you could plan yours while you are at it, if that would make the whole topic more palatable to her. Beforehand research prices in your area.

Talk about whether she wants to be cremated, what she would prefer be done with the ashes, if she wants to be buried, where, what kind of coffin, etc. Also talk about the kind of service she'd like. Does she have favorite songs to be included? If friends want to contribute to a memorial or a cause, what would she like it to be? Etc.

Then do a rough estimate of the cost of what she wants. Don't forget the incidentals such as newspaper obituaries, death certificates, etc. If what she wants costs $10,000 and that is outrageous to her, then help her figure out how to make it cost less. Cremation instead of burial. No newspaper obituaries. Whatever. And when you get it to the bare minimum she finds acceptable, then you can address the "Most people have insurance to cover these expenses. How can we pay for it in your case?" question.

I'm afraid her answer is likely to be "You pay for it. I'm your mother and you owe me." Be gentle but firm in explaining your belief about that.

Your plan to set money aside (one way or another) for final expenses is a very good and important one. I hope you are able to convince Mom. And I hope there is some money left from the sale of the car that she could have as spending money.
Jeanne, I like your answer - you are always so level-headed. You presented it like Sandi could almost make her Mom feel like they are planning a celebration instead of a funeral, and give her the incentive to set aside money via a burial policy or pre-pay it! Great strategy Jeanne!
Jeanne, Where are you? Boo hoo.
Thank you Jeanne for your answer. The conversation never quite got off of the ground as mom refused to discuss it. In a nut shell she told it was my problem, and if I didn't "do it right" I'd look bad in front of our community and her church family and I would have to deal with the fallout. She then reminded me that she spent well over 15,000.00 on my grandmother's funeral in '99, which is true, but she also filed bankruptcy shortly afterward and never paid the credit card bills that the funeral was put on......not going there.....
Your daughter isn't entitled to a wedding you can't afford, and your mother isn't entitled to a funeral you can't afford.

If you sell the car, can you keep her in the dark about how much you got for it? If you have to pay for a funeral, it should be decent and no more.
so you need insurance to breathe, drive, have a roof over your head, operate a business, and insurance to die. americans just cant seem to see how perverse this concept is. theyll see it pretty soon because 8 dollar an hour wages arent going to support this ongoing farce. times are a changin..
My county offers Very Low cost cremation. Check the web site for the medical examiner in your County.

Your mom would rather spend her money alive than dead, but like a prior poster stated she is not entitled to a funeral you cannot afford.

Go cheap, tell her your plan. This does not make you a bad person, just financially practical. As for your church members, thank them for theirs prayers and support, they should not judge you for not having a fancy funeral.

Do not carry guilt for this

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