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A move from AL to hospital to Adult Family Home has been hard on Mom. I posted recently about my mom having to go to the hospital with acute onset heart failure. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-has-developed-breathing-problems-and-edema-and-will-be-seeing-the-doctor-tomorrow-466525.htm?orderby=oldest


She was doing okay in assisted living. They were very good to her. But her dementia was increasing. Then her heart failure required a 7 day stay in the hospital, where sundowning started getting bad. Then because we felt the AL couldn't give her the necessary level of care, we moved her from the hospital to a great Adult Family Home. Add in a urinary tract infection (caught by the AFH) and my poor Mom is so confused and her usually sweet self is yelling and hitting and calling the police.


Thanks to all the reading here, I know this is unsurprising. It is still so hard. The AFH is GREAT and have a psychiatrist on call who will see Mom tomorrow and possibly prescribe some medication that can help her be more calm and SLEEP (which she isn't doing either).


I'm hoping that she will adjust soon and learn to trust her new caretakers, who are taking this all in stride. In the meantime I hate seeing my dear Mom so unhappy.

It's awful for me to get a laugh out of her antics, or those of my 91 yo mom, but, honestly, sometimes you have to laugh.

And I have 5 kids. This is going to happen to me before I know it. That thought keeps me grounded!
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Midkid,

I know it must be hugely frustrating for you, but I can't help but find the lesbians across the street story amusing.

My MIL, in the last few months of life, fell frequently and had the fire department there numerous times. Yet insisted she was fine living on her own. One of the few times they managed to take her to the hospital they asked if she had someone at home, meaning someone who could help her. She said yes, she had someone at home. She was referring to her 10 lb chihuahua.

Today one of my sisters was there with her watching the Kentucky Derby. We are hoping with these visits that she will start realizing that she is where she is supposed to be.

On Monday I'll be there to take her to the cardiologist for a post hospital follow-up.
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Midkid,

I know it must be hugely frustrating for you, but I can't help but find the lesbians across the street story amusing.

My MIL, in the last few months of life, fell frequently and had the fire department there numerous times. Yet insisted she was fine living on her own. One of the few times they managed to take her to the hospital they asked if she had someone at home, meaning someone who could help her. She said yes, she had someone at home. She was referring to her 10 lb chihuahua.

Today one of my sisters was there with her watching the Kentucky Derby. We are hoping with these visits that she will start realizing that she is where she is supposed to be.

On Monday I'll be there to take her to the cardiologist for a post hospital follow-up.
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With our moms, we find that we have to take their care and behaviors with a HUGE grain of salt and try not to get upset, but to kind of laugh it off.

MIL didn't want DH to know she couldn't roll her enormous trash can to the street on garbage day. (She hates all her neighbors, so wouldn't ask--although ANY of these sweet people would happily do this for her)

She called my daughter who lives 5 minutes away and she runs over every other Tuesday to put out the trash. When questioned by DH as to how she was managing to get her trash to the curcb, she bristled at him and said "I am perfectly capable of doing that!" Of course we all knew the truth, and even when confronted with the truth, denied it up down and sideways.

It's sad, but she is TERRIFIED that he is going to physically scoop her up and put her in a NH that she will tell the most outrageous lies about all the things she can still do for herself.

Add this to the fact that at least twice a month she sends her life alert pendant through the wash, where it goes off and she's totally deaf--so she'll totter into the kitchen to find firefighters ready to break her windows to get in. She can't hear the ear splitting alarm. My mom does this too, on the reg, so we always have one or the other mother dealing with the Fire Dept. (They really don't like to respond to these 'no call' calls.)

MIL's latest 'fear' and it's HUGE to her, is that the lesbians across the street are trying to recruit her. We just laugh and tell her she's not really their cup of tea.
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Mom seems to be doing a bit better. Although when my sister visited the other day she begged her to take her away. And she called me to tell me she had been kidnapped. Thanks for the supportive comments. It helps to know we are not alone. I can't tell you how much I hate dementia!!!!
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Take comfort in knowing that she is in the best place and is receiving the best care.

Yes, it is difficult to see her struggling to cope.

Hopefully, the UTI will be behind her soon once the meds take effect.

Please take advantage of any medication that will calm her anxiety.

Wishing you and your mom all the best.
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I know what it’s like to see your mom suddenly in such a different condition and am sorry you’re going through this. It’s great that you’ve found a place you feel good about, what a blessing. Hope things settle soon
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