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May be a "I'm just tired" day or something like that. With a brain damaged, completely bed-ridden father and a mother whose dementia is getting worse, there are just those days. I don't know that there is anything anyone can do. I just need to vent.
No matter what I do, meds don't get taken right. Everytime I walk in there is a mess to clean up. Seems like someone always needs me to cook, clean, shop, blah, blah, blah. I make plans to ensure there are always supplies. No one can even put a sticker on the "make me aware" board. Makes me want to scream. I cannot make it any easier. Sometimes I wonder, "If I didn't do this, what would happen?" I really do not know the answer to that. But, I know I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for listening.

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I actually have taken the last 2 days off (sort of). I stayed home and fixed fences so the horses could not get out. Things were getting so bad at my place while I was taking care of theirs, that I decided to get things ready over there and stay home. I've called and checked on things and the caregivers have been going in, but I've stayed home. Tomorrow I go back & see how bad things got - That is a terrible attitude. I am supposed to believe all things ran smoothly. RIGHT! We all know how that goes. But, I feel revived. My horses even acted like they remembered who I am. Thank Heaven I have my husband to take care of their daily needs.
I hope you all have a wonderful week. Keep your chin (I started to say chins, but I've reached the age where that does not sound so good) up, a smile on your face and bless you all. I'll see you back here later.
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Hi All,

I want to give you all a big ((((((HUG))))))! I used to be primary caregiver for my MIL and there were just days I could scream. It will get better. I love the idea about going out into the street and yelling at the same time! LOL! ...and chocolate's not a bad idea, either! I love the nice warm island scenario! Sounds like heaven! My MIL had 5 kids and I agreed to be PC if EVERYONE would help out. Well my DPOA SIL (Durable Power of Attorney Sister-In-Law) helped out the most (taking her mother 1-2 nights/wk.), my youngest SIL helped once a week with showers (here), my oldest SIL & BIL helped out on Sat. evenings (taking her over there for about 4-5 hrs. and sometimes made a container that would last for at least 2 meals. My middle SIL helped out the 1st 3 months--then MIL went into hospital. It looked like she was going to stay in NH--and then she got better where she could function on her own--so my husband & I talked it over and took her back in the house. My middle SIL was elated that we would do it again--but only helped out once in a GREAT while. I had had enough--I called middle SIL and asked her to come over and give me a break--she gave me an excuse. I, then, asked her to come over and give her brother a break--long silence. I told her to think about it and get back to me. She never did. We used to go places together and I decided then that I wouldn't go anyplace with her again. The only place I would see her was at family get-togethers (Thanksgiving and Christmas). At first, I didn't speak to her unless she approached me, but this past Christmas, I spoke to her (short conversation). We had to put MIL in Nursing Home a little over 2 1/2 yrs. ago, b/c she was a fall risk and she fell on me and my knee got out of whack. I started working up at the Adult Day Care Center a yr. and 2 months ago. I really like the members! Take care, lach61
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JessieBelle, I pictured you punching your bag & laughed. Thanks. The noise might keep her from going into your room.
I don't like chocolate, that is why I said comfort food. I figured everyone could pick out their own. I love the no calorie idea tho. I have put on weight over the last 2 1/2 years.
Maybe instead of sending our loved ones to respite, we could be sent. Nice warm island somewhere. Best part is, no one is allowed to know your name, ask any questions or want you to do anything.
I think I have flipped out. Oh well, at least I'm laughing. Better than frown lines.
Bless you all. Have a wonderful day tomorrow.
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notwellmyself, what a terrible day. The worst type of day is when disaster strikes. As if things were not demanding and confusing enough already! I hope the house sells fast so you won't have to worry about it anymore. I am so glad you didn't have any flood damage. Even with insurance, we are talking expensive.

What I think every caregiver needs is a punching bag. I'm nor very good at screaming, but I'd love to have one of those old fashion punching bags to get rid of the frustrations. But my mother might wonder after a while what all that noise is that keeps coming from the back room.

What I think we really need is an unlimited source of chocolate... and while we're dreaming, we can make it calorie-free but totally delicious.
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Hi Hollis, Today was a really fun day. At least you made me laugh. I went to my parent's apartment, Paid their caregivers, paid their rent, did their meds, took care of supplies and then headed off to the next town up to take care of their house. Got to the house & there was hot water running into the street. The hot water heater had burst. I have no idea how long it has been going on, but one neighbor asked me if I found the source of the water leak. These people call me about everything else, why didn't they call me about this? Decided right then & there the house is going. Fortunately, the drain pan worked & there is no damage to the house. I don't know how or where, but 6 months from now I will not be responsible for it. I called a cleaning service & a real estate agent. I wonder how loud it would be if we all went outside once a week at an agreed upon time & screamed at the top of our lungs. This has all gotten so ridiculous that all I can do is laugh. I have decided when it is all over I am running away for about 6 months and not tell anyone where I am.
I have decided that every caregiver should receive a soundproof suite to escape to. It should come with a microwave, fridge, unlimited comfort food and a massage therapist.
Thanks for being there during all of this. It is great knowing I can let off steam safely and occasionally laugh at all of the inane stuff we live thru.
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@notwellyourself - I don't think that is her problem. She takes 2 to 3 Tylenol a day for pain which makes her blood pressure low and her blood thin. Which makes her cold. She urinates a lot which might flush out the salt. She doesn't eat much salt anyway. I have her eat potatoe chips or crackers with lunch. Glad they finally listened to you.
I know it will only get worse. But we just have to take one day at a time. She's not as bad, yet, as some on this site. But I love this site.
Thank you for listening.
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Hi everyone! I hope everyone has had a good beginning of the new year! I peeked in, but was still in my "black hole" to respond. Im still learning my way around here. I stop off at so many threads reading your stories. I can relate with all of them since this is my 3rd time at caregiving. (you dont know how bad a hate to say that). I am a little out of sorts with the "physical cliff"...lol....I have my own going on. My mother is now watching the news programs 24/7. There is no other conversation than the political news. I am already living in my bedroom only coming out when needed due to arguments. Now I can't even step out without a flood gate of political names being thrown at me and aggressive level of conversation that leads into a debate. She's never been politically minded is the funny part. Grant you I feel we all should be a bit more educated about our government. But Im not exactly convinced that my 84 yr old mother is the right person, or of the right mind to have a debate with on this topic or any other at the moment. The relationship is already a true balancing act. Each time I try to engage in another topic, it reverts back to politics. Not sure how to divert or than excuse myself again to my room. Maybe put the microwave in there.

Hope all are doing as well as can be expected. Hugs all around xox

I
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It won't get done. They won't get better. You need to do the best you can and prepare yourself for things to get worse. You must walk away to preserve your own health and life. This is a miserable situation we are all in, especially because we feel guilty knowing there is only one solution.... Sorry....
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SuziQ - Just a thought, I am what they call a salt-waster. My body excretes lots of salt which makes my blood pressure fall & I pass out. I can tell when it is out of whack 'cause I can't stand the smell of myself. I told the doctor for 3 years that something was wrong. When I suggested my adrenal gland, he acted like I was an idiot. Then I almost died in the doctor's office from my blood pressure dropping. Finally someone started listening. Once they put me on hydro-cordisol I've been much better. Have her adrenal hormones checked. Just takes a blood test. May not be the problem, but I would hate for such an easy fix to be causing the problem.
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I know how hard it is..but please try and remember it's the disease. She is losing the capabilities of normal day life. Her brain is slowly dying...so what's happening to her and what she is doing is not her fault. With dementia they will have outbursts, forgetfulness, delusions, and the shower thing is out of fear. My mother didn't shower only cleaned up with clothes for months until she came to live with me. Plus when they have dementia the body temperature is colder than normal. And if she is like my mom she might have Lewy Body dementia and they will faint often, fall often and shuffle their feet when they walk. Sometimes they will lean prominently to one side. It's a frustrating disease but, please just take a step back when you get frustrated with her...it's better not to argue or react. It's so much easier if you learn all you can about the disease. It is so worth finding out the right mix of treatment and care. Good luck and God Bless.
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Happy New Year Everyone. Ya, I could scream right now too. My 89 yrs old mother is in the first stages of dementia. Somedays shes ok, but somedays I can't handle her with respect. She only takes a shower once a week, usually Fridays so she will be clean for church on Sunday, but it's Wed. and she smells and her hair is dripping grease. She won't cut it and it's kinda long and falling out. She looks like an old bag lady. She doesn't wash with much soap if any and is always blowing her nose and usng the same kleenex over and over. So I don't let her touch the clean dishes or food. She use to be a clean lady. She makes her bed and can dress herself in the same clothes though. She can shower, but won't use much soap and can't reach the netherland regin and won't let me. She won't let anyone in right now, but I might have to in the near future. She also gets faint in church, so might have to stop taking her. One time she passed out completely for a couple minutes. I didn't know what to do. She came too and wanted to stay. Didn't call an ambulance, but the next day I did take her to the doctor. She was very low on salt of all things. Her blood pressure was way down too. She's lived with my husband and me for 2 ys now and it's harder and harder everyday. I want to scream. Instead I go take a drive or go to my room. And how was your day?
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Brandywine & Alabama & everyone else, thanks for the back-up. Today has been much, much better.
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Bradywine, that is great! Think I'll use that as a "slip" in court against evil sib this week, LOL. That is great!
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Alabama, I have an evil guardian in my life too. I call her the Warden.
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If I could have stood next to you, we could have screamed together. My elderly parent was due to spend a small part of today with me and my family, and most of all my Marine son who is home. Of course the evil guardian said NO....too stressful, too this too that and did not allow my parent to come. Funny thing is my elderly parent called son and told him to pick them up at 6pm. My elderly parent was going to SNEAK out, LOL. Son said he could not assist in the sneaking out and had to do what the guardian ordered. SO YES I WANTED TO SCREAM at the insanity of holding someone back for no reason. So stupid.
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Thanks Msdaizy! We put Daddy in respite Thanksgiving because all the helpers left (I know they too need time with their families) & I knew I could no longer do it alone. Daddy was soooo mad. While he is in this mental state, we will not do that again. BUT, it had to be done. Let me restate that, I hope we do not have to do it again while he is in this stage. The respite people were so wonderful and truth is he was only left alone for a few hours. My mother stayed with him most of the time & I was there every day. I just could not take responsibility for 100% of his care.
We brought hospice in a few months ago and it was the best thing we could do at this stage. They have been so very helpful. We have 2 part-time caregivers I cannot live without. They are worth every penny and then some.
I just get so frustrated with the stage my mother is in. I know I need to be patient. Today was just hard. Maybe it was just this rainy weather. Who knows. She does things that I know she would never do and then tells me I never told her things that I know I did. She sits or stands in the way. She does not help in any way. Thing is, it has only been a few years since she complained about her mother doing the exact same thing. Patience. Maybe that will become my mantra. I think tonight I may have just gone crazy.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I really do appreciate being able to rant. It does help.
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msdaisy I give you an A+ and a Gold Star!!!
notwellmyself In the Morning when you wake up say to yourself... "I made it through yesterday don't know how but ""Good for Me"" !!!!! "
When you go to sleep tonight say to yourself "I did everything I possibly could do today it was a crazy day but tomorrow I will wake and say Good for Me."
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notwellmyself, there's little that can gripe me more than seeing the kitchen I just cleaned up all cluttered again. And I don't know why the bathroom is clean one minute, dirty again the next. And I don't know why I am the only one who understands why the shopping list is on the refrigerator. I know what you mean, gf.
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We have all had those days...let me tell you that about 2 months ago, I was so ready to throw in the towel...but hang in there. You are in the right place for listeners. We have a great group of people here that are all feeling your pain.
I'm sorry things are not going well for you. I understand completely the feeling. Its definitely not fun being the punching bag, nurse, shopper, maid, and most important caregiver. But you are doing what you can...that's all you can do. So give yourself credit. And if you won't ...here me out. I will. Caregiving is one of the hardest jobs that I have ever done. And what makes it harder is that you are doing if for your parents, who may or may not know who you are. But a great big KUDOS to you! Because you are doing something wonderful...and it may not feel like it now. But you will be rewarded in the end.
If you don't already know...check into some Agencies of Area and Disabilities in your area. They have gov funded programs to help the caregiver get some respite. Or send people to help you get out and have some time away. I strongly recommend it. Good luck and God Bless.
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