Today is an "I want to scream" day.

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May be a "I'm just tired" day or something like that. With a brain damaged, completely bed-ridden father and a mother whose dementia is getting worse, there are just those days. I don't know that there is anything anyone can do. I just need to vent.
No matter what I do, meds don't get taken right. Everytime I walk in there is a mess to clean up. Seems like someone always needs me to cook, clean, shop, blah, blah, blah. I make plans to ensure there are always supplies. No one can even put a sticker on the "make me aware" board. Makes me want to scream. I cannot make it any easier. Sometimes I wonder, "If I didn't do this, what would happen?" I really do not know the answer to that. But, I know I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for listening.

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I actually have taken the last 2 days off (sort of). I stayed home and fixed fences so the horses could not get out. Things were getting so bad at my place while I was taking care of theirs, that I decided to get things ready over there and stay home. I've called and checked on things and the caregivers have been going in, but I've stayed home. Tomorrow I go back & see how bad things got - That is a terrible attitude. I am supposed to believe all things ran smoothly. RIGHT! We all know how that goes. But, I feel revived. My horses even acted like they remembered who I am. Thank Heaven I have my husband to take care of their daily needs.
I hope you all have a wonderful week. Keep your chin (I started to say chins, but I've reached the age where that does not sound so good) up, a smile on your face and bless you all. I'll see you back here later.
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Hi All,

I want to give you all a big ((((((HUG))))))! I used to be primary caregiver for my MIL and there were just days I could scream. It will get better. I love the idea about going out into the street and yelling at the same time! LOL! ...and chocolate's not a bad idea, either! I love the nice warm island scenario! Sounds like heaven! My MIL had 5 kids and I agreed to be PC if EVERYONE would help out. Well my DPOA SIL (Durable Power of Attorney Sister-In-Law) helped out the most (taking her mother 1-2 nights/wk.), my youngest SIL helped once a week with showers (here), my oldest SIL & BIL helped out on Sat. evenings (taking her over there for about 4-5 hrs. and sometimes made a container that would last for at least 2 meals. My middle SIL helped out the 1st 3 months--then MIL went into hospital. It looked like she was going to stay in NH--and then she got better where she could function on her own--so my husband & I talked it over and took her back in the house. My middle SIL was elated that we would do it again--but only helped out once in a GREAT while. I had had enough--I called middle SIL and asked her to come over and give me a break--she gave me an excuse. I, then, asked her to come over and give her brother a break--long silence. I told her to think about it and get back to me. She never did. We used to go places together and I decided then that I wouldn't go anyplace with her again. The only place I would see her was at family get-togethers (Thanksgiving and Christmas). At first, I didn't speak to her unless she approached me, but this past Christmas, I spoke to her (short conversation). We had to put MIL in Nursing Home a little over 2 1/2 yrs. ago, b/c she was a fall risk and she fell on me and my knee got out of whack. I started working up at the Adult Day Care Center a yr. and 2 months ago. I really like the members! Take care, lach61
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JessieBelle, I pictured you punching your bag & laughed. Thanks. The noise might keep her from going into your room.
I don't like chocolate, that is why I said comfort food. I figured everyone could pick out their own. I love the no calorie idea tho. I have put on weight over the last 2 1/2 years.
Maybe instead of sending our loved ones to respite, we could be sent. Nice warm island somewhere. Best part is, no one is allowed to know your name, ask any questions or want you to do anything.
I think I have flipped out. Oh well, at least I'm laughing. Better than frown lines.
Bless you all. Have a wonderful day tomorrow.
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notwellmyself, what a terrible day. The worst type of day is when disaster strikes. As if things were not demanding and confusing enough already! I hope the house sells fast so you won't have to worry about it anymore. I am so glad you didn't have any flood damage. Even with insurance, we are talking expensive.

What I think every caregiver needs is a punching bag. I'm nor very good at screaming, but I'd love to have one of those old fashion punching bags to get rid of the frustrations. But my mother might wonder after a while what all that noise is that keeps coming from the back room.

What I think we really need is an unlimited source of chocolate... and while we're dreaming, we can make it calorie-free but totally delicious.
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Hi Hollis, Today was a really fun day. At least you made me laugh. I went to my parent's apartment, Paid their caregivers, paid their rent, did their meds, took care of supplies and then headed off to the next town up to take care of their house. Got to the house & there was hot water running into the street. The hot water heater had burst. I have no idea how long it has been going on, but one neighbor asked me if I found the source of the water leak. These people call me about everything else, why didn't they call me about this? Decided right then & there the house is going. Fortunately, the drain pan worked & there is no damage to the house. I don't know how or where, but 6 months from now I will not be responsible for it. I called a cleaning service & a real estate agent. I wonder how loud it would be if we all went outside once a week at an agreed upon time & screamed at the top of our lungs. This has all gotten so ridiculous that all I can do is laugh. I have decided when it is all over I am running away for about 6 months and not tell anyone where I am.
I have decided that every caregiver should receive a soundproof suite to escape to. It should come with a microwave, fridge, unlimited comfort food and a massage therapist.
Thanks for being there during all of this. It is great knowing I can let off steam safely and occasionally laugh at all of the inane stuff we live thru.
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@notwellyourself - I don't think that is her problem. She takes 2 to 3 Tylenol a day for pain which makes her blood pressure low and her blood thin. Which makes her cold. She urinates a lot which might flush out the salt. She doesn't eat much salt anyway. I have her eat potatoe chips or crackers with lunch. Glad they finally listened to you.
I know it will only get worse. But we just have to take one day at a time. She's not as bad, yet, as some on this site. But I love this site.
Thank you for listening.
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Hi everyone! I hope everyone has had a good beginning of the new year! I peeked in, but was still in my "black hole" to respond. Im still learning my way around here. I stop off at so many threads reading your stories. I can relate with all of them since this is my 3rd time at caregiving. (you dont know how bad a hate to say that). I am a little out of sorts with the "physical cliff"...lol....I have my own going on. My mother is now watching the news programs 24/7. There is no other conversation than the political news. I am already living in my bedroom only coming out when needed due to arguments. Now I can't even step out without a flood gate of political names being thrown at me and aggressive level of conversation that leads into a debate. She's never been politically minded is the funny part. Grant you I feel we all should be a bit more educated about our government. But Im not exactly convinced that my 84 yr old mother is the right person, or of the right mind to have a debate with on this topic or any other at the moment. The relationship is already a true balancing act. Each time I try to engage in another topic, it reverts back to politics. Not sure how to divert or than excuse myself again to my room. Maybe put the microwave in there.

Hope all are doing as well as can be expected. Hugs all around xox

I
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It won't get done. They won't get better. You need to do the best you can and prepare yourself for things to get worse. You must walk away to preserve your own health and life. This is a miserable situation we are all in, especially because we feel guilty knowing there is only one solution.... Sorry....
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SuziQ - Just a thought, I am what they call a salt-waster. My body excretes lots of salt which makes my blood pressure fall & I pass out. I can tell when it is out of whack 'cause I can't stand the smell of myself. I told the doctor for 3 years that something was wrong. When I suggested my adrenal gland, he acted like I was an idiot. Then I almost died in the doctor's office from my blood pressure dropping. Finally someone started listening. Once they put me on hydro-cordisol I've been much better. Have her adrenal hormones checked. Just takes a blood test. May not be the problem, but I would hate for such an easy fix to be causing the problem.
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I know how hard it is..but please try and remember it's the disease. She is losing the capabilities of normal day life. Her brain is slowly dying...so what's happening to her and what she is doing is not her fault. With dementia they will have outbursts, forgetfulness, delusions, and the shower thing is out of fear. My mother didn't shower only cleaned up with clothes for months until she came to live with me. Plus when they have dementia the body temperature is colder than normal. And if she is like my mom she might have Lewy Body dementia and they will faint often, fall often and shuffle their feet when they walk. Sometimes they will lean prominently to one side. It's a frustrating disease but, please just take a step back when you get frustrated with her...it's better not to argue or react. It's so much easier if you learn all you can about the disease. It is so worth finding out the right mix of treatment and care. Good luck and God Bless.
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