I'm new here, but I've been reading a lot of the discussions and I've felt such a sense of relief to see others with the same concerns and issues. I don't know what I need in posting this, whether I want support or advice or just to vent.
In a nutshell, my 81 year old father has been in assisted living for two years. It's been a non-stop battle between him wanting out of there and his sisters constantly harassing me about his care. They feel that I should have taken him into my home and cared for him myself. For various reasons, that just wasn't an option for me. In the meantime, his money has all dried up from his care at the home and all he has left are assets -- assets not worth the grief and hard work it's going to take trying to sell them all. The cars don't run and the home is overrun from a lifetime of hoarding. I know I should have been taking care of that mess when he went into the home, but it just didn't happen. Also, he wouldn't agree to sell anything up until June when he was still in his right mind. I do have durable POA, so I could have gone ahead and sold his things, but I was so worried that I'd get in trouble because he wasn't agreeing to it.
I'm at the point now where assisted living can't handle his needs anymore and they want him gone. He's blind, mostly deaf, in kidney failure and congestive heart failure and just extremely frail. He weighs over 200 pounds and has to be practically carried from bed to chair. So, here we are with no cash to pay a nursing home to take him. They want at least a month up front and we just don't have it, period. I've been running myself ragged talking to people and doing what I can to get him into a nursing home and keep running into brick walls every step of the way. Each person I talk to tells me the previous person was incorrect, and then just point me elsewhere.
Want to hear the real irony? Just three months ago he HAD been admitted to a nursing home for PT/OT and we fought to get him out of there because he didn't "need" to be in a nursing facility at that point. Now he needs to be and we can't get him through the door.
I did have him signed up for hospice, hoping that it would allow him to stay in assisted living longer, but they still want him gone. I was informed today that because of hospice, he can't be admitted to the nursing home for pt/ot at this point. It's absolutely frustrating. I can't eat or sleep and am so worried about what's going to happen. To make matters worse, I've never had a good relationship with him and I resent the hell out of having to go through all this while neglecting my own health.
Anyway, like I said, I don't know what I expect in posting all this. I just wanted to get it out -- there's actually so much more on my mind but I didn't want to write a novel. :(