Haven't posted for awhile and my reason is because I figured you all were tired of hearing me complain about my situation and I do not really make any changes, but now I have to spill out to vent to someone. I know my husband is tired of me complaining about my mom and so am I. Why and what is wrong with me. Why did I in the first place think this would be ok. How stupid I loved my job to late fr that now and tired of mom saying mean to put her in home. Oh no couldn't say anything like she would understand I'm tired need to tak care of things I have put off for so long now. Not paying bills just stare at walls even when suppose to be taking care of mom I can't in morning I lay and hurt a lot especially legs forget heart think that is hardening up and why don't I want anyone to hug me or touch me. I used to be so much outgoing and like people. Now, all I want to do is go in a corner make sure dark corner and put blanket over me and sleep. I'm already on medication feel no hope really it's not what is the sense anymore to wake up and take a shower and look out door. 14 years life gone and now all in my 50s just watching the clock and months pass by like they are nothing.