Just tired and frustrated.


I have been on this site before and talked about the same thing taking care of my mom....who just made 96! God bless her. Here it goes : Been taking of mom for a long long time by my choice and now it has gotten very hard for me she has a few health problems recently had a mild heart attack and dealing with dementia, ostomy pouch, on a walker ect. Now she no longer wants to go to the day center and we got a nurse and a pt coming to the house and working on getting some more help I have wanted to get some resprite for a week and just can't seen to get it together. She has become very hard to deal with not wanting to eat or take her meds ect. I am wondering did I do this caregiving to long ? do I put her in the NH or get the extra help that I am requesting as for me I am 55 years old not a bad looking chick and feeling that I am missing out on having a life for me and there is no help from family and my friends well they have gone on with their lives get a call or two I am a very sad most days but I try to make the best of the situation. I've become good friends with my friend White Zinfendale most nights cry a lot eat to much or just wonder what will happen to me when mom goes on her journey ( thats what she wants she has gotten tired) Right now she will not eat her supper and does not want her night time meds...tells me to leave her alone ....but today she let me give her a bath wash her hair and cut those nails! ate lunch and took her meds and she is looking so sad to me. It was a beautiful day here in my state and I want to get out of the house but I have no one to be her with her take a drive clear my head just get some air. I do have a good neighbor that has tried to be helpful and just got back in touch with a long lost friend ( all talk but no show if you know what I mean) she will call or text me can't blame her she has a life and this is not her mom!....so I just sit here just wondering what will happen to me. I appreciate any feed backs and suggestions that I get ( be kind) God Bless all of us this is not a easy job that we do......Purplerain :-)

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My mother is 94 and going strong physically.I'm 64 and closer to death's door than she is so I know how you feel.
This is going to sound crazy but......about 15 years ago I was alone in the middle of nowhere for two years working as a caretaker.I had no money, no car, no friends because I had no money and no car.What I did have was a computer and cam.Obviously you meet the crazies and have to be very careful but I did make some friends that have lasted.In fact my husband that way.We had dinners together, spent holidays together,played cards,watched movies etc.all via a cam.
Frankly these dates were better and less stressful than real time.We met, eventually,we married and it's been the best 12 years of my life despite having mom join us.
What I'm saying is that if you are extremely careful technology today allows you the freedom you thought wasn't possible.
Don't go in looking for love.Go in to pass the time.Always remember what you think you know about your virtual friends can be misleading and never be quick to give personal info.If you decide to meet do a background check(it's worth the money).
Don't sit alone with Zin.Your life is over, it's just on pause.....

Purplerain - my heart goes out to you. You are and have been such a wonderful daughter taking care of your Mom with all her problems. But, caretaking does take its toll. Bless you for the wonderful care, but you need to take care of yourself and your needs now too. I understand all to well about the white zinfendale, the crying and depression that can come with the territory.

You seem to have done all you can for your Mom. It sounds like she is tired and just letting go - not eating and not wanting to take meds is par for the course. I've done both the NH and living in my home, etc. Nursing homes of today are not what they use to be; there are many to chose from and I found wonderful care for my mother. If it comes to that; I hope you look into it. You can look around at different ones (that is if you ever get a break) and compare. These are big decisions; but after a while, your health can suffer and you are important too. Often, living in a facility is the best option and you can still be her caregiver and monitor her care. But, if you decide to have her continue living with you; I do hope you can get the respite help you most definitely need at this point. Somethings got to give, and it can't be you. Sending hugs across the miles. Blessings to you and take care.

My mom is heading to 95 and is ready to go, so I feel some of your pain. The biggest lesson I've had to learn and relearn is that I don't control the universe and I can't keep my mom young and healthy. Same with you and your mom. If your mom won't take her meds, so be it. If she doesn't want to eat, that's OK. She's already outlived 99% of the population, so now it's just icing on the cake.

I'd say quit trying to control what you can't control, go with the flow and you'll be MUCH happier. And so will your mom. At this point, it's all about minimizing pain/anger and disagreements for both of you. Let your remaining time with her be as pleasant as possible.

And try to find someone to come in and give you some respite so you can have a life. If it's time to put her in a NH, that's a good answer too. My mom is going to end up in skilled nursing, which she dreads, because she's getting so weak and frail. But she's living exactly the life she wants to lead until the day that happens. That's the most I can hope and ask for her. So I've let go of the control and we're both happier for it. Hugs to you. None of this is easy for us caregivers!

Sweet heart we all have days, weeks, months like this. You sound so sad, your are breaking my heart. I will let the heroes of this site give you the advice and answers you are seeking. There are many smarter and more experienced than me. All I have to give you tonight is prayers, empathy and support. Hang in there Girl.

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