Mom is 80 yrs old and has dementia. I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities of caring for my mother. I have other sisters and brothers who do not help me. I think I am getting literally sick from this. My husband is frustrated and wants me to put her in an assisted living. I am ambivalent. I know that I can not go on like this, but I feel so guilty about putting her in the AL. Mom is afraid to be alone and wants to be in my presence at all times. She evens asks me to sleep with her, but I have not done so. I love my mother, but I realize that this is much bigger than me and that mom is not getting better. At times, she doesn't remember who I am. The disease is so insidious. It caused me to get confused. I don't know whether I am coming or going. I have her in the adult day care which is such a relief, but the other duties to too much for me. I just retired from my job and mom came to stay with me 2 weeks after I retired. I did not retire to take care of mom! I know this sounds selfish, but it is true. I am 49 yrs old. I sometimes feel that when my mother was 49 yrs old she was enjoying her life. I want to enjoy mine. At times I think mom is selfish, but then I remember it is not her, it is the disease. Another thing, mom believes that her children have to take care of her and tries to make you feel guilty if you don't want to. I need to find a good assisted living facility in North Carolina. I also need to know the things I should look for in a facility that would determine whether it is a good or a bad facility.