Thrown under the bus by caregiver....

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Wow...just wow! Could use emotional support. Some people never appreciate what you do for them! We hired a live in aide for mother in law going on 3 1/2 years. MIL has severe Alzheimer's & Severe Aortic stenosis. We live 3 hours away so aide has little supervision. I have 30 years medical experience and my husband the POA has assigned me to oversee care and the aide. This live in situation was new to aide. She had only worked in nursing home and home care job was hourly. Not only does the aide think she is MIL's family now, she thinks her family is part of MIL's family as well. As time has gone on, we realize some things were being taken advantage of. Doing childcare of grandchildren in MIL's home, excessive use of MIL's car/MIL pays gas, driving her friends in MIL's car, Not following directions: her family members having meals in MIL's home, making doctors appointments and dropping off specimens without asking, putting MIL in car with broken hip and taking her to wrong hospital after we specifically told her in the beginning not to take to this hospital. The kicker was we were not notified of broken hip until surgeon called for consent hours after being taken to hospital. She showed MIL's house to her old boss interested in buying it when time comes. Neighbors reporting high traffic of visitors. Having family there after instructing no visitors past a certain time. Many things we have found out by circumstance but we are certain there is much we don't know about. So since I am the one who oversees MIL, I am the one who has to redirect or confront issues with caregiver. And I get an attitude from her. We ask regularly to tell us of problems she has or needs more time off. I grocery shop and put up food to make it easier for her. Mom has a housekeeper, she does not even have to clean. Caregiver agrees MIL is easy to care for at this point.
Recently Mom was put into hospice, (though stabilized and taken off). My husband received a scathing call from social worker. Husband had on speaker phone and I sat there shocked to hear social worker bashing me. I had never met the girl. The caregiver, because she ultimately could not follow directions and made poor choices had to be talked to, told the social worker I am impossible to please and she can never do anything right in my eyes. I sure was thrown under the bus and mislead by this caregiver. We have done so much for her. The reason we keep her is because she is patient and good to my MIL. That is what she needs most right now, so we overlook many shortcomings. She is not good at recognizing symptoms or conveying pertinent info to hospice as nurse noted. Nurse noticed her mistakes, validating me. Hospice agrees aide is paid well and gets enough time off. We are glad when the housekeeper gets there on Fridays because she recognizes problem with MIL that caregiver does not. I have been in both situations of being caregiver and overseeing care. Being thrown under the bus is hurtful. The social worker was switched, her director said she overstepped the line.We had thought we would give severance pay to care giver when MIl passes. Not now. Will be so glad when this is over.

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