Thoughts about payment for caregiving?

Yes, she is doing a job and should be paid for it at a fair market rate.

You seem to dislike her for some personal reason, but if she is doing the caregiving she deserves to be paid, just as any other caregiver would be.

Delila, I totally understand your concern and frustration. Dad's ex's daughter is very well likely taking advantage of the situation for her benefit. A place to live and eat, and gain financially. At the same time, it is your father's decision, and he is benefitting from the relationship as well. She is doing things for him and providing companionship. The concern I would have is hopefully she is not a drug user. If she is, or she starts bringing "friends" over who are, things will go south very fast. The only thing you can do is monitor the situation, and report to authorities if necessary (if you see any abuse going on).

Please stop with the Step sister BS! Not only did we not grow up together, we have never spoken or met!
It’s about not letting the Con or Scam win.
That’s what we care about. It’s a fun , cruel game they play while smiling to our faces and especially their target. Its about saving some small piece of dignity for this man unfortunately after he passes.. He won’t know but we will. That’s literally IT!
Put yourself in the same position and how would you feel if your mother or father?

You wrote this on Sept 9: "So we have concluded she/ they are his business. If she takes his house, money etc that’s on him not us. A parent doesn’t owe kids anything really. I thought he would have had more consideration is all for his own kids. We won’t fight him now but when he finally passes the fight is on with her looks like.”

If you don't care about his house, money, etc., what are you going to fight with your stepsister about after your father dies?

Yes, it’s her daughter. No she is not a step anything considering he did not raise her; has only met with her 3-4x ever. While in her 40’s once. Step sister my ass. No relationship and have never met her myself or spoken. She came out of the woodwork after her mom passed. Doesn’t visit them in their home; didn’t visit her mom the entire time they were married! Now boom she shows up for the funeral, shows up AGAIN we thought to finish clearing out moms belongings but stayed a few weeks. Had him pay for plane tickets though her mom left some $. Now “ back again” with some friend to sight see. Seriously? What happened to the last 13-14 years? Hmmm why now?? Get the point?
No, really could care less about his assets ( minimal anyhow and thinking he left to charities like the VFW, Vets , etc). .Which we commend him for. It’s all about what we believe is a con in process. It’s about not seeing the last years of his life sucked dry. He doesn’t deserve it! The man spent > 30 years in the military, saw action, and he survived multiple times.
You obviously didn’t read well the posts. I stated parents don’t owe children. We could care less. House, money, whatever is NOT the issue!
The rest of that info doesn’t need to be on here other than they are making them together.

"The Con" is your dead stepmother's daughter -- so your stepsister? I just looked up your previous posts.

Does your father have significant assets? Are you worried that she's going to end up inheriting what you think should be yours?

Why is your father in the hospital? (Or is rehab after hospital now?) When is he going to come home? Does he make his own decisions, or does your brother?

BTW, I live multiple states away. Never butted heads with her. I don’t know her personally except what ppl have told me and her background info. The kicker is her own mother did not want her to move in to help “ them” before she passed. Told my brother she did not trust her! Her own MOtHER!

Or he will with her helping him. That’s the goal I guess. Bed sores may make him septic though if he doesn’t get moving. He was made aware.

He isn’t thinking too clearly. She comforts him only because she is a tie to his deceased wife and she has the same voice and a history. I do think, however, it’s a way to stay In his home with his dog that he adores. He thinks all his guns are still there too but brother took them out of the house. We have several suicides of old age In our family tree and he has mentioned years ago he understands why they did it ( several Uncles years apart. He is not doing well right now, can’t walk due to weakness so not quite sure if he’ll go home.

I think your brother is on the right track. Stay agreeable enough so that Dad continues to trust his judgment and cooperate. He likes this woman and wants her with him and she has daily access and influence. So if you are butting heads with her there's a decent chance he'll side with her. The last thing you want to do is make him choose.

Thank you all for the comments. I guess my brother will just at this point make sure it’s reasonable. I saw different perspectives and although I’m not keen on one/ two I see some other sides. It’s dads decision in the end.

I would also say that if she is disabled in her 50s, I doubt she is getting that much in disability. Its determined by your working history. Bet she does not get enough to live on especially with the rise in the cost of living. I also said in ur previous post, she will not be able to be put on your Dads health insurance. She is not his daughter and she is over 26. If she had SSD she has Medicare and probably Medicaid.

A live-in caregiving gets room and board as a perk. They also get paid at least minimum wage. If the POA is not worried, either should you be. I do agree that a contract should be done defining her job description and wages. Time off. And it should stipulate that upon Dad being placed in care or passes, that she can no longer reside in the home. So she better be putting money aside to get her own place when that happens.

Hey, this arrangement is good for both of them. He gets someone to care for him and the house and she gets a roof over her head and some xtra money. You say in your posts that none of "his" kids can care for him in his home. He found someone he likes to care for him. Its up to ur brother to make sure everything works out and he is not taken advantage of. You have no control if he is competent.

Are you suggesting somebody lives with Dad 24/7 just for room and board?
At the minimum that kind of job, which is appointments, meds admin, chores, cooking, companionship is already several jobs.
That would be at least $10,000 per month.
Suggesting somebody does that for free or room and board, because they can save their check is simply not right, Con or not, for job that could potentially become more complex and demanding, if you distrust her get another person.

@Delila

Let me ask you a question.

Are you willing to work a job where free room and board replaces the actual money wages?

I'm guessing probably not. I was an in-home caregiver for almost 25 years and I was never willing to accept room and board instead of wages.
Your father is correct in thinking that he should be paying his domestic help wages. Jobs pay wages. Money wages. The free room and board can figure in as part of the wages, but does not replace the wages.

Take your brother's advice and step out. He sounds like a very astute man.

Also, it's really none of your business what 'Con' does with her disability checks or what kind of assets she has. I'll let you in on a fact though. If she's on SSI income because she didn't put in enough time working and paying taxes on 'the books' then she cannot earn outside money or she will get cut off. So she will not be able to just have her checks dropped into a bank account to build up because they check up on this sort of thing. If she's got money building up, her SSI gets cut off.
Your father will have to pay her literally in cash money. Try to talk him into letting your brother handle his finances. I don't blame the guy for wanting to stay in his own home if he can afford to. Your father might not have cared for your 'alternatives' for his care needs.
Tie the money up. You and your brother should talk to your father about paying her only a certain amount for services. Draw up an employment contract with her too.

No wages with only room and board is considered slavery in some states.

Oh I have a medical background and do understand to some point. I totally get it if she was in/ out daily and had her life, a home, spouse, or w/e. That would be her Job as she needs to pay her own bills etc. This is different. She is using him for a roof, meals, appRNtly trying for medical bills and has some $ and collects her SS checks on disibility. Which is also bogus. The trade off is she helps him and gets way out of that arrangement than he ever will. Mind you he bathes and toilets himself ( or did), dresses himself, etc.. Her part at this time will be very minimal. In the meantime she just saves her $ and probably a good portion of his too.

I am my mothers caregiver and unless YOU have done it yourself you have no idea what it takes. I would give my right arm to have someone else take care of my mom. I have felt guilty but realized it’s just not my gift. So be grateful
for this person. A nursing home would be $7000 to $8000 a month. Are you willing to give up your life to do it. If this person is willing and your dad is to…do it and count your blessings!

Interesting.. Why are rent/ mortgage and food not payment? If she was a responsible adult she would have some bills, etc.. Her staying will be saving her approx. $3200 a month. If she were like most people who had a home or apartment, other bills etc. please ( nicely) help me understand other perspectives.

Rent and food are not payment for caregiving. She should be paid for what she does.