This is hard to watch.


My Aunt who lost her husband 6 months ago and has dementia which none of us realized how bad. She has fallen too many times to count. She is in an assisted living facility now. In those six months her health is failing because of he dementia. She's gotten weaker and falls more often now. She packs her stuff daily and is convinced my uncle is having an affair. Talking her down is hard because sometimes she gets mad. Having lost my uncle and then my mom this January the stress is hard to deal with. I love my Aunt but this isn't living. I worry daily that I'll get the call from the AL telling me she has passed. Sorry I am just venting here. I'm not sure of what I can do for her other than be there to tell her I love her. Thanks for listening.



Dear PaulS,

I'm glad your aunt has you looking out for her and her well being. It is incredibly hard to see our loved ones suffer. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle and mother which adds to the pain and sorrow.

Please know we are to listen and support each other the best we can. We know this journey is not easy.

Take care.

Karsten, They had no kids and when i met my wife 11 years ago her mom and dad lived in the same neighborhood as my aunt and uncle. We have always been close but we got closer with all the visiting. They always thought of me as a son more than a nephew. They were always second parents to me. So i do take this on my back willingly they've meant the world to me.

Polar bear that is a good idea but it would hurt her more. The people who are taking care of her have been great. The love having her just sad seeing her decline.

Countrymouse i will always keep going through it all. Making her safe and comfortable is what i am tryingto do. I can't change her dementia. Which is causing all these medical issues but she'll have me in her corner always.

The stress is very hard to deal with; as is the grief of losing your mother and then also having to watch your aunt's decline, like some kind of horrible daily reminder; and there is very little you can do that will make a practical difference to your aunt's welfare.

Is it any comfort to you to know that your aunt is very lucky that her nephew continues to offer her companionship and support? Many ladies in her position would now be completely alone.

Be kind to yourself. And "when you're going through Hell... keep going!"

Hi PaulS- I am so sorry for your losses.

Your aunt is now in a AL facility where she is receiving the cares she needs. Do you think her needs are being met? If you are concerned, you can talk to someone in charge at the AL so that YOUR worries can be put to bed.

As for your aunt asking about her husband, you can make up some nice story about him being out of town for work, or he just stepping out to go to the market/store/visit a friend, and the only affair he has is the one with her. Maybe you can bring her a small flower bouquet/chocolate box and write her husband's name on the card, and tell her it's from him with love.

Visiting her as often as you can and telling her you love her is the BEST you can do for her. You are such as nice person to care so much for her. She is fortunate to have you.

Take care of yourself.

Vent away. I have found this site so helpful as there are so many people who have had similar experiences and valuable insights, but also nice to just vent to those who know what you are going through, even when there are no obvious answers. I am pretty much in the same situation with my dad, seeing that he is not really living, yet still dreading the "call" which would really be a blessing for him but sad for me. You sound like a good nephew and she is lucky to have you. I assume they don't have kids of their own?