This is going to sound petty, but anyone else get called off the toilet all the time?

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It's bad when sometimes my only refuge is to go to the bathroom and re-gather myself. Mom is still mobile and I'll say, "I'm going to the bathroom." In less then 5 minutes shes asking where I am. I know she's getting very dependent. I try to understand. I just want to go there for 5-15 minutes. Anyone else have this? Same with the being within sight. If I go to kitchen or my room to get something... Where are you? Anyone here? I'm ALWAYS there ..grr
Sorry, just b*tching and moaning.

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I guess we need to laugh sometimes ( if I start crying i may not stop 😀).. the day I realized how little my needs mattered ---- I went into the guest bath off the living room , closed the door to do what needs doing in there when mom came to the door with her walker to knock and inform me
" I need to go to the bathroom !!!"

She didn't head to her bathroom ( with all the ada equipment but back to her chair waiting for me to stop what I'm doing , get her and head off together to her bathroom... all for a gas !!!!

I don't know if I would make it through the day ( and night) if it wasn't for this site and all the suggestions , stories that hit home and sense of humor when needed most !!!
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For me it's about 5 seconds before she is calling for 'Marian.' I can't yell to her because she can't hear. She just keeps calling for Marian(her sister who died in 1972). That's who she thinks I am.
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Yes, I've been there too. Mom would also ask to 'come in' with me, and knock on bathroom door the whole time I was there. I called her my 5 foot 6 inch 'Shadow' much like a 2-year old then. But, now, in her last stage of Alzheimer's, I wish she could bother me while I'm in the bathroom. I wish we could still have those weird conversations again and those silly arguments, even! I miss her and she's not even gone yet! I'm now trying to find the snatches of good in each stage and treasure those - letting the bad fall away as I know she cannot help it.
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Yes! I live with my elderly Mom and Dad. Mom has the more severe dementia and falls into very deep sleeps...in her living room chair. It's very hard to wake her, and Dad, who has extreme separation anxiety almost panics when I leave the room. No sooner than I've gone upstairs to the bathroom, he's calling, even following me up wanting to know where I went. I understand his dependence (he is both visually and hearing impaired) but the bathroom has almost become my sanctuary. I've been losing my cool an awful lot recently. I caregiver 12+ hours each day, and sometimes the final straw is being questioned, "where are you going?" and "How long will you be?"
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Another thing is to skim articals online, about toddlers and separation anxiety online. Same principles work with the loved one. Good luck.
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Ok ladies, I assume most of the poster are. Time to think of ways to get your life back!
Time to find a college kid, retired person, a caregiver from an agency, or get that brother, sister, fam member who won't step up and help. Now it's their turn.
You are now going to put yourself back on the list of allowing yourself 'personal time'. Stop feeling guilt, or let family members make you feel guilty. They are good at that, bc they don't get stuck with the job. Teehee.
Go take a walk at a park, a bath, sit and relax, make a phone call, go to a movie, lunch. Whatever. Do what you have to do to get your life, your health, and your sanity back. Martyrs usually get killed off in the end. Stop being a martyr. It's not bad to ask for help.
I'm sure you didn't have children just so decades later you could suck the life completly out of them. Don't let it happen to you. Now go and be proactive. Make that phone call!!!!
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So grateful to be reading these responses. This is new to me, but I thought I would share a story.

I was watching Tiger Woods play recently and my 80 yo brother asked if I played. I told him I did not. Another minute goes by he asks again, no I reply a 2nd, 3rd and 4th time. I say "Tom you just asked me that 4 times" - he says I might ask you a 5th time too. I didn't know what it meant. So the next time he asks, I tell him "yes" - "are you any good?" he asks, I tell him "No" to which he replies "at least your honest"!

He never asked again; I can't tell whether change in answer signaled that I wasn't going to play, or that he was no longer interested.

He can no longer be left alone. When he was discharged it was with a dementia diagnosis. I am just trying to figure out all the options - I have been very comforted by all your questions and stories - it feels like it might be a little more manageable.

John
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It's not petty @ all. In the final 18 months of Mom's life she would frequently do that. The big, serious problem was she would say to the uninvolved, non-caregiving family members that I or the other caregiver's had left her alone in the house. The family member's were in denial of Mom's dementia & believed everything she said. If we were not constantly in her view, she would say we had "abandoned her".
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Baskethill, I know what you mean. I can't leave the room without Mom trying to get out of her chair -- and sometimes succeeding -- to find out where I am (or anyone else is). The problem is that she is a fall risk. I tell her where I am going and tell her to stay in her chair, but that rarely happens. Mom has no concept of time. Five minutes is like 2 hours to her.

I have resorted to tying an exercise band through the arms of her chair. She spends the time I am gone trying to untie it. (One time I didn't tie it tight enough though...).

Is it that they don't like being left alone? Do they just want to know what everyone is doing? Or is it that they are concerned about us??
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Almiller, you need to find a way to stop sleeping with your mother and sleep with your husband. Think of having a toddler, they want their own way with no thought about your needs. Marriages have broken up because of things like this. If you are of a religious bent remember Jesus's words about a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife, and the two would become one. The same thing applies to a woman.

You might consider having her go to someplace for respite care for a couple of days and you have some "quality" time with your husband. Sure she will scream and holler, but you need the time for your husband and yourself. At an assisted living or nursing home if that is truly what she needs, there will be people there to take care of her. You are starting a precedent that could destroy your marriage. If you can't do it I recommend getting some therapy so you have the strength to tell her NO.

I say this because my mother moving in a grannie apartment at our house helped end my 26 year marriage. I got therapy and finally was able to put my big girl panties on and actually, I left.
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