When I was at a loss a few months ago several people on this site reached out to me. The support and advice I was given helped me. I gained strength and courage from this forum especially from Need Help With Mom other members also and I hope you all read this as I have great news that my Mom is back home as of this Jan.23 and doing very well.
I should have written sooner but am still facing barriers everyday. The main one is that almost all the support I had in place before she went to a long term care home has now told me I need to start the process all over. But I am taking one day at a time and climbing one step at a time.
Being my Mothers caregiver for so many years took its toll on me and deciding to put her in a long term care home was very difficult for me but at the time I felt I had no choice and that it was the best decision.
I made a mistake , I did not know what a secure unit was like and did not research the home I was putting her in. I spent 4 months fighting my family to bring her back home. My life all of a sudden became twice as hard because this long term care was not at all providing 24 hour care.
Long story short my life was turned upside down so much more and I cannot even thing about what my Mother went through.
Please do not get me wrong , I understand how hard it is to put a parent in long term and I understand that if a parent is in danger to themselves or someone else there is no choice. I understand that most people cannot afford in home 24 hour care. My Mom can afford .
I felt I had no choice but to assist my Mom to a LTCH I was almost happy when they called with a bed but I made a big mistake, my life became so much harder.
Everyone's circumstance is so different and I know so many people's parents health may be more severe than my Mom. In the LTCH 90% of the residents were wheelchair bound and had severe disability's . My Mother has Dementia but can still walk , talk and pick up a spoon and knife .
Because both my Mom and I have now experienced a bad long term care home I would like to tell anyone in this position to really research the LTCH before making a move. If you are able to source more help at home at all before a decision is made I would recommend. I made a wrong decision and my life was turned upside down but it was my Mother who suffered.
The old saying the grass is not always greener on the other side.
She is back in her home of 40 years and her broken hand that incurred in LTCH is healed, she is slowly walking more and her spirits are high. I am still dealing with a lot but know I can be her caregiver for a while longer I know I made the right decision.
Spring is almost here all her flowers will bloom soon and the day that I see her in her garden I am sure I will cry.
We are one of the lucky ones. I thank the people on this site that helped me, I hope this letter reaches the people that responded to my question for strangers to take the time and give me such good and strengthening advice.
Thank you

Spring is at our door and my Mother is happy in her home.

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So good to hear from you again. I am thrilled that your mom is back home with you. I wish you and your family all the best. 💗

You mention how hard it was to be a caregiver. It is. I am very glad that she will have care provided in her home. Every situation is different and I am glad that you are able to do what you truly feel is best for her particular situation.

Also, don’t feel like you made a mistake. I know that the situation wasn’t what you hoped for but you did what you felt was correct at that time.

Your mom is indeed blessed to have such a caring and loving daughter like you.

I wished I could have kept mom inher home longer.. I tried. I really did, I pushed it to the brink. I got her a home close to mine, within walking distance, and a no brainer drive.. She lived there many years, but when she started getting dementia, it was getting too dangerous. She fell at my brothers house one fathers day years ago. I left my phone on off all day.. Later that afternoon, my oldest brother said to get to ER.. MOm and younger bro was there. She fell at his home, and social worker kept him there for hours, asking questions about how many stairs and the layout of her home... brother went home, and I looked at social worker, and said Thank God it happened at his house.. brother had a bit of dementia too. Social worker was shocked.
anyway, I kept ma there as long,,, I would get our kid to school, go to wrk, and go to moms and shadow her all night.. She walked all the time. I wasn't sleeping. I tried taking he to work with me, so I can keep an eye on her. She just got mad. I tried her at my house, and she just got mad. Maybe I didn't ry hard enough.
I am glad you can do that. Keep her happy, dance with the spring time flowers, have fun, milkshakes, music, and happiness!!! Keep her there as long as both of you are healthy and fine. :)

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