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Well Carol. I have been taking care of my spouse who has MS. He has not been able to even stand on his own for just over 2 years so the amount of care has increased. Of course, nobody but myself notices this as it was a gradual change. I ignored what I though were minor health issues as I didn't have the time or make the time to go to a doctor. I had problems swallowing food which started early December 2015. I finally went to the doctor. I just found out last week that I have stage 4 adenocarcinoma of the esophagus and have been told I may only live 9 to 11 months if I am lucky. Now finally everyone is worried about me. I still have to work full time and I start radiation therapy this week. I do not have enough life insurance to take care of my spouse when I am gone and now all I can worry about is them having to be put in a home and have strangers take care of them.
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I forgot to mention, I am only 51 years old. This really sucks.
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DMDIDS1, I am so very sorry. Fifty-one! It's hard to comprehend. Your story should be on a poster for caregivers.

Tragically, your diagnosis is more dramatic than most, but skipping our own appointments is high on the list of things caregivers do that we shouldn't do. I did a lot of that and I still tend to put my own appointments last on the list. I must mend my ways. You are helping many people by going public with this.

Your point about the fact that finally everyone is worried about you - the caregiver - is well taken. Somehow, we are just considered the strong ones who can never go down. Well, we can. And that leaves everyone else without our help.

Please check in from time to time when you feel up to it, my friend. You have our heartfelt prayers.
Carol
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DMDIDs, I am so sorry to read this. We caregivers never realize the importance of caring for ourselves because we are so wrapped up in caring for others. Usually when we read others stories it is not like yours. Thank you for telling us your story, maybe it will help some to understand why it is so important to care for ourselve and if we have health issues we need to pay attention. In fact, I can think of a few posters here that your story will help, if they would listen.
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100% of caregivers die eventually . i knew one who was killed by a coked out rhino with a machine gun taped to his horns . rhino lives matter . he couldnt breeve . pants up , dont loot , and so on .
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I agree, Captain. We all die. However, when we skip normal checkups that could keep us healthy for years to come because we are neglecting ourselves while we care for others we aren't doing anyone a favor. Common sense applies here as in most things. As a person who has no desire to live to some record setting age - I just want to age fairly well if possible - I use your line frequently in my writing. We all die. Fighting to keep a 90-year old who is miserable "alive" makes no sense to me. That being said, a 50-year-old with a fatal disease that could have been prevented earlier is deeply saddening.

I enjoy your comments!
Carol
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DMD; I'm so sorry!
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I sooo agree with JesseBelle about family help. Government respite should be the last line of help. If it wasn't there at all.............family would have to step up and it would do them all some good. We need to get tougher and tell family how to help rather than waiting for them to offer. If nothing else, it would be nice if they offered to pay for something. Since they don't offer, we need to let them know that expenses must be shared. Have I done any of this? No. Clearly, I am a wimp...............but about to exercise some muscle. Pray for me!! lol
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Ive been taking care of my parents for 6 yrs,3 yrs in i was diagnosed with Leukemia ,my doctor said It was from stress.
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I'm so sorry, CindyCBlair! Sadly, your story isn't as unique as some would believe. The body (and mind) can only take so much before breaking down in some way. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Carol
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Prayers, Marialake. Please let us know if you have any success. We are on your side.
Carol
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I fully agree, I am a caregiver. I get up and go to a gym class Tues and Thurs early in the morning. It keeps me sane. Once a year I go with my granddaughters on a long weekend to a hotel in the mountains with a pool and hot tub. Next year I am going to Europe for a week. This man refuses to vacation with me over the years. Ill be dammed if I give up the rest of my life for a jerk who put everyone else before me.
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I just had a friend die at 78 who had been caring for her husband for many years. The last thing I heard from her was "This is too much work for one person." Some times those of us who are care givers must set firm limits on what can do and be firm about the help we need from others. The family had plenty of money so could of afforded to pay for additional help. This was a premature death IMHO as woman was in apparent good health just overworked.
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Just an update from my March post. I have been through radiation treatments in March. I ha e now been tbrough 5 chemotherapy sessions, number 6 is next week. My CT scan 4 weeks ago show the tumor has shrunk almost 50% in thickness. Keeping my fingers crossed. I am still the only caregiver at home and now everyone thibks tbat all is fine as is because the tumor shrank. I have finally put my foot down and hopefully will have help soon. The province will pau for self managed care as long ad my spuse does not refuse. That is the battle. I am also still working full time. Wish me luck.
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I was informed by a friend who works with memory care patients at a nursing home that it is 73%
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I imagine that your friend sees the older couples so the statistics would definitely go through the roof. The overall rate seems to be close to 40% now but souces differ.
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Even though both of my parents had now passed, my Dad was almost a year ago, I find myself still ignoring my doctors appointments. Bad habit or I have gotten lazy. Maybe I just don't care anymore :P I am 70, and was caring for parents in their 90's who still lived in their house which had a lot of stairs, refused caregivers, and kept saying "we can manage"... until the phone rang at my house saying someone had once again fell. I was in panic mode each time that darn phone rang !!

While caring for my parents, not only did I ignore my own doctors/dentist, I also ignored that of my cats. They missed many a "senior wellness exam" because taking a cat into the vet takes nerves of steel, and my nerves had been unraveling over those 7 years of helping out my parents.

It is so hard to find ones "new normal" after being a caregiver. I don't know how people do it being hands-on living with a parent. I was totally exhausted being a logistical caregiver.

I also have seen articles saying the rate is now 40% for caregivers dying leaving behind the love one they were caring.
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Oh freqflyer I am so worried that I will die before my 92 soon to be 93 year old Mother. Or die first because of esophagus cancer my husband has.
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I went to a funeral today; a 49 year old man (who had some challenges with alcohol, etc.) who lived with him 90 y/o mom in her big suburban house. He worked part time as a plumber's helper.

His siblings constantly harped on the fact that he was "mooching off her".

He died of a heart attack last week. The other 5 siblings are now trying to figure out "what to do with mom".

I think they are going to find out in short order just how much money and grief their brother saved them.
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Barb, that is so sad when someone that young passes away. It will be interesting for you to see exactly what happens next in regard to their Mom. Too bad they didn't think about this a year ago :(

I am at that age where I read the obits in the newspaper, and I have seen too many times where a person in their 50's or 60's had passed, and the survivor includes an elderly parent who lives in the same city/town, and the siblings are elsewhere. Make me wonder if that grown child had been the caregiver.

I remember when my parents told me that I would be getting a nice inheritance. In turn I told them to use it for themselves as they would probably outlive me. They looked at me like my hair was on fire. They had zero clue about the stress I was under !!
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