Grieving: Things I wish I'd known about grief...

In 1977, my best friend was the matron of honor at my wedding. She was in labor during the ceremony and they never made it to the reception. My "wedding present" was born as we were cutting the cake! How special this baby was to me. I became his God mother. He suffered through his short life (28) with (later diagnosed) schizophrenia. He committed suicide 10+ years ago. He was never stable but was the sweetest young man. He and I enjoyed many phone conversations.
His mother was devastated when he died but I don't think she was surprised. She kept it "together" better than I did most times. (She also had lived with his disease and I haven't). We rarely talk anymore but I e-mailed every anniversary of his death. On his 10th anniversary of passing, I said I hoped that God would comfort her sorrow on that hard day. She wrote back that her pain had turned to peace and joy. She remembers all the good parts from her son and her heart is at rest.

We're all different. I still cry when I think of him. I talk to him occasionally (a practice a friend of mine thinks is "strange") and tell him that I wished he had stuck around. I also tell him that we'll pick up with our conversations when I get there. I can just see his smile. (tears falling now).
The dictionary says;
Grief-deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.
synonyms; sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair.
I am still grieving for him. I'm glad that his mother has gone past that. Everyone processes differently.

SueC57, I love what you wrote. We Are all different - I think grief is so personal - as unique as the person who is suffering it. I know we do all talk to those loved ones who have gone on. I love that you went to the dictionary. My father always had a great big one available and always said " Look it up"! Isn't it interesting that the dictionary really describes it all so well. Heartbreak and more. Yep. Thank you.

Oh patooski, I got a big smile on my face when I read about your dad and his dictionary. My dad had a dictionary right next to him at all times too! He would open a page and start reading...just for fun! His old one was getting so ratty that I bought him a new bigger one one year for Christmas. I think that was the best gift he got.

Thanks for bringing back a great memory. Well, what do you know? I guess I take after him too. That just dawned on me-I always go to the dictionary, like he did. The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree. Miss you dad. ;)

The Holidays (well, really, any day that was important to you and your former loved one) suck no matter how much time has passed after your loved one is gone...