I know enough about my husband after 38 years together, that staying together with cleaning help and occasional grocery shopping help should suffice until it doesn't. I am being shamed and belittled by a relative for not moving both of us to a full term care facility, or else hiring live-in help. Neither of us want that, and do not need it, although at some point it probably will become necessary. I drive, I shop, I cook healthful foods(not always full meals since our appetites are smaller with age), I am with my husband nearly 24/7 anyway, and we always have fruits and peanut butter available! Why do people find this to be inadequate or uncaring? We have a lot of years under our belts, experience, common sense, have traveled extensively, and now just want some peace and quiet at home without the squabbling over "not knowing what is best for ourselves". Give me a break !!! Yes, I often have to look for my car keys and glasses, but suddenly I feel invisible to the family as I begin to show signs of aging, myself. But oh, I'm just his wife, not a professional caregiver. Just the dog walker, the cook, the laundress, the housekeeper, the appointment maker, the driver, the shopper, the snow shoveler, the secretary, the listener, the consoler, the back scratcher, the joke teller, the phone answerer, etc., but apparently an unknown caretaker would be better at all of this, preferably in a strange setting kept antiseptic by a string of cleaners and servers of foods he doesn't like and would not eat. Yuck. Thanks for letting me unload.
If you're not asking them for help, they should mind their own business.
Also, be aware that even if you're just telling people how busy you are with caregiving, you are opening the door to hearing their suggestions for how to lighten your load. If you don't want to hear it, keep mum about your caregiving woes.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And our "well meaning" relatives need to stay out of our business. You will hire help or move to senior living when YOU determine the time is right.
Best of luck to you.
Seems to me you are doing pretty well and have a good outlook. You can set boundaries at any age.
My DH and I have the same type of key ring for car keys and house keys. I usually attach mine to my purse. DH has 3 places his could be. We are 78 and 76. He is looking high and low for his keys not anywhere he puts them. I said "I am driving anyway so you don't need them". I go to get in my car and reach to unhook my keys and I have two sets. 😊 At sometime, I picked up my husbands keys thinking they were mine and attached them to my purse without seeing I already had mine keys attached. Does that mean I need an AL?
I was a homecare worker for 25 years. There really is no such thing as a professional caregiver. There is no school anyone goes to for a degree in caregiving. The 'professional' caregiver is either a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant), an adult baby-sitter, or a housekeeper. The professional part comes from years of experience. You have 38 years of caring for your man and that's a lot of experience. Also, judging by your writing skills here, you sound pretty straight forward and competent to me.
You accept the fact that at some point you will probably have to have hired help or move into AL with your husband. Cross that bridge when and if you get to it. As for the relative running their mouth, well I'd get the matches and get about burning that bridge because you don't need people like that in your life. Tell them to go pound sand and keep doing what you're doing.
I am also an elder. We sometimes become really sensitive to any suggestions that we are "failing". Like you, I recognize we may have to hunt up the keys more, and worse yet may be to the garage and realize they are still upstairs. We know our own failures and they become a bit scary. We hope others don't see them. And we toddle on. Families worry. If they keep at it give them a grocery list and send them out "for a few things; what a help that would be Irma!!!" Ha!
That being said...
"...help. Neither of us want that, and do not need it, although at some point it probably will become necessary."
"At some point..." is the issue. No one plans to get dementia or memory impairment. It is a gradual slide, not a line that is clearly stepped over. This means you may lose your ability to make good decisions for yourself and husband, which may lead to you resisting necessary care. It's not a bad idea to make the transition *before* you think you need it, so that it's all your choice and doesn't become a crisis that your PoA or family members to have to deal with. Just read posts on this forum if there is any question of how often and distressing this problem is for family.
I can tell you from personal experience that a wife/spouse(that is able) will hands down give better care than any hired caregiver or facility.
However as you are well aware there often does come a time when ones care gets to be just too much for the spouse and they truly have no choice but to place their loved one or hire full-time help. And the advantage of that is that the spouse that was the caregiver now gets to be just the loving spouse and advocate and not the often burned out, overwhelmed caregiver.
So just enjoy this time now while you're still able to look after your husband, and know that down the road things may change.