The Loneliness is Getting Unbearable

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I'm on a roll with the posts today.

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Tiny,
It’s hard to accept that there is no one person who can make you happy. As women we are seldom told this growing up. More like “Find the right man and life will be great, secure,exciting, and romantic!”
You can tell that that is bull. The letters here give you a more realistic picture.
You are taking back your life, seeing more people, beginning to identify who you are and what you want. When you get your own happiness, contentment, and joy, you will be drawn to others like you, and choosing friends and companions from your place of happiness, rather than neediness.
I did not know this at your age. I also never guessed I could have a fulfilling, happy life as a single person for almost 30 years.
I know now that friendships with other women can be supportive and loving. There is such strength in women for one another.
So keep moving on, do things you want to do, be patient with life, reach out to other women, enjoy the moment. It may end up with you finding a mate,
But if not, you won’ t be sad and lonely because you will know that life can be good because you will have been living it.
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Hey Tiny, I'm also in my early 40s and just wrapping up with 6.5 years of very intense, life takeover, caregiving to grandmother and then father. I wasn't able to date during the caregiving years. I tried. But... it is a weird place from which to come to a relationship, where all of your time and energy is already being allocated to someone else -- your charge/dad.

It's not impossible, though, to find a male friend for some company. Have you tried online dating? (For all I know, that's how you met Mr. Miserable.) It's hit and miss, but it did/does give me opportunity to meet someone if I want to.

It's funny, now that I'm out of caregiving and more focused on rebuilding my own life, now I'm not very interested in dating! Go figure. I definitely WAS thinking about that aspect of life during caregiving, but now, not so much.

I agree that caregiving can be a very lonely experience, and I remember how I would get a crush on every male doctor or home repairman that came within my lonely radius... simply because I didn't have good adult companionship. I've been driving ride share service for a month now and I have all the adult conversation I care for! It's been really interesting to see how I feel after this prolonged period of not interacting with many people, to where now I'm interacting with a dozen people or more during the day/eve. I feel a sense of basic confidence coming back into me, a better sense of balance and understanding... of myself. There is no more skewed take on myself, my life, my abilities due to the isolation and exhaustion of caregiving.

So when you relate things that sound like you are feeling forlorn... I attribute that to caregiving life.  It made me feel that way, too.

If you can't relieve yourself of your duties to your dad (I don't know your entire situation, but I'll assume that caregiving will go on for a bit for you), then you must take care of yourself better, take care of your emotions better. How to do this? One of the few things that helped me during depression/caregiving was watching and listening to any positive motivational talks on YouTube. They're a bit sappy but it does help. And... it helped me to realize that IF I wanted a relationship with a man, then I had to put the effort in to accomplish that.

I'm not going to say whether you should or shouldn't want a boyfriend. You do, and you deserve a nice one, so set about to meet some men... via online is probably best way... and don't let one or two baddies deter your path. Most of us kiss the frogs before we get to the prince. Don't let some jerk discourage you, if you want a relationship, you can find one. I get it that you don't feel especially pretty these days, but I do think that someone out there would see the value in your being dedicated to your dad.

Keep trying -- that's what I'm saying. :-) Keep trying! What do you have to lose? And don't you worry about feeling lonely and unattractive, because that's just caregiving life affecting your sense of self confidence.  You're still a wonderful person in there, with a lot to offer to someone else.  Keep looking for a nice man to spend some time with if that's what you want. There are more single men in their 40s in 2017 than ever before. I'm sure quite a few of them would love to meet you. Put your best foot forward, put on some lipstick, smile, go on some dates. :-) And don't tolerate anyone who is anything but supportive and kind.
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((((((Tiny)))))) You have tons of life ahead of you. I had more guys interested in me in my 70s than ever before. Not saying they were all good catches, but some of it was fun. Sneak a little time in for yourself, buy a new lipstick or some earrings. Have that wine in front of the fire. Don't ever shut the door on having a relationship if that is what you want. It's never too late!!!! ❤
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Tinyblu, out the blue [pun intended] go onto Classmates.com and roam around your old high school classmate list. Was there anyone you thought was really cute, or you had dated while in high school. Check to see what he is doing. Classmates has it set up where you don't need to give out your email, you go through Classmates to communicate. You can break the ice by signing his guest book and see if he responds back.

I found it very interesting. A fellow whom I was engaged to right after high school but who got cold feet, dropped communications, and I had moved out of state... he found me decades later. We communicate every now and then, just catching up with time. You never know who you will find :)
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Tiny blu--
I am so sorry you are feeling low this time of year..or any other, for that matter.

You are doing a wonderful service for your father, whether he appreciates it or not. I just returned from a "session" with Mother, and it was heartbreaking, she's so needy and tired and depressing to be around. Today she said she just wanted to die. Well, we all kind of hope she does pretty soon, she's miserable and there are SO MANY things wrong with her...but for some reason, she just keeps on going.

I can say this about being "alone" --although I AM married, 99% of the time, I may as well be single. My hubby has long since lost interest in me or anything about me. He won't remember to get me a Christmas gift, he will wake up on Christmas morning and the kids & g-kids will all come over and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES..there will be a full Christmas day planned, wrapped and ready to go! He doesn't even acknowledge that I DO all this, I think he believes in Santa--so sometimes, well, always, being married isn't a solution to anything unless your problem is that you WANT desperately to be married. I wouldn't leave my hubby for anything, but wow, I wish he acknowledged my existence once in a while. Sometimes we are better off alone---DH travels A LOT and I do not miss him when he's gone. Any romantic notions I had about marriage being the end all-be all were quashed in the first year of marriage--and we're going on 42 years now.

You are still so young--your life is still a lot of what-ifs and possibilities. I hope you can enter the new year with resolve to make your situation better, however that is possible. Therapy opened my eyes and made me realize that I had to love myself before anyone else's love could be felt. I have made peace with a friendship-only marriage. I work hard to maintain friendships and get out and do things. (My hubby was never my soul-mate. I am not sure that even exists.)

Love yourself. Care for yourself. Let yourself feel sad, if you need, but don't wallow in it.

And come back and vent all you like. That's why we're all here. We GET it.

(((Hugs)))
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((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
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Dear Tinyblu,

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.

Please don't ever let anyone tear you down. You are such a good person. You keep going when most people would want to give up. It is hard. And it is lonely. I hear you. I feel it too. We are the same age and my dad passed last year. The time really got away from me and I don't know where the last 20 years went. I really think katiekay said it best. There is so much more life ahead of us. I know its hard to see right now, but we will get there. Please know we are all here for you. XO
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There is nothing wrong not having a mate. In fact, for many, it can be rewarding.
Dateline NBC has been full of stories of couples killing for love, money or both. If you love yourself, you're not lonely.
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There is nothing wrong not having a mate. In fact, for many, it can be rewarding.
Dateline NBC has been full of stories of couples killing for love, money or both.
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How are things going now, Tinyblu?
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