So many of the options we have are impossible. And most often made in a crisis situation. So many options are bad, and your goal is to pick the least bad option. And that is success.

All facilities have issues. They do.

So research. And pick your least bad option.

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I guess one of things I really want to emphasize, well several actually

Do your homework. These decisions oft have to be made in a crisis sitch. Go,look and check before crisis.

Figure out, from this experience with parent what you want for yourself. And get busy on making that happen.

Come to terms with old wounds caused by sibs or parent.

Try to be kind. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Err on side of kind. That's lost a lot today as are good manners.

This is a terribly emotional journey for all. Old things are resurrected. Oh I have had my share. But what is the goal here? Keep that in mind.

Peace and best success to all of us. Find humor and success where you can. Practice self care.

Y'all have been a life saver for me. I appreciate each and every. Thank you.

I was so mortified you have no idea. And once said you can't reel that back in. I was so mortified, I contemplated a disguise.

And not just there.,I had to smack myself. No no one else knows she said that! Get a grip girl.

Good god

This is an interesting journey, no? I seriously wanted to crawl in a hole when I found out what she said. My God. We were not raised like that.what on earth. Gah!!#

Seg you won’t get any anger or judgement from me, I understand what you mean. My FILs facility is in a neighorhood surrounded by million dollar homes so I imagine most of the residents are or were private pay and have or had some money. Of course, these homes aren’t exactly mansions, it’s the location that makes them so expensive! If he had be placed in a facility in my city, he would have been amongst low income residents (and he is one himself).

I don’t regret saying this either but I am glad my FIL is unable to speak. Well he can but it’s barely audible. His cancer caused an extremely rare condition that makes it nearly impossible to speak and swallow. Now unlike your mother, my FIL is racist. And the reason I am glad he cannot speak is because his roommate is black! My FIL is the first person I ever encountered who openly used the N word when talking about black people! I am thankful there will be no talk of trump, building the wall and minorities! Most of the staff I have seen are minorities as well. I am thankful they will not be subjected to the hateful things I’ve heard him and other family members say amongst themselves!

I am in a southern Plains state. Alas no ocean views.,it is pastoral, surrounded by trees and farmland, not low income housing, which is where a lot if these facilities get their help. That may grate in a few nerves.,I apologize. I don't regret this. Because, when my mother was told a new company bought this facility. She, who at time had BEHAVIORS, went to admin and said, what do you think about the Jews buying this.

I wanted to crawl in a hole. When I was told. My mom does not have an antisemitic bone in her body. We were not raised that way. Someone told her that.she checked herself. I should not have asked that question.

Like I said, they all have issues. Some kinda surprising.

We toured so many. Gosh. But if a Medicaid is a possibility In their future, keep in mind. We have our mom in a smaller facility which is memory care stand alone. Certified as one of few instate to be so. So,many of them. Oh yes we have a wing for that, yet not dedicated to,memory care. And the more peeps, frankly the worse because it is chaotic. When our mom was going south we looked at moving her which is not a good idea at all. I had my sib call on one.yes, we have a wing where 24 are present.

The fewer the better. And bring in hospice as soon as you can. They get more services,more care and better care. More eyes on.

This was hard for us. But we aren't going to be having a Lazarus with our mom. And an added dx was made for vascular, which explains such rapid decline in last few weeks. It will be a co-morbidity.
I slept last night for 8 hours for the first time in 3 years, because of hospice. Here is the sad irony: we were busting ass to keep as private pay client prior to going on Medicaid. All of her property now sold. We had a guarantee of two years. Now, due to decline, she won't she the benefits.

But I don't wake up sobbing. So that's good. You take your progress and your success where YOU FIND IT.

Seg you are right.

They are all pretty much the same here, most are all part of the same chain. In our instance, no one wanted to get involved and find my FIL a nursing home. So the job was left to the hospital social worker. The day FIL was transferred to the nursing home, hospital informed my BIL. Don’t know why they waited until the last minute BUT I said, the family chose not to get involved so as far as I am concerned, it doesn’t matter that we weren’t given notice. Plus he’s on Medi-cal’s dime so he has to take what he can get. ANYWAY.

As soon as my SIL finds out he’s being moved, she tried to get the transfer placed on hold because she was concerned the facility isn’t good enough. Wants someone to go check out it out and some others to make sure there isn’t a better facility. LUCKILY my BIL who is usually worthless, put the kabosh on that and said “No. These facilities are all the same”.

Needless to say my FIL is in a facility owned & operated by the W chain and it looks just like the rest of their facilities BUT it does have one thing the other places don’t—ocean views from one side of the building. It’s not on the coast, it’s in the forest but there’s nice ocean views from the dining room. But is not modern and up to date, it looks very much like the nursing home my grandpa lived in back in the early 90s! The level of care is all the same too, they all have a high patient to nurse/CNA ratio, and staffing shortages.

For my FIL, not vetting the nursing home worked out. But I don’t recommend it. I would have been willing to look at facilities if my husband and in-laws had gone that route. I really think you should tour them and talk to the staff and make an informed decision.

Indeed my friend. You are so right.

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