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Sometimes I feel like a complete hypocrite when folks see me out with my Dad and comment on what a wonderful daughter I am. All I'm thinking is "I HATE THIS".

So Dad is now in an IL facility, but absolutely REFUSES to have things so any other way but how he wants it.

They have continental breakfast there, but he doesn't "like" that kind of food. If I don't make him a big breakfast, he won't eat. I've had to resort to trying to make microwave breakfast sandwiches to save time, but he says those don't taste good so he won't eat them.

I try to give him the freedom of choice on meals, but when he can't make a decision, I will pick one of the three restaurants he usually eats at only to have him scream at me because he doesn't want that type of food, He actually threw away a whole plate of food last weekend and told the folks at the IL center that I was starving him!!!

I will call him and remind him to eat at the facility in the dining hall, but if he wants to go out to eat, he will try to FORCE me to take him out by not going to eat downstairs.

Last week, I actually stole a few moments and went to brunch with my BF and his mother. Then I went shopping with his mother. It was AWESOME, but when I visited Dad later that evening he announced that he didn't eat lunch because I was supposed to be with him and not "laid up with some broke boy..."

I'm sick of making extra provisions for someone that won't at least TRY to work with me. Maybe this care giving thing wouldn't be so bad if Daddy would HELP with the situation.

When I try to set boundaries, dad throws tantrums and will find a way to force me to give him his way. He's pushed his other kids away. No one in family can spend more than a few hours with this miserable old grump.

WHINE..... Why me?

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When I was reading your message, I thought about something I heard about finicky cats a long time ago. "Let 'em get hungry enough and they'll eat peanut butter." Bad me! It sounds like your dad is terribly spoiled and controlling. You probably won't be able to change that, but you can decide how much you will do for him. I wonder if it would work to make small changes over time so that it won't make him angry and vengeful. Maybe you could find a reason that you can't come in the morning, so he'll have to fend for himself for breakfast. That would be one major responsibility off of you. Since you know they have breakfast there for them, you know he has food available to him.

I've read so often on here about difficulties with people who have lung disease. I have come to link lung disease with difficulty personalities. I don't know if that association is fair or not.

What do you think your father would do if you weren't available for breakfast anymore? Maybe it would work if you became less available that he would look for ways to take care of himself. He won't be happy, but it might make things better for him ultimately... and you immediately. Good thoughts coming your way. There are no easy, guilt-free answers to most of our problems.
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