The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Greetings to all!!

Trying its so great to hear how you are moving on.

Beatty awesome observation of the sister. I know that bright eyed look you described, my sister has worn it often.

Golden, so great to see you post and in good spirit.

Stacy B, all the best to you and your family.

Glad, feel better soon.

Pamz, I agree with your theory in socializing. I am about the same.

So the drama continues, so much has happened that I have forgotten a lot which is kinda of good.

My frustration is still there, but gets better as I realize and accept that both my sister and nephew are mentally ill.

I had a crying moment as I prepared to meet friends for dinner. I dont care how hard I try the sum of my observations around my mother and her care hits me hard and by surprise sometimes.

So observing that Christmas morning when I got off I made sure she ate. I came down much later and saw no one had even made and effort to bring her food or make sure she had. That morning my sister only bought a big cup of coffee, I guess knowing I would be home soon. I was an hour later and got home around 10a my mother was starving ate well, no signs of any thing except a cup of coffee.

So I felt some kind of twisted seeing no one cared enough to feed her or assumed I would. So I had seasoned some food before I went up that morning to cook on thursday so I went on and finished it and fed my mother.

Thursday I cooked again and was downstairs all day and most of the evening. I did laundry and bought groceries to cook on Saturday. Bought a pizza. She had funny going through bags. She had left overs, pizza and didnt seem to like this chocolate cake I bought in xmas morning.

Friday I slept late came down to get dress to go out to dinner and found my mohter on stairs with bread in bag and on floor. When got downstairs she had taken every thing out of freezer,. the meats I bought to cook on sat and an apple pie I was to put in oven. Luckily the food was still cold and not spoilded. I heated up a slice of pizza and made sure she ate it before I left.

I cried hard in the shower, things just hit me hard. I had nice time at dinner. I came home and fed my mother and again she ate like she was hungry it was obvious no one had given her anything on christmas day, thursday or friday.

Saturday we cleand , I moped baked pie made food, got weeks supply of meals on wheels, put everythging away. Fed my mother.

When I came down Sunday the pie and four meals were gone the sink was a mess. The fridge was emptied, at first it looked like someone had finally made attempt to address the fridge. it was a mess. I think my mother did one of her special messes. Was grateful at first that it was not left for me and that maybe some one finallly felt responsible to address issues downstairs. I took what was left of the meals to my room fed my mother and went to work.

When I returnedz, l did video and later realized that stuff was thrown out without regard to being newly bought. Then when I came down on way out to work it seems the rest of the stuff like dipping sauces teriakiyi sauces, and marinade things that were on the door were thrown out. I looked at video and it seems my nephew came back and just threw everything out.

Again I am pissed that things I bought were discarded with no regard.

But I have decided not to fall into the trap. I will not acknowledge any of it at all. I wont say anything. I'd been meaning to get to the fridge anyway now if he scrubs all the shelves and door my job will be done.

The grandiousity does something to me. I still didnt get lock cut off bathroom on my floor. Its in the works, I chose to do it after the holidays.

I am learning how to stand down and stop responding to the bait, I will see how that works.
Meanwhile, Sham's sister got engaged to her boyfriend, finally their son is I think three. (YAY)
Knee and hip pain has eased up tremendously. I still have moments but YAY! again.

glad -hope you are feeling better and over that bug. I doubt you did anything to make your dd1 angry. Sounds like more of the tws stuff.

beatty - you described my sister - the family sociopath They like jerking people around. You are so right about perceptions.

pamz - glad your dd is better and no one else got sick. In some ways my food allergies work for me. There are many things I can't eat no matter how tempting. Better for the blood sugar if not the taste buds. So far I have avoided D Type 2.

trying - so good to see you posting. Happy to hear your life is changing for the better. Your work situation sounds much improved. Cutting back on visits to your mum can only be good for you. You didn't make her or break her and you can't fix her. Great! I had an insight about mother being responsible for dealing with her own feelings. We should not try to take that away from anyone, Not our job. So glad you cut the "shoulds" out of Christmas. I did that years ago. The sky didn't fall in and I felt much relief. Good for you!!!! Keep up the good work.

Very quiet here. Went to dds for turkey dinner on the 26th which was very nice, My dgd actually bought me several little gifts - very well chosen. I was touched,

I have been feeling particularly exhausted the past few days so got my thyroid test done Friday and should have the results tomorrow, Hopefully that's all it is. It often does off a little in the winter.

Been having litter box issues with Rocky. She is the Princess and the Pea kitty. 😼 I changed the litter and the location of the box and so far it is working.. I also am using a "calming spray" with catnip and herbs and it seems to work and has cut down on furniture scratching. Time will tell .Pumpkin is very easy going and makes me laugh. She tried to climb up the bathroom vanity door, hung there with her claws, then fell off. This cat has no dignity, She just doesn't care. 😸

Planning a trip south as soon as I get enough energy. I want to get a new passport and the office here is not helpful, and doing it by mail takes ages.

Take care all - look after yourselves.

Happy holidays to you all. I hope the new year to come brings you all peace and contentment. For those suffering from winter flus and colds, take care and feel better soon.
My life is slowly changing for the better. I am thriving at the program that I switched to last March. No more abuse or fear at my job. The lead teacher is a peach and our team is nothing but supportive of one another. The work is still challenging and often draining but satisfying in many ways.
Mom is not happy about being in assisted living or anything else for that matter. With the help of some counseling), I think I truly accept that, Just because Mom is old, it does not change the fact that I did not cause her lifelong unhappiness, I still can't control how she feels and I still can't fix it.
Visiting her will always be a crap shoot. Sometimes she is OK and sometimes she is horrible. I have been going to see her three or more days a week for an hour-1 1/2 hours. My counselor suggested I cut back to two days a week and only stay 45 minutes. I'm ready to do that without feeling guilty. She is safe and well cared for. My sister visits 2-3 times a week so Mom is not neglected.
It's been slow progress for me with set backs but I realized this Christmas how far I have come. I used to love doing Christmas but for the past 6 years I it has been a chore to do even the simplest things. This year I cut out all the "shoulds" that made me feel resentful and focused on the things that I like and do best. I gave up planning the extended family party or trying to coordinate getting together with relatives that just don't seem to care. Instead I made a beautiful Christmas for my own kids and grandkids. Did Christmas eve with Mom and that was enough. I had the best Christmas in years!
Sorry for the long ramble . thank you for listening and Love to you all!

DD is feeling better this evening,, she just snuggled in all day. Had a bad headache this morning, but says she is feeling better now, so that is wonderful. And we are all still OK. She did say she will call the Dr tomorrow if she is not still feeling better. But I think she is on the mend. Work had so much food that my metformin is screaming!

Glad, enjoy your relax.

Rememebr sometimes it not anything you did at all, it's how the other perceives it - or even their agenda.

I know a lovely lady with 2 brothers - great guys. Had no idea there was an estranged sister for years until I met her at a funeral. Toxic vibes so strong you could feel them. Talked at you with this bright eyed look waiting to see if she'd hit a nerve. Watched her work the room. Her aim seemed to be to hurt & cause drama.

The family sociopath!

Hope yours is not that bad!!

Hope that all of you are having a wonderful and peaceful day that is all you want it to be.

Still feeling yucky, so happy I am home without any family activity, especially dysfunction. Just relaxing in bed mostly. Delsym is great for controlling the cough that I have. Have used it before, but not as directed on the box. I guess it builds up in the system too.

DD2's hubby said he doesn't get twisteds or DD1 either and thinks that DD1 does things to intentionally hurt me. Of course I agreed with him. Sad isn't it? Wonder what the heck I did to her to make her so angry with me.

glad - happy you are home and resting in your own bed. Nothing like it. I don't sleep well when I have a bug either.

stacey - so sorry to hear that you have been sick. You have been having a whirlwind of a time with your family. I can imagine you need some down time. I bet you are exhausted. but have many wonderful memories of so many family together,

pamz - I am not much for for later in the evening either. Years ago when the kids were very little I used to sneak away during the party and "check on the kids" which meant lying down beside one of them and having a snooze. No one ever caught on. Hope your dd feels better soon.

duck - blessings to you too

I am having a lovely quiet evening,with candles, and a fire on, and watching a couple of Christmas music presentations. The kitties are down in their room so I dare light candles now.

Tomorrow will be quiet too. I bought a few treats for myself, but other than that it will be life pretty well as usual which suits me well. Boxing day I will have turkey supper with dd and fam.

Merry Christmas everyone. 🎄⭐🎄

Be good to you.

Wishing you all many blessings and joy during this holiday season.

Glad and Golden, I also like to be home,, we are not late night people who go out. I am used to early to bed after 23 years of 4 am wake ups for work, and hubs may stay up until 11, but he can sleep in. After dinner, by 5 pm my mom is ready for her PJs and wine, and I am hoping the guests leave! And poor DD was sick, but wanted to be with her family on the holiday (today for us as I work tomorrow) so she showed up, and mainly slept all day in her old room. She did go home tonight,, because she also wanted to be in "her own bed".. I imagine she will hibernate tomorrow with her puppers in front of her fireplace and tree. we sent lots of leftovers home for when she gets her appetite back. I am social with my good friends,, but come dark I just want to hunker down and relax.

I know Glad, I know! It's all too too much! Thankfully we have the next 3 days off of entertaining over Christmas! I do know that 2 of my kids are going down to their rental house for the morning of Christmas, and I'm sure many others will be visiting them there too, but not me, I'm in recovery mode!

I hope you are feeling better soon! A nice quiet holiday is what dreams are made of, I'm sick of seeing my family for the moment, just kidding! There's 20-40 of us at every event, sometimes more, but I need this 3 day break! Big families, it's a killer, but a lot of fun too, you do get used to it, but so many days in a row is bit much, especially when so many of you are sick in some capacity! My one Niece who is hosting one family in her home has Strep Throat, and my Girl Cousin is now sick too, it's an Epidemic! Lol!

Merry Christmas!

Stacey, I am writing enough out just reading all the activities and you are sick? Slow down, you need to take care of yourself too.

Happy Christmas Eve everyone and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

I too, have been terribly sick these past few weeks, first came down with a simple cold a few weeks ago and had the lingering cough which finally started getting better, then got an accessed tooth that came on 2 days before the Brits arrived (3 families) for Christmas, got right into the dentist and put on 2 different antibiotics, and then went right into entertainment mode, picking up 2 of the 3 British families from the airport, the very next day I started coming down with another cold and sore throat, bagged out of their first day of activities, but joined in on the day trip to Snoqualmie Falls, the Cougar Mountain Zoo all done up for Christmas, reindeers and Santa, then to the Snoqualmie Casino for lunch in their Buffet, all very nice, but we had 2 days of the Worst rainfall on record, flooding on many roads,and of course the traffic was horrible due to both weather and holiday travelers/shoppers, all while not feeling well, but there we are. I skipped out of the evening with all the relatives, and I mean 35-50 people, hosted by eldest sister in her Condo's Cabana, just too wiped out!

Next day was early dinner at second eldest sisters place, followed by an evening at Warm Beach Christmas Lights, Beautiful! We took our 2 Grandsons 10 & 5 as promised, and had them overnight, but the following day I was again just wasted!

Now one by one us 4 sisters are coming down with the same cold sx, but I thankfully am on the mend, so much planning and preparing for the relatives to come, getting ready for the holidays and each of us had planned a special event, mine is the New Year's Eve party, which we are holding in our mobile home parks Club House, which is so beautifully decorated for the holidays! It will be a potluck dinner and BYOB, and one of my Son's is DJ'ing the event, so it should be great fun for everyone, about 60 people expected! I'm tired already! The good thing is that everyone is great about pitching in and cleaning up afterwards, so no big worries there. Seems all we've been doing is eating and partying, and running the I-5 corridor!

My 2 brothers are also hosting the Brits each one night in their homes, and so far they have all said that this has been a Fantastic holiday for them, and especially their 6 kids, as we have so many kids (grandkids) their age, they have been loaded with things to do, non-stop action!

They are renting a house over 3 days of Christmas to be together as a nuclear family, otherwise they are all farmed out, staying with our family, it has been crazy busy.

Tonight my own family (our 4 kids/spouses and 3 Grandsons) is getting together at our youngest Sons, for dinner and presents, and tomorrow we are staying home, and the kids will all spend Christmas with their in laws and families, so a quiet day, we are cooking a roast, and our one unattached Son will come join us. Then the festivities will ramp back up after Christmas with the Brits, some are going skiing for a few days and the others wish to tour Seattle and shop. I have so enjoyed seeing them all, but will be relieved when they go back home on Jan. 3rd,, we have all realized how difficult it is to host like this over the holidays! Whew!

They have all been wonderful hosts when we have visited the UK, but then the crowd of family isn't so huge to manage as it is over here! Next time they come I hope it's Summertime!

Well, I am off to get ready for the evening and load up the Sleigh, lol! I hope all you with colds and other ailments are feeling better and you all have a Fabulous Christmas! Love, Stacey ❤❤❤

I am home, in my own cozy bed, going to nap, still feel like crap! Didn't sleep well at all last night. It will be a quiet Xmas, just what the doctor ordered. There is no place like home.

At the ER last year they tested, nose swab, for flu. It came back negative but they treated me with Tamiflu as had been instructed by CDC last year. Even the test for it is not always correct. If it walks and talks like a duck....

Tamiflu works best if started in the first 24 hours of becoming sick. And for me, when I am sick, have a hard time sleeping. I wish I could just knock myself out.

Flu is very early this year for many and is running rampant in some state's yes, this is one.

Sorry to hear that glad. What did they find anything when you went to er last year?

I have been wondering if I am coming down with something. I kept falling asleep today. Finally I got out and did some Christmas grocery shopping.

I prefer to be home too

Tale care.

I am at dd2's home. Was to be for maybe three nights. I did not feel well yesterday, better this morning, so me and my meatballs drove the couple hours here. Now I am feeling worse again. May just go home tomorrow. Don't want to spread whatever this is to everyone. This happened last year too, but not until Xmas day, then went to er when I got home.

Maybe it is psychological? I really would prefer to be home, but enjoy seeing the kids and grands. I just feel like .......It has been going through my office.

glad - you have a major project there. What a blessing that you can get those shelves. Sounds like you have some excellent plans for your mother's business. Wow!!! Your Swedish meatballs take more work than mine. I mix up the meat mixture, make the meat balls, fry them, then make the gravy and simmer all together. Haven't done it in years. It hardly seems worth it for one person but I could invent a spicy ground meat dish in gravy with the same flavours.

re dgd I figure honesty is the best gift I can give her. I am trying to think up a system of expectations and rewards that could work for her. Anything too long term probably won't work. She asked me if she could do some work for money and I said she could do some housecleaning for me and I would pay her. But she wants to do it her way - e.g vacuuming hardwood floors instead of sweeping, and then loses interest. I pay so it is my way! That's life. She is a tough case.

How is everyone doing with their holiday plans and prep? I hope to get out and do some grocery shopping today.

Take care all. Look after you.

Yes, Becky, lots of work for sure!

Everything is in my unfinished basement. Fabrics 60" wide leaning vertically against basement wall. I need to figure out a way to get them off floor in case of water problems. Talked to a contractor friend, the husband of chamber director to ask if he had any ideas. He is going to take care of it for me, no charge, and he has metal shelving like bread racks that he will use and wants to get rid of. I am thrilled about that!

Glad, Reading about your mom’s coats, fabrics, etc is so interesting. I love fabrics and sewing notions. But I’m sure it is time consuming and hard work to sort thru all of it.

Duck, Watch your BP and keep your spirits up during the holidays.

stacey, Dysfunctional family members are the gift that keeps on giving.

Golden, Hope you’re feeling better.

Everyone have ave a happy holiday.

Golden, great you were honest with your expectations for GGD.

Mom's fabrics and coats and sewing machines! Trims and buttons and yarn and zippers! Yikes!

I had someone lined up to help with social media, about 2k. I listed one coat online Etsy and poshmark. Etsy looks easy and has links to other social media sites. Don't think it is that tough. The community college, now, has an entrepreneurship program with scholarship to pay for courses aimed at putting together a business plan. Deadline was extended, not many applicants would be my guess, until 12-31. Think I will apply. At the end there is a competition for an award of 10k. That would sure help with everything!

I keep unpacking, moving stuff around to find space and see what all is here. There are probably 150-200 coats, jackets, different styles of animal coats. I have given a few away to staff at work and the woman that has a dual position as director for the chamber of commerce and community college marketing. I told her I expect to see that coat on the front page of the papers😉😄. Seems she is there at least a couple of times a month. She is my walking billboard.

Have found the designer labels for inside the coat, shopping bags with trademarked logo on them and hang tags with story about the animal coats. Many are not labeled with sizes, those that are, really don't seem right. I think the dementia was confusing mom to the point she did not know what sizes were being cut.

Spent the afternoon making Swedish meatballs. That is a time consuming job. Mix meats, spices, etc, then form meatballs, boil for 20 minutes, Brown in butter, bake for an hour, make gravy, add baked meatballs, and freeze to take to see kiddos.

I am whipped!

duck - keep taking those BP meds. You need them. The holidays can be a down time. Do you have anything to look forward to? My dgd backed out. More on that below.

glad - interesting that ming likes music. Dealing with your mum's garments and fabrics will be a big job. I know she was very talented. Have you thought to setting up a face book page to advertise them? Hope you cheer up for the holidays. I am content on my own,

girl - glad you got knee surgery as you want it. I like your determination. I am so glad you have post op help. I believe it is essential. I am thinking of getting a ham too. It is easy and tasty. Keep up the exercises!!!

Well, had supper with dgd and a pretty straight and serious discussion with her. I believe as a result of that she backed out of Christmas dinner with me, which is fine, and also any plans for staying with me for the time being which is also fine. I laid some expectations on her and she doesn't like that. It wasn't anything very heavy - just doing her own dishes, going to school and passing, helping a bit with housework. To the frustration of her parents she does none of that at home. I think she thought I wouldn't mind her doing nothing except being on her phone all day. Hah! I didn't get the home she wanted to live in by doing that! They have her in counselling, reluctantly, and on antidepressants, reluctantly. Perhaps if she stays on the antid's long enough things will improve, I hope and pray so.

Unfortunately I think she has some of mother's personality problems. Dysfunction - the gift that keeps giving.

Don't overdo it anyone. Take care of you!

Thank you for the support, friends. It means a lot, and families often just aren’t supportive. At all.

The left knee replacement will be done in hospital setting, as I have risk factors disqualifying me from their outpatient joint replacement facility. I hoped it would be done in hospital, so anesthesia is out of my system at discharge. Or most of it. Will be done January 28th. Six weeks! Spoke with my PT, today being last session for my hip replacement recovery. Have a whole bunch of exercises to do at home, to continue strengthening legs. Very painful to do the exercises, knees hurt so bad. But I’m determined I will recover the best me I can be.
I’ve been in contact with the gal who I hired last surgery, and she is willing to do the same for the next surgery. She comes about an hour at a time, and we work it around her business she is trying to get up and running, plus her other part time work. She let’s me know in the morning what time she will be coming back home, and stops by on her way home, to assist a little. I will do the same frozen, cooked meats, meal portions, ahead, so hubs can thaw, heat or add to whatever the rest of the meal will be. Simple veggies, potatoes, easy things he can add to feed us healthy dinners, at least. He is going to have a hissy fit when he finds out he has to drive me to PT three days a week, as soon as I’m discharged post-op. Travis (physical therapist) told me he is going to request me for the knee rehab. We worked well together, he has been very supportive.
Not much for me to purchase this time, have most everything purchased from the hip surgery post-op. Just need to purchase some more of the vitamins I need to begin immediately. Dropped off the script for Vitamin D2 at the pharmacy. CVS tried to overcharge me copay three times the GoodRX coupon price at half a dozen other pharmacies nearby. So, I immediately screen shot the coupon and called WalMart to transfer it. I am no longer embarrassed to transfer prescriptions, when a pharmacy is ripping me off. How does that work for you, CVS?!
I finished putting the ornaments on the table top Christmas tree, so I feel like it’s a holiday. Bought a boneless ham half, getting the local market sides, to make a nice holiday dinner. I know meals will be underwhelming when I have my surgery, but it is what it is. My neighbor/assistant person is happy to do some laundry, change bed, scoop kitty litter. Whatever small extras she can do. I feel so fortunate to have this sweet woman friend in my life.
You all take gentle care, don’t let the family drama consume your holidays. Wine helps, lol. Lots of wine, ha!

Have never tried fishie videos with Ming. But, play any sort of music and she goes nuts! And don't I dare sing along, she will try to climb on my head. What is she trying to tell me, anyway?! Watched Sound of Music Sunday night, and she was completely crazy. Do you ever sing to yours, anyone? I have never had a cat that did this. Best to keep songs in my head, I guess.🐱

Hit and run on 63 year old woman tonight, killing her. What is wrong with people? The idiot will be caught soon I would think. All the cameras about, everywhere, are people just dumb?

Struggling with what to do about mom's business garments and fabrics. I have started going through it. There is more than 100 coats, I think. There are people here that are interested in some of what I have found. It will be a process. Need to dig through and figure out how best to store it all. My mom did such a beautiful job with it!

Duck, you just keep going and going. Hope things are as well as they can be.

Stacey, my gosh, most wanted?! I am fortunate to have been brought up well, as are most here, I cannot in my wildest dreams even imagine.

Girl, hope you get that knee replacement scheduled soon. I was told years ago, that I would need that done, but at 65 now, everything is still ok. Maybe not much exercise is a good thing?😉

Trying, miss seeing you. It is your son that is the musician, correct? Any exciting trips to see him play coming up?

Hope all are getting through holiday preps that you want to do. I am feeling a bit melancholy about it. Just hard as the kids get older and their in-laws want time too.

Hi All!! I hope you are all in a good place spiritually. The holiday season still hits me even though I know its a regular trigger for depression and reminiscing.

Stacey, I am so sorry for your loss.

I am not really caught up. Just stopping in to say hi. As you know the drama is never-ending.

I had a few down moments so far but I always get uplifted. The knee and hip pain is easing up at times. The new med seems to help my blood pressure it looks real pretty sometimes until I get a high reading and realize that although I intended to take my meds I didnt. I will get it right.

I got off my packages want to give something to two little kids on block. Pay off the fridge this week and my basic " to do list" will be done.

Golden I am happy for you. Such a lovely relationship with the grand, so great you are able to share some of your pearls of wisdom and pass down some family traditions and strengths. Thats such an honor.

Girl, I am wishing all the best in your healing and resolving the knee replacement. I cant even imagine the pain., and I admire your perseverance.

It was really nice seeing all the posts. I may not be posting my books but I am trying to keep up.;

Please treat yourselves like royalty during the season and stay away from toxicity.

Much love, rays of light and healing and joy to all!!!

Good Nite, Sleep tight>

Thx glad -getting there. As you get older it takes longer to heal. And posting takes concentration which gets disturbed with 2 kitties and two family members here.

girl - hope you get that knee replacement promptly. R has a bone on bone knee and lives with it as it would be a complex replacement. Maybe one day. I know it causes him a lot of pain at times but he takes very little in the way of pain killers. I am not as stoic when I have pains. Great that your hubs was clean for no new tumors, but his expectations of you are way off. . Daily life is hard enough when you have ailments.. Can you get dentures? Mother had them from her late twenties.

I thought life was calming down and now my 16 year old granddaughter wants to come and spend time here and maybe move it. She can spend time here, I can pay her if she wants to do some cleaning, we can cook some meals together - but - moving in I am not so sure about. I will have coffee with her and find out what is going on. I called dd and she was surprised and thought things were pretty good there. Also Dgd wants to come over in the afternoon and spend the latter part of Christmas day here, and cook up a supper with me. I can do that. I will teach her how to glaze a ham. They are going to one of her dad's relatives for a noonday turkey dinner.

The good news is that R doesn't need surgery. The specialist said that with treatment he can regain full movement and strength. The L shoulder tendon was not totally torn off, so that he has that condition in both rotator cuffs and a biceps tear all of which can heal. Not that he has slowed down much. I think this time he will take his treatment seriously. I read a good one on face book - Most injuries in old men come from them thinking they are young men. Truth!!!

Bought the kitties each a lovely soft shaggy bed. So far they have investigated them but have no idea what they are for. I rubbed a little catnip on them which put.Rocky particularly, in a very good mood lol. Pumpkin is always in a pretty good mood. I put their pillows on top of their beds so they get the idea. They are still pouncing at birds and fish on the videos I play for them on my laptop. So cute.

Guess everyone is getting geared up for big celebrations. Good luck to you. I gave that up years ago and have never regretted it. A nice fire in the fireplace and a hot drink is enough for me. 🔥 ☕ 😊

Okay, so I had the knee surgeon consult yesterday. He wanted updated XRays, got them done at their facility. He advised what we already knew, the left knee is totally bone on bone, nothing can be done except total knee replacement. We did not get into the right knee discussion, which isn’t that far behind, nor the failing twenty year old left hip. Surgeon has major reservations about taking me on, after the hip surgeon’s ego got hurt when I had painful muscle and nerve complications and wrecked his stats, so much BS! I kept reiterating that I’ve had three previous major surgeries on the left hip, all without excessive pain issues. I expect my surgeon to rigorously investigate unusual pain, and not blow me off, like the egotistical hip surgeon did. So, knee surgeon finally agreed, I need the surgeries, particularly the left knee, immediately. I could easily live another 20-30 years, so it’s BS to expect me to live those years from a wheelchair, when surgery can fix the joint problems. Right now I’m playing phone tag with his scheduler, to get me on the surgical schedule. Too many appointments, hard time connecting. I had three appointments today, back to back. Three appointments yesterday. Tomorrow PT, plus another appointment. Maybe hear from the scheduler in the AM, left her a message offering up some times I could be available for her phone call on Wednesday.
Hubs saw the oncologist yesterday as well, and his low dose lung CT scan came back negative for new lung cancer tumors. Very relieved, as now I can try to fit in the first knee replacement, before he goes back to Oncology in June 2020.
I did get bloodwork done today, plus dental cleaning and exam. I have a complex dental situation, as I have about 50% bone loss, lower front teeth and jaw. And, the $11,000-$12,000 cost to do crowns, bone grafts, implants, just isn’t something I can afford. Stinks to be unable to afford the major dental care I need, but can’t fix the low wages, small Social Security checks, many working class people have been dealt. Heck, even this constant driving back and forth to physical therapy is taking a financial toll. It’s just overload trying to deal with all these failed joints, the horrible pain, and now the looming loss of my teeth, for lack of income to pay to fix them. Most working class people can’t afford such ridiculous prices, I know I have much company. Still stinks there’s not affordable dental care for the working man. We don’t have a dental school here, not an option, sadly.
So tomorrow I may get the first knee replacement surgery date. My windshield wipers suddenly failed, just rotted, and it’s raining here. So I will have to go to an auto store tomorrow, between medical and PT, hoping they will put them on my car for me. I am a mechanical idiot!
And speaking of dysfunctional families, I couldn’t believe my spouse’s reaction to my needing to get left knee replacement. He said that I just had hip surgery, and he thinks I need to get a job instead of addressing debilitating painful joints. Idiocy, expecting a senior citizen spouse in agony, terrible joint pain, to get a job....of course, my spouse isn’t dealing with joint destruction of hips and knees, is clueless as to how painful it is. But expecting me to get a job instead of taking care of joint replacements?! It’s all about the man, being waited on, having his meals cooked, laundry done, house cleaned. He wants a mommy to care for him. No care for the pain I have lived with for so many years. Just sad. I hate the abuse of sick people. Usually it’s women who are the targets.

Golden, great you are feeling better!

Riverdale - R has one partly torn ligament or tendon - not sure which, which he is getting PT for which should heal it and on the other side a ligament that is completely torn off so he cannot lift his arm out from his side. That one may need surgery. Both of them cause him pain but he manages to do most of what he usually does anyway. He doesn't take much for the pain - only when he really can't sleep. I mentioned the lidocaine patches. They sound like a good idea.

trying - good to see you posting Hope to see more later when you have time

send - how's your sister? Hard to have that diagnosis and treatment in a close family member.

girlsaylor - sounds like you have way too many challenges. Hope your next surgery is better and hubs medical news is good.

duck - slither is a very good one. Works for me too. Continue to take care of you. The narc behaviour won't go away and your mother's dementia is progressing.

Katsmihur - this senior living at home alone thing (I should talk but my kids approve) is a problem for many. You have to shoehorn them out or wait for a crisis. Hopefully the various professionals will recommend AL and can help you to make it happen

fraz - I have been doing some writing/venting and it matches well some of what you wrote here - the sadness, the wishing it had been different, the growing up with anxiety and knowing things were not normal. At a very young age I realized our family was not normal and I knew it wasn't my fault. i am so sorry about the dynamics between your sister and your oldest daughter. That's horrible. I agree there is nothing more you can do. Better to be apart. ((((((((hugs)))))))

gershun - at least I know where it comes from - my mother. But the rest of her FOO were delightful people. But then there were some cousins who were real characters and that is being kind.. You might find it in the ancestors.

stacey - What a family!!! Glad your hubs is doing ok. Losing his dad and a bro so close together isn't easy. Not being close helps. Hope you and he can have a quieter life in 2020.

Posting is harder with the kitties. They want to pounce on the keyboard or cuddle and watch intently what I am doing.

Finally I think I am over these bugs and I have been able to get back to working on stuff here, though my head still isn't as clear as I would like it to be.

Watched 2 "Home Alone" movies yesterday. Presents to the kids and grands with be by interact transfer. I think I am going to dd's Boxing Day when they are having their Christmas dinner due to sil's work schedule. That's about the extent of my holiday festivities unless I find some nice Christmas music and that's fine. I will go south for a visit around New Year. Dd says she will come here and babysit the kitties. 😸😸

Take care all. Nobody else can do that for you. (((((((hugs))))))

Thank you All for your support guys, I did feel bad for not being more sympathetic to hubby"s SIL when she called with the news that his Brother was doing so poorly, but the manner in which she spoke to me (so gruffly!), and her expectation that hubby would just jump right on a plane to go see him honestly made me feel suspicious that there was "something else" afoot, as she was so cold and abrasive, granted she must have been under a lot of pressure and her feelings all over the place.

So far, hubby seems to be doing OK with his grieving, and mostly what he is saying is that it so strange to think he is no longer "of this earth", but mainly he isn't speaking of his brother much at all. Except for our kids and grandkids, he only has but one other cousin and his step-sister still alive, as his was a very small (and Dysfunctional) family to begin with, and that is what is registering in his mind at the present, compared to my very close-knit and ever-growing family.

He did call his brother's wife yesterday to check on her, and she told him that his Brother was cremated, and she would have his ashes back soon, but no mention of any services. He asked her if she had plans to move back to where her kids are, but she plans to stay put, so she doesn't seem to be real close to her family either, they have no family in Bullhead City Az.

I did text BIL's ex-wife, the one (remember that he had been married about 9 times that I can figure! Lol) whom he has 2 daughters with, as hubby felt it important that they know their Dad had passed, and I received a msg back thanking us for the info. She was pizzed that they hadn't reached out when he was first put on Hospice, so they could have had the chance to say their goodbyes, but she wasn't surprised either, he was never a good Father to them by a long shot, in fact had never participated in their lives whatsoever, so hard to think that he was like that, the exact opposite of my husband and his relationship with our kids. It's hard to believe that they are even related, they are so incredibly different from one another, yet were only 10 months apart in age, I mean, how does this happen? BIL also had a Son from a teenage relationship, but I don't have any contact information for him, ironically he is a registered sex offender, I can't make this stuff up!

Interesting note, my husband's ex-wife called the other night, saying that she saw on the news that his brother's youngest daughter (38) on Washington's Most Wanted (now captured)!! Apparently she was sentenced to 7 1/2 years in prison, and the judge let her off for 2 weeks to tie up any personal business that she had, but that she didn't report in on the day she was suppose to. She had 7 felonies convictions, including a home burglary, and she had been caught driving a stolen car and had a large amount of crack cocaine on her with baggies, so "intent to sell", Wowza! I looked it up online, and yup, there she was in all her glory!

They caught her hiding under a house! She now is imprisoned with additional charges, so the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree! It is sad, because kids who never feel love from a parent so often grow up seeking attention in any way possible, she apparently sought the very bad type of attention, interesting though, BIL's other daughter is a pretty nice gal who I met when she sought out her grandparents (my inlaws) when she was an adult (the girls grew up in the eastern part of Washington and neither of their parents kept up the child/grandparent relationship for them so who knows, kind of a weird parallel, 2 brother/2 sisters, huh?

Well I'm off to do a bit more Christmas shopping, Ugh! I'm getting there, and I've wised up and now use those cinch-tie mylar Christmas wrapping bags, they are the nutz!

Thanks for listening to my ongoing saga, LOL! Love to you all!

Golden, I hear that. My family could carve you up too. They can be truly very mean. I've never been able to figure where that came from cause my mom who brought us up was an angel. I never knew my Dad. Maybe it came from his side of the family.