The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharyn, May The Lords will be done.

May HE give you all peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Thank you everyone for the prayers. So far dialysis is not helping. They will do dialysis again today. If no improvement, they will start comfort care. My niece and I are devastated as we never expected this to happen from an issue that started with her toe.

sending my thanks and prayers for blessings for all of you.

Duck; Hoping you have good holidays and good health!

Sharyn Marie,
Continuing prayers for you and your sister.

Our sisters are special, no matter what.

Sharyn, so sorry your sister isn't doing well. Hoping for some good news for you.

Sharyn, my heart and prayers are with you.
Hang in there.
You have weathered a many storm.
May God shine His Face upon you and your family

Beatty! LOL! I needed that!
THank you.
Love your humor!
Made me laugh and remember our charlie brown tree!
I bet it's beautiful!

Hothouse ,

I recommend taking a break. Don’t visit everyday . Your mother won’t have you for an audience for her shenanigans. Let her sit and stew a bit to adjust .

My parents are in a NH. My mother was scheduled for a haircut today and it was not happening fast enough to suit her majesty. It was only 11:30 but no one had come for her yet. She was harping on this and must have been bitterly complaining to my father (who has some form of cognitive decline, not sure if it is dementia) about this before I arrived because when asked how he was he threw his hands in the air in disgust. She succeeded in getting him annoyed at the staff because no one had shown up. She has been the alpha in the family and he always just followed her lead blindly.

The attendant finally did come about ten minutes later. I brought my mother down to the salon myself. And then I quickly left. Got off easy with an abbreviated visit today. That was the good part.

Sharyn, May The Lord be with your family right now and touch your sister.

Sharyn,

I am so sorry. Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult time with your sister.

Unfortunately, my sis is on dialysis now. They will bring in a neurologist tomorrow.

CollieryCats, I HEAR you, I am in the same situation as you. The stress level is unbelievable. Some days I just want to be put out of my misery. I don't know what is going to happen and the uncertainty and worry is killing me. My thoughts are with you.

DDDuck, my Christmas Tree this year is.. let's call it minimmal-make-do. (Or maybe menopausal!)
I spent last evening cracking myself up over youtube failed christmas trees. That mood you know when tired + stressed needs a good laugh to cure it! For some reason the tree in Port Macquarie NSW Aus 2022 tickled me silly.

Don't know if link will work;
https://www.news.com.au/national/nsw-act/epic-fail-nsw-local-councils-christmas-tree-branded-an-epic-fail-by-residents/news-story/00fd91d970bbd2d916e1f280fd99ba42

Blick, I am glad your Mother voiced her appreciation of you ❤️. 'Bout time right?

My mom told me she didn't want me to think she was ungrateful while telling me she appreciated all my hard work today.

Now if she would stop being spoiled and stop being a big baby.

Isthisreal, I love to hear babies gut laugh and what I find amazing is that it's the same way of sound when my son laughed.

My mother's best buddy from church sounded like a hyena. First time I did a double take. And realize it was real. She was also very observant.

I also had a coworker who had this weird laugh once again double take and then I'd Crack up.
Laughter is so good for the soul.
OKay and I will share a wild event. My aunt who was 2 years older than me. She have a certain way of belly hollering that I knew she was tickled.
After her funeral we were sitting around and someone made us all Crack up.
I laughed so hard trying to hold back and did her same holler and there was a quick second of silence in the room I was like. Oh shisyta was that her.
Pantibiotics, it's always wonderful to see your posts. You are one of my first heroes here and outside of the wisdom your shares showed me I could get through some issues with a change in my perception.

Once I saw a license plate with a logo saying "Life is a beach and then you die"

On the humor thing, sometimes when I am having
a hard time going to sleep or worrying, I watch you tube shorts or facebook. I mean I Crack up like I'm with someone joking around.
Nendless to say I am not a happy go lucky person and everything is not humorous to me.
I alo like the jokes chat on this forum. Years ago when I had working computer and printer I would print the jokes to read later. I come across one or another when I am trying to sort out my paper clutter and its just what I need.
Sharyn you are always in my prayers.
Bare, u already k.
I am always thinking of Golden of course the 3G's.
So many others.
I am not caught up. I can barely keep up with daily stuff
I go crazy searching for something that if it was a snake it would bite me.
I got my first pair of eyeglasses for first time in many years.
They did look like I was blind.
I forgot them upstairs then I got them took them off to shower and can't find them.
Shysterectomy. This is not new. It wears me out.
Especially with an evil narcissistic sister who sabatoged me for years.
Well I can be long winded.

I don't think I will ever have my old holiday spirit. It was hard to get use to not having the stress of shopping cooking decorating
Love is a powerful thing.
I would get a Douglass Fir. Didn't know about getting a stand but learned. Make the most beautiful tree in the world for my son and my nephew's grocery shop clean decorate cook all the wrappings and bows and a reindeer but I always chose to work on the holidays.

I broke down crying in store just from a glance at a coconut cream pie. I mean it hit me hard.
I would buy it for my mother, she made so serious sweetpotato and apple pie but she like this.
Reasily is ot meant some much to make her happy it made me happy. Now what makes me happy and who really cares only use.
My nature is giving bur I was programed to be an unknowing fool and to be used.
I can't help my self it's all I've known of myself and has always been a part of my spirit.
So anyways I start get blabbering and get off tangent or lose the post and think ok that was meant to be.
But I so truly love and appreciate all you good-hearted warriors fighting the good fight

Rays of Love Peace Happiness and Healing to us all!!!!

Can I be born into a nice family next time? Pretty please?

Well I did my cards today, and so as to not be the Arsehole I sent one to my BIL and SIL, and "family". We have not spoken to them since a few weeks after FIL passed. BIL called hubs and left a message to call him,, hubs tried several times then gave up. The actual problem is my SIL and my niece. Niece is bent after 6 years because we didn;t come to her baby shower ( got the invite 1 week prior and I was in healthcare and you can;t just "get off") we sent gifts, the whole works but noooo.. I am perfectly happy to never see them again, but still... LOL But I still play nice

I'm doing much better than i was two weeks ago around T-giving when mum fell and we went through the EMS->hospital->rehab pipeline.

Mum still can't walk unassissted which means she can't come home. With Covid going around again i hate having her in a NH but can't have her at home either.

She has weird diametrically opposed sides to her, she hates everything but soncerely loves the attention. She knows where she is is best but still wants out (understandable). She refuses e v e r y t h i n g i offer to help and never wants anything but at least she's compliant enough with the NH to do the PT stuff and let me straighten out her finances. She doesn't want to take care of herself but is embarassed by the need for emergency care.

I'm tired not only from being burned out dealing with her over quite a number of years as this insidiously progressed but I'm also tired that she's in a NH. The uncertainty day to day, how to pay for all this, how long will this go one, hoping a bad phone call won't happen has me exhausted even though she's nit here anymore but MUCH better where she is.

I'm still dreading the Medicare thing coming up.

Thank you Ali💕🩷🩵! I’m back at home in Idaho.
My sis is better, however last weekend she stopped eating again. My niece and I asked several time for. Urinalysis and culture…it didn’t happen. On Friday my sis was transferred back to hospital for dementia. She has a severe UTI. Kidney levels are elevated close to being put on dialysis.

please understand that I know and understand nursing/rehabilitation facilities are understaffed. My heart goes out to these employees. Yet…..why no follow throug? My sis has kidney issues due to advanced diabetes. UTI’s are dangerous for diabetics and anyone who gets one that goes sepsis.

While in Kentucky, I had two great thanksgiving dinners. The traditional Thanksgiving, we had dinner at my nieces fiancés family. It was awesome,, very welcoming. The Saturday
ayafter thanksgiving we had another Thanksgiving dinner at my deceased nieces house where her husband lives with his new wife. My deceased nieces husband welcomed me with a hug which I appreciated I got to see my great niece,met her husband and two daughters and my great nephew, his wife and daughter.

Thank you for thinking about my sis. How is Glad I’m Here. Not seeing any posts from her.

“This too shall pass.”

A fav from my mil:
"It is what it is..."

I also tell myself . It can’t last forever .

Yes I like "Oh well" too.

Accepting, especially when things are outside our control. Plus 'well' is a positive word: healthy, satisfactory or sensible. 😊

Way,

“Oh well” is a great mantra!

So far, so good here. Mom's mood seems to have leveled off in the last few days but I've also put some distance between us emotionally. She is trying to be chatty chatty and regain that comaradie (or snare me back in her net, I never know with her nor does anyone else). I've also casually mentioned that there are situations that might be brewing at home and I might need to go home to deal with them. Mom just kinda rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. I'm just doing what needs done, being kind and cordial, and trying to let the rest roll off.
My brother called last night and I gave him a quick update on Mom's behavior. I offered to let him come up and take over LOL. He declined as he has stuff going on at his house that's not so great and he can't afford to take the time off work. He did say that if the situation gets worse (or whatever) to just call and he'll make a turnaround trip to come get me. He also mentioned talking to the social worker or someone else so it can be noted in Mom's chart about her moods and behaviors. Idk why I didn't think of keeping a personal journal or chart of how she's doing day by day earlier to share with her providers but I'm starting that today.
Grandma has been ok, her cares are simple. Help her bathe, put her lotions/ointments on, get dressed, fix her meals and snacks, ect. She has her moments of fits and paranoia but usually they are brief. It's amusing to listen to her go on about different things.
I'm going to try to hold out for a couple more weeks and see how Mom does after her next round of chemo and see what these follow up PET scans and labs show.
All in all just taking it day by day and just going with the flow.

Beatty 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻,

I love that I’m not the only one!!!
There should be a new thread…”How is the caregiver taking care of themselves?”

I have also been thinking that my new mindful ways of willing myself to be calmer in the face of craziness is a dysfunction. I have a new mantra “ Oh well . “

Witnessing crazy decisions is tough . I am working on being less anxious over waiting for the next inevitable emergency and how LO’s do not live in reality. I have become more accepting that tragedies do happen in life and I can’t stop that . I too have this forum to thank .

I love the description of boycotting . That is what I have been trying lately as well when possible .

Ok, anyone up for some new dysfuction?

I am surpringly calm compared to other Decembers.. have even had a couple of people comment on my strong boundaries lately! One a professional (yay me - patting my own back + I am THANKING you forum-folk with a zillion thanks ❤️).

Last year included 1 fall, 1 injury, 2 emergency medical visits & 3 bouts of incontinence. Now I wasn't personally involved with all of that.. and the rest of the day was good. Now we all know I can do nought about other's decisions & actions...

As Alva would stamp (ha ha) *I am an adult* & I have choices: including a boycott or attending.
Gunna sleep on it

DDD, so glad you had a great trip!