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😉 when you're part of a dysfunctional family (part 2)...

narcs be like:
"I'm going to miss having you around to blame."
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😉 when you're part of a dysfunctional family...

"Why did the narcissist cross the road?
He thought it was a boundary."
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Blickbob, you will wait for ever for your M to let you off the hook herself. She “doesn't want to be in the nursing home”. Adult diapers? She “didn't want to do it”. You are “not okay?” “It went over my mom's head”. You must decide if you want to GET YOURSELF off the hook.

If you do, give her some phone numbers, don’t answer your phone, and walk away. Stop your slavery being her best choice.
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blickbob,

I don’t think after 7 years , PT will help her . I would think her muscles have atrophied beyond chance of recovery.
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Blickbob, Agreed, you don't stand up to your mother, and you do not create boundaries. You let her manipulate you and dictate your life. So no you do not have anything to offer a wife. It is good that you realize that and won't be destroying someone else's life. You will be tied to your mother's apron strings for a very long time. Hope it's worth it.
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2 days ago, me and the family friend had the conversation with my mom. She didn't blow up, but she was crying on and off for over 3 hours and is dealing with on and off headaches. We were calm about it. There wasn't any yelling or screaming from us. I even told her my college roommate, who does PT and is currently in med school, told me literally the day before that time off is crucial for me and that it'll take a toll on me.

The rest of the day and early that night, she was telling me she doesn't want to be in the nursing home, has panic attacks when I run errands and that I don't understand that aspect and kept insisting she's better. She wants to be told "attagirl," but there have been few of those moments. She felt discouraged when she told her she wasn't getting better. I told her she technically has the money for the nursing home, but she continues to put off getting my grandmother's bank accounts in order.

I pitched the adult diaper idea to her and that it would allow me to be out and about a little more often and it would allow trusted friends to come and help out and she didn't want to do it. She shot it down even further later that night by noting adult diapers can cause people to have UTIs and that it was a UTI that lead to the death of a colleague of hers. Her motto has always been that if you haven't battled cancer, stay out of it and don't give her cancer-related advice. I told her that you can make an exception for doctors and physical therapists and she responded by saying her former primary doctor didn't find the breast cancer via the blood work he did for 3 straight years.

I told the family friend everything that happened after she left as it happened and she noted that when she told my mom that I'm not okay, it went over my mom's head and said my mom was self-absorbed. I told her yesterday not to contact my mom for a short time to spare her from my mom's wrath. I didn't tell her that my mom was wanting to choke her yesterday.

I'm now starting to accept the notion that I'm never gonna get married or have kids, unless my mom were to pass away a lot sooner than expected instead of roughly 25 years from now as I'm predicting.

She's more turned off by solutions to her lingering problems than her lingering problems. Talk about a head case.
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🙂
"Life has its ups and downs.
We call them squats."
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...a skeleton, sitting at a cafe, with an empty coffee mug:

"Don't mind me, I'm waiting for a narcissist to change and apologize and validate the pain they caused."
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Bundle, that was exactly my day today! 2 coffees then visit my Mother with kindness ☕️☕️💖
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❤️🙂
my goals for today:

"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
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🥰 today’s words of wisdom:

🙂
“Do you recharge yourself as much as you recharge your phone?”
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🥰 today’s words of wisdom:

Today’s a good day to start making a difference in your own life.
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this is a good one:

🥰 today’s words of wisdom...

”Stop hurting yourself
because you're angry at someone else."
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i am son #1 in BC canada most expensive cost living
i am 67yo retired and no savings and no income
my wife will stay and work pay rent expenses and pay daughter expenses

i will go to my dad's 90yo and do his landscape, house maintenance, cook, clean, take him shopping whatever i need to do...do i also pay for everything...eat out, groceries, misc shopping...he gave banking privileges to son #3 wife as brother 62yo is in FT care. so she will ensure bills are paid on a mort.free house

i cant even afford to go, i told dad i was having car troubles in hopes he would offer some help. i asked to visit over the last 25yrs, but wasn't welcomed

son3's son is moving out of bsmt suite in a couple months, so i said dad i will visit he said ok, next week when we spoke he said he wanted to prepare house for sale, his car for sale, board up bsmt to save on heat, i said i thought i was visiting, he sd oh i thought you had car trouble - meaning i have no money
he asked how get there, how long staying, i shud see a shrink my life is upside down from ave.joe

so i did say i'm flying and it doesnt cost much these dayz, i dont know how long stay and if he wants me gone no probEither...good grief

like Basil Fawlty "The Builders," Basil Fawlty responds to O'Reilly's statement "Just remember, Mr. Fawlty, there's always someone worse off than yourself" with the line, "Is there? Well, I'd like to meet him. I could do with a laugh,"
funfit55 at gee
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today’s words of wisdom:

🥰
Always aim for peace, but if you can't get peace, you should aim between the eyes.
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today’s words of wisdom:

🥰
When someone treats you badly, stop thinking something’s wrong with you. Start thinking something’s wrong with them.
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today’s final words of wisdom:

🥰
It’s not what we have in life,
but who we have in our life
that matters.
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❤️ To whoever needs to hear this right now:

You're incredibly beautiful, and that's the least interesting thing about you.
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more wise words:

🙂 No matter who it was that caused the problems in your life, it is ultimately going to be you who has to fix them. Might as well start now.
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more wise words: ❤️

Be around those who feed your soul,
not eat it.
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today’s words of wisdom:
🙂

❤️
Waste no more time arguing
about what a good man, woman, should be.
Be one.
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🥰 more wisdom...
🌟🌟🌟🌸🌸🌸

Just be
happy
and a reason will come along.
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🥰 more wisdom...

"If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like."
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SO TRUE:

🥰 also today's words of wisdom...

"Life's as kind as
the people you fill it with."
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🥰 today's words of wisdom...

"Don't wait until you're on your deathbed
to tell people how you feel.
You could be too weak to raise your middle finger."
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@blickbob,

Tell Mom you are going out ( by yourself ) whether or not she wears the adult diaper .

Her choice what she wears at home .

You can choose to go out without her .

See , you each have a choice .
She can’t stop you from going out .
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The word *convince* lept out. Try *consequence* instead!

When my LO started having more frequent incontinence issues, I tactfully suggested wearing disposable pullup style briefs for all outings.

The idea was refused.
I bought some anyway & left the packet.
I did not attempt to convince.
I left the decision to my LO. (Their clothing, their comfort, their choice).

But I also explained their decision had consequences.

I was not obliged to suffer wet car seats to clean up or pay for steam cleaning. Therefore, no pullups = no ride in my car. (My car, my car rules).

* Suggest.
* They decide
* Consequences

PS I stayed firm. No rides. Then one day, my LO had a change of mind & pullups became the new norm. No big deal was made. Just OK - that seems a good idea.
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Blickbob, your mom doesn't want you out of the house, so she is not going to wear them, to keep you home. She isn't doing what she needs to do to get money to control you. I'm sorry to say this, but she is keeping you prisoner.

You need to sit her down, lay down the law on what you need, not what she needs, and if she doesn't comply, you need to tell her she has to or you are going on strike! If it's nice out, put a tent outside pretend your camping for a week.

I know you love mom! You need to love yourself more! 💓
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@waytomisery

I tell her I'm drinking water.

Also, she deeded me one house, not two. And I'm keeping it. Right now, that's my only source of income.

As for being unable to move out, it's due to a lack of money on my end and her being unwilling to get outside help, thus why I wish she would speed things up with my grandmother's bank accounts and I can have some leverage. However, I did order some adult diapers earlier this week and now the journey begins to convincing her that if she wears them at certain times, it allows me to be out of the house a little more often and do day trips. There are a couple of out of town restaurants that she loves and has rarely gotten any food from since she became immobile. The diaper strategy would allows things to return to where they were in the near 1-year span between her starting to use a wheelchair and her becoming immobile.
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Blickbob, you are a separate person to your Mother. Remind her. Often.

Mom, thankyou for your concern. My water intake is my own responsibility. I'm fine.

Some people seem to project.. THEY are thirsty/cold/too hot/tired etc & presume their LO is too. I catch myself doing it to my son LOL "Aren't you cold?" It's winter here - I'm in layers & layers of clothes + a woolly hat. He's in thin gym wear. I've been inside, he's been at the gym, or out & about somewhere.

Not one to waste words, he'll simply say "I am not you". Sure. No big deal.
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