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BOY on your todays words of wisdom.

Not to mention that You are the only person of EQUAL intelligence you will speak to all day…
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❤️❤️❤️
Today's words of wisdom:

You are the most influential person you will talk to all day.
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a toxic/narcissistic person’s attitude:

"I got 99 problems and you are all of them."
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⭐️🍀⭐️🍀⭐️
Judge me by the people I avoid.
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about toxic/dysfunctional/narcissistic people:

“You probably won’t remember half the things that I’ll never forget.”
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Today's words of wisdom:
🌸🌸🌸⭐️⭐️⭐️

Don’t let your loyalty
keep you in situations
your common sense should have gotten you out of.
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Today's words of wisdom:
🌸🌸🌸⭐️⭐️⭐️

Great minds think alike.
Unfortunately, so do stupid ones…
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Daisy -that's great. We rely on them so much!!!
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Golden 3 days no glitches! 😁 Seems my phone all worked it's glitching out!
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daisy - Good for you - keep your boundaries!

joy - so true!!!
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Today's words of wisdom:
🌸🌸🌸⭐️⭐️⭐️

"The bigger person". That's just (usually) a euphemism for "shut up and take the abuse because the rest of us are uncomfortable with you taking care of yourself."
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My brother, moms favorite, has been gone on an emergency work thing, for about a month. Moms starting to look tired, if I do more , I'll just be expected to do more, so I've stood strong, not falling back to get used. My sister has showed up a little, and even my ex is visiting her, if I was there , they never would. Will see how this goes.....
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@mlwilson

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and you husband is absolutely right. Have only a small service for the people who matter. Not the ones who walked away when he started getting sicker. You needed the support of friends and family too and they abandoned you as well. There's no excuse for that and no one needs these people to come and wail at a big funeral then expect a nice meal and an open bar after.

No truer words were ever spoken than, 'A friend in need is a friend indeed'.

I totally know where you're coming from. When my ex-husband got sick the friends and family started staying away when he got bad off. We were divorced. This was because he was an alcoholic and he could not overcome it. Not because I didn't love him. I did and still do. I still love my former in-law family too. I was remarried to my current husband when my ex got sick. I helped take care of him though because that was right.

Anyway, he had a huge funeral. He was old-school Polish and they do a big send off. At his wake his cousin's fiancee was saying some nasty things about me in Polish to a couple of the older ladies. My former MIL walked up to her and slapped her right across the face. She got told too. Now this cousin was the best man at our wedding. They were best friends. These two never visited once when my ex started getting sick. Never called, nothing. They partied at our place every weekend for years. We went everywhere together too. They were tore up at the wake though. What a joke.

I get it people don't know what to do around a sick person. Then don't do anything. Just be there. It's not happy or pleasant, but it's right. Just be there. It's not hard to sit with someone for a few hours. Or to bring by a meal so someone doesn't have to cook.

Your husband is right. Have a service for the people who matter. The ones who backed off because your husband is sick, don't matter. They don't matter one bit.
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@mlwilson,
I am so sorry for your husband's and your experience. Do know that people are made very uncomfortable by illness, by seeing people change before their eyes, by expectations, by confusion, by not knowing what to say or do. The closer they are to you, and the more honest you can be about your needs, your wish list the better.
We are a flawed animal. It is fight and flight with us, and we are much more comfortable with just flying away, hiding in the hedges, pretending none of this is happening.
I know you know all of this.
I know that none of this is a comfort.
I think that your wishes for private services is VERY valid. That's as simple as "Services will be Private". Even with well-meaning and loving family, that is the burial that my parents and my brother after them wants. In fact, they wanted no services at all. It was "Hoist a glass to me now; if you forgot, hoist one to me after, and get on with living".
All on AC have witnessed the losses of our loved ones, and it is why I have always said that standing witness to their losses is the worst cruelty of all. When we are ill and helpless we are DEALING WITH IT and all the time. But when we witness the losses it is the the waves of a flood that just keeps coming.
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mlwilson19 - I'm sorry you have been abandoned by most of your family and friends. I think it is not unusual. As you said "most" I am glad that a few have stuck with you. With your husband suffering from dementia and renal disease, you have a lot to deal with. Probably too much at times.

Many choose not to get involved with caregiving, and while we respect their choice, it's bound to change relationships. Many, including myself, have experienced the same thing and have become alienated from these friends and family. Wishing you all the best for what lies ahead, Those that stick with us through these most difficult years, are very precious to us.

This site has been very valuable to me and others who understand what caregivers are going through. The support is so helpful. ((((((hugs))))) to you
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Your “family and friends walked away as my husband's illness got worse”. Think again about what they ‘walked away’ FROM. A lot of people walk away from expectations that they will share care, and that’s perfectly reasonable. If might be worth thinking again about what you could ask for that might be easy and reasonable for them to provide. It may be too late for that to make much different to your caregiving responsibilities, but bringing them back in at the end might pay dividends for you after his death. And that would be a gift for your memories of him.

That’s not at all incompatible with a very low key ‘exit’ for him.
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Most of my family and friends walked away as my husband's illness got worse. It is really hard not having a support system especially, since I am dealing with end stage renal disease and trying to get on the transplant list for the second time. My husband said when he dies with Dementia that he doesn't want a funeral. He doesn't want all the family and friends that were not there the last 6 years when we needed them gauking at his dead body and saying how sorry they are. He wants to be cremated and just have a small group of people, mainly our kids go to the ocean and scatter his ashes.
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🙂 
We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
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🙂 mistake, i meant to put that joke below (“Correct me if you’re wrong.”) in the joke section.

anyway, next time someone is being a jerk/toxic/dysfunctional to you, you can say:

"You're being you again. Stop that."
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🙂
Correct me if you’re wrong.
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😇🌸😇🌸
It’s possible to be completely enlightened…except with your family.
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🌸🥰🌸🥰🌸
Words of wisdom:

“You’ll never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”
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🙂
“I haven’t heard from you lately, and I’ve really enjoyed it.”
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“Because I carry it well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”
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🌸🥰🌸🥰🌸
May all the heavy things you’ve been carrying…
one day carry you.
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bundleofjoy

"Seeing people walk out from my life is really painful, I want them to run."

One in particular whose leaving was to die for. They died for. There was no other way, but as I wrote about another: you're dying, but I'm thriving; for you it's the end, but for me, I'm gettin to begin
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…Many of us have lost years staying loyal to toxic people…
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🙂
Seeing people walk out from my life is really painful, I want them to run.
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Could say more but will only say that this written with a tad of possible wisdom, much humor, a speck of sarcasm but a lot of love.

As time draws near for my nighttime ritual, here is a timely poem from the various titles of well known and not so well known TV shows from a world far, far, away.

"Oh, how the Young and the Restless look for Another World while this one is on The Edge of Night seeking for a Guiding Light to get all of us through The Dark Shadows in hope that As The World Turns ,The Brighter Day will come even for those in The Secret Storm who are All My Children who with us all are on The Road of Life for From These Roots comes The Brighter Life in the Moment of Truth about The Days of Our Lives that Love Is a Many Splendored Thing as we have Only One Life to Live!|"

Good night! Sleep tight!
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words to live by
⭐️⭐️⭐️🍀🍀🍀

You’ve mastered surviving. It’s now time to live.
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