The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

still coming to terms with it myself, Cat I grew up putting others first - it was demanded of me, however, I learned to put me first sometimes - enough to survive pretty well. I do the "we" thing with my children and in the classroom - used to build a great classroom environment - we all pulled together, and also in any community groups I chaired. We were solid as a group. I am beginning to learn to do it with mother - just to make sure it is good for her and good for me. I say no, or ignore a lot with her because it is good for neither of us if I pay too much attention to her narcissisms. It is not good to enable her self centeredness, or anyone else's. I still tend to look to fill the needs of others rather than looking after my own needs - something I have to monitor in myself.. For years it didn't occur to me with mother, for example, that what would be better all around was to look after the needs of the "we" as a team - rather than the you vs the me. It is a paradigm shift. Trying to think of an example. -she wants me to come back to her apartment when I visit and I know I will just get a barrage of complaints and crazy thinking. Under the old "me serving her" regime, I would go and "put up" with it, try to develop my patience etc to be able to tolerate it, try to redirect the conversation, find that I am not "good enough" to do it well enough, and end up aggravated and stressed. Under the "me serving me" regime, I just say say no, and don't go, and don't respond to her (or my)need for more communication/time for us. Under the "me serving us" - because I do want an "us" with my mother, as much as is possible, I consider carefully what my limitations are, but also what her needs and limitations are, and try to work out a compromise, and take her out to lunch and maybe on a short shopping trip where she will not have the opportunity to rant on as she does at home, but we still have a time together that is enjoyable for both. It is not that I haven't done this, just that I formulated the concept better in my head. When you "serve" another without taking yourself into consideration, you detract from the "us" - the team. I see lots of that on this site. I think everyone wants to be a team member rather than a servant. Does that clarify?

Emjo, how are you doing?
I just wanted to clear something up about my sister and her kids living there situation. My one neice w/her boyfriend moved in 4 yrs., ago when the real caregiving of mom & aunt started. This was about the time officially got diagnosed w/ALZ. This niece & boyfriend, yes at first because of my old fashioned upbringing didn't think it right for my sister to allow her daughter to do this on a lot of levels. But at least by comparison to the other lazy niece who is still there the 22 yr. old, this one & boyfriend did help out when, my sis needed back up sitting of the two women. Also, last year when things got hairy w/aunt this couple moved out, are married now w/their first baby. She's actually the favorites of my nieces, I know we shouldn't do this, but oh well!

Never the less, I still think this kind of thinking by parents is wrong, and it appears to happen quite often nowadays, the allowing of couples to move in w/mommy & daddy. My brother, greedy one has this, and an orphanage growing in his household w/his adult kids.

U46526, I'm with Sharynmarie on this one. I didn't quite understand you situation.
What is bonded out? Does this mean you were arrested, and had to get bail, or something of the sort? Is the first part of your post some kind of identity theft, being committed by family members? Anyway, just wondering, maybe if you clear some of these questions up for us here, we could give you some ideas.
Margeaux

Joan, I think I know what you are talking about, but give us an example of an "us thing" that you don't do. That would be helpful. Maybe working as a team? Not completely sure. Love, Cat

I had an AHA moment today and realised, due, I am sure, to my upbringing, I tend to focus on "doing" for the other person but not for myself ( knew that) and not for "us". The not for "us" was the AHA moment. I did and do "us" stuff with my kids - no prob there, and also with friends, but it is harder for me in closer relationships . There was no "us" when I grew up - it was all my BPD mother. And somehow, along the way, I learned to do things for "me" as well as for others, but much less so for "us" in some relationships.
Can anyone relate?

johnny what a dreadful situation. I agree with what sharyn has said -seems like you are between a rock and a hard place. I think only an attorney can tell you what rights you have.here we have legal aid for people who don't have much money. Getting better housing for yourself does seem like a good idea. and sharyn is right that starting your own discussion will likely bring more information your way, Good luck.
sharyn you sound very up beat and you have accomplished a lot. Good for you!. I have the front and back hall closets to clean out. The back hall has pretty well only my stuff, so I can do it more easily. Thundershowers are predicted for today so it is a good day for such activities, Sounds like the sanding is hard work. Coarser sand paper may help. Glad your mum's feet feel better.
Have a good BBQ. Foothills are some of my fave places.

It has been a busy day starting with getting the stitches out, Yay!! Joan, I did get two closets cleaned out, mostly art/craft supplies such as acrylic paints that have dried up and no use,some lace and old patterns that are no longer in style or missing pattern pieces. Some day I hope to get back into tole painting, etc. I did the two closets yesterday and started throwing out stuff in my sons former bedroom today. I am making progress but as fast as I had hoped. I did get paint for my office/art room but I need to sand a horizontal line of paint build up on 3 walls. There was paneling on the lower half of these walls and painting the upper half has left these lines that I want to sand down. I have sanded quiet a bit of it but it is not progressing as fast as I would like. Maybe a coarser sand paper is needed.

My mother's feet problems is mostly from callous build up and the dr. shaved off a large amount. She said her feet feel better.

I hope everyone had a good Monday and tomorrow, will be another productive day, ending with a bbq in the foothills with my hubby!!

Johnny T~I don't know what to offer you other than getting a conservatorship or guardianship which will require hiring an attorney. My heart goes out to you!! It's too bad you can 't work something out with your brother so you and his son could live in the house together, of course that may be only until your mother passes and brother sells the house. Unless you have any documentation regarding the shop and adjacent property, I don't see much in your favor. Without seeming nosy, are you getting a pension or disability at this time? Maybe you could check into HUD housing...it may not be ideal but it would be better than living in a garage. Also I suggest you start your own discussion on this sight as there are other people much more knowledgeable than me who would have other ideas. Bless you and I hope you can find resolution♥

Yes we are a disfuntional something .My brother came in and out of my mothers home just enough to get here to sighn power of attorney and gifted the place to him not my fathers will it was to be an estate and would be turning over in his grave .During the housing crunch i had serous heart surgery and back problems and lost my home so i move in and was helping her not knowing what he had done .I was put out and live in my fathers old garage now as I can't afford a place to live as I need on what my check is .Now she has Alzhimers now and he is in the house he smokes and is a filthy house keeper a complaint that was left from his job of 31 years .Now she has been put a nursing home by him and he moved out and moved his 45 year ols son in who has never paid any rent any where as he uses people for that reason alond with his son .In growing up my father lost his legs in 1952 and disabilty would not pay him but we survived because he would not give up and I worked in the shop just as and more or longer than my brother .I was told by my mother and dad that I got the shop and the lot next door after he and she was gone but now I am living like a bum I do not give my mother this problem as she seems to know only a little about it now .Do I have any legal rights as he will not give in and I am 60 years old now he is 64 putting his son in the house really bothers me and I have no where to go that I can live anywhere like I am used to I feel like a bum but I do not smoke or drink and have worked hard all my life now I have nothing .I do my mother several time a week as she loves bannana's and knows who i am and talks to me just fine but the nursing home wants her to stay their I feel like they are in cohoots with my brother can anyone help.I do try to find way's to make money or I hoped for maybe a co that had place to stay and I could work in maintenance or something you sure are smarter than me about this stuff
Johnny T

ahhh bookworn - missed your posts - what you to deal with everyday. I don't know how you do it, (((((((hugs)))))) and prayers
sharyn - the thought of your mum wandering the neighbourhood in her underwear - Oh dear lol - I would take her obsession with the mail too

just lost it and will try again
tbailey - would it make any sesne to have your sil come to your home to do mils hair - just a cut, wash and set to begin with - thus not endangering mil and yet, if she is there for a hour or two, you get a break, she will see more of mil's realities. If she manages that well, the next thing could be a perm at home, and maybe eventually a perm at the shop if mil can cope.

u565425 - I sure am missing a lot of the details here, and have no idea what dcf is either, but there seems to be a lot of involvement with the police, charges etc, and bottom line, you want to see your dying dad - understandably. To me it would be better to not bring the police in but try to work out a situation with the nursing home so that you could visit your dad, possibly without your mum present as there seems to be tensions between you. I can't see that more charges and police involvement are going to accomplish what you want. Perhaps a visit with a social worker attached to the nursing home to work out some sort of compromise would help. Honey catches more flies than vinegar. A soft word turns away wrath. I wish you luck.
Victoria - as has been said, you have made a good situation out of a bad one. I happened upon another thread were you reported having difficulties with your sister - have I picked the wrong end of the stick? Not saying that it is anyone's fault. Is your sis able to help with your mum? Your mother is fortunate to have you. . It sounds like she is getting more difficult to deal with.I don't envy you. Love your name too!
sharyn - I think it is wise to go to the docs appointment with your mum. I feel the time is coming when I should be there for my mum, and in the hospital when she goes to ER. Being 5 hrs drive away makes that very difficult. Let us know how the mail redirecting goes. I wonder of there is any activity you could figure out with her that would keep her busy but not cause her anxiety. Wracking my brains here, but something like clipping coupons out of the newspaper for you, A few years ago I told mother that I thought it was a good idea that she report to me (by email) all the negative experiences she has with her caregivers. Well, that opened Pandora's box, and I hear about them again and again and again and... ad infinitum. But it does give her something to focus on, and, hey, Eureka - I had an idea - I may suggest that she send me the good things they do too, so we can reward them, and hope that will improve the sevice she gets. It sounds to me like your muj needs something to occupy her time, and maybe you can direct it to something less distressing for her.
79 and sunny here today. My kind of weather!
I amde tofu choc ice cream this moring and moose pot roast. Moose ribs on for soup. Good healthy stuff.
Have a great day everyone.
ps sharyn - did you get your closet cleaned? I am no further ahead except in my head lol

Quick note...I now smell his mess. I sneezed and now have stuffed nose...and a headache!..Really strong smell. I keep telling fam that I'm allergic to changing pampers. They don't believe me...

Tbailey. I had to reread your comments 3 x because I'm not really familiar with the family dynamics. Understood it and giggled. I totally agree with your your daughter! SIL is talking bad about your hubby and trying to make you look Bad to others. Best way to get even? Let her take mom! Pack a bag like one does with a baby - a diaper bag. Include in it, her extra undies, Depend underwear (if she wears it), baby wipes and an extra set of clothes. Tell SIL that this is mom's emergency bag. Then,do what daughter said, Do Not Answer the Phone. You will not look bad because you did give the bag! SIL will HAVE to go and get it out of the car if Mom did an "incident"! Of course, that may backfire and make SIL look like a resourceful person who covers all possible situations! Well...so what! She will know what you go through!

Darn...I have to go..My dad is touching his pooh from inside his pamper. He just threw his napkin with pooh on the floor and another also on the wastebasket half in and half out. And I see he has another tissue he's tucking under the pillow! Gotta go!!! emergency!!

Yes Joan~if it wasn't the junk mail it would be something else... only medication could help mom with her anxiety. I certainly can't save her from it. I will check into reducing the amount of junk mail she gets though. I guess it gives her something to do with her time which can be a good thing...at least she's not wandering the neighborhood in her underwear :o)!!

u565425~it sounds to me like a lot of miscommunication and I hear your frustration regarding the situation. It also sounds like a legal issue that you may want to take up with an attorney.I wish I could offer more but I'm not clear on your situation such as what is dcf?
tbailey~I can't imagine the experience of having a perm for someone with your mother's health issues as being a pleasant one. Just the bowel problems alone could make for a difficult situation. It sounds like your sis wants to do something nice for mom and maybe you could help redirect sis to something else that would be more comfortable for mom.
Victoria~It sounds like you are content with your life and have made a good situation out of a bad one. Bless you for having compassion and love in your relationships.

Victoria: I hear you. You have turned a sows ear into a silk purse. Good for you. You have made your way and been a better mom as a result. You are blessed with compassion,fortitude,the ability to forgive and the ability to love. Sounds like a perfect combination. Blessings and respect, Cattails

Thank you cattails, on both the compliment and the acknowledgement. Of course I count. I just personally know of situations around here that are much worse than anything I ever experienced. Also, if something positive can be taken from a bad situation, then maybe that situation had a purpose in being. My sister and I both learned something valuable growing up because regardless of the bad that was there, there was also plenty of love. That is the very thing that my sister and I brought with us into our adulthood and into our roles as mothers to our children. I have a relationship with my daughter that many around here either envy or admire and I suppose in a "dysfunctional" way I have my mother to thank for that :)

Victoria: (beautiful name by the way) I think your motto is one of acceptance. It is what it is. Better than denial. I started typing this response before reading your profile. Does your mom live with you? Sounds like you've had a difficult life. No doubt others have had worse ones, but that doesn't mean you don't count. Your's is worse than mine.

Bless you, Victoria. Sending you love and blessings. Cattails

I'm pretty new to this site, but not so new to being my mother's caregiver. The topic of dysfunction caught my attention right off the bat. My mother was/is/was?/is? an alcoholic. The "was/is" is kind of a joke to me because they say that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. My mother doesn't technically drink anymore, but she does like to talk about it or obsess (a better word actually) about how she doesn't drink anymore. There are always stories that can be told later when growing up in a house with alcoholism. However, when it comes to dysfunctional families I completely agree with a bumper sticker I bought many years before my mother's dementia set in that said, "We're all dysfunctional, get over it!" There is no such thing as the perfect family. It takes perfect people to make a perfect family and that just doesn't exist on earth.
My mom has done many things, in and out of the dementia. The verbal abuse is still there and I suppose will always be. It's just not as severe as it was prior to the dementia setting in. The physical violence isn't frequent, but I'd say she's more likely to lash out that way than she did before the dementia. Before the disease it took her getting extremely angry and/or extremely drunk to bring that out. There are many times I have to behave like a military sergeant, because that seems to be the only language she understands and doesn't rebel against. Make no mistake, there's plenty of affection in this house, just not when I'm giving her orders, i.e. "Time to go to the bathroom". I do that and she sees it as weakness and that's when she tends to "get down with her bad-self ". She's still very much a independent woman and does NOT like to be told what to do.
Anyway, that's my story on dysfunction. Not as mild as some, not nearly as terrible as others. But my motto these days seems to be, "It is what it is." At least, that's what I find myself saying most often anymore.

Well you guys seem so positive and I am a mess - first on July 9 they tell me oh the restraining order from dcf to not visit your dad was a mistake but you do have 4 felony id thefts out for you...........no clue.........then think.........I have a pac n send - go there about 20 envelopes none addressed to me but to dad, mom sis - if you count he auth user total of 4 cards issued........none activated.......owner writes me note that i have not ever received any mail not addressed to me until June......I call police (not too bright seeing I know I have warrants) however, he says whole police force knows my sister and he is not arresting me but instead finds my case number and tells me what i need to do - got lawyer on impulse becuse he was opene nites - 4000.00 that w don't have and then he goes on vacation without telling us........then we get package in mail (for 16 yrs mom hs hd this key to our house) I bonded out July 13 4am - package postmarked July 14 - we did not open it because it feels like a house key and i think my sister used it to enter house to use m computer to fill out apps - only way they could associate it w my computer..........ok bonded out, then go visit Dad - only run into mom on way out -ok - always visit with sp never alone. Next time we visit mom there - I put my hand on Dad's shoulder and she slaps me. Nursing home does nothing - except to call n ext day to tell my sp that he cn visit but if i show up they will call law enforcement and they will trespass me..........sherrif says that is stupid - i am bonded out and innocent at moment and plus the charge had nothing to do with battery - adm from nursing home blames dcf/ I call dcf they claim they have nothing to do with it - we cll nurising home back - they say well you only mentioned the slap in passing?????????? Dang, I am lost ladies - all i want to do is visit my dying father - and why since we were together , can my husband visit but i cannot ?? Unless Mom telling dcf heaven knows what..........I did let them know today on no uncertain terms as they wre not allowing me to visit Dad and blaming it on dcf, that I would be pressing assault charges against Mom for July 16 visit when she slapped me and against the facility for not addressing it...........I don't get it...........somebody .......help...........

tbailey~Thank you, I will definitely give that a try. I am going over there tomorrow again and I also want to go with her to her dr. appt. even though she says it's not necessary, but I am concerned she isn't understanding the info the dr.'s tell her.

tbailey - great minds think alike - you must have posted when I was writing!
yes, one in every family and sometimes, as in mine, two. Your niece is a smart cookie! that is some GPA!

Okay Its a month away Im sure she is done. One more thing My SIL that was all gun ho to bring mom here was going to be over n help & by mothers day when she did take my MIL called and hubby told her off & I let her know that Thursday why we were mad we never get away unless she calls and she said well I cAnt help anymore ... well she has been by with 3 grandkids on monday 2x a month stays like 20 min. Well my hubby bday was 17th & my daughter went 2 get hair done by this sister she is a hair stylist WELL my daughter said she went on about how she tried & wished her brother a happy bday & all he said was thanks when he should have said sorry to her for how he talked to her on moms day.. Then said she thinks I let her stay in bed to much ok if she was here longer than 20 mins she would see in one hour my mil will go from bed to recliner to bedside commode to bed its a 24/7 thing because she has bowel problems and of corse alzheimers .. So My daughter said she wanting to come get MIL to take to Beaty shop Sun. Never heard from her till last night called & said well I want to take mom up to shop when NO one is there & give her a perm,,,,,,I About Died I said I dont know if she would sit that long but my daughter said let her take her & dont answer phone if she calls.....What do you all think.....

sharyn - glad your thumb is doing well. it sounds like you are on the mend, though I know it will take a while. Sorry your mum gets so fussed up about the papers. If it wasn't that, it would be something else I suspect. Other than them taking drugs, you can't save them from themselves. I have heard of people who had their elder's mails redirected to their house for one reason or another. I don't suppose that would work would it?
margeaux - sounds like your sister is doing quite well for herself and her family - It does not seem right to me that her kids, one boyfriend and the baby live there for nothing, considering that they don't contribute at all to your mum's care
- as you say - definitely positioned for their own gain
careful - quite a coincidence - you are a peach definitely. Sorry your mum is trying to cause trouble between you and your hub - obviously it is not going to work
cat - great to have a wedding to look forward to. I know all about BPD mums and wish you all luck with Kim. It is exhausting and you can do it
Love and hugs and have a great day ♥ Joan

sharyn marie maybe you could observe her mail for week & change her address to get mail sent to you from companies ins, & so on. my mother passed away 5 years ago & always did family fianances It took my dad a good year because soooo many of the trash they send to older people look sooo important
Hello Cattails I cant wait till Amandas wedding I hate to hear how her mom is always one in every family ... Sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders & My husband has taught me dont matter where someone comes from they will be how they want to be... My cousin has always been sooo onery she will arrive & have ur kids jumping off walls and pets running she is just fun great girl to be around but hated school and got in mishchief and still a big kid at heart at 42 her 17 year old daughter has a 3.97 gpa and tells her mom to act right all the time I told her That it must not b true that god pays you back with meaner kids than you were because she would have BRAT!!!! Good luck I know you YOU will use that 2 x 4 on anyone trys to mess up your grandaughters Wedding.... Ask her if she has been on pinterest for wedding ideas such cute ones on there....

Wow, my family hasn't had the money issues that Margeaux and Careful discuss. My brother who lives locally is supportive of sis and me in handling our mother but he is not involved partly because mom is so difficult, he doesn't know how to deal with her because he gets to emotional and now he has Usual Intrastitial Pneumonia/Fibrosis and his stress level is low. My eldest brother disowned all of us because of our abusive childhood and apparently he wanted no reminders including his siblings. Occasionally I get an email from his wife.

I visited my mother yesterday because she keeps saying her toe is black. It looks to me like she may have a fungus infection under the toenail that has spread to the outside area around the toenail. She has an appointment tomorrow with a podiatrist at 4pm. She called me early evening last night telling me she went to her dr. appt. but no one was there. I reminded her it was Saturday (poor mom). While I was at her house, she had a binder out on the kitchen table that holds financial portfolio statements,etc. She is obsessed with these letters she received about the privacy act notice. She spends large amounts of time pouring over these documents trying to understand what everything means. I know she has a lot of anxiety but she won't take anything for it. It makes me sad knowing she must be so tied up in knots inside and the Alzheimer's has made it worse. If it isn't privacy act notices, it is something else that comes in the mail, usually from her insurance companies offering additional insurance. She holds on to all this mail that a year ago she would have thrown away but now she doesn't know what to do with it thinking she needs to contact them about the information in the advertisements. I wish there was a way to get these companies to stop sending her stuff but good luck with that!

Hi Margeaux: My granddaughter, Amanda, gets married August 18th. She's in North Dakota, so we will fly there and spend a few days. We talk to her by phone all the time and she is so excited. My husband's brother and his wife will be coming in from Ca. to attend the wedding. It will be wonderful because we've not seen them in a couple of years (although we talk on the phone all them time). It will be a fun time.

Of course there is always one in every family and in this case it's Amanda's mom. She's prone to angry outbursts and is difficult to say the least. Borderline Personality Disorder. Amanda, with court approval, moved to ND when she was 12 to live with her dad. She has had some contact with her mom, but it's always strained. Kim, Amanda's mom did come to ND when Amanda graduated from high school. We were all there for that occasion and managed to get through those few days together ok. Of course, we are all on some pins and needles with Kim. She's very high maintenance and it can be exhausting to keep her feeling included and happy. So we all have our jobs to do to keep things running smooth. We can do it.

Thanks for asking. You all have a good day. Love and Hugs, Cattails

Gosh Margeaux! Your family sounds like mine. I think you're right about the sis needing to be validated by men. That's probably what's going on with mine. Both of my sisters were married to abusive men in the past and my brother was a cop and then a prison employee. Both professions that "power" hungry guys like to indulge in. Not that they are all that way! My brother's daughter married an abusive guy and his ex-wife goes from one guy mistreating her to the next. His current girlfriend was married to a guy that abused her and raped her. I'm not telling you all this to shock you. I just think there are signs and I don't know why I didn't see them sooner. My dad was nothing like this. Quite the opposite actually. That could be what kept me from seeing it because I expected my brother to pattern himself after my dad. My mother however can be mean and spiteful and liked to call us names when we were growing up. She is trying to drive my husband from our house as we speak. This is what he told me today. I went on some errands with him and mom got mad and pouty. She even said, "that she didn't want to cause any problems between us." In her language that means she does! She also didn't want me to make her breakfast and she was going to throw all of her artwork away. We have a good marriage, but I will need to spend more alone time with him, which of course is tough. I spend entire days with mom and feel so drained at night. It's hard to see sisters who are so close and I have two that I can't get close to because they are so mean. I am the youngest of all four children. Birth order has caused a problem too. The two oldest wanted the nursing home and I wanted them to come here. It didn't happen until I convinced my mom. My dad passed away and now we have just mom. Mom changed the will stripping the older children of power. I think what convinced her about the nursing home was when I said, "YOUR NEXT!" Sorry I'm rambling here. If they would put my sweet old dad there they sure as heck had plans to put mom there. Anyway, I appreciate you writing back to me. I can't imagine having an aunt legally involved either. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree sometimes....sometimes....in our cases it fell and rolled into a deep valley. We're peaches! That's what I think.

Emjo: My finger didn't lose bone either and the nail is curved. What a coincidence!

Careful, I want to commend you on the job you're doing w/your mother, and the decision you've made to not be the POA, nor executor. Isn't this tough? I'm not in that position in our family. I'm the eldest, but for these appointments, was completely passed over. Many times, I'm somewhat glad that I was not selected because of the greed. We also have a brother, he's the eldest of the brothers,who always got selected for these tasks, both by my dad, now deceased more than 10 yrs. Later by our mom & her recently deceased sister (who had no kids).
After much mismanagement by this brother, POA, got taken away, by our aunt, because she was the one in charge, since mom has ALZ. So now my sister is at the helm of everything. She on the one hand, is quite adept, and takes care of business. She is also very controlling. She does things also in a very caring way, actually the nurturing things, that many times I feel I'm incapable of doing for mom. But, here comes the but....I too realize w/my sister that she does some weird behavior in terms of back biting. It's interesting. She had a close relationship with our dad, much more so than I did. But knowing my sister all my life, also, I've figured it out. She has a need to be validated much more so, BY MEN, so this really figures into the equation about how my sister deals w/people, and especially in our nuclear family. She really was not close to mother, when we were younger. In fact, they clashed. I got along w/mom, but never felt super bonded with her, because of some being too absent issues. I find it interesting with my sister, that when our brother who had POA, tried to pull a strange maneuver on the rest of the three siblings and have us sign a very dodgy looking document, which was supposed to be a Quitclaim Deed, about 5 yrs., ago (we didn't sign). Since the death of our aunt, who was instrumental in all of the estate of mom, dad, & aunt's (it's all unfortunately intermingled), this brother, has been making a reappearance of sorts. Last 4 yrs., he only made occasional visits at mom's, but wasn't in too much contact w/my sister, other brother nor myself. He this last year had health problems, and recently marriage break up. Anyway, my sister seems to have taken a very feel sorry for him approach. It is very interesting when my sister decides to just overlook some of my brothers past behavior, especially when it comes to the family money. I honestly do not trust my brother, in this regard. But I many times do not trust my sister either. Well, in any case it is good that you are keeping track of all money,, receipts you're spending on your home. Besides, no matter the champagne tastes, as you've described your siblings having, this is still money you and your husband have put out of your pocket.

My sister moved into mothers quite large house, with two daughters, and one of their boyfriends. My sister on this end isn't paying rent there, and she works full-time. Her daughters don't either, and they are/have been of rent paying age also. So my sister is going to come out financially speaking quite O.K., at some point.

The reason I bring this up, is because I feel that many times these kinds of siblings will really push to position themselves, especially for their own gain.
Well, it's good you are aware of this!
O.K., take care, Love & Light! Margeaux

My hitch hiking thumb is proudly up in the air, but I haven't used it for that purpose since high school. It's more like the Fonzie thumb now, Lol!

Keep cool, it is heating up here over the next few days. I am off till Wednesday so I have time to declutter my closets and my mind, Yay!!