The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

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The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

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G golden23 Aug 2012 · Answer 1 · 2012-08-05T16:28:40.000-0400

Hi margeaux - I think there is something about the 10 year mark. Others I know who have lost a child have found it particularly hard.My father, despite his shortcomings was caring and let us know he was proud of us. My mum's strength seems to be picking up. She uses a scooter to go through the very large mall complex attached to her facility, and sits on the facility balcony in the sun. They put a plaque with her name on it on a flower pot there for her 100th birthday, and she is quite proud of it. It seems she is able to eat pretty well again - my daughter and her family took her out for lunch in a Thai restaurant and she enjoyed it. She does seem a bit more subdued which helps me, or I am getting used to it. I suggested she tell me when the home care workers do something nice for her so I could reward them. One brought her some rice and some potatotes, as mother had run short and her shopper doesn't come till next week, and the worker didn't want payment, so mother wants to leave her some of her clothes when she dies. I may see if i can at least pay the worker for them.
I am thankful things are relatively quiet as I am dealing with an allergic reaction to a drug I am taking, which makes me lightheaded and so on. I have stopped the drug and hope the infection is over. The specialist is on holiday. my doctor seems to know little about what I have, so I asked the pharmacist for the same drug in liquid firm rather than tablet, as it is probably a filler or the coating that I am allergic too rather than the drug itself. I hope so. So far, after a couple if days, I am OK without it. I hope this continues because it would mean after over 2 years I am finally healed of the infection. YAY!!! I will try the liquid form in a couple of days, once my head is feeling normal again, to see if I get a reaction to it.
I will go to the city next week to get my hearing tested, and also to see my older grandson, and with my ex see if we can help him get some work, Finally he has realised that he needs to work to support himself. My ex thinks he can get him into a union, which should help a lot. There is work in his area. and connections should help.
Thanks for asking. I'll address your most recent email in a bit in a separate post.
(((((((hugs)))))

M Margeaux Aug 2012 · Answer 2 · 2012-08-05T01:58:06.000-0400

Well, today I had a heart wrenching talk w/my sister. It was about our dad.
Lately, I have some cousins from that side of the family who are interested to gather the family history information. We don't know enough about this, but my sister told me our dad had told her he came to the US at age seven, with 3 older brothers and their dad. Apparently the mother (my grandma) stayed behind in their country of origin w/several other kids. My dad and uncles didn't see their mother for another 7 yrs. WHOAH! This really choked my sister up as she was telling me this over the phone. I must admit, this affected me. It made me sad, to think of my dad at such a young age, not having his mom around at all. It kind of explained some of the dysfunction my dad would experience later.

Anyway, so then my sister brought my mom over to my place, and we went for lunch.
I saw my mom over the 4th of July. She looked more frail to me this time. She really is having a harder time walking. My sister said that I'm not sure it sounds like she took a fall over a week ago, fell on the rug, so there was padding. This happened while the caregiver was there, so I don't know, sounds kind of weird.
So my sister and the caregiver are really having her use the walker now even inside the house. I guess these are the moments where I can see the toll the passing of my mom's sister has taken on her also. Emotionally it was a rough day.

O.K., I hope everyone is having a good weekend.
Margeaux

M Margeaux Aug 2012 · Answer 3 · 2012-08-05T01:40:38.000-0400

Emjo,

There must be something about the 10th year after someone passes. It is 10 yrs. also I lost my dad. He's on my mind many times, but lately it's been more intense. He too was a wonderful soul. He had a great sense of humor.

How is your mom doing?
O.K., I hope you are dong well. Hugs, and you're in my thoughts! Love & Light!
Margeaux

M Margeaux Aug 2012 · Answer 4 · 2012-08-05T01:25:13.000-0400

Sharynmarie, How are you! I've been thinking about you and your sister.

Well, it is good that you've advised your sister about the sale of her home.
I'm sure it's every parent's dream to leave something for their children. But with her health problems, her future definitely comes into consideration here. I know you have mentioned that her daughter lives in Idaho. Does she have any relationship, with her, so they can be of assistance also? You have your hands full with your mom. Anyway, hope I'm not overstepping, to say that you may want to start enlisting them in this.

Well, you and your family continue being in my thoughts! Hugs, Hang in there,
Love & Light, Margeaux

G golden23 Aug 2012 · Answer 5 · 2012-08-04T17:35:35.000-0400

cmag - glad the new meds regime is helping - you have been looking for an improvement for some time. Hope your mother's birthday went well.
sharyn - good advice to your sis to hang onto her money. Diarrhea and blood is not a good thing. I checked out diffuse interstitial. changes and it is a catch-all and could mean a number of different things. I had a bad session of grief this time, Some friendswho hjave lost a child found 10 years particularly hard too - so long, It all lifted yesterday about noon, thankfully. (((((hugs)))) waiting is hard.I know you have an update and I will comment on that separately.
Margeaux - I find doing the "we" thing doesn't come naturally, so I have to work at it in some areas. I am doing it now with mother pretty well all the time - need to for survival. The "having to practice at we" more is all tied in with getting approval - reinforcement - as a child for looking after others and not speaking up about self. I find it a hard pattern to break, but am better than I was. I agree it is more challenging with sig other, but feels good when you do it. Like you, for me it means taking control of my life, rather than letting others manage it. Thanks about Gordie's pic. His smile lit up the room, and he was a very friendly guy. There were about 600 young people at the memorial service in our town. We didn't know most of them, but they knew him.
beautiful day here - about 77 and sunshine. My kind of weather. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 6 · 2012-07-31T18:40:28.000-0400

Joan and Margeaux~ My sister has 3 separate issues going on so I will start at the top and work down to the "bottom" (pun intended).
1. She has an Interstitial Lung Disease
2. She has Pericardial Effusion (fluid around the heart)
3. She has chrontic diarrhea (colonoscopy on Aug. 3)

I do not know a prognosis or course of treatment. My sister knows more than what she has told me, but she is so behind at work and I will catch up with her on Friday.

My brother has Usual Interstitial Pneumonia/Fibrosis and has been receiving high doses of Prednisone. His variety is not fatal and he will eventually be weened off the Prednisone and only need to take a dose every other day. The scarring in his lungs will not progress (according to Stanford University). He had to have a lung biopsy to determine exactly what type of lung disease he had. My brother quit smoking at least 30 years ago so I don't know if smoking had anything to do with him developing this now. He was told he can live a relatively normal life using an inhaler especially when he goes into higher elevations which he and his wife like to do.
Thank you so much for prayers and positive thoughts♥!

M Margeaux Jul 2012 · Answer 7 · 2012-07-31T13:37:29.000-0400

Sharynmarie,
How are you doing? I read your post about your sister and her health issues.
Well, I just want you to know that both of you are in my thoughts.
Let's all hope for a good outcome. Take care, hugs, Love & Light to you! Margeaux

M Margeaux Jul 2012 · Answer 8 · 2012-07-31T13:34:48.000-0400

Emjo, Thank you for your response about the family issues I wrote about, w/sister and brother's children living with them. I too, had a problem that I've read the last couple of pages in the thread about losing a post, then I re-typed, and it appeared twice. Sorry about that to all.

Your post about thinking of relationships in the "we," really hit a chord with me.
I too had to be in charge most of my childhood with the siblings and my parents always working. On account of this, I know I was programmed quite early in my life to always be putting my sister, and two younger brothers needs over mine.
Of course, this gets transferred over to our other relationships like marriage, friendships and the like. But hopefully also, once we've realized who the narcissists, or demanding people are in our lives, considering the "we," it all gets easier, or like they say we go with the flow. Kudos to you! I have been doing this lately, even w/my husband (which sometimes is more challenging), I must say.
It feels good too! I think it feels good, because it makes me feel like I'm more in control, rather than some of these people controlling me.

The picture of your son is precious! It is obvious that he is a bright soul!

Well, we are in Mercury retrograde right now, so could be affecting the glitches we are experiencing also. Love & Light! Margeaux

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 9 · 2012-07-30T01:21:47.000-0400

Joan~We have not received any results as yet. Kaiser sends everything by email (pros & cons about receiving test results that way) but they are fast as they don't have to send anything out to independent labs like my insurance does. Hopefully she will get something tomorrow or Tuesday the latest. Friday she has a colonoscopy which I will take her in for the procedure. She has been having diarrhea for months now and blood was found in the sample. It has gotten bad enough she has been wearing depends this last week. This past Friday she had tests run with the Pulmonologist for COPD. She is very scared and told me yesterday that she (if it is lung cancer) will sell her house so her daughters can get their inheritance. I told her not to act so fast because she may need that money for her care, if it comes down to having to make that choice. She agreed she hadn't thought of that. She receive in the mail a diagnosis on the xray: Diffused Intrestitial changes which tell us nothing because we don't know what that means. I'm just hanging in there until we have definite answers. ((((Hugs)))) to you as I know you are working through your own emotions right now and I appreciate that you are thinking about us♥♥♥!!

N notrydoyoda Jul 2012 · Answer 10 · 2012-07-29T17:57:52.000-0400

emjo,

I'm doing better with the medication changes. I see my psychiatrist in the morning.

My mother's 81 birthday is tomorrow and I will see her in afternoon.

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 11 · 2012-07-29T13:34:28.000-0400

sharyn - you and your sister have been on my mind and I am wondering if you have any news. I think I would rather it be COPD too. God does have a plan (((((hugs)))))
caregiver 1963 - a belated welcome. I am glad you have reached the "fed up " stage. Thanks for the laugh - "if I said or did something that offended you, from the bottom of my heart, I dont give a shit" " Oh yes, I can identify. I hope you are not facing cancer. Do let us know. My experience is that narcissistic individuals do not care how you are, just how much you will do for them. I totally agree - your mum can use other resources, and if she does't like what you are doing, or not doing, she can suck it up, she can call her other daughter, she can take other transportation etc. Caregiver1963, totally agree. Look after yourself. I reached that point some time ago. I am still healing from the wounds of the past, and need to protect myself. My own needs come first most of the time. My mother is still well cared for - by others, and I oversee it. I arrange my times with her so they are mostly in public, where she curtails her comments. I know if I go into her apartment I will get the latest litany of woes and wrongs, and anger at her caregivers for not being perfect etc. and what I should do to put the world right - for her. Ain't gonna happen! Sorry I have been late in responding. I am dealing with the 10th anniversary of my youngest son's death and it is tough. Treasure the times with your kids.
cmag -how are you doing with the new meds?
austin -glad to see you back
margeaux - how are your family dramas - you do well to stay on the sidelines
tbailey - I am working on the "we" thing is all areas, and it is opening up my eyes
hope everyone is doing OK and having a good weekend
Joan

C Caregiver1963 Jul 2012 · Answer 12 · 2012-07-27T06:27:01.000-0400

whoever created this thread must have been thinking of me because it fits my situation to a "T".....the family is no different now than it has been for the past decades. except all of us have gotten older and having been victimized by it I've reached the fed up stage...being my mother's caregiver with an older sibling who is too self absorbed, greedy and selfish to care about anyone else but herself, has brought me to the point of thinking "if I said or did something that offended you, from the bottom of my heart, I dont give a shit" because you never gave a damn the number of times you stomped all over me and made me the scapegoat for your issues...I am the only one willing to put up with my mother's bs until recently when I was told I may be facing cancer, and when the same concern I gave to them was not returned to me and they really could not care less if I am okay, after reading some advice from another thread on here, I had the final straw....for the first time yesterday I did not phone my mother to see how she was doing...she is of strong mind who lashes out at everyone in a nasty way, she has Lifeline on a pendant around her neck, she can dial my phone number if it is absolutely necessary and if she doesn't like my voicemail or the fact I dont return a phone call the minute after she leaves the message she can suck it up, and she has another daughter who can be called in an emergency...I needed a break and I took it with no regrets....I am putting myself first and I have decided that when it comes to my mother's next doctor's check up if she takes a tantrum and starts her swearing and yelling at me for now showing up 2 hours early I am driving away and she can take a volunteer medical driver....wondering if anyone else has reached this point...if you have, try a break and a more self centered attitude, it will do you a world of good and dump that huge load you have been carrying off your back

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 13 · 2012-07-27T01:31:10.000-0400

Yes we are scared. From what I have been told by someone at work is that it could be COPD. My co-worker told me that COPD shows up on xrays looking like pneumonia. If I have to choose, I would rather it be COPD instead of lung cancer but my heart doesn't want it to be either. Thank you for the prayers, I know God has a plan and I will trust in that.

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 14 · 2012-07-26T19:16:36.000-0400

Thanks Sharyn - he did shine - I'll take the cyber hugs I imagine you and your sis are a bit apprehensive about the scan - prayers that all is well.

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 15 · 2012-07-26T15:05:54.000-0400

My sister will bet the ct scan this afternoon. Hopefully she will have an answer tomorrow as Kaiser is usually very fast.

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 16 · 2012-07-26T14:52:25.000-0400

Joan~Your son will always be a beautiful ray of sunshine in your heart. I can not imagine the pain of losing a child and my heart aches for you as you are dealing with the emotions. He certainly looks full of love and what a joy to be around! Than k you for sharing Gordy's picture with us I wish I could give you a big hug in person. I am thinking about you and send love and hugs to you♥

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 17 · 2012-07-26T13:37:42.000-0400

Thanks Kim - his smile lit up the room, and I miss that and his hugs so much,Thanks for the prayers. I can use all I can get. He was loving and generous and never held a grudge,I I am glad ny ex is doing well on the drugs. I didnlt know they were that far ahead with a curative regime, We do need a cure for these dementias.
New puppy story - you lost me there - so share it, I could use a laugh.
Thanks again - love and hugs Joan

K Kimbee Jul 2012 · Answer 18 · 2012-07-26T11:39:11.000-0400

Joan, what a radiantly handsome young man. I'm sorry you didn't get to have him here much, much longer. My heart aches for you. I will do extra praying for you to get through the next while with some peace. Thank you for sharing Gordy's picture; he just looks like the kind of kid you just want to squeeze and be around as much as possible-he looks full of personality and love! So unfair his life was cut short. Pls know I will hold you close to my heart and the ocean! Joan, i' sorry to hear about your exH. I know u will worry a out your kids regardless, but I have read transmission is believed more likely from the mother. So, keep staying the active, engaged wonderful woman that you are. Maybe you could fuss after them all a bit to keep active and eat healthy. I understand there are some very promising med's in trials outside the US (4 or5drugs, all a new type of tx approach, that may actually be curative, rather than a slower-downer of progression). I think they r in phase 2 and 3 trials on large scale populations. Everybody pray for success with better tx-- we soo need a CURE for these dreaded dementias. Hope all of you have a good day and some moments of joy. BTW, the new puppy story cracked me up! Long post I know, but Joan U R LOVED!! With u in spirit, kimbee

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 19 · 2012-07-26T11:01:11.000-0400

Hi - My Gordie's pic up instead of mine for a few days. Almost 10 years since I last saw him alive.

margeaux - I think a parent's job is to bring their kids up to be independent, not that that is always easy. Sounds like the failure to do that, and probably other things is creating a lot of problems at your brother's house. Those beers tend to add up.
sharyn - I agree that mental illness makes it almost impossible and very challenging. I know I have to let some things go when my kids were with me - don't think it was good for them or for me. Enabling can happen easily. So glad you have a great 4 days. Hope they find out what is going on with your sister, and that it is treatable.

I just found out that my kids dad has been diagnosed with Alz. The good news is that he is responding well to meds and is better than he has been in years. I know quite a few years back his wife suspected it, and I think he has had it for a while. He is 74. The bad news is that his mother has it too, diagnosed probably about the same age or a little older. She now doesn't recognize anyone and is in a small group home setting and well looked after, near her son. We think she had it quite a while before it was diagnosed, but her husband managed them both very well, until his physical health failed. This means my kids are at increased risk of getting it. It makes me feel sad, and makes me think ahead. My daughter has a husband who could look after her, and she has childrem The boys have no children and their mates mates, I am not so sure about. One is very dependent and has health issues herself, and the other one has mental health issues that she and my eldest ason manage very well. She is a stronge person, I think, Of course, increased risk does not mean than any of them will get it, but being their mum, I willl worry about it. All I can do is pray. Think I will go out and get a new do to perk up my spirits.

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 20 · 2012-07-25T14:25:40.000-0400

Johhny T~There are many sites on the net that give step by step instructions for creating a blog. I hope it works out for you and the best of luck with your situation!

To everyone~relationships with our parents can at times be difficult but when mental illness is thrown in, it is almost impossible. Finding what works can be a challenge so that you can have some type of relationship that is mutually enjoyable.
My son and his wife lived with us for a year. They were suppose to pay us $200.00 a month but never did. As a parent we want to help our children when they are having a difficult time. My SIL has a 31 year old son still living at home, he can't afford to move out on his own, and her 28 year old daughter is still living at home, doesn't drive or work. The daughter is very very shy...and I think that my SIL's relationship with her enables the daughter to be the way she is. Just my opinion without sounding overly judgmental.
I have had 4 days off which I was able to get some things done around the house and yesterday morning I took a drive to the mountains to get some sunrise photos at Pine Crest Lake. It's been a great 4 days!
I received an email from my sister this morning. A few weeks ago she was being treated for pneumonia and she had a follow up x-ray. Dr.'s now think that whatever is in her lung is not pneumonia and she will have a CT-scan. My sister quit smoking about 5 months ago and hasn't been feeling well for the same number of months. She also is going to see a pulmonologist to rule out COPD. Take care everyone and have a great day!

M Margeaux Jul 2012 · Answer 21 · 2012-07-25T14:01:55.000-0400

Hi Emjo,

Yes you're right about her family, they having lived there in mom's home. Although, last year when things began to get really hairy w/the narcissist aunt,
the niece w/boyfriend found out they were expecting a baby. So since then, they moved out, got married and have a beautiful baby boy.

I will admit, that at first when they did move in there with my sister, and the other lazy 22 yr. old niece into mother's home, I had these feelings concerning a couple, moving in. But fortunately this niece and the boyfriend, now husband did help out as back up sitting for the two elderly women, when needed. So I will say this on their behalf. But, I know I feel this way, on account of our upbringing. It would have been unheard of to bring home a boyfriend, (living together), into the family home. But I found out also when they moved in, they'd been living at my sister's rented place before this. Definitely for them also, there were obvious financial benefits, they both work. So, I guess that they just put their money away. But I'm glad they moved out, in any case. They need to establish their own lives separate from my sister. But the other lazy one, who is still treated like a primadonna is still there in my sister's care, HAAH! Anyway, the dysfunction my sister has made with her own family. But what's up nowadays w/parents??

Then, there's my brother, the greedy one, who has all his grown fam. ages 22-29, living there in his home. Same situation w/his daughter. She's got a 7 yr. old, and a 5 mo. old baby. She & her bf-father of the 2 kids, live there p.t., & then at his folks, who live very close by. His 29 yr. old son-has a 1 and a half yr. old.
I just found out his gf, gave birth to another baby girl 2 wks., ago. My brother, had a big fight w/his wife back in May, and sounds as if he asked her to leave.
Of course, he's claiming that she drinks too much, but he did his share of that also. Now they weren't the kind of people that got super drunk, but they were always having their beers. Well, the wife hasn't retuned to that household, since May. My sister and me think that she doesn't want to, because we feel she's tired of the way that my brother hasn't been able to put his foot down with those kids of his, and that they are still there creating some kind of an orphanage. Again here, it's about a parent, not showing their kids how to be responsible.
Margeaux

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 22 · 2012-07-25T11:56:29.000-0400

thx tbailey - I have done the same thing - deleted a post, but mostly I close the browser window down. Yes, of course I am talking about Gary, as well as mother and others I relate to. With mother is it simpler in some ways, as I have less contact with her. Having been on my own for many years, and too sick to much deal with things the last two, I am only coming to grips with what this is as applied to my relationship with him, and to some others. He and I are both very independent, and team building team at work is different from team building at home in some ways. I loved having my kids home too, but was glad to see them leave. Actually I started going a little nuts at one point, but then things changed - too much is too much. I have sympathy for your dad. It may be time for tough love.
So your MIL doesn't need a perm (wish I was so lucky after 6 months) and your SIL didn't call anyway - so problem over for now.
You have a good day too.

JohnnyT - I have no idea how to start a blog - maybe someone here does. I am sorry that you got "taken" by legal aide. I agree that your children and other family members should gave a part of the estate. We have many here with greedy relatives. I wish you luck!

T tbailey Jul 2012 · Answer 23 · 2012-07-25T11:30:49.000-0400

emjo speaking of deleting when u first posted yest I wrote u this long response and erased the last line(because it didnt make since) next thing I know I erased the whole thing I just gave up Cat said what i did (u know Great minds think alike) I thought u were talking about Gary but It makes since now after reading your newer post... Just hope n pray you can do whatever that may be to make you happy then Im sure other relationship might b easier. I hear you on the kids moving back in. I agree if they need a short stay My 24 year old son had to start up a store about half hour away and he lives 2 hours away at the time he was roomates with 3 guys so he stayed here I loved every minute but I was glad to see him leave lol... My parents always let my sisters come home and after my mom passed my dad let my younger sister come home after a divorce now she is still there with her 3 kids and he is going nuts......
OKAY the other day I asked for advice about my SIL calling saying she was coming to get MIL on sunday to take her to her beaty shop while its closed to give her a perm, I hear you all do what is right for MIL BUT you have to know MIL she has alzhiemers and one minute she is in bed dont want out of it 4 nothing then next minute up trying to walk saying she is going outside but, MY SIL gave her a perm like 6 months ago and she still has it if SIL seen her hair wet but I dont have to worry now she never called or showed up...imagine that.....
GOOD DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 24 · 2012-07-25T10:53:14.000-0400

Hi margeaux - finally...
glad your niece with the bf helped - that makes a difference. I tend to be old fashioned too. I am so glad they are making a go of it. I think you are allowed favourites! ;)
re kids coming home - All my kids came back home at one point. for one reason or another - mainly because they needed the support, e.g my daughter was going through a divorce and custody battle, and needed support, .and also because this city is extremely expensive to live in. I was lucky. We (husband at the time) had bought this house many years ago, and it is paid off, The cost of renting here is dreadful. I always expected them to pull their weight financially, and in other ways, and they did. We all knew the arrangement was temporary. Each of my kids is now happily settled with a mate and looking after themselves well. So, I have a little diffferent perspective - I see nothing wrong with it, for a while, if everyone acts responsibly. I don't agree with kids moving back home and not contributing. Maybe we are not so far apart in our views.
Hope you have a great day ((((((hugs)))))) Joan

J jlelandthomas Jul 2012 · Answer 25 · 2012-07-25T09:41:04.000-0400

I am writing you back as I did not expect any kind of pos. responce .Thank you very much just having an ear helps alot .I am living on my disabilty which is not any where as much as I need and have used all most all my other assetts except for a few tools that I refuse to give up yet .I want to learn how to make a blog for this reason as I am sure that i am not the only one in this cituation now or in the past .This is an unfair fact that happens to family's the law is in a way that it allows a theif in the family steel what he desire;s .I know that you do not cure a disease by feeding it what it wants but feeding it what it needs like true displen when it effect others it is a problem that needs to addressed and that all involved need to be treaded equally with costing them all they have .I found a guy up in LakeLand that said he is leagal aid but he charged me the same money as all other attorney's did and starved me out so I am at lost and need help to learn how so I can help others stop this kind of treatment like my brother has done .My little brother is deseated but he has children as do my sister and I that should be sharing in the estate and he my older brother is giving it to his son this is not right and unfair to all of us that he has put out .Please tell me or show me how to do a blog it's probley easy but I han't done it, In the mean while I will be trying to do one
Johnny T.

G golden23 Jul 2012 · Answer 26 · 2012-07-25T09:33:16.000-0400

Good morning cat - Thanks. I think it applies to all relationships. It is something I am finding out about myself - better late that never (wry laugh here). It certainly does apply to my relationship with Gary, and with others though they are not as appropriate for discussion here. I use the example of mother, as that is within the focus on the site, though Lord, knows we digress all the time and to people's benefit. It is with mother that my problems with relating have originated. My AHA moment of when I serve others without consideration of me, I take away from the "us" in the relationship - applies to all relationships. I had never realised it quite that clearly. Seems stupid of me when I look at it now, but if you have been brought up by a personallty disorder narcissist, you don't learn some basic things about relating to people. I know others here can identify with that.
sharyn I agree - I think we were created to operate in teams, and we all want/need that. I struggle with some too. Sounds like you and your hubby had a great evening, but the thought of a cold dip makes me shudder ;)
careful - I do agree with forgiving, and to love and care for our parents as best we can, but, sometimes, as with a mentally ill parent, forgetting may not be so wise. I need to remember to be able to protect myself.
Ir1sh1 - I don't know what your story is - can you share more? Maybe someone here knows a therapist in your area. Maybe coming here and venting will help. Some one may have some ideas for you.
bkwm - thanks for the tips - my problem is that I am hitting some series of keys and closing ie (internet explorer). I tend to type quickly and inaccurately, and need to slow down,
have a great day everyone! Chance of thundershowers here - but lovely temps - high 70s.

A anonymous95109 Jul 2012 · Answer 27 · 2012-07-25T02:24:45.000-0400

HI Joan: Yes, I better understand that you want to have a relationship with your mom that is more mutual. You know, initially I thought maybe you were talking about your relationship with Gary; the us thing. Maybe it applies to both. I do understand that when you were growing up it was every person for them self. They was no support, no coalition, no team, meaning let's help each other.

Another step in your life and the life of your mom. Sending you blessings and wisdom. Love, Cat

S sharynmarie Jul 2012 · Answer 28 · 2012-07-25T01:31:18.000-0400

Yes, I think everyone wants to be a team member. I never thought about it the way that you (Joan) stated it. We all have to work on relationships, I struggle with my relationship abilities.

We had a great bbq along the Stanislaus River. It was a nice evening not too hot, we walked around the trails and my hubby took a dip in the river...COLD!!

B bookworm Jul 2012 · Answer 29 · 2012-07-24T21:15:57.000-0400

Emjo and all who have been losing your comments after you almost finished a long one. I have found that when you type your comment, you need to remember to move your mouse pointer OUTSIDE of the comment box. Make sure it doesn't stay on the "backspace" or on any "ads or on top of any "topic discussion" wordings. When you type, the computer has a mind of it's own. Since it can't move the mouse, it will try to "Enter" while you're typing. When it does this with the pointer Inside the comment box, it will either erase whole paragraphs or the whole comment! If you rest it on the "discussion threads", it will open to that discussion. So, I try to keep the pointer off anything. When you do this, and the computer tries to Enter while you're typing, your words freeze because the action is now on the pointer. All you have to do..is move the pointer back to your last letter you just typed, click at the end, then move your pointer back off to the white background or empy space desktop. Then you can continue to type. This has happened Several times as I type for 1 comment! But, I don't lose as much except that one time..even though I moved the pointer to the white background, somehow, it would jump back into the comment box and the comments kept deleting suddenly. Hope it works for you all.

I Ir1sh1 Jul 2012 · Answer 30 · 2012-07-24T20:46:01.000-0400

I'm at my wits end!!! As is my brother who is actually handling the bulk of my mothers care. Is there any recommendation for a therapist that me and my brother can go to WITH my mother? It would need to be in the Atlanta area. Any help would be most appreciated.

The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

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