The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Joan, I'm sorry to hear about your emotional hangover. It does sound like the relationship with your mum has been pushed over the edge or should I say beyond the breaking point. You are in my prayers as you decide what to do about her emotional abuse.

Narcissistic people just don't get it. Like my MIL when my wife was talking to her about the miracle of her identical twin sister still being alive after her fight with ovarian cancer 11 years ago to which the MIL said "God healed her so that she could take care of me and I'm sure she enjoys being around me." No! She even says she misses her dead husband because he is no longer around to do things for her.

eyem -(((((hugs))))) hope the therapy helps - sounds like you have a real problem sibling there, and way too big a load. I hope you find some answers

I am suffering from an emotional hangover, I think. Today I had an upset stomach, nausea, and I think it was due to the exchange between mother and I. As much as I tried to laugh at it, having her tell me she never wanted to see me again did hurt. I have done the best I can to help her over the years, and it has cost me plenty of emotional pain, and I don't need more of that. I am not sure how to further protect myself. Some years ago she wrote nasty emails to my daughter who waited a while, then wrote her back, and told mother that if she ever wrote like that again to her, she would have nothing more to do with her. Mother was never nasty to her again. I am about ready to do that myself.however, I know I have to mean it.

Not great today, sick for about a week after helping both of my parents. When my dad becomes ill, my mom becomes mean, even more self-centered and turns on us. Somehow, I become the bad guy because I am helping. It is the same dysfunctional family we've had forever, but it gets to me more now as my world has become smaller and I'm getting older. I mean how much can you take?
I know I'll feel better in the future. I'm strong, but maybe this time, my body is really talking to me and things will be different. I hope so. I have to set some boundaries and I am not looking forward to it.

The last verses in Hotel California are:
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "
It is a dark song that I always thought was about maddness. I prefer "Take It Easy" and other songs by them.
Eyem~You've come to the right place to get support and just to vent! I hope the group therapy helps you. You will get lots of support and ideas from them. Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

I am looking forward to my group therapy tomorrow! It's not even elder care related. I have been on medical leave for 4 months now dealing with the depression that my situation has driven me to.
My less than involved sister lives 2000 miles away, in my Mother's house, and won't come help and won't let mom go home so I can have a break.
I'm not doing well at all.

Bookworm, I love that song Hotel California of course it can be a bit moody. Never been n would like to see it one day n New York n all their tall buildings. You sure you don't have Hotel Calif mixed up with the Roach Motel commercial? They can check in but can't check out? I think u r right about the acid in tomatoe n they say everyone's body is a bit different so if Bananas r not bother you then keep on eating them. Oh, bellpeps, pizza n garlic is a killer for me n chili is a nightmare. you dawg! you can chuck down fudge chocolate, man! I love my chocolate but it don't like me. ; (
Margeaux, you can only suggest to your mom n dad to eat a bit healthy but like u saw they chose to eat what they wanted. You did try to help them with healthy suggestions n I am Sorry u lost your dad due to a stroke. Your dear sister needs to be jaw flapping with the cousin instead of bothering you about it. I just cut her short n let her know u have something that has to be done n you talk to her later, bye. : ) Later wouldn't come unless you call her.

Emjo,

What on earth?? Lamb chops, pickled herring? After gallbladder surgery?
Yikes!! Yes, my dad did the same thing. He had colon cancer. He did have the gall bladder removed at some point. I used to try to encourage my mom to make him lighter, healthier foods. He also had high BP. But they insisted on eating pork, and other high fat food, which is a complete no, no especially for them! I wonder why my dad's BP, was apparently skyrocketing towards the end of his life. Even though he had the colon cancer, he had a stroke!

Well, I'm glad to hear that her emails have calmed down.

Your story about the whipped topping was too funny! Something like this happened to me when I was making a sauce. O.K., this is a good way to relieve stress also, cooking. Of course that's if you like to cook. I do!

Yes, I'm maintaining a safe distance from my sister. Two days ago, she started to ask me about our cousin (the one she lined up for possible babysitting of mom). She was asking me whether I'd spoken to my cousin, I said, "no." Then she went on to repeat the request to my cousin that she watch mom. But now my sister is saying, "I don't know whether I'll call her; I think she is too busy right now watching her grandkids." So you see, this is the 360 degree turn my sister loves to do! She says one thing, then concludes something else. Good thing the conversation was short.

Yes, I have to try not to allow this kind of thing to discourage me from going and checking up on mom.

O.K., have a wonderful day!

Much Love! Margeaux

Sharyn –I have no problems with tacos. But Coke, 7-Up, and Sprite triggers the heartburn. I have that Pepsi is okay for me. I’m not crazy about yogurt. I’ve been craving my fave ice cream Dreyers Neopolitan. I can eat that every night and drown it with chocolate fudge. Problem is that I’m skinny but now my upper thighs, hips, butt and stomach are ballooning! I’m becoming a Pear! Pear-shape is BAD. So, in order to satisfy –somewhat the craving for ice cream – I’m eating Yoplait yogurt. Problem is I’m lactose intolerant. But, I still keep eating it.
…..I hate that song Hotel California. Have you really listened to the words? You can check in but you can never check out. Awful place! I used to love that song until I really listened to it.

Lildeb – what you mentioned also upsets mine except for the coffee (caffeine) and peanut butter. Ha! I was wondering about the bananas! So, that too is a no-no, huh? What also affects me is Bell peppers or green pepper and garlic, pizza and lasagna. As for pizza and lasagna, I just pop Gas-X before I eat it. I think it’s the tomatoes in it that’s not good for acid reflux.

Jessie - I tried bumping my head on the wall. It doesn't help. I did at a time when I was suffering migraine headaces as a middle school teenager. Doctors said it was all in my head or that I was trying to gain my parents' attention. All the way up to college age - same thing - learned behavior from my mom (suffered headaches). So, I spent years suffering in silence. Crying made the headache worse. Light and sound made it worse. I covered the windows and sat in the middle of the bed tears running down while humming back and forth until I was so exhausted I fell on the bed. However way I fell, I stayed in that position and fell asleep..... I finally saw this ad for blind school. So, I wrote and said that I think I'm going blind slowly. I described the flashing lights, then the blind spot. The 2nd highest person of that school wrote to me with clippings on the different headaches. She was soooo angry. She couldn't believe that Modern Doctors were still doing that! It helped me so much - those clippings. I learned I was suffering from classic migraines and then did research on it to help avoid the triggers.... But, yeah, I tried banging my head in frustration while having the migraine. Last time I ever did that!

I need that rubber room seriously tonight. It has been quite a day. We had a brief meeting with our lawyer friend this morning, so Mom hit the Ativan. She has such dread dealing with people that it is her first response -- run to the bottle. After the lawyer was gone, she started talking about how we needed to clean the floors every day. I asked her if there was a mouse in her pocket. She got miffed after I told her that I wasn't a maid. She told me I was going to have to learn to be one. Then she added a good one: "You don't know how good you have it."

Now let's see. My marriage broke up and I left everything I owned in TX, because there was no room in her house for my things. I went from having friends to living in a house with hermits who don't even want to socialize with me. I can leave for a couple of hours at a time before I have to get back to do everything that needs doing -- medicine, meals, necessary house chores. And I do all this with no pay and have to cover my bills from what I sell online. (My bills are more than hers.)

Okay, I was ticked. She pushed that button. I told her that she had always had someone taking care of her -- her parents, my father, now me -- so not to go acting like she had lived this hard life. She was quite capable of cleaning the floors herself and it would be good for her to actually get up and do something.

Then I went back to normal. THAT drove her crazy. I think that often people grow old without first growing up. These are the people that send us to the rubber room. Sometimes I actually do bump my head on the wall. It doesn't help.

Emjo, rubber-room? You have to explain that one to me n I bet it is a dilly. I have been on here but other topic areas on the AD site. I am Glad to hear the session with the counselor helped n anything to do with Mother-nature always help me too. Just listen to the birds singing is a joy to me or looking up at the fluffy clouds. The mnl like the fluffy clouds too n she told me she wish she could just go up their n bounce around on top of the clouds. I understood what she meant n it does sound pretty cool too. Sorry to hear your non-dairy stuff went all over the place litterly. I would have been upset but at least u got to taste it n wear it. I had to throw u a little humor to help u on your way to the funny farm. : )
Bookworm, I didn't think about those pickle beets in my salad. Pickles, caffeen, fatty fried food, red sauce, penut butter n banana of course any citrus fruit or juices r my enemies. Active yogurt wasn't working for me so I switch to Yoplait yogurt n it has been pretty good to my tummy. ( I better go knock on some wood.)
Well, the mnl has went off to bed, Bookworm, I have my door lock please don't forget to lock yours as well. I got to go check my b/s n take my pm shot n I hope I sleep like a baby tonight. Here are some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz for everyone to have a good nite. ; )

We went to DMV this morning so mom could turn in her license and get a pic for the Ca. ID. We got there before they opened and stood in line. My mother walked over to the security guard explained why she was there and if he could let her go ahead of everyone else. He told her no. I had to giggle when she told this, I don't know if it was the PD or Alz that made her think she would have special circumstanes but I thought it was cute of her in a naive way to think she could go first. After we got inside, we were told their computers were down so the couldn't process anything to do with driver licenses. We left because mom didn't want to wait to see if the computers would come back up in a reasonable time. She still thinks DMV is going to take her car away so she cleaned out her trunk last night. Guess what was in her trunk...all the missing files she has accused my sis of stealing, LOL!! Mom calls my sister acussing her of putting the files in her trunk, my poor sister, I have to laugh, rubber room time!!! My sister told her "I don't have a key to your car so how would I put the files there." Sis said mom saw the logic in that, but she can't accept that she put them there herself. My sis will have to make an appointment with DMV to take mother there to get the Ca. ID and she can have my mother transfer ownership of the car to her. Putting the files in her trunk is dangerous since her trunk was broken into once before. She has no garage, it was converted to a familyroom years ago.
Book~Knowing that I shouldn't do it, but I did anyway, I ordered the tacos from Jack yesterday and I am paying for it today. Woke up sick to my stomach, too much acid, plus I drank a coke which is a no no too. I have only been drinking water today no food, I will have a light dinner. It's a hit and miss situation, sometimes I can eat something like the fried tacos with no problem, then other times I pay for it. Book, really...pickles and yogurt!! Reminds me of pickles and ice cream that a pregnant woman craves, LOL!!
I saw on line where you can get baby lullybys that is rock music, Hotel California by the Eagles, Iron Man by Black Sabbath, and I Want To Hold Your Hand by the Beatles...us baby boomers might want to get these lullyby versions to help us sleep, Lol!!

Emjo – I had to smile as I read how you don’t jump and ask how high to your mother.

As for my dad, he kept calling their doctor. Now, they no longer have a primary doctor. The doctor called and spoke to my sis. I need to bring both parents to the clinic to get a New primary doctor. Uhm…2 bedridden parents to the clinic? Mom on oxygen and constant suctioning which can fill up the canister in 1 hr? Really? So, now I have to figure out when to take her, make an appointment for private ambulance transportation and then go to the clinic for who knows how long. I have to do it soon since the meals-on-wheels called asking for mom’s stomach tube nutrient meal prescription and we need to replace her throat trache (discolored and appears to be close to cracking). So…I just really wished oldest sis can do all these. She’s not working. My 19yr old niece is not working so she can come over and babysit my father. But, my father told oldest sis that she has no authority over them – only me. Whatever!!

Sharyn – my acid reflux is acting up. And I’m the culprit. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been craving picked food and yogurt. Every time I eat the pickled food with the main meal, I have my reflux. With the yogurt, I just have really bad case of burping. I really had this under control until the cravings hit.

What is this with all of us caregivers? Everyone seems to be having insomnia. Remember how I tell you all that when my head hits the pillow, I’m knocked out? Ever since I drank that green tea 2 nights – I now struggle to sleep at night. I even wake up when my mom coughs. Well, it’s 829pm. Time to go. Later! And I hope you all had a good night’s sleep!

Sleep eludes me tonight, it's 3 am, my mom has been talking up a storm in her sleep, all the jiber-jabber coming into our room loud n clear! A moment of quiet, maybe I can get another hour in... Kimbee

Lildeb~I hope you got some rest today, I have acid reflux that I take a prescription for but I have bouts of heart burn and upset stomach that will throw me off. I avoid fried foods as that is the worst thing to eat for my tummy. Rest and feel better soon!
Tomorrow I am taking my mother to DMV so she can turn in her drivers license and get a Ca. ID. It's not necessary that she turn in her license but by doing so because of a medical condition, she will be able to a Ca. ID for no charge. She still has moments where this is tearing her up but in time she will adjust to it. She needs to take her hearing aids in for repair, some grocery shopping...we will do all that tomorrow. She is worried about getting her dog (a toy poodle) in for clipping next week. I told her I will be in Idaho so she can wait for the week after, but she isn't willing to do that and will see if one of her friends from church will take her. This is what will create a problem because she wants everything right now. I suggested that we can work things out if she is willing to plan with my days off work, but she isn't willing to do that right now. My mother is very rigid when it comes to a schedule. Good Lord, I have an average of 3-4 days off each week, how hard is that!! Oh well, she will have to adjust because even the people at church have a life. I don't intend to sound hard hearted, however, adjusted is needed on her end. She is too fearful to use any type of paid transportation which I am relieved of that since she may become confused or get lost in the process. She is not advanced enough to get her an ID bracelet for Alz patients since she is in denial.
The "rubber room" is a place I will be spending much time in from here on out, Lol!
Happy ZZZZZZZZZZZZ to everyone...Cmag, 8 hours sleep is wonderful even if it is not the traditional 8 hours, snore on everyone!!!

Cmagnum, I hear u loud n clear. Bendryl always worked for me for a few hrs. when I had trouble sleeping. At least u did get some rest even though it took until 3am to fall asleep. You poor thing, I hope u r able to get some more rest.

Thanks Sharyn n love the song lyrics. ; ) Today was an okay day with mnl. Of course, I decided to have a healthy salad for lunch n withing an hour n half, I was running to toliet bowl with tore up stomach. Let's just say that I am probable the one with the most squeaky clean intestines. Going try n get me some rest n hope everyone else will be able as well.

marg - glad you put in some distance, but also glad you will check up on your mum. Mother's doctor is saying the same as your aunt's did. I never forget when mother ate pickled herrings, and lamb chops right after her gall bladder operation them tossed it of course, and wanted to go to the ER. I took her -Christmas morning, and finally got a hold of her doctor who told me to take me home. All she had to do was eat sensibly. I suspect mother's stomach may be suffering from years of self induced stress. Her emails are calming down now and I will respond in a while and set her straight - gently - on a few things.

It is funny that the stress of these things gets to you even if you hardly realise it. I am ready for the funny farm. I decided to whip up some non-dairy topping as I was going to make a dessert. I haven't done this in years. The directions said to use a deep narrow bowl. I thought I had. That was my first mistake. I turned on the mixer, and suddenly gobs of white stuff were flying all around the kitchen, and I was wearing quite a lot of it. I turned it down to salvage what was left, and started cleaning up - me, the cupboards, the countertops, the stove top, and I have to launder the rugs on the floor. Then I made my second mistake. I had to taste it to see if the consistency was right. . By the time I finished cleaning, and tasting, I was in fatty-food overload. Haven't been there is a long time. I ate some celery to slow down the absorption, I hope. Don't think I want to look that stuff, or any food in the face for the rest of the day! Tell the lads in the white coats to come and get me!

Emjo,

Great that you didn't answer the phone!! Yes, I'm being vigilant with the boundaries! The narcissistic aunt cried wolf too, so much so, that probably when things that were happening and really true, all the people who could have paid attention were drained by then.

My aunt also apparently had a million complaints with the doctor. They told her she had borderline diabetes. I think hers was full blown, because she was getting those infections they get on their feet, etc. But, my aunt was haywire when it came to her eating habits, too, especially with her health problems. Anyway, I remember one time when she'd gone to the doctor for something or other, and she was complaining to him. It sounds like my aunt, kept insisting with the doctor to see if her medication could be changed, blah di blah. In essence she was doing her usual endless complaining. Apparently, all that could have been done for her had already been done. When my aunt further pressed him, the doctor told my aunt, "you're 92 yrs. old." We heard this from the caregiver, who went to that appt. w/our aunt. My sister and me laughed at this. But yes, I know that these kinds of elders-WHOAH!!

Well, I'm sorry to hear that your mom went to the hospital, but happy to hear she's out and how you're dealing with it. You are doing really well Emjo, especially at this time. Hang in there! Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Well, I heard from my sister yesterday. I haven't been real in touch with her lately after that slighting she did to me at her boyfriend's mom's funeral. I decided to do this, since I figure if she thinks she's going to disrespect me, well too bad then the distance kicks in.

But she did send me an email saying that remember I'd wrote about mother and that fiasco about she not being able to walk at the cemetery that day of funeral, and my sister not getting out her portable wheel chair, which was in the trunk of her car. So now my sister writes saying that she and our golden boy brother took her to a mall on Sunday, but the wheel chair was in tow. My sister says that my mom didn't give her usual squabble at getting into that chair. Sister also indicated that mom hates walking. This concerns me. You see, since my aunt died my sister claimed throughout an 8 month period, she and mother were going here and there. I knew much of it had to do with walking in stores and malls. Mind you, my mom hadn't been doing any kind of regular exercise for about a year and a half after her sister really became homebound. But it's too bad, there wasn't a way mom could have remained a bit more consistently mobile, because now she's really on the decline in this aspect. Then my sister doesn't know how important it is to insist w/mom to use the walker when they do go out. I notice that my sister has made too much light at times at mom's protests about using the walker, too.

Another thing apparently going on with mom, is my sister claims she looks as if she's really going into a deeper stage of the ALZ. She claims mom isn't emotionally connecting much anymore with anyone. Anyway, I'll be going there if not during the week, this weekend. Margeaux

cmag saw you posted while i was writing. So glad you got 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep. Wonderful. So important for good health. I wish...

good to hear from you lildeb - Welcome to the rubber room. lol Hope you got good rest. There is no complete healing from the death of a child - unlike other deaths, the hole in your heart remains. Some healing happens - over your lifetime. Had a good session with the counsellor. but didn't get out to the horses this time - went for a walk in the woods instead. That always helps.
cmag - hope you are getting more sleep -I haven't found any meds that helps, or even that exercise earlier in the day does consistently. It is a bummer. You have all these hours, and not enough energy to do anything productive.So important for a couple to work as a team.
sharyn - yes, my week or longer. She is very angry - one of the hallmarks of the Borderline. She has been angry all her life. Thankfully the sore throat is pretty well gone, and the grief has subsided for now - it comes and goes. The stress from mother does not help, but I am much moire detached than I was. She is mad because they didn't make a fuss of her perceived health issues. I am not saying she may not have something wrong, though it is not life threatening, and it is nothing that her doctor, or the hospital can identify/treat. So where does that leave us? When the hospital sends her home within 24 hrs, and without a diagnosis of anything, I prefer to believe them. I haven't told her that because she would erupt at me again. I sent her a short email saying I would call the doctors office for her test results if she wanted me to, and hoped she was feeling better. I also gave her some accurate information about doctors in this city - certainly the good doctors from her city do NOT come here - and told her that since I was not feeling great, and have trouble sleeping, middle of the night phone calls do not help. Her answer was that she didn't want to see me (well that is mutual!) and that from his attitude someone has contacted her doctor because she thinks he wants to be rid of her. It absolutely amazes me that she has no connection between her behaviour, and how people respond to her. And as far as I can tell, all her doctor said was that she can call him instead of coming in. He may be tired of her coming in with nothing really wrong. He has told her her stomach is getting old - at 100 that is to be expected - but she won't accept it. I would be delighted if my doctor told me I could call. I suspect she thinks I have contacted her doctor and said something to him about her, but that is not true.This sort of thing has happened before, and resulted in her taking me out of her will - whatever! You really cannot stop the flood of paranois - at least I have not found how to. The best I have found is to gently speak the truth, as she calms down. I will wait a bit, and then email her that I have not contacted her doctor, but that I will about her test results if she wants me to. She says he doesn't explain things well, but more likely she gets the wrong end of the stick when she hears him. I think, perhaps, when he told her that she didn't have to come to see him, it triggered feelings of abandonment in her. BPD's get them more easily that the rest of us. Then the excessive reaction happens - emotional dysregulation is a good description - and you have another storm in a tea cup, which is very destructive to relationships. Blame and fault get thrown around - you know the routine.
austin - you know it too - and it is not your fault. Your mother has a serious problem. I can let it slide off my back much better than I used to, as I have accepted that is how she is, and that I didn't make the problem and I can't fix it. Mother is always right too, and gets very upset if you don't agree with her. I try to side step it, as I don't want to lie if I do not agree with her, which I don't often, or I just don't answer.
Hope everyone has a good day. I may take my new camera out for the first time - it does panoramic shots. :) The river in the autumn would make a great subject! Do something good for you today! Love and hugs Joan

Thanks, I was up until 3 again last night, but did not wake up until 11. At least, I got 8 hours of straight sleep which does feel better.

Cmag probably a 5mg ambien would do the trick-I myself like bendryl because that was a sleeping pill when I started nursing and I still like the old tried and true meds that have stood the test of time. Not being able to sleep is so hard to deal with and I hope you start feeling better you are always there for the rest of us. I will be spending time with my mother but I think she will-actually I am not going to let her get to me you and others have me realize that the problem is with her and not the rest of us as she tends to feel that she is always right.

sharynmarie, I'm glad that your husband stood by you and that ya'll survived. My wife and I have had to stand with each other as we each have been dealing with our family of origin issues and 'mom issues" at various times, at different speeds and range of depth. Sleep well!!!!! I hope I can get to sleep tonight before 3 am. If not, I'm going to call my psychiatrist in the am. Either I'm slightly manic or I need a sleeping pill to calm me down. Along with bipolar disorder, I do live with a great deal of general anxiety that increases and decreases from time to time that I came by naturally given my anxious home environment.

Joan~I guess it is your week to deal with paranoid delusions from your mother. Since she doesn't have Alz/Dementia, she must be really angry for not getting the attention she believed she was entitled to. I know you don't need this at anytime, but especially when you are dealing with your feelings about Gordie, your friend's loss, and then a sore throat...that is alot on your plate to deal with when your mother has been given a clean bill of health. I agree with Austin, a "BIG BEAR HUG" from All of us to you!!! I have a helmet for you, Lol!!
Lildeb~I'm coming to take you away, haha, heehee, hoho to the happy place!!, Lol! You are always welcome for however long it takes to laugh, joke, rest, and regroup! As I said, "the more the merrier!!
Cmag~I learned just how strong my marriage was about 12 years when I lost my job of many years and my husband refinanced our house (it was already paid off at the time) to pay off bills be got behind on because of my loss of income. Part of the reason I lost the job was my fault (I was still dealing with a lot of baggage from my childhood then that was affecting me at work, bad decisions on my part) but he stood by me...it was a big wake up call for both of us.
Happy ZZZZZZZZZZ tonight for everyone!!!

lildeb,

Indeed what I so often see here in terms of a marriage's strength or weakness is how enmeshed, codependent or not the caregiver is with their mother or father. Sometimes when these family of origin issues are still buried, this leads to one spouse feeling taken advantage of or a spouse feeling like the person being cared for is driving a wedge between them and their spouse. Other times when these family of origin issues are out in the open to be dealt with, the couple works together like a team. I hope this is clear.

Bookworm, good for you for standing up for what ya beleive about the POA for they can get it! However, I am sorry that it upset you just because they don't understand the word "NO" when they r getting everything n not offering any support or help to you when you r the one doing it all. Keep standing up for yourself, you rock! You inspire me...

Cmagmum, you r so right about how strong n weak a marriage with all this caregiving involved.

Sharyn, can they take me away with you please too? Let's just say today was a terrible day between the mnl n I. I am really not sure if I will be able to handle this hard-headed, negative woman as she progress into later stages from mild AD. Lord, give me strength!

JessieBelle, You are so sweet with your kind words even when someone is have a hard time. You know how to say the right things. I do agree with you about Emjo to re-visit n she may find some peace in order to heal.

Emjo, maybe after you also see the counselor that you will be able to heal n get some rest. I hope getting out with good ole Mother Nature n with the horses that it will be very therapeutical for you as well for a mind n peaceful rest.

I'm very tired so going to try get some sleep myself n start tomorrow a whole new positive n bright new day. zzzzz

Oh, now this is a laugh - she signed one of her emails - "Your mother, now more than 100 years of age". lol

Thanks Margeaux - typically there is lots of attention around the time of the funeral, and very little later. She will need it especially around the 3 month mark when the numbness wears off, and Christmas and the New Year approaches, There are patterns which seem to apply, in the case of child loss anyway. I miss my dad and others who have passed, but it is nothing like the feelings iI have due to Gordie's death. I know others who have lost a child have the same experiences. Pretty well all of us have PTSD from that loss, which complicates life.

austin - Bear hugs from a person - of course. :)

Mother is on the rampage criticizing me and the health care system, saying that Fort Mc gets all the best doctors - (what IS she talking about - not true at all) , that if the hospital told me there was nothing wrong with her, and I believe them then I better stay out of her life. I am about ready to take her up on that - maybe this is the time for her to find someone else for POA. She has had enough of false accusations, (what???), that it was the nurses in the ALF that sent her to hospital, she didn't send herself, yada yada yada. All that says to me is that she is feeling better since she has the energy to get so mad about nothing. Well, not nothing, but that I haven't jumped and asked how high on the way up, I haven't offered to play servant, and I haven't given her a lot of attention. I have made no accusations. When she is not feeling well, she is quieter. She also said something about not being able to phone her doctor - doesn't make sense.I am fighting a sore throat right now, and lack of sleep (I have insomnia), and need to look after me. I will call her doctor for her, once any test results are in. Not that she can't do it, but I would like to know the results, and she doesn't understand then as well as she did.. Test results aren't available overnight. She expects instant everything, Oh well - life as usual. She has been pretty quiet for a while, for which I am thankful.

I will count to 20, discuss it with Gary, and sent her a brief, but accurate email. Wish me luck. This is the most paranoid she has been with me for a long time.

I am sure Emjo does not want one of those critters that roam her yard at night to give her a hug- but a person giving a bear hug would be ok.