The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Emjo - love the soap references! So perfect!

You will love the tattoos - and they put on numbing gel - the worst you will feel is a little sting. Just will be hard around your eyes. But just think - you will not ever have to put on eyeliner again! Or have it run when you swim - and look even more beautiful first thing in the morning!

Hahaha- I think we could all use come chocholate kisses today! Went last night with hubby to Cheesecake Factory...speaking of chocholate - we never do this but have been working so hard in our yard for the upcoming wedding - we deserved a treat - had the flour less ( I am going gluten free) chocholate Godiva mousse cheesecake - omg! I highly recommend it!

I have an appointment today at 11 - then going to get new sheets - then maybe I will call my mom...still waiting to hear from dr- so not really much to report to her. Don't want to make any apps for her - she will just cancel them anyway!

So quick question...how do you dodge the "I have to get out of here" comments? What is the best way to diffuse that? I am thinking that all the places have shared baths ( she is too good to share a bathroom) and there are waiting lists? Or - no you are staying put?

Chocholate all around for this Friday!

Hugs to all
Karen

I like that idea Joan!! Search for Suspicion, All my dysfunction. Thanks for the chocolate kisses and hugs, I needed them!! Sending some back to you♥!!

you know with chocolate, like the Borg, "Resistance is futile"

chocolate kisses (and hugs) coming your way, sharyn - special delivery!

ju - I walked 40 blocks in the city - good de-stressor - my feet hurt but even that was a good distraction, hoping y9ur mum's pain subsides
sharyn - blubber away - an excellent release - I have been leaking a bit over Gordie as I was so busy on his date with mother the feelings weren't able to surface
Karen - leave it longer - if it is more comfortable for you - focus on you and what is good for you - not on your mum and her wants and whims which are ever present and endless - what you write reminds me so much of my mother - the bitching is almost word for word - and, of course she will complain about me to anyone who will listen and that she gets no family support - can you hear the violins playing? Don't take her too seriously.
margeaux, as always - you write well and with insight - the bureaucracy is a pain in the... but as my daughter said we just have to go through the hoops until we get a better solution. Mother needs to take her antipsychotic meds - risperidone - and for that to happen she will have to be supervised - someone will have to give them to her and make sure she swallows them, and that has to be a different environment than she is in now where they cannot make her take them
cmag - hope your mum's potassium levels are getting better - it shouldn't take too long for them to rise, I think. Good luck with your wife's surgery
alison - always thinking of you and your journey
jody, kazzaa, and others let us know how your are
Austin - hope you and your man are good -remember he is just a man and he will have some faults, even if he is a good guy over all - no one is perfect
I woke up much too early so will have to sleep later on - haircut today and am summoning up the courage to get eyebrows and eyeliner tattooed on the next trip to E'town. Waiting for the next installment of "Mother Knows Best" or "The Old and the Restless" and, for the narcissism, "As The World Turns Around Me." Hey, we could have a contest for the best soap opera title for dysfun fams. I may start a new thread for that! Recently on the phone she said to me in querulous tones - "If they would only leave me alone, I would be happy". I nearly laughed out loud. If only she would leave them ( and me) alone...
sigh... all in fun and by way of lifting the spirit Love and hugs Joan

Sad1-I could use some chocolate right now.lol!

forgot this
margeaux for the kindness and pain tips...I will start trying new things.

sharyn I do well up and tear but I just cant seem to have a good outloud wailing cry only once in a great while. I would like to cuz it is de-stressing as a good laff is as well

happiness to all of you!!
juju

On the subject of junkfood, My GP many years ago as she was thinning fast after Namenda/Aricept began...sed to feed her small and often and give her whatever she will eat...do not worry bout calories cholesterol etc....just feed her what she likes...sweets is a big part of that but I do try to keep it balanced diet with healthy items and sweet healthy stuff most time.

Well after my nap and hindsight I believe again athough spoken with compassion authority and intelligence I believe this DR did not provide the time and diagnostic efforts or care instructions I would have expected and It just irks me as I do believe they will surely submit the bill to MC and get paid for treating her! oh well I was so confused by the time I got there I did not cover all I needed to with reference to this injury and believe because of her being so gaunt and sunken appearing, she was on her way out when he sed just make her comfy!! but he also said she is my charge and I know what best to do, how to care for her, I one who knows best what to do for my mom...on same note I need to know exactly what is wrong to make that kinda call...
and after more googling it seems it could be Achilles or ACL or all of them....seems that knowing which and what is injured is an important piece of info I feel is nessecary and they don't feel same. Now what do I do???

Well that is it, got s some alz walk promo I want to do, lol...will probably pass back out soooo tired!!
Peace,
Juju

Ugh... Spelling horrible! iPad! Sorry!

Lol! Thank you for the responses Margaeux and Sharnmarie. The junk food has been cleared by dr...said for me to choose my battles as long as they aren't too salty. She wants Hershey's kisses, almond joys, lays potato chips, canned nuts - things like that. The thing is it is the same loop - since last November - "I have to get out of here, they do nothing for me, you don't know what goes on here, I hate the food, no one visits me....". On and on. No one visits as she is so rude to everyone - she fired the one person that was her caretaker before - they had become friends - as she told her to get out and kiss her ass...and has not felt bad about it at all. That woman was a saint too! I hab
Be been going down every 3 weeks and she has a list for me - I always get it wrong - then she goes through the loop again. My daughter won't go anymore - my brother won't have a thing to do with her and my 3 sons are not keen on going - the eldest did and she spent the whole time focused on me and kept telling me nonsense...ugh. He has spent the weekend working on her house and she could hardly look at him until I left the room. I am still reading these books and trying to figure out how to deal with her. She takes advantage of the new gals - that's how she got them to call me. Plays nice and sweet...kind of like sweet Charlotte! She has lost about 40 lbs since a hear problem about 1 1/2 years ago - which she needed to do. Dr said she is in the best health she has been in for years - as she is eating properly and no vodka! Hates the food - bland I am sure. I just am a loss for the constant same conversation. She gets some things...but not other. Frontal lobe stroke...and hey - if I can make someone laugh - great - after all isn't that what gets us through this! So...call her tomorrow...a few days??? Thanks so much for the advise - I haven't read how to disarm her yet!! Hugs to all! Karen aka sad( mad,frustrated, etc!)

Sad1~ I take packages of cookies to my mom from time to time because I know she enjoys them. I see nothing wrong with moderation on "junk food". I take her out occasionally for a cheese burger and fries too. Of course over indulging in sweets or other junk food is not healthy but an occasional treat is fine. Diabetes can be a problem but I have also read that elderly people lose the ability to taste things and that is why they turn to sweets. Just don't let mom over do the junk. I think you did good not being available at her immediate request when it is not an emergency. Enjoy your anniversary...you and hubby deserve that time together! Hugs to you!!

Juju~So sorry your mom is in such pain. I hope you had a good nap, I would so love a nap. Well, as far as crying goes, I am a big crying wuss, LOL!! It gets embarrassing at times because I can't always talk about my mom without crying. The same with my brother and his health issues. Today has been one of those days where I have been weeping on and off all day. Why, I am not sure other than I get tired or it may be that as I register deep within me something about my mom, I cry. I took a picture of mom the other day. She wasn't wearing her glasses due a problem with them and she had really over done her eyebrow with a brow pencil. I did get a chuckle out it but the reality is that mom is still trying so hard to make herself look good (a good thing). It was really very cute and endearing to me. Now I cry when I look at the picture or talk about it. Really a simple thing but it touches me so deeply. That same day, as Midget and I walked down the hallway to the dining area, mom saw us and she called to Midget..."Midget, come here Midget!!" This little 13lb dog took of running pulling me behind her. I am 5'8" and about 20 lbs. overweight but she is pulling me and I have to run to keep up with her. I was telling this to a co-worker today and I cried through the story. It is not a story I can share with my sis because of her jealousy regarding mom loving her dogs more than us kids. I look at that I want mom to feel accepted at this point in her life, who cares if she loves the dog more than us...I certainly don't. Ok...enough blubbering!! Hugs to all!!

Sad1daughter,

Ay!!!!! This is not to be mean nor unkind, however your post made me laugh!
The thought of an elderly person demanding junk food. What else does she eat, if I may ask? What's up with the junk food? This isn't good for her anyway.
No! You shouldn't give into her whims, I'm somehow feeling that she really pushes your buttons here. DON'T allow it, or she'll never stop.

This is not at all cool either that the AL people gave her your cell #.
Stay strong, be firm!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Scmoonbeam,

Disappear the old phone. This only adds to the confusion.

I remember about 7 yrs. ago, we already felt mom had ALZ.
She was diagnosed, only she and her narcissistic sister (who lived w/her),
and had a ton of health problems hadn't informed we, mom's kids. So when I'd go visit I'd notice their phone was always not right, in terms of being able to record incoming messages. At that time they were still living alone, so the operation of a phone was very essential. One day I took my mom through this whole instruction process of showing her how to operate their phone, poor thing she was faking she understood, although I didn't realize this at that time. When I did, I felt really bad for taking her through this. I'm telling you this story so that despite, whatever you feel with her in connection to past dysfunction, realize also that their brains aren't functioning as ours do anymore. We kind of have to do their thinking.

Of course, her remark went over the line, the way she addressed you, and
did a guilt trip on you. My aunt used to literally holler when SHE felt her nasty demands weren't being met, (and they were), "one day you kids are going to
be old like me"......blah di blah. She was so sarcastic about everything, so eventually, my sister and I would laugh behind her back, and she deserved it.

Scmoonbeam, the only thing I can say in this situation is that possibly you are the one that will have to adjust to these changes, and I'm not trying to say nor assume this is easy. But if you do, this won't take you down the path you are on now.

If this AL has services provided that would make your life a lot easier, use them.
That's what they're for. When one doesn't feel good, surely under those conditions we all have our moments. So yes, quit beating yourself up.

Time for a serious bubble bath, I hope I can do that later,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Juju,

Is it possible for you to get some Tiger Balm, or Arnica cream?
I use this on various aches and pains, especially on my back and neck, which act up after certain chores. Really sorry that she's in so much pain.

Hang in there my friend,
You're one tough cookie!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hi all - I guess this is a good day for a pity party...reading all your posts makes me realize that my mother really doesn't have it too bad - she just makes it out that way. I was just feeling a bit stronger - and through my mothers friend (who she keeps calling) said I was really busy catching up with work and getting ready for a wedding in our backyard - that I wouldn't be down for a while. Buying myself some time so I can read up on how to handle her narcissistic ways. Then I got an email yesterday from the Asst. Living place saying she wants them to go out and buy her the junk food - I didn't have time to get back to her immediately - as it was my husbands and mine 31st anniversary yesterday....took a day off from everything! So - today - she had an aid call me wondering why I didn't email back! Yikes. So I told her fine - buy the junk food and send me the receipt. But she wanted Tylenol - which I think is keeping her Coumadin levels out of whack. So I said no to that until I talked to the Dr. My mother just called my cell (OMG) and wanted to know about the doctor - and her crazy talk (aphasic) and for me to call her right now. Well - after putting down 10 yards of cedar chips - I am going to take a shower and go to dinner...not call her - trying to be strong and not jump when she says jump. So - emailed the asst liv - and told them to tell her I would call tomorrow. I am really upset that they gave her my cell number for her to call me...ugh. So - just for some validation - is this the best way to handle it. You are all going through so much - and this seems all so stupid - and frivolous...but your feelback has been so awesome - and helpful. All for snacks - geez! just like a toddler!

oh ya when I googled that injury they did mention you have to rule out Achilles tendon first by some things which I could not even begin to understand so I wonder if he gave that a look or could be Achilles or this...anyway just no wonder she in so much pain we have not even been treating ankle area....I am done ranting tho
Have a good day, best as we can!

Thanks Margeuax for your caring thoughts! we appreciate it!!!

Well 4hrs on road and 2+ in office, 1 for lunch and we are home...well hotel/home.
Good news I got sushi, tempura, miso soup, and seaweed salad for lunch in the big city only get japanese when there and that is not often!!! Yummy on the tummy!!!
Well no official testing done on moms leg but at least this place a huge ortho clinic/sports medicine type place gave more details. MRI could be done but he intelligently explained treatment options no diff if we get exact diagnosis He immediately ruled out knee ligaments diagnosis I previously had (which I was bracing n icing all week) and feels by manual exam is Planteris Tendon Rupture lower leg and ankle area. The first thing he did is rip of brace and toss aside for good and a showed me small area signs of pressure sore developing already it was a sports support brace...for running and knee Only a soft cushiony ankle brace of my choice n liking is desired to immobilize ankle and same treatment just on proper area R.I.C.E. rest ice compression elevate....
Googled injury and sez to completely immobilize ankle....omg we did nothing to ankle for past 6 days good lord I treated the knee not the ankle per these dr's here instruction....but bottom line same result....just let her be n heal make her as comfy as possible!
I feel better now talking to someone with some gosh darn sense! but still feel bad as she is hurting so and it makes everything that much harder for us all and we did nothing to help her actual injured area past week but what ya gonna do I did not know, the dr should have and yes an MRI is doable with her kind of hardware!!! My head is going to expode with these so called DR's here in my area!!

Well as I may have said it is nappy time for me, been a long week but I think I can rest now! Love n Hugs to you all!
Peace,
Juju

Well take care will catch up later on you all I am exhausted n need a nap!!

Sunny yes sometimes a good cry is therapeutic....we can do nothing to change these quirks ever so frustrating!! I don't do that enuf I tend to forge on and hold everything in, side affect is I go completely brain dead, My caregiver coma as I call it. it was all I could do the mechanics of taking care of mom and then staring at the walls the rest of the time or ??idk, just ignoring all other responsibiltys but the urgent to keep heat n food in the home etc.... everything Is a wreck but we are getting thtu it..anyway I digress
I wish I could cry, a good cry out loud cry not just a tear or too. I feel like I am too tired to even cry. or have I become so hardened by all this crap that I no longer have emotions idk...but I know it would relieve some stress...it is documented that crying is therapeutic as well as hugging/personal contact and I don't do either much.. I do hug my few friends that have stuck with me, friends when I see them maybe a visit 1-2 a month seriously and the rest is just me n mom...and no family or partner in life so I do not get enuf of either.

I am beat today so emotional here...needing a break, arm going numb again!

peace out,
Juju

Scmoonbeam~Awww, I know what you are going through. First, don't beat yourself up, you are only human and there are times we crack. I am hugging you today!!
I tried so many times to teach my mom how to use a new phone, I even wrote simply instructions step by step, and it was the same thing you experienced.The phone she uses today is an old phone with a touch tone pad. My mom wears hearing aids and this is the only phone that she can hear on. We even tried a phone from the state of California that is specifically for hearing impaired but the instructions on how to use it were so incredibly difficult we had to send it back. The hearing aid office who arranged for mom to get this phone even told us that is very difficult to set the phone up. Maybe you could make the old phone disappear for a few weeks and see if that helps your mom to adjust by forcing her to use the new one. You may be able to find an older model phone on Amazon with the touch tone pad instead of a rotary dial. I was able to order an older answering machine from Amazon (the same model my mom had been using for years). It helps if you know of an older model phone that did work for your mom and look for it online. There were other things we would set up for mom but she would unplug equipment at night and then my son would have to go over and reprogram everything again so we finally gave up because she just wouldn't stop unplugging things. Take some deep breaths, maybe a hot bubble bath with some candles burning and if you need a good cry do it. I will thinking about you today..Big hugs!!

Posting my "Pity Party" today. It has taken mother and I years to be able to be in the same room without fighting. And today I was having a difficult day and blew it. She is 91 and I bought her a cordless speaker phone that is compatible with her hearing aids. I have been trying for a week to show her to turn on the green button and the one over it with the speaker icon. But, she cannot seem to get it. She forgets to turn it off and will go get her old phone and does not understand why she cannot use it. I tried to tell her to stop using the old phone and just stick with the new one so she can learn it. She knew how to answer and turn on her other with no problem but cannot hear well on it, even with the hearing device, she has on it. So, she keeps going back and forth from the different phones and getting confused and forgets to turn off the new one.

So I lost it and told her I did not know what else to do to help her and her reply was "just wait sister until you get my age" Well, I don't have to be her age to understand her situation but today I just did not have my own coping skills in tack since I am not feeling well myself. I told her I could not seem to help her and she replied by saying "sorry I bothered you." Of course this is the old dysfunctional narcissistic in her and she like to become the Myrta. And then I get my defensive up and get angry. So, that was at least two steps back and she will pout until she needs me and wait for me to beg forgiveness. Does this sound familiar to our dysfunctional families here?? lol

I am frustrated and do not know what to do for her next. She needs to be in a nursing facility but is fighting me and it appears I will have to use the "tough love" I have suggested to others and have her doctor make her go. If she cannot answer her phone, she does not need to be living in the apartment that is also AL. But they only provide transportation, meals and light housekeeping. And she refuses to use their services and depends on us to take her everywhere she needs and wants to go. This is tough for me since my health is not good and I have can not longer drive. My own nerves are so frazed, I feel so helpless and vulnerable. I have been crying my heart out today and realized I needed this time for my own grief at loosing my mother to this god awful dementia. And it is a double problem for those of us with dysfunctional life styles. The old hurt and anger can creek back in even though I know she cannot help it now. I guess we are never totally healed of our old emotions when they try to manipulate and hurt us.

But, I do feel so bad and for loosing it and being nasty and I know I hurt her but just did not have it in me today to deal with this phone issue that I have been working with her for a week to try and get her to learn how to use it. It makes me see how fragile she is and I feel so inadequate and helpless.

Thanks for allowing me to vent and show my downside which I hate. I want to do everything just right and be strong and there for my Mother but it is not easy as all of you know. I am thankful for this group who understands not only the frustration that comes with care giving but dealing with the dysfunctions. It just brings back old hurts and I am feeling so vulnerable today.

Now that I have vented and posted my self pity day, I will go back and try to catch up on your posts to see what is going on with each of you in this same sinking ship and I cannot swim... even with a life vest, I would drown and this is the truth literally. lol

My love and Big (((HUGS))) to each of you. Thanks for being here and may each of you have a good day with some joy and laughter in your difficult lives as caregivers of dysfunctional families. The stress and frustration can be so hard to bare.

Warm wishes,

Sunny aka scmoonbeam:)

I am confident she needs to be in the nursing home at this point but she will not hear of it.

Jujubean,

Whoah! I've been reading your posts, catching up.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and all this pain she is having.

What on earth is up w/this Day Care??? center. Sometimes, I also feel as if the medical community, and anything related gives people a bunch of run around.
It's difficult enough for those who have their elders, loved ones in a NH, ALF, and their needs are not really addressed. But as in your case, having to move your mother in her condition, must be very difficult to say the least. I'm really sorry to hear about this.

Stay strong!
I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Thank you, for asking about my family. I wanted to write about them yesterday,
only was recuperating from a road trip. My husband and I went down south for a few days. On the way home we went to see mother, my sister and those cute babies. We had not had the opportunity to get down there for some time.

I had been distancing myself from my sister a bit, on account of the way she'd like to rope me in to come take care of mom. While I don't mind doing that, it's just that she is never quite clear w/plans, then I drive a distance only to find that she really does not need me there.

But also, my husband had to see a specialist and they found an Inguinal Hernia.
They told him he was born with it. It doesn't cause pain, but on occasion there's a slight protrusion in the lower abdominal area. He, we did the searches, talked to people who've had this surgery. He's having the Laparoscopic one done tomorrow, Fri., in the a.m. So of course, I don't want to stress out and all of that,
but I have been somewhat, nervous about it. The anticipation. Then I've been trying to hold my mud on this end, being strong for him. He seems to be all right with it, but as in any procedure....I'm sure there's some kind of nerves about it.

Anyway, this three day trip stressed me out too. When my husband gets on the road, he wants to take just about every detour one can imagine. We did go down there for work, but had a couple days. But w/the impending Friday appointment,
I was concerned that we get back, so he can rest before this procedure. Ay......., but this is where my husband and I differ. I'd like to be rested also, since I'll be taking care of him.

I know he will have to stay put after the surgery a few days. Now I know that they say the Laparoscopic procedure appears to allow people shorter recovery, but I hope my husband takes it easy, especially in terms of doing strenuous activities. His job does involve some of this. So I have already been talking to him about it. Let's see if he listens. I do have struggles with him in this department!

Oh, and almost forgot to mention, mom is doing good. She is quite entertained by the two babies, who spend a lot of time there. It's interesting how the energy of these two babies just completely changed that household. They needed that.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux~You couldn't have said it any better. I have decided over that last couple days that I have given my sis the tools to detach but I think she gets hung up on the respecting your elders which is totally different when dealing with family w/o the PD or severe dysfunction. I did copy and paste Joan's detaching info to my sis...Thank You Joan for posting that it is always good to revisit.
I have been a people pleaser with the idea that people would like me. Now I just don't care if they like me (that doesn't mean I am rude, inconsiderate of them) I just have boundaries now. Mom has been complaining since we moved her in April, that her hair has never been this grey. Well sis finally broke down and paid for the salon at the community to give mom a weave...blending in the grey with her natural hair color. Sis had one done once and she loved it. Well guess what....mom hates it and sis is upset about it. Mom says it it too dark, but I have to admit, it does look good, natural on her but mom is used to more grey giving her hair a lighter look. Lets face it, mom would have hated even just getting it dyed. She has to have something to complain about it is her nature.It is just an example of how sis will go out of her way to try to please mom and when it backfires (which it will every time), sis is hurt. I am not going to offer sis anymore instruction on detaching because as you said, she has to work this out for herself now. When I took Midget with me to visit mom twice this week, mom mentioned several times how fat Midget is and that I need to feed her less. Well, Midget has lost some weight since being with me and mom is the one who made her fat, LOL!! I don't take it personal, it is just how my mom is. She is going to have complaints regarding Midget because I have her...as I said before...it is par for the course. We can only do so much to help others but if they are not at a point emotionally to see their part in it, then we have to leave it up to them and Detach from situation. Hugs to you and I hope all is good with you and your family.

Emjo--seems to me a care plan is just something they write up to satisfy family then do whatever they want. There is no accountability in it! Just like this day camp, tried it yesterday and they did not follow one instruction I had given regarding diapering meals and coffee intake. she was soaking wet and had to be changed in parking lot as I was getting her into car...I don't know why we spent 2 hrs going over all this at intake if it was going to sit in a file and do no good....I will have to shut up again before i go completely off....and DR reported ct scan shows no fracture, i know that we are looking for ligament status, they sed ct is only bone issue so wtf...why did we even do it..I am trying to remain polite and calm and problem solving mode with them. so therefore i vent here but again OMG n WTF...why did we just waste 3 more days trying to treat moms leg!!!! i am going to strangle someone!! but there are too many of them to strangle!!! I anticipated problems tho and made an ortho appt myself for tomoro to get anothers take on this we need to know how to properly care for this injury and to what extent she is injured for jiminy sake!!!
Well take care y'all, hang in there, i am holding on by a thread!!
Cmag...sorry bout surgery issues!!!

Peace,
Juju

Emjo,

Boy, oh boy! What kind of bureaucratic nonsense have they been having you do the hoop jumping through! I have to say, that you seem to be handling all of this like a true champion.

Your mom drives a scooter? WOW! Hey, well if she can still manage to do this,
more power to her! Obviously, it gives her something to do. Even though she gives you a hard time, I must say....she is amazing at her age!

Well I sure hope that your issues with these doctors and the relocation/or your mother staying where ever it is beneficial to her, and you is resolved in the near future. These people act as if it's not enough for a concerned daughter to be looking out for their mother, then giving you the run around.

I really liked the "Detaching" post.
I have to remind myself about all of these points.
I particularly liked the one that says, to say "no." This word to some people seems to be very foreign. I know for myself, I've had to learn this one.
I have been too much of a people pleaser, and am trying to get away from that type of thinking. I was listening to a person on the internet one day who talked much about how this could be one of the most important words in the English language. So maybe we are on to something here.

O.K., Emjo, hang in there! I'm thinking of you, and hoping for nothing but the best.
Stay strong, you're wonderful! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

It is interesting the difference in the reactions coming from you vs. your sister in relationship to your mother. I've written about how my sister is at times still what I call "looking for mommy." I realized many, many years ago while I was a small kid, helping my parents out w/their own kids that I could not look upon my mother like one of those moms. She was constantly at work, and really emotionally speaking she knew how to meet the financial needs very well, I will give her that.
But she was way behind in the emotional department. So I got that, a long time ago, that one cannot squeeze water out of a dry sponge. Hence, as I got older,
then into adulthood I knew what not to expect. On the other hand, I know that my sister knows this.....but she's still looking for all of that. Remember I'd written not too long ago, about how my sister complained that she felt very unappreciated by mom. Mom had rubbed in "the....this is my house routine." My sister was so incensed by this. I do not blame her either, because she does so much, living there and coordinating all the caregiving. However, my sister falls victim to
spoiling mom. Especially after mom lost the battle ax, it's now 1.5 yrs., cant' believe that. This is why I suggested to her when she complained about this,
to cut back on some of the coddling of mother. Our mom is spoiled too! She was the youngest in her family, and even though they weren't from a rich family and all of that, mom always has enjoyed a certain status w/in her own family being the youngest. But mom has never been the one to show anyone REAL affection,
nor attention. It was always driven by her endless need to have everything under her control.

In this sense I really told my sister to cut back too, I mean if she's getting her feathers ruffled because this little old lady still wants to exert some weird control via her remarks, and my sister can't handle it, then sis has to do something about her own behavior, so there is no set up.

Your sister will have to do the work, as in my case mine needs to work on this part of the equation. But I know....my sister and I believe from everything you've said about your own sister.....there's their own control issues to deal with also.

Well I'm happy for you that your visits accompanied by Midget have turned out calm. But it's also that you have learned the lesson of relating to a challenging woman too. So you get the credit here!
What great news, that your daughter is thinking about having a baby, too!

O.K., Enjoy your days off. I know you'll squeeze in some time for you.
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Thanks, Margeaux. Wife and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary next Tuesday and we scheduled her hiatial hernia surgery for the next day since we will be in the town where her doctor is. This should fix her acid reflux problem which is no longer tolerable even with meds. She will be on a very restrictive diet for weeks.

Maybe I should go on the same diet. I'd loose weight also. Anyhow, my doctor has me on my own weight loss program of cut each meal I eat in half and walk twice a day for 30 minutes. The first two days went fine, but it has been a battle since. Today is day seven.

I will let ya'll know when my mom's potassium level returns to normal and when her surgery is re-scheduled for. Take care everyone.

Cmag,

Oh, I read your post about your mom's potassium being too low for the surgery!
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for that. As stressful as this is, to be waiting to go through with a surgery, and it gets postponed. All right, my friend, I am keeping you and yours in my thoughts, that this gets resolved.
Hang in there! Much Love & Light! Margeaux