The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Margeaux - most of the food that is labeled gluten free is more expensive- crackers, cookies things like that - and also the cooking flour is more. With that being said - I did go organic with a lot of the food also - which could have contributed to the cost. Another thing to consider - there is glutens in all kinds of food - salad dressings, power bars, soups - it is a huge filler. I had been gluten free for 2 weeks and then had a Luna bar and half a sourdough sandwich - my stomach was so bloated afterwards! So - I am introducing a small amount here and there so that doesn't happen so much. Also - the gluten free bars cost more also. I am big on skipping lunch and grabbing one of those on the run. Now I keep almonds in my car for a quick snack. I do think though the benefits have outweighed the cost and inconvenience. My husband has lost weight by default! LOL! I have been also eating more brown rice - soak that first for about 15 minutes - helps!. Quinoa is one of my favorites - haven't tried millet yet. Corn products are good too - just have to read the label. Hope this helps! It is a good experiment!
Cheers-
Karen

Emjo, I recently fell down my stairs too and fell on the landing and hurt my tail bone and it was sore for weeks. I am so blessed I did not break any more bones after my wrist episode. I was trying to go up with my hands full and lost my balance and was putting down the items. We have carpet on the stairs but not on the landing half way down. So, I know what you mean by a hard fall. We are both lucky we were not injured more than we were.

Juju, hope they find out if your mother has a serious problem with the ankle. I believe doctors just do not want to treat them at their age but we have to take care of them. We cannot allow them to just suffer because they are old and cannot help themselves. I am afraid society has not place for the elderly anymore and they just should be left alone to die. It is so sad. I hope your caretaker assistance it doing a better job or that you can get a new one. I would ask if you are not satisfied. Some are certainly better than others. I hope when I have to get one for mother they will have compassion for her and not just hang around waiting for her to pass away. Hang in there. I know you are so exhausted.. I was going to visit mother today but could not get the engery or stamina to go so I sent her dinner and will go tomorrow. I really dread having to go when I am not feeling well myself.

I don't mean to sound like I don't care but it is difficult to cope when you are not well and I sometimes make things worse. Hope you understand. I love my mother and will sorely miss her but at times, I just don't want to deal with it. I cannot be there everyday and I hope she understands. At least I can get to her quickly, in five minutes from my home, which is a blessing.

Take call all. My love and good thoughts are with each of you and your most difficult situations. I wish we all had easier answers but it is a hard world we are living in these days and no one wants responsibly for anyone else. I cannot get my own two grown sons to help. If I need something special they will but they do not visit their grandmother since she was not much of a grandmother to them. So, I understand their position too. And they are busy raising their own families.

But, it would have been nice if they would help out processionally. I just don't bother to ask. My granddaughter in nursing school came over and got my netbook and ipad onlne with my new printer so I am thankful for that. Now, I have to find out how to print from the ipad. I am totally tech illiterate. I wish I could do so much more on these things than I can. I am lucky to find you and post. lol

Have a good evening and best wishes with many Hugs,]

Sunny aka scmoonbeam

Cmagnum,

How are you doing? I've been wanting to send a post.
I'm really sorry they gave you the run around again, w/your mother.

Has your wife had her Hernia surgery?
If she has I hope she is recovering, and that you are keeping your balance in all of this.

My husband just had a Laparoscopic procedure for an Inguinal Hernia.
He's better now, but we had some nerve racking days, I'll post later about that.

O.K., my friend...you and your's are in my thoughts!

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Sad1daughter,

When you mention about it is expensive maintaining a gluten-free diet, do you mean the items that are non-gluten are all expensive? I've read that one can eat Quinoa, Millet, Amaranth, and there's one more. But anyway, Quinoa & Amaranth are a bit pricey, Millet-reasonable. Do you by any chance replace some of these for the gluten grains?

Wondering,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Joan hope you get to see your honey soon-while I was away in LA missed my guy and when we got back to PA had to wait until the weather cleared to get back-the puddle jumper can't fly in bad weather-it is only an hr. in the plane so I had to wait until Sat to get home-those last few days away were hard on both of us-but back into our routines and having a blast cooking for him and with him-had not cooked for years -the husband did not appreciate anything I did and being alone for the 4 years any cooking skills went out the window.

sharyn - love applique - bet the quilt was cute! Your story of your son reminded me of Gordie. He did that with his baby comforter. He would go hand over hand around the edge till he found the little satin tag with info about the fabric etc and then he would visibly relax and gently stroke it with his finger. He didn't use a pacifier long, but he liked his comforter with the tag. Eventually the edge wore out and I bought another identical one. Bittersweet memories. I am doing some catch-up grieving as I was on the plane travelling south to deal with mother's stuff on his death date. Have you heard anything about the missing woman?

ju as always you are too busy and too much going on and people not doing their jobs, So glad your mum was not hurt by the fall. The bather should have known better. Hope you get things sorted out and work on the house proceeds. You must be tired of being in the hotel. Re your mum's injuries, I have a little sympathy for the doc there. If they can't do surgery, do what you can to keep her comfortable. I don't know if there is much more that anyone can do, though I do understand your frustration. Taking mum back and forth for tests and appointments must be hard on both of you -especially when you are getting nothing out of it. I agree with sharyn, just post what is on your mind. Your mum sounds like a delight calling you pretty! Sweet!

Margeaux sounds like allergies to me, especially if cleaning improves things. I have allergies to dust and mold too. My eyes are getting better and I am getting the candida under control, thanks. It could be a combination of things for you- -general allergies, stress and some gluten sensitivity.

tatumchild - I agree that availability seems to be a big factor. Some people make themselves unavailable. Hope all is manageable with you.

Karen (sad1) it seems that more and more people are gluten sensitive . Avoiding gluten tends to make for a healthier diet. Glad it works for you and losing a few pounds is always a bonus. :)

sunny - good to hear from you. Gluten free doesn't have to be that much more expensive. I have the conditions you mention and a chronic candida gut infection and feel better if I keep my carb intake down. I do buy some gluten free pasta etc but don't use that much. You can use rice (always brown) and other starches if you want to - sweet potatoes for example. I have made gluten free peanut butter cookies and also GF macaroons which are quick and easy. I am not a big bread person, but flax bread works and the buns are easy to make one at a time.. Otherwise a basic diet of meats, fish, poultry, veggies, fruit, nuts - and of course chocolate :) Gary eats anything and likes pies so I do have some on hand for him, and bread etc. but I don't eat them. I am allergic to dairy too and actually find that more difficult. You may find you have more energy if you do go gluten free. I am slowly getting my energy back (not today but in general). prayers for you.

gladimhere -sorry that the respite for your mum was a nightmare. It is something that you should be able to count on.

Talking about bruising, I got off balance on the stairs carrying my large laptop and a 1/2 full cuppa downstairs at the same time. I know I shouldn't carry both at the same time and usually don't. I managed to get the coffee set on a step without spilling much, sat down hard lopsided in one side and bruised my butt, and went over and whacked my cheek on one of the steps. My stairs are hardwood and I will underscore the "hard". My head "vibrated" for several hours. The battery pack was partially knocked out of the computer Other than the bruise and a slight red mark on my cheek nothing shows, but I have had some soreness in my neck and jaw from the head whack, and today am just plain tired and more achy than usual. It usually takes two days for this stuff to come out. I will not carry both again - well not a cup with coffee still in it anyway ;) However, I washed the stairs and the moulding, so they look good. There is always an up side.

Mother called to tell me that her kitchen sink is not draining properly. The aides are in there 4 x a day so I am sure it has been reported and is on the list for the maintenance man to fix. I think she lives to find out things that are wrong so she can make a fuss. The aides will want it done ASAP as they do the dishes, she doesn't. Worst comes to worse she has two bathrooms each with sinks so the few dishes that she uses could be done in the guest bathroom.

Missing my man. He has been away at meetings in mother's city since last week, and there are another couple of weeks like this before the audit at the end of August. I may have to join him there next week or we won't see much of one another, though I don't usually think of joining him there as it is so close, but these meetings are going on longer than expected - like all week, week after week. Hoping we get away on a short trip to BC soon.

have a good day everyone - love, hugs and prayers Joan

Yes, homeowner's, though I do not know what happened should cover hotel and all other reasonable costs if associated with a loss of the home. We had a roof redone last year, hotel would have been covered for hotel because of my mom's dementia. However, decided to take two weeks respite, and she stayed in a facility, which was another experience all in itself, a nightmare for her.

Well better than Monday sharyn but I am just at my wits end...discussing Dr/ankle issues with RN they agreed she is not being treated properly. I want to call the ortho specialist and find out why they would not MRI her and get a proper diagnosis... to me he said if we are not going to operate then why bother...well because I need to know if it is a sprain, a tendon or just a fluke bruising, his paperwork or diagnosis on chart notes sez contusion versus tendon rupture. the only reason I can see for not progressing with diagnosis as that she is not surgical candidate there is nothing in it for them....which is not why I came to specialist....I did not drive 2 hrs each way and collect all chartl notes and records xray and ct scan on disk for them to not look at it and say just hop her up on pain meds and forget about the why! I am furious with the whole system and now am getting more determined to find out the actual true problem....I feel it is not only the surgery non option but her dementia and medicare issue....well talking with home insurance agent yesterday she said hotel should be picking up bill but I sed well medicare pays which is wnhen the litebulb went off...that if we were paying cash or ?? we might get better service and I need to go back and have them transfer billing to cash...and as I type this should be covered under homeowners??? idk .....that just came to mind!
Well CG is here so I gotta run but had more to say bout hometown before the tangent, lol!
Have a good day everyone....
LOVE N HUGS to you all!!!
Peace,
Juju

I meant south of Stockton.

Juju~I am so glad your mother does not have more than the bruising even though that can be painful enough!! I live 13 miles north of Stockton...in Manteca. You know the gateway to the Sierra's...hwy 120 runs right through town straight to Yosemite. It sounds like you had a good day with your momma. Hugs to you!!

Well she is in no pain or additional bruising today, RN came out and gave her a once over and we feel pain would be a factor if she was injured so we will let her be...dodged a bullet with that one..i did mention although I am grateful and love the support of the home health agency, she should have never turned her back on ma
Sharyn..This bather is thru home health which is extension of medical care and is paid by medicare/blue cross so I do not pay her. but since it is professional org like that should be more careful...I had thought for some reason you were in AZ, are you in/from Stockton. I am originally from San Jose and vicinity.

Mom is having one of her rare lucid or I should say active mind days and wants to know where her husband is, keeps talking away, bout this that and the other thing, which I love...nice to have some company,especially from her!! she asked me if I had put the baby to bed and later sed I could go down and work on the bikes and get that chore outta the way. I manage to have the right answers! But I like hearing her speak as usually she doesn't talk less spoken to and not more than few words....besides those wonderful greetings she has for me it is "THeres my pretty girl or your so pretty, Im so glad I have such a pretty girl" or with others it is " oh you have got such a pretty shirt on, or your so pretty" also and the always predictable I want a hot cup of coffee.
anyway she is not injured from the spill yesterday I believe and relieved!
on the way to meet a plumber, have a great eve all!!!

Thank you Juju, I always enjoy reading your wonderful post. So sorry your mother having more problems. My prayers are with you too. We are all in this together. That helps so much.

Warm wishes and Hugs,

Sunny aka scmoonbeam.

Praying for you SCMB....

Just dropped in to say hello and hope everyone is hanging in there. Some days seem more difficult than others but with my own illness I have been struggling to help mother like I want to. Please pray God will give me the strength I need.

Thanks to each of you for being here and I appreciate this group and the others who have walked in our shoes and understand our difficulties.

Warm wishes and (((HUGS))) to all,

Sunny:)

Sad1, the gluten free diet is very healthy and yes very expensive. I try to do some of it but just cannot do it all. I am not always motivated to stay on it even though it does help. Being the caretaker for mother just makes it difficult for me to do much that takes such preparations. I am sure this is a cop-out but I do think it will be worth your while to give it a serious try. It is said to be the best. I also have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and ME, so it is so hard for me to do it. My best to you and hope it helps.

Warm wishes,

Sunny:)

Margeaux - I went gluten free about a month or so ago - and feel so much better! Discovered on vacation in Hawaii after a month of fruit and fish felt fantastic (contributed it to the vaca) but then had a waffle there - which was fantastic - but felt like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka. so - tried it at home - takes more work - and money (crackers $4 a box) and I feel great and not so tired...worth a try - for a few weeks and see if it helps. I also don't seem to crave sweets like I used to - and lost a couple of pounds. =)

to seemeride: probably the same way I did. you were the one available. i am one of 5 and the only one without kids under the age of 18. so i moved my new husband and myself 5 hours north to stay with and take care of my mom. the challenges seem to outway the good most days. but i do my best.

Emjo,

I don't know what happened, but my last paragraph got separated somehow from the rest of the body of text! How strange!
Margeaux

Emjo,

Thanks for the explanation about your experience and your eyes, sinuses, etc.
I was so stressed last week. Even though we'd gone out of town, and the husband wanted to take advantage and squeeze some vacation time in, it just wasn't the right time for this. If I'd allowed it, he would have had me on the road up to the very day before his procedure.

So at least a week and a half past, and I hadn't done the full on sweeping i usually do. Well guess what.....I did it this a.m., and couldn't believe how dusty the apt. had become. Our landlady also had some tree cutters on the property the very day we left out of town to cut down, and do lots of garden clean up. I'm afraid that possibly the Eucalyptus leaves and dirt got all stirred up, so this doesn't help someone like moi!

I hope your eyes get better. I do compresses with chamomille tea bags.
This really relieves any eye discomfort.

All right Emjo, I also hope you can resolve you candida too.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

After I cleaned up, believe it or not, it makes a difference, I'm sure re: what I'm breathing. My eyes don't seem as miserable as they've been feeling, so goes to show you how when one gets stressed out, I start to not focus on things that are essential to keeping all this under control. I'm telling you, I was having a few rough days over here just with this. But I also notice sometimes after I've had too much foods like pasta, it also contributes to the malaise. We did have that while on the road, then when we stopped in at my sister's house. I'm wondering if somehow the gluten plays a role in all of this.

Wow!! I just reposted a post on f/b about a woman I went through high school with...she is missing. Don't know if it is her choice to disappear or not.

Juju~I am glad that it reminded you of your momma! I had forgotten about these memories as well. My mom was never a patient person but with these activities, she was helpful, teaching, and supportive.
Joan~I sewed a lot of outfits for my kiddos when they were little and in jr. high, made lots of clothing for myself. I wish I still had the little quit I made for my daughter when I was pregnant with her. It was a carousel with ponies...I guess more of an applique since the details where stuffed with batting. My sons favorite blanket was an orange and white crochet blanket my mom made for him with satin trim. He loved it because he would rub the satin between his thumb and index finger. I think he still has it...not to rub it, LOL!! Great memories!!

Juju~Don't worry about whether you have a happy post or not...just post what is on your mind...get it out!!! I so sorry your mother fell and I hope that bather will not be back!! I certainly would not pay her for her services today. Have you tried calling the Area Agency on Aging in your county? Your mother could qualify for programs including respite for you. I hope you have more choices of home health care than the company you are dealing with now. In Stockton, Ca, Arcadia home care is highly rated. Do you have Arcadia up north? I met an RN who works for them, she also works in some capacity with insurance companies as she is the one who was sent by mom's LTC policy to evaluate her when we moved her to AL. She told us that Arcadia is excellent and will not put up with workers who do not show up regularly. Hugs to you and hope your momma is not horribly sore tomorrow...my heart goes out to you and her.

That is great idea's for Raven, if sis is old enough to qualify for that! I am so fried and overloaded I cant think of great things like that...
except Joan was thinking of your Ma --can you get guardianship or have you been down that road, and does that even give you the power to make her take her meds?? or pwr to put her in a phsyc ward, that is, if at a phsyc ward they are made to take meds or is that still at will in that environment??? Idk much but just idea's.

I would like to just come on and post some good news for once but I cant believe this....The bather from home health had ma in the shower and she went over backward off built in shower bench and hit head n shoulders on the tub. bruised up her arm real good. she is not complaining of much pain anywhere but I heard the thump from the other room...If she cracked another bone or knocked her head we wont know till tomoro seems she complains day after of the aches n pains...she doesn't like to make fuss when things happen.... this built in shower chair at hotel has no back and the bather left her to get clothes and towels, you cannot do that with ma, she should have gathered everything first before starting. I was doing thngs here and did not realize she had not done that. I am praying she is ok tomoro, I cant take another round of Drs n ER's etc...I am jaw dropped that this happened again and the trained home agency would turn her back. The RN is coming first thing AM to check her out! At this point if she is not camplaining I am not rushing her to ER...but gads her bones are like toothpicks I am praying for good outcome...hate seeing the bruises tho from banging her arm against wall! what else WTF, pardon me!

Truly I need to get a life outside of mom but how? My head is going to explode!
well she is napping now and I need one....havnet slept great since here in hotel 7/19 and still don't have numbers from contractor as I need them to submit to insurance, egad, this will never end...or start I should say, no rebuild work is even close to starting.
Well I did buy a hotplate last week and grabbed camp pans and we had our first home cooked meal in weeks, that was good!

Oh ya sr companion did not show up Friday as she was supposed to and then finally talked to her today she had been told by a boss of her other job nothing to do with us that she cannot come see us, which was an error on their part but left me hanging, was ready to get out n go, nevertheless we spoke this morning finally and made appt for 2-5 so I could get out for a bit and then at 1:30 I get voicemail she will not be here she has another client 1-4, what is going on in my world lately. uggghhhh I was packing up to go to town when she called...seriously what the heck is going on and why cant I get a decent break. I have done this on my own with a handful only of days off for nine years now and I mean on my own 100% not one other person in household to support just an aid for few hours a week I must pay and 3 hrs of sr companion who doesn't do anything but sit with them and chat....when will I get some relief!!!!

so sorry for all the bitching and whining but I just cannot catch a break!

Hope you all are doing good as can be!!
Hang in there, sweet people!!
peace,
Juju

I was thinking that too, sharyn and raven. or call your local agency on aging as your sis qualifies at 65 and see if they have any suggestions, This is not a good environment for your mum and especially for you.
I forgot about the afghans - crocheted many of them . We were taught to embroider and sew too, and I sewed quite a few outfits for myself, and embroidered small "table cloths" for trays for my aunt. I still have a cut work regular size tablecloth that I never finished. Mother was very good at all of that though she didn't crochet. My daughter is too and has done lots of beautiful embroideries which have been framed. She did a free hand embroidery of a mountain range on the back of a jean jacket. I swear she could have sold it for $100s. Got me thinking now, but any fine work is out. Even at their best the eyes are not good enough. I should be able to have cataract surgery the next year or so which will help.

Raven~:Maybe you could bring in a social worker to help your sister find a place live.

Sharyn, that just reminded me of my momma...exactly the same. she did tons of embroidery sewing and crocheting and taught me, i never did keep up on it much after moving out tho...she was amazing some of the things she would make, yes the patients as well....
that was one of the saddest points for me when i took her on from dad..i got out her crochet stuff, figuring something for her to do, make me a scarf, she would start get a few inches into it then take it apart and start over....this would go on over n over till i could not watch her do it and just put the stuff up after a bout a week of that...broke my heart.
I wish i had kept up on my skills wasn't bad as a kid I do have a scarf somewhere i started i should find it and finish some day.
I am so blabbing this week...this last injury has really gotten to me..i am sad and miss having my parents and being stuck in this hotel....sorry i am just going on about everything!! i just get bored, no one to talk to, all day long day in n out...i mean i have business, and few friends to check in with but nothing in the room that can hold a conversation. Arranging to see BFF Thurs, if all goes well this week!!
Had a pina colada early in eve knocked me out and now i am up in middle of night wide awake, ughhhh!
Have a great week y'all, will be real busy again for me I predict!
Wishing you strength and perseverance!
Peace,
Juju

Joan- My mom was very patient teaching me and sis how to sew.embroider. and crochet. I don't know how to knit but wish I did. Mostly I have crocheted things for coffee tables. Not doilys more like runners and an Afghan or two. Mom made many matching sweater sets with booties and caps. She also crocheted stars she starch them with a string at the top for a Christmas tree ornament. Her patience at doing this always amazed me.

Juju-so green and yellow are the colors for U of O! Great...green is my daughters favorote Color. I will make something simple. My kindle keeps changfing color to Colorado.

sharynmarie: I am working up to that point although I don't know if I can evict someone over 65. I have spoken to Mom about it and of course she does not remember the abusive language and attitude for more than 15 minutes. Her answer is always, "Pray about it!" The house belongs to Mom and will be divided between her 3 children when she passes. If the house was mine her bu__ would have been gone a long time ago.

Hi Margeaux - yes she has gone off the pills. Stubborn hardly describes her. her own father said she could drive a nail into a brick wall with her stubbornness. Anyone can refuse meds. You can't make her take them. If things go as I suspect she will eventually act out enough to get herself pronounced incompetent and put in a mental health facility or at least a closed unit. I don't know how they handle meds there and want to find out. She says she knows best what is good for her. and she felt fine until she took the pills, NOT!!! I guess you could call it denial. That she doesn't see any of the things I try to explain to her is because of the paranoia which is getting worse - people are plotting to send her "south", they are stealing her money, her pencils etc.

Glad you and your hubby are surviving the procedure and getting past the worst of it. These things are stressful. Hope he is up and about soon. Keeping regular after anaesthetic is always a problem. I think both of you will be tired for while.

I am convinced that sometimes I have a candida infection around my eyes/sinuses, as it flares up when my gut flares up. I did a lot of reading online when I first got this and it has been found that some sinus infections are fungal not bacterial. Mine aren't red and scratchy and gritty - more I get very swollen and can't see well - blurry vision - and a little itchy. The reason I am sure it is fungal is that when I take an antifungal meds which will reach that area, it clears up. What you describe sounds more like allergies or maybe bacterial infection. Stress will lower your immune system so allergies could flare up, and as well that could be due to eating out where you cannot altogether avoid things that you are sensitive to. If an antihistamine helps you know it is allergies.
rest to strengthen your immune system is good too. Good luck!

Love, hugs and prayers for everyone

Hi sharyn - taking it easy. I took presents over to my grandson and they were appreciated - remote control thingies. Had a nice visit and a cuppa white tea. My daughter was good - I wonder if she has SAD as she took a dive mood wise last Christmas. Hope the foot soak works on that callous. Crocheting -I used to crochet quite a bit. Gordie's first afghan was yellow and green - though I knitted it. When I ran out of babies to crochet for I crocheted baby things and gave them to the Thrift shop. I actually crocheted sweaters for the boys when they were teens.. I should try it again. I enjoyed it and knitting.

I am open, Karen. That is my back up plan. Unfortunately we have few alternative medicine people here. The thing about the intestinal infection is that you don't want to get rid of it all, but get the gut back into a balance between bacteria and the candida. It does live there normally in a healthy person. Too little candida and you have a bacterial infection - and I have been close to that a couple of times. Kill the bacteria with antibiotics and you get a candida infection. Because of so many antibiotics for sinus infections the candida got out of control. I am so much better and have decent energy most of the time now - like walking 40 blocks, For a year or so I spent most of the time in bed and was totally exhausted and dragged myself out of bed to make supper by a sheer act of will. Had some pretty bad gut pain at times. I eat unpasteurised sauerkraut daily to help restore the bacteria as I can't eat yogurt because of allergies and the capsules are not as good. I am convinced that I will get back into balance.:) I do take zinc and garlic.
Re your mum - I think writing a letter is a good idea, and sending it if you feel like it. It will help you let off steam. Lunches with my mum are a chore, but anything public is better that being alone with her. I redirect the conversation as much as I can to stem the negativity.

Sorry about my misspellings, you see...it's my eyes.
HAAH!
Margeaux