notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Where I'm "at" currently, with all of this, is a realization that my mother and older brother have similar personality traits that I find, in interacting with them, very hurtful and offensive at times. But these people are not my charge... so my interactions with them are sporadic, sometimes more sometimes less, and I'm trying to relax and just "trust the process" (of detachment) when dealing with them... learning to not be so fearful and full of apprehension, which just seems to make things much worse.
I tend to be a little shy, a little socially awkward, in a way that I don't completely understand. But I've learned to recognize it for what it is, because after 38 years of not having a father, and now living with my dad, I see this bit of shyness/awkwardness in him, too... much more so than me... but the point is, I now see that I've been in a constant emotionally defensive position with Family for many years. I call it "blocking emotional punches that aren't being thrown." Don't get me wrong, there is real chance that my Family WILL do something hurtful, but since I know and recognize so clearly now that all I can control is my own reaction, I see that I've been allowing myself to get REALLY demeaned, degraded, angry, hurt, resentful, etc. All these negative emotions I've allowed in myself as a result of how I'm interpreting actions of Family... and who they like to tell me, repeatedly, that I am.
Last Tuesday, my older bro, in a gossipy, accusatory way, asked me "What did you do with the $1400 you received from trust?" Its kind of a long story, but I have been running so close to empty, financially, for a long time now, as my father has required weekly doctor's appointments, and I've continued to put the priority on getting him to those appointments... not on my own employment, or welfare... and so I approached the trust to see if they would be understanding about the fact that I need gas money for these appointments... they decided to reimburse me at the rate of 56 cents per mile. I then sent over documentation of my dad's appointments, and the trust verified I did indeed provide transportation to all of these appointments, and after much drama and nickel-and-diming from them, they issued a check for about $1k. This (drop in the bucket) amount will go directly to vehicle repairs and gas money, so I can KEEP taking my dad to his doctor's appointments.
The point is, My Family doesn't seem to know how to accomplish anything without being overly Nosy, Accusatory, Gossipy, and just hurtful in general. I got pretty upset with bro when he approached me with this question, in the way that he did it. He then played his all-time (and lately, my mom's) favorite card which is to tell me that I'm basically the problem because of my reaction. My brother called my text messages to him "crazy gibberish" and told me "Thankfully I don't do that to others" (who would presumably think I was unstable??? I think this is what my bro meant by telling me this, and I have to laugh, I don't know what to do with how criticizing my Family can be at times!) I've re-read those texts, and I concisely and specifically explain What it is he's doing that causes me to be hurt, How he could approach things differently. Its absolutely not gibberish rantings... unless one doesn't want to take ANY responsibility for their actions. And so I've taken the time, over and over, to write out to family why it is that I'm displeased and hurt by their actions, why I feel they are overstepping boundaries and creating drama where there doesn't need to be any... and over and over I get this feedback/response that its simply my problem, I'm over reacting, I'm the one who needs to change.
And after experiencing all of this, again, in a concentrated way in the past year, I just come away with a sort of acceptance that I will never change them, that I must change the way I interact. So I'm very much on that path... of learning what detachment, boundaries, recognition of patterns "looks like" in a day-to-day application in my life.
Said jokingly - I sort of wonder if the Benevolent Universe doesn't make a "mistake" sometimes, grouping us with these families that we largely have nothing in common with, and can't seem to agree on much. I also believe that I have TRIED, and continue to try, to act with the greater human qualities of Patience, Kindness, Compassion, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Love towards my Family... I feel that they either do not know how to act towards me with those emotions, or they don't want to... I don't know.
Strangely enough, my father - who was a completely absentee father, a deadbeat dad, who has subjected me to years of inappropriate sexual attention from him, and whose violent yelling is something I Hate being around - makes "more sense" to me as an individual in my Family than the mother and siblings I grew up around. His dysfunction is evident, he admits it, claims it verbally at times, knows his faults, is one who will apologize and ask forgiveness at times... I can "work" with this type of personality, know what I mean?
There are many decisions on my horizon right now. Perhaps its time for me to exit this 2+years of full time caregiving life and just take my lessons and move on... whatever that means. I simply don't know right now. I could potentially stay on at my father's house, find meaningful employment in my old career field, and continue to be involved in caring for him, but with a separate life of my own now added in. Perhaps I can be thick-skinned enough, detached enough, wise enough to allow the dysfunctional interactions to not affect me, not hurt me so much.
I think often of how relatively stable and happy my life in Los Angeles was, before returning to midwest. Of course life is never perfect, and I try hard not to be nostalgic, but I realize now I simply had NO CLUE how chaotic my life could become in such a short time. I am forever changed because of these experiences. And now, what do I do now? I just don't know. There is a plan in my family of moving my father to Indianapolis to be closer to other family who can then drop in on him, and the need for someone to live with him will be gone. I talk to my dad very openly about his future, and what his options might be, and what I think are better options for him... my dad, like most elderly, doesn't really want to move (although he waffles around this subject a lot), and I'm not interested in "forcing" him. Which means I may at some point be forced to choose between being the "enforcing arm" of older bro's plan for my father, and respecting my father's autonomous wishes to remain in this house, his home for the past 30+ years.
Anyway, this is a lengthy ramble, I think I'll stop here. The basic gist is: there are so many unknowns for me right now. And I haven't been commenting much on this thread, because this is a more difficult subject for me... I just don't have a lot of answers... BUT, I do have a lot more knowledge, awareness, and tools than I did even 2 months ago. And I have you wonderful people to thank for that.
Margeaux, Cmag, sharyn, emjo, sad1, Austin, juju, Sunny... and like sharyn said, "I am sorry for anyone I overlooked" lol... I'm always reading, always appreciating your sharing.
I REALLY like the stories of finding love in one's older years. I'm 38, never married, no children. I always thought these things would just fall into place for me at the right times. I've had a few long term relationships that just didn't lead to marriage... And it certainly isn't that I lack opportunity, lol!!! Its just a matter of trying to put everything together in the right way, truly the right way... not just band-aiding over life's problems or my own emotional issues... and I have to remind myself to be at peace with things as they are... and know that truly I am becoming such a better person through all of this "trial by fire" and, hopefully, I have greater strength to stand on my own - or - much to offer a partner. Joan, I often think of your input to me to "know my worth." That advice, and its implications, plays through my mind a lot... and I think that's a bit of timely advice for me right now... so thank you very much for giving me that bit of advice to ponder. I think about what I want my future to look like. Its almost as if I've been set back about 20 years, to that time before when I was just leaving this area, this Family, in pursuit of my own goals/life. I did it once, I can certainly do it again. Its just a matter of deciding what is the best course of action and having the guts to act on my decisions. ;D
Love you all, thanks so much for this invaluable thread, hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday!
Margeaux~I was glad to read that your hubby is recovering. My fil is doing fine, he is like a timex watch...just keeps on ticking. It took a couple weeks for him and I think the infection get had was a UTI but don't know for sure and neither does my hubby. He is 80 years old now but strong and sharp.
I hope you are recovering from the allergies and everything else you and hubby have been through with his friends passing and the surgery. It takes a lot out of you dealing with all that.
Mom is adjusting, she still asks to go home, get me out of here but she never pushes it with me. She has gained 8 lbs since being there so her appetite is good. Sis and I had dinner with her tonight...her new thing is asking us when she was born and how old she is....I see that as some progression for her. Tonight she asked me when she was born, I told her...she said so that makes me how old? I counted out the years by 10 and she said 84!!! That is old enough!!! LOL!!! We all laughed about that. Sis, I just can't help her! I think her health is bringing her down emotionally because she is very dry and sarcastic with mom...so much anger still lingering and she seems to be more irritated by mom than she was a few moms ago. She says it is the meds she is taking causing her to have zero patience....I told her that mom probably picks on it and it could be part of the reason she makes a scene with you. Now I told my hubby that I don't understand why my sister does not plan for her blood sugar issues by bringing something to snack on when she has to deal with mom. She took mom to the podiatrist yesterday afternoon, by the time she returned mom to the community, her blood sugar was falling, she became weak and had to eat a couple of mom's cookies. She laid down on mom's bed....well you know how territorial Alzheimer's patients can be!! Mom told her she can't stay there, I have to get ready for bed soon!!! Sis took it as rejection and mom not understanding her needs. I know my sis has these health issues, but I just don't understand why she doesn't plan for these episodes to happen and have a snack before she is dealing with mom, I am sure that dealing with mom effects her blood sugar. I am venting yes...I can't blame mom for this...really?? Maybe I would see it different if I were in my sister positions but mom can't mother anyone, especially now. Anyway, after dinner we went outside, talked for awhile then sis suggested I take mom back to memory care. She wouldn't go with us...so I took mom back, we sat with one of her friends talked a little and I told her I have to go now. I gave her hug, said I love you and she said it back. That is how my visits go with mom. I cried as I walked out because I wish my sister could have this same type of visit. I can't tell my sister that mom says I love you to me and why i have this relationship with mom is beyond me but I know it can change any time. When I was in the memory care with mom tonight say good bye, she said I just don't know what I am going to do....I hugged her and said, you are going to me my mom and your are going to Midget's mom that is what you are going to do. She laughed saying I miss Midget, I said I know, I will bring her in 2 days so you can see her. During dinner sis asked me if I cash to give to mom because she has been asking for money. I had $7 I gave it to mom. While sis and I finished up business in the parking lot, she said, "I should have been the one to give her the cash because now you are the good guy and I am the bad guy." I told her, "This is part of your problem, there is no good guy and bad guy, accept mom as she is, what she is capable of doing and understanding!"
Well have a good weekend Margeaux, Joan, Sad1, Juju,Cmag, Austin, Alison, Sunny and I am sorry for anyone I overlooked...you are all in my thoughts, Hugs!!
My friend "S"...the one I posted about that got me into counceling,etc., she told me the other day that she is getting married and to come by her office and she would share her Cinderella Romance with me.
About a year and half ago a friend of "S" brought a gentleman to her office. "S" teaches bereavement classes and the gentleman "G" had just lost his wife of 50+ years. He married when he was only 18, never dated any other women prior to marriage so he was beside himself in grief. He went to the classes which helped him come to terms with his loss. BTW "G" and "S" went to high school together.
"S" did not want any romantic relationships, she lost her first husband at the age of 38, her second husband passed away 11 years ago from cancer. Here she is at the age of 73 and has been perfectly happy surrounding herself with her family and friends, and business. After months of seeing "G" and always driving separately to dinner or a movie she found herself thinking of "G" constantly. Yes of course she fell in love with him but she did not realize it was happening, was completely blind to her feelings because she had kept things very impersonal with him not even giving him her phone number and he had no idea where she lived. Anyway after going away for 3 days with her family, she discovered her feelings for him. He did not ride up on white horse, but he does drive a small white pickup truck, LOL!! She said everything with the wedding plans are just falling into place, no stress with booking the date,etc. Her message is....you are never to old to find love again, as women, we put everyone ahead of ourselves but at some point, before it is too late...put yourself first!!
I will check in later with your week!
Peace,
Juju
Joan~I have not heard anymore about the woman I went to school with who is missing. I reread the poster the family distributed and it says they want her to know that she is missed and that she is safe. I think she left on her own free will for some reason. Hopefully she will return or there is nothing criminal going on regarding her disappearance.
Margeaux~Thank you asking, my fil is fine now. It took a week and a half but he is older than your husband. I am gearing up for my son's visits and leaving for Idaho the following week. Sis and I will have dinner tomorrow with mom. Sis is not comfortable visiting mom by herself since mom tends to make a big scene when she does visit or she calls her accusing her of things. Since we are having dinner, I can't bring Midget (I have renamed her Bridgette...I am concerned when in public someone may become offended if I call out Midget). Hopefully by keeping our visit out in public and not in her room, she won't make a scene.
There is a man who visits his mother in memory care. She is more advanced than my mother, wheelchair bond, pureed food. He just has a fit when I come in to visit and they are getting ready to serve a meal. He will interrupt my conversations with caregivers to let us all know that dogs are not allowed in the dining area during meals. I realize he is right, but sometimes it is the only time I can get the caregivers attention because they are busy and all over the place assisting residents. I could solve the problem by coming in earlier, but there are times when I can't work that out with other responsibilities in the morning. I can tell the caregivers are irritated by him, they will roll their eyes and address him by name saying "yes we are aware of that Elliot". Now i do not except them to make exceptions for me...but I can't help but think that if you want to make an issue, why not insist that they mop the dining room floor before they serve a meal because the resident dog is long haired and sheds where Bridgette does not shed....just my little vent, I know rules are rules, LOL!!
Hugs to everyone, and I hope the weekend brings time for peace and relaxation!!
NIte all!
Sorry i am fried and checking out for eve...i will catch up good stuff later i need some rest now i have peace of mind and make ma comfy....she was so cute on way home she kept saying oh this is so pretty all the mountain and pines on freeway side.....this would be nice place to live, i sed we do live here and she was tickled sed not like Wisconsin cold n flat, hehehhe she is a doll and just sed this is a nice drive and grab and held my hand...not knowing a thing just felt my relief/release! it was a special moment again right when i needed it most!! she will get fixed up right now after 8 visits and 11 days!!!
Luv n
Peace,
Juju!!
I have no new news about my mother since the drama of last week. The visit to my MIL's was ok and short. I enjoyed more the visiting time we had with our son who traveled with us.
My 25th wedding anniversary went fine on Tuesday! The next day, my wife had her operation for her hiatial hernia. She came through fine. We are home now after an overnight stay in the hospital and she is on a liquid diet. The doctor prescribed several of her meds in liquid form and we have a pill crusher for the rest.
All of the above has wrecked havoc on my diet and exercise program.
I am going to write later...about you and friendships.
Margeaux
I'm really sorry about this fall your mother had.
Yes, leaving her unattended, no less in a bathtub, whoah!
My mom is 92, and quite immobile, now. She stays on the first floor in her home.
When it has anything to do with bathing, the caregivers sit her down on a chair, and run the shower hose on her. I realize you're in a hotel, and this may not be an option for you, just an idea.
I empathize with you Juju, regarding these doctor's having this kind of an attitude with you. If we don't get proper diagnosis, or not made aware of things that can happen to a patient, we can feel dis-empowered. I sure did, last week when I came to discover that post-operative for us, possibly meant a catheter. But even though I was nervous, (had never dealt w/this), and realizing the discomfort my husband would be in, I just took a deep breath and said to myself, "for now, this is what I must deal with, and I'll get through it."
Now, I'm not in any way implying my circumstance is as yours. You have been caring for your mom for a very long time, and after what I've been experiencing just what I've gone through......my hat goes off to you, who really goes to the degree you go to, to get your mom the help she needs.
I'd also like to to mention, that when anyone is very stressed out, our nerves kind of can't handle the heat, if I may say. I know I was really feeling some of this last week. I don't know if you use any coping mechanisms. I encourage you, to look up
the "Emotional Freedom Technique," (EFT) by Gary Craig. It's a technique I use
to help me sift through many of the tough issues presented to us in life.
I really feel that you are in need of a serious break from some of this also.
I'm happy for you that your mom is sweet too! Be confident, that you do all you can do, never second guessing anything! We here are on your side, even if we at times respectfully disagree. It's the ying and yang of it all, my dear.
I'll be thinking about you and your mom,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I'm definitely thinking of you and your mom, in hopes that you meet a doctor who will be way more compassionate towards your sweet mom.
How are you doing from that fall?
Yes, sometimes we just have to decide what it is we can actually carry.
I know, then you figure you have to make the extra trip for whatever was left behind.
I guess I missed all the posts about embroidery. My grandmother was good at it,
tried to teach me....but I never got out of those little chain links, well it was actually crocheting. I did learn to sew. I've been stuck actually making a frock, w/a two part sleeve for my husband. I cut the pattern using a frock, that I could not dis-assemble. Call me crazy. Anyway I've been stuck at the armhole and sleeve area.
Of course for now, haven't been able to do any of that. Sewing makes me relax.
I sure hope you can see your husband soon.
I have to say that I feel the opposite right now about my dear husband.
I feel like I need to get away from him, truth be told, which I will do, after he's out of the woods over here. I'll probably go spend a few days w/my girlfriend who lives out of town.
O.K., meanwhile I'll just have to be patient!
Hope you get better from the fall Emjo!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Happy belated anniversary, hope it was good!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
How are you doing? I've been having to go back several posts. Given everything going on w/my husband....I didn't read some posts very well.
I did read the post about Midget leading you to your mom, how sweet.
Mom has tried putting on her own eyebrows. She did it one time, I think it was during Christmas when we all were there. She got a bit carried away especially with the eyebrows. I agree with you that it is great they still think about their looks, in the midst of whatever else is going on. We do have to find the good part about all of that.
How is she adjusting to the Memory Care Unit?
Thank you so much for your post about your fil, and I hope he is doing better also.
Also, thanks for the hugs, and thinking about my husband and me during this time.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Joan~so sorry you fell, I hope you are not to sore and as Juju says, most of the soreness and pain doesn't show up till the next day. Take care of yourself!!
Margeaux~glad hubby is recovering and you are getting a balance again.
Juju~ I do agree that the dr. should have given you a prognosis on your mother's injury. I am not sticking up for dr.s by any means, but sometimes their bedside manner is so remote because they dont want to get emotionally involved, they miss issue. When my father was in the SNF with alzhiemer's, I received a call from the facility that they sent for an ambulance to take my dad to the ER because he vomited what looked like coffee grounds. They couldn't get my mom by phone because she was using the phone when they tried. So I called my mom and we met at the hospital. They had given my dad some type of antacid to calm his stomach. I asked the attending dr. if they could scope his stomach...he said they could but.....consider how advanced my father was and his quality of life, they did not want to put him through it. I was very upset with that answer, I felt they could at least check him to rule out stomach cancer or internal bleeding since my dad had a history of acid reflux. It really sucks that dr.'s are so impersonal today in order to avoid not getting emotionally involved with a patients life. I found with mom's dr. (who is my dr. as well), I have to word things in a certain way with him in order to get what I want. It all comes down to them not wanting to be sued.
My son confirmed last night that they will be here the first week of sept...so excited I can't stand myself, LOL!! I plan to make him home made chicken n noodles, his favorite and anything else I can to spoil him. His wife only cooks what she likes...I know...I am bad but he deserves to get some of his favorites too!! I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment. Hugs to everyone!!
Sorry for your fall, hope you don't bruise your face
Much love and some news on town hall meeting later!
Tired. gonna watch season premiere of Duck Dynasty snuggling with my momma! Back to GP tomoro for follow up and whoop some butt, i wish, but least she is not as arrogant as most but not very knowledgable either, actually very sweet natured but not a geriatric specialist...i need to find one of those needle in the haystack caring DR/GP for Ma soon!!
NIte y'all and all is good i hope i did not offend you Joan!!
Love n hugs,
Peace
Juju
Margeaux and Karen - re gluten - I have found substitutes for gluten products. Yes, you have to read labels, but there are a limited number of regular products like salad dressings, canned soups and cereals that are GF. As I mentioned, I have to go dairy free too, which limits me further. Corn and rice are good, and cheap and flax too. However it is harder to bake GF and the flour and baking mixtures are a little expensive, and the results not quite the same.
sunny -sorry to gear that you fell too and for the same reason. Sounds like you had a worse one than I did. We both will have to be more careful and carry less when doing stairs. Yes, it is fortunate it wasn't worse. I really understand when you say it is difficult when you are not feeling well. I have to look after myself when I am not well. What alternative do we have? You cannot be there every day. The main thing is that she is well looked after. Glad your granddaughter helped with the technology. I am reasonably computer literate, but have a new computer to set up, am not feeling great, mother is after me again and I think I will ask my son to do it even though I have set up computers before and can do it.
Oh Margeaux - hate being chopped liver. Yes, they will listen to someone else and not you, and not always even someone else. G had some blood work done as part of a project here. His thyroid showed low in the blood tests, the doc called him personally and told him the most important thing he needed to do was go to his regular doctor and get thyroid meds, I had told him this already once I saw the results as I have some experience in that area. He looked at me in surprise and said to me "The doc said just what you said!" Duh!!! Then his doc, who has been useless, and more on useless docs later, ju, said that he didn't think G needed thyroid treatment. I told him to find another doctor, but he hasn't. This particular doctor has done absolutely nothing helpful for G on any area, which is pretty well par for the course here for doctors who are taking new patients. Glad hubby finally peed and the catheter is gone. Hope you have a break now and can relax.
ju - sorry if I offended you. From what you wrote above, I understand your frustration better. I agree they should not have had you run around to get all that info and then dismiss it, and they should explain to why they do not recommend any sort of treatment than Tylenol, and they should tell you what the outcome might be for your mum, how long you should keep her immobile and so on. They should do a lot of things differently. I too have resented the wasting of my time by docs and dentists, Of course, I am not mad. I think I did not express myself well. I have been fed up with getting the run around, myself, but have decided that I will lower my expectations of them, take what I can get and keep pushing for what I think I need. Recently, I have been to 3 dentists about implants and have repeated procedures, requests, paid extra and so on. They and their staff have lost records, over diagnosed, forgotten, overcharged etc. etc. etc. I am finally back with the one I have decided is the best, even though he lost all my expensive Xrays and most of the girls in the office mix things up. Whadda you do? I need the work done, and overall, in my estimation, he is the best of the three. So I have decided not to be upset about it, to realize that they are only human, and some of them very human, lower my expectations but not to a point of accepting inferior care where it matters, that things will not go perfectly, and I will push through for what is most important, and not stress about it. I have had the same experience with doctors. Recently, my new one said that at my age I don't need a mammogram. That is age discrimination. I said firmly that I do need one. He gave it me a requisition. I found on line that the incidence of breast cancer increases with age, and having mammograms helps survival rates. So I printed that off and will take it to him next time I see him and hope it benefits some other senior. I have left several doctors in this town for incompetence. I am still suffering from a candida infection that was not properly treated at the beginning. I believe if I had been properly treated I would not still be sick. The doc I had at the time didn't have a clue. I am not stressing about that as it hurts my health. There are more examples. So I have had my share of unfortunate experiences with medical people. Sorry you are disappointed in me. I was just sharing a different approach that works for me, for dealing with the inevitable imperfections in the medical system. Love you too and hate seeing you so stressed and frustrated so much of the time. Hope the Town Hall meeting went well.
cmag -thinking of you and what you are going through
Sharyn – hope all is well
Kazzaa – hope you are having a good break
Alison – you are quiet –hope all is well
Hi to everyone else
Think the aches and tiredness are a bug as well as the stair tumble. I cancelled my nail appointment and slept all afternoon. Yesterday I was coughing and had a sore chest, and today I am sweating. Fun and games. It never rains but it pours. Mother emailed me again today, so I know she can do it if she wants to. If I don't answer the phone she is more motivated to practice emailing which works better for me.
Have a good evening everyone - love hugs and prayers.
I do not mean to present this confrontationally I am just tired of the runaround and feel she deserves the best care possible irregardless of the condition. I mean I don't even know if she will ever be able to bear weight and stand and do our 2step transfer again after 3 appt's n CT scan(big booboo there) so why deny the MRI after all that, I have no idea how long I should expect or keep her immobile and when I should expect some kind of relief I have a life and that is what they get paid for to give us a professional diagnosis, what we do with it is our choice!!! it is just not right to waste a person time and they surely billed for the appt like they helped her...they should retract the billing then and pay me for my time! IMHO...lol...
Sorry but I have had it with getting nowhere or even worse at the hands of so called professionals!!
Please do not be mad at me for my opinions
Peace and love to all.....
Headed out to a rare presence in our community but I think it is growing as we are known for a booming retirement region...a Alz Assn Town Hall meeting up 33 miles north so will check in with some positive stuff to say later.
I love this site and you all and Joan I appreciate all you share and do for us, don't take my disagreement as anything else but that agree to disagree, lol!
Peace,
Juju
He had to pee while there, and it wasn't adequate, according to the attending nurse.
Poor guy. Of course as we all know whenever someone is in this situation, the patient and in my case especially my dear husband isn't the patient type at all.
I had to just suck up a lot, if you all know what I mean. I tried to put myself in his shoes. Today we returned to the Urologist, and they removed it, he finally pee'd
the amount they needed. We can both breathe a sigh of relief!
From the surgery itself, he seems to be doing o.k., w/minimal discomfort.
My goal has been to keep him regular throughout all of this.
I've always been stressing the importance of drinking water, and now hopefully he will finally listen to this advice. On Monday they told him he could have been dehydrated. Isn't it funny how we the wives, or someone close w/give advice like this, but it takes a stranger to give the same advice for some people to listen!
I've had so many chopped liver moments, I cannot begin to tell you all.
So now I plan on relaxing!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux