
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
A liar’s worst enemy is someone with a good memory.
When people know they did you wrong they avoid you.
Have you ever lost all respect for someone? Like you don’t hate them but you don’t feel the need to say anything to them anymore.
Have you read up on the Gray Rock Method, online. If you stop giving into her anxiety, and just brush it off, it should get a little better. She is doing it for control and wants you to be as high anxiety as she is, I suspect it's working too.
I understand you want to "keep the peace". However, that's very costly peace. It's costing you your independence and a life of your own.
Is it really worth it?
Wishing you the best for you in this situation.
Pretty much. She values safety and security more than recovery. And it's why she shrinks my world.
I'm not allowed to shovel snow out of the driveway. Couldn't go across town to drop some things off for classmates because I didn't have a phone. Not allowed to go to my dad's best friend's funeral because of flu concerns. Have to walk through the yard and open the small fence gate to go next door and not walk next to the street and avoid the plants that are lined up along most of the fence. Can't even do a tree branch comparison.
Back in college, she tried talking me out of seeing my alma mater play a road football game an hour away from my college town citing traffic concerns in the big city that's en route and that hardly anyone from my hometown would be there. Traffic wasn't bad at all and the visitor's section was nearly full with people from my hometown. 10 years ago, she disapproved of me buying an air gun pistol. When I bought it, I was three months removed from graduating COLLEGE.
During junior high, she wouldn't let me walk home. I had to ride the bus with my dad all the way through his route twice a week. One of his stops was at the high school and our house was 60 seconds away. It took 15 minutes to walk home going the long way. The short way was a no go because of two large drainage ditches. I didn't tell her I walked home for much of my junior year of HS until I got my driver's license. She assumed I had friends give me rides home.
These are things normal parents don't pull on their adult kids. There's a reason children of overprotective parents go no contact with them once they're finally out of the nest.
OK. That's how she is then.
Do her feelings of fear control everything?
She did. The arborist said the tree she suspects the down branch was from needs to be cut.
I try not to rock the boat, but it gets more ridiculous. It just keeps piling up.
She mostly likely thinks I would slip and fall and hurt myself. She's been afraid of things going wrong since she was 12.
Just curious, you say she won't let me but, she is bed ridden, how does she stop you? Think about this.
I wanted to go out and compare and contrast the down limb from one of the limbs from the tree she thinks it came from, but she won't let me. She thinks the tree in question is the one & wants it torn down to protect both property and the renters and doesn't want me out in the backyard because it rained an inch at our house last night. It isn't flooded btw.
It's all I can do not to go off on her. It would've taken literally a minute to compare branches.
🙂
You should really come with a warning label.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.
Wondering how or if I can start communication again with my dd. Her BPD has flared up with the move, she has made some unwise financial decisions which has put them under a lot of pressure (=debt) and I have bailed her and them out before but I believe that has to stop. They may as well learn better how to handle their finances now than after I and whatever money they get from me is gone.
“If their absence brings you peace, they were the problem.”
I would contact APS (Adult Protective Services) about all you have told us. They can intervene to check on things for you.
I hope you will do so and let us know how that goes for you and your Mom.
Im trying to get POA revocation ASAP () mom's rapid recliner, her lawyer is semi-retired, not available, slow to respond. Lies told to me and about me.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
I don’t have a problem with those who don’t like me,
but I do have a problem with those who pretend to.
As a result, she's been using my phone of late to text and call her friends and neighbors. She has hardly been on her own to make sure it didn't get too hot and it would cause the SIM card to move out of place just enough to cause issues.
I got her an iPhone case to see if that can help remedy the SIM card situation and it doesn't get moved out of place. I got it set up and...
...she's still using my phone.
She's currently contemplating buying a tracphone. She refuses to get another iPhone and let the current one be used as an iPod Touch, even though she won't lose her texts or pictures on it.
It only gets more ridiculous. If the case doesn't remedy the situation, then it'll be proof she's on her phone way too much and at the computer too little. She was on the computer TWICE all of last year.
“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
🙂🙂🙂
“Life is too short to be normal.
Stay weird.”
Today’s words of wisdom:
“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
Today’s words:
“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it to the full,"
The point burnt makes is a good one. We are far more limited that Jesus is. The Holy Spirit works in us to bring us to the likeness of Christ. We can't do it in our own strength nor will we reach perfection in this life.
The greatest commandment is that we love God with all our hearts and our neighbours as ourselves. In this case your neighbours are your parents. This means you count equally in the equation,
Love is seen in action. You are to do good things for yourself as much as for your parents.
If this situation is too hard on you then figure out what is loving for you as well as for your parents. They need care - it doesn't mean it has to be you doing the hands on care. If it is too hard on you it can be done by others. Jesus says his burdens are light. He does not want burdens to be too heavy for you. Yes we encounter tribulations. He also shows us the way through them. regarding boundaries. There are lots of boundaries in the bible, and consequences when they are breeched. God/Jesus is not against setting boundaries and following through with consequences, Quite the opposite. The answer is not to just tell people that they have broken your boundaries, but to then calmly to enforce the consequences. Boundaries are of no use without consequences.
All the best and prayers with and for you.🙏🙏🙏