notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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My aunt left to go back to Ohio. Mom is mostly settled in her apartment. She seems very pleased with how it looks. She had given me this big pile of papers from her attorney. In the papers was a notarized and witnessed statement itemizing all of the jewelry and a statement that she had given it me permanently for my use and the use of my grandchildren. Today when we went through the box - she showed me two rings that I didn't know about. She said that she had them made from a couple of old pieces ofjewelry . They were two identical rings - single 1ct. diamonds set in 14K gold. She said that she hoped that my grandsons would use them for engagement rings at some point in the future. She had a three piece set - necklace, bracelet and drop earrings - diamonds in 14K gold. She said for me to give it to my granddaughter Emma when she was old enough to take care of it. She said the rest of the jewelry I could keep for myself or keep for Emma. I'm glad she put it all in writing. I took it to the bank and put in my safe deposit box. I spent a couple of hours helping her put things up. She had read the bulletin board in the lobby and discovered that they had an open club bridge game and I left her at 2:00 talking to a couple of other ladies and getting ready to play cards. She called me after dinner and said that she had a good time and that all of the men and women were very friendly. Two ladies on her hall had invited her to eat dinner with them. She said the food was very good. She had looked at the menus for the rest of the week and had signed up for those meals. She said she enjoyed eating in the dining room that it wasn't as lonely as sitting at home and eating by herself. My Mom in a congregate dining room - hard to believe. When I checked on her early in the day - she was cleaned up and had her makeup on. Haven't seen her in makeup in 3 or 4 years. Hope that everyone is having a good evening.
I take Midget back to the vet today, I hope they can remove the staples.
It sounds like she is feeling a freedom she hasn't had in a long time, having been constantly under pressure from her other kids, who were only after her, for what they could get from her.
I hope this new chapter of her life, allows you the freedom to enjoy your life, continue to work, and rebuild the Mother/daughter relationship, you both desire! Good on you! You did a fantastic job, I really rooting for the both of you!
She left without saying goodbye to me.
The other came up and brought a stomach virus from her family - cut her visit short as well - always judging and telling me all about myself. I am interrogated if I am not energetic, 100% happy or entertaining. She too left without goodbye. I ended up cancelling work because I caught her puke virus and when I dont work I dont get paid .
When my mother had a stemi 2 mos ago - I had to leave work my dad never answered ems call. Nor did anyone else. I met my mom at hospital and held her hand while she endured a team of MDs and had a heart attack. As they performed cath & stents, one sister called after I had left texts and calls without answer for hours - she was sobbing and in need of comfort while I sat in the cath lab alone.
They all arrive and my cousin brought my dad down because he is too old and it was snowing to be on the road. I sat with her mother before she died for months in and out of the hospital. She dropped my dad off and left. Came back in w a promise to bring my mom dinner the next wk and actually ended up cancelling that never to RS
My sisters work w my dad to arrange care while they punctuate treating me like shit in and out of the hospital. They went out to get food one night upon return from Hospital and did not invite me. I had gone home to clean the house and make food for them. In the middle of this my car started to break down and finally was made into scrap metal. My nurse sister brought home crap food for her once she was out that would log anyones arteries. WTH
My mom had a stroke about 2 days go. Dads thought was to take her to eye doctor after she lost vision. OMFG. Why and how did this grw to be the beast that it is.
I am so tired. So tired.
I hte my life here. I have to get out before I end up in hospital
sharyn - I read it that way first too. I sure understand why you don't want to keep working. Hope midget will be staple-less soon.
upset -wonderful how your mum is settling in. Maybe she realizes she has a second chance and that she blew the last one. A social life is one of the advantages of an ALF. Just about everything affects CFS/FM stress, weather, allergies... I find I am sensitive to noise right now and at the hairdressers this afternoon wanted to tell them all to be quiet! I an going back for a gel fill tomorrow and hope it is quieter then.
glad - awesome that you have your place and will use movers. It is coming together nicely. Yay!!! Lots of room for Macey to run, I hope.
I got overwhelmed this evening, by kindness for a change. One of my cousins just decided to join face book and he messaged me yesterday. They spend the winters in Arizona. Long story short, I got strongly urged to visit them. Their house is free of visitors till mid March. I am so touched. He probably is the cousin I trust the most. They are very genuine and hospitable. It's funny/strange - I bought a couple of summer maxi dresses on sale the past few weeks thinking, "What am I doing? I am not going on holiday anywhere warm." Well, I guess I likely am, after all. Once I get the renos finished this month (or even if I don't), and my cataract done , I should be good to go sometime in February for a couple of weeks and can work in a week with my son coming or going. The plane goes from his city right to Phoenix. Need to digest this! It makes me a little sad as well as R and I were planning a trip there too. but... I will enjoy my cousin and his wife very much. Wow - so hard to believe.
Yes, house all lined up. I am looking forward to it. The house is just on the outskirts of town, on 1.7 acres, lots of room for Macy to run. Could raise chicken or goats, if I wanted to.😸 four beds three baths, four car garage for all the toys I could get. A boat, vintage corvette, nope vintage pickup is more my style. more than I need, good deal on rent for the Area. The owner just bought it in December, and will move there in 12-18 months. At thAt time I will have a good feel for the Area and know if I want to buy or just continue to rent. I know I do not want a big mortgage at this point in my life. Very excited!
The landlord even negotiated rent since mine still has not sold. But, I got a contract on it yesterday. Hopefully it will go through. I had one that fell through about a month ago. The rent will increase and catch up on past months after closing. My phone was ringing off the hook yesterday, or I guess now out of my pocket.
Movers cannot come until the 26th, wish it was sooner. Then delivery Monday or Tuesday the next week. So, all is falling together. Found doggie day care. Ordered internet, will get utilities taken care of today.
Golden, Arizona this time of year would be great!!! It will a nice break for you to get in a warmer climate.
Midget got the staples removed, I am happy about that. I also got her liscensed into my name finally. All this time I have had her, I left it in my mom's name. Later today I will call to put her microchip number in my name too. Some little details I have needed to follow up on. I am back to sorting out paperwork. All the financial copies my sister sent each month needs shredded. I don't see a need to hold on it it any longer. Next month when I go to Idaho, dad and I will look at some model homes just for ideas.
Great about Midget and making her yours!
I feel like a sponge absorbing my families health issues... Here I am trying care and handle all my mother's issues and my oldest brother calls my mother to tell her all his major health issues going on... of coarse, I feel badly that he had heart surgery and hip replacement and this morning he called to tell her he fell (tripped on a rug) and hit his head (she was crying). I feel badly for all, but all this stress is eating me up and causing me more stress... I have a dr appmnt for a routine visit in a little while... My mother, brother (or his family who live 1000 miles away) don't understand or care how much work I have done to keep my mother 'well' and healthy while this has taken a toll on my health (not to mention the years it has taken from me ... my life)... Why do I (or should I) feel obligated or stressed because of what is happening in their lives (when I have been the 'good' one)? Everything is wrapped around them... (they think I'm invincible).
Golden - Az in February is fabulous...and getting. To see your son.
Got a call from bad Brothers SIL. She got a final forensic acctg. Prior to her taking over her parents POA, bad bro and his wife had taken huge amounts of money from her parents. So she is making claims on them. Upside is her parents have taken her sister out of their will. Their estate will be split 50/50 only it won't go to my SIL until my Mom or her estate is paid in full for what they stole. Neither of her parents are expected to live more than 6 weeks. They both have endstage cancer and her mother has advanced Alzheimer's. I feel really bad about V having to lose both of her parents and having to deal with my bad bro and SIL. I took Mom this afternoon to get a new doc here. She liked her and thinks she will be fine. Tomorrow she's getting established with eye clinic. She asked to take me out to lunch and to go shopping. I couldn't believe it; she hasn't done that in maybe 8 years. She used to be a first rate shopper and going out to lunch was a favorite thing. Pretty amazing from my perspective.
My mother and father have been verbally and emotionally abusing me the worst its been and my siblings are ganging up on me - they never bother calling or asking how I am - Im incidental to living here when they visit and make loads of work for me. My father is a rageaholic and when I reaffirm he cannot speak to me like that he rages more. My mother is completely losing her marbles and my dad knows she cant be left alone but he will fire staff and leave her. I am going to get out asap. I have no money and no place to go. I am so distraught I have been backed into a wall and my mom cant stand up for herself and yet she is mean as heck. But my dad is an a**hole and rage king. The two have a love hate thing and want help but only if I am the slave. I hate my life. I have to get out of here and it is breaking my heart. I was here as a promise to my mom so she would not have to go into AL. Nobody wants them to but I am the only one doing the work.
You guys. I am trying so hard to get out of here and the sadness at having wasted my life is making it worse. I don't know how to or where to go to start again. I am listening to motivational tapes daily and work hard on myself but the constant horrid negativity and they and my siblings insisting I am a worthless POS is killing my will to survive. I am so sad.
I looked for work, did not find anything near my home. Started to look out of state, moved 450 miles away to work in my field. Think outside of the box, push your comfort zone, it will pay off. I have now been here for a year, it was very difficult, the job was not at all what it was to be. But, I got back in my field and will move again next week, much closer to home.
While this was hard, it was very good for me to place the distance between me and family dysfunction. So make a plan, and do it. I hope Ali will chime in here. She has gone through the caregiving for her dad, five years now, and she has made a plan, that is still in progress. It is possible, you both can do it. Best to you both.