The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Glad I am so sorry about your friend but can only say the compassionate thing will be to let him go. Osteomyelitis is an infection of the bone and can occur in any bone.that is what happens when something like a hip replacement becomes infected. Today there are antibiotics available to treat it.50 +years ago not so much so it was more common. The other cause again 50+ years ago was TB of the spine which is again becomming a possibility with the drug resistant strains that are developing. If he is also an alcoholic by his age his liver could also be in poor shape. Add to that the kidney failure and though while dialysis can be tolerated it is also a big strain on the body. If I was the one making decisions for this patient I would tell them to take him off the ventilator not do the trach, and keep him comfortable while he passed. You don't say whether he lacks capacity to make his own decisions but as his dad questioned you it sounds as though it is the case and he was really asking for reassurance that he would be making the right decision. As he has an IV I would leave that up simply as a convenience for any medications. Bless you for being concerned Glad. I know it broke into your quiet W/E but your input is valuable for his Dad

He does not have capacity to make his own decisions now, though four weeks ago he did. Social worker told me he seemed very confused but since nobody knows him there thought it might be his normal. I had been trying for years to get him to put a POA in place, and even harder the past three years because i have come to understand how very important they are. But, he would not do it. The social worker wanted me to help figure out what to do with him. I told her to call his Dad. Now I wonder if his Dad is able to take care of it. It may fall to one of his siblings. I am not even sure that his Dad has told the rest of the family what is going on. They live 2,000 miles away.

Emjo, thank you, just so much right now. Then made the mistake of calling a life time friend of his. That did not go well, because as alcolholics do they alienate friends and family. This friend must have been quite hurt by whatever was said to him. But, he sent me an email in the night and maybe he will help. He was quite nasty to me on the phone, haven't talked with him in probably 6 years. He actually asked me "why don't you take care of him since you are already taking care of two others?". Doesn't have a clue.

Glad I am afraid his dad and/or siblings will have to make the decisions. The SW should not even have discussed it with you I am sad to say. can you influence his Dad. Don't be upset with what his friend said it was pain talking. He can't do anything so he had to lash out

Social worker called me because she was given permission. When I told her to call his Dad it took another two days for him to give her permission to call hus Dad. My friend J is a very good man, very proud man, and just did not want to concern his father or admit to his illness that would not have happened had he been able to quit drinking.

Me1000 ~ Close to things I was doing with my dad. Every time I turned around, he wanted me or one of my family to do things for him and then complained. Then other times, he just complained to get his way with money or what he wants to do. He forgot mom was still alive and lives there. He would start fights, complained, wanted and demand everything. Well this last time, I went to the house to have mom to sign some papers, that the dr. said she could do and to set her meds up for 4 weeks. As soon as I got there, in front of a friend I had with us and my husband, he started a fight. Why he started it, He did not want mom to sign anything, because he wanted to go over her head and sign papers to sell moms natural rights to certain land. (Natural materials, as in natural gas, oil and so forth) It is not in his name, only moms. It was given to mom. If something happen to him, this was money in the pocket to take care of mom. But he wants mom to have nothing when he dies. He don't believe she should, even though for 51 years she has stand by the guy and even lived with him dating and having sex with other woman, during his heart surgeries and all. But he has nothing to do with her like that. He complains she is still alive and everything. But see, you are getting almost to the point I was at. I had to walk away from it all. I could not take the abuse any longer. (truth be told he has physically and mentally abuse me for 50 years. (have family members that will tell you so) So it was time to take my life to my own. So a few weeks ago I walked away from my whole family. This is even counting the two no for good sisters I have. It is their turn to take care of them. I have one cousin, one aunt , that I will talk to. Other then that, no one else. It is just me, my husband, our son and daughter. (kids grown) I even sent them a letter stating I was stepping down from MPOA. I will say one thing: It has been peaceful, quiet and even my phones don't ring off the hook. Today a lone, one call came in, it was our daughter. Even my cell phone is quiet. If your grandpa has other family members, tell them you are walking away and taking care of your family. Let them know it is their turn to step up to the plate and take care of grandpa. Then go off and do what you want or need to do. (spend time with your family) It is hard to do, I won't tell you it is easy. (I cried for days) But when you get a grip and take your time back in your hands, you will see you can do it. I don't even think of them much now, only when someone brings them up. Good Luck and try to enjoy the holidays that are coming up. Take care

Hi Everyone, Thought I would stop by and say Hi. You would not believe how peaceful it has been. My phones don't ring off the hook a thousand times a day. I have not heard from dad. (I do at times, wish I knew what was going on with mom.) But I don't hear from them, but happy for it. I now have time to do things I need to do. As in going to eye dr. got new glasses. I had completely cleaned my kitchen (but then I got ants, so not at it again). Going to try and clean two major rooms (our bedroom and another bedroom) and the bathroom. I also took a 8 hr drive with a friend the other night, to get her husband that was broke down 4 hrs away. It was great, we had not had the time to visit for a long time. So we enjoy our trip, even though it was for a bad reason. (oh yea, her husband fall asleep driving, we had to get him awake and pulled over the last 45 miles home) We got home at 3am. It was great. We use to spend at least one day a week together. Had not been able to do that for a long time. Now I have extra to do that. I just started on some new meds for problems I have. When I have been taken it for awhile, I am going take up crochet once again, maybe quilting if I can. I have been sleeping a little better, not wondering if my phone is going to ring in the middle of the night. It has been so good in my house in the last so many weeks. Today my husband and I took a drive in the country. We were gone all day and did some shopping while we were out. It was wonderful, we had not did that in years. Well, it is later here. So I am going to go and get ready for bed. Night everyone

ToxicFM~ Congrats to you!!! Excellent advice to Me1000. I had to do a very similar thing back when my eldest child (my son) was in 1st or 2nd grade. My parents would get in horrible fights about every 3 months...my mother would drag the fights out for over a week (this went on when we sibs were growing up). The screamed and yelled, called each other every filthy name you can imagine right in front of us, hit each other..etc. Well their fights continued after we had all left home getting married. My mother would call me because my dad locked her out of the house. After the second time of this, I drove over to their house, gave m y mother my copy of their house key..told her...do not call me again. I have children to raise...one is at home waiting for me to help him with his homework...but I had to leave to come over here to rescue you...not again mom. Of course she was furious and all the same words of after all I have done for you, you turn your back on me and blah blah blah....I only said as I got in my car to leave...you married him..you deal with it..not my problem!!! My dad had his short comings...but my mother was the real problem due a personality disorder.

The point is...like you and like I did...you have to walk away or it consumes your life, your family time, your marriage and everything else in your life. It was many years before I accepted another house key from my mother.

Glad~I am so sorry about your friend. It is so hard to accept what people do to their bodies...that includes me with the drinking I was doing. I saw what it did to my dad, and look what happened to my sister. My dad never developed any permanent damage...but 2-3 different times he did get where he had to go in to the dr weekly for vitamin B shots because he was so run down. My sis ended up with diabetes diagnosed at stage 4 because she would not get blood work done...afraid the dr would figure out she was an alcoholic. She really only quit drinking because she was losing so much weight, then 6 months later she continued losing weight, was so light headed she could not function. She called me on Sept.3, 2007...I remember it so well because I was absolutely shocked at how much weight she had lost. I drove her into Stockton to Kaiser...it took all day to get all the testing done that her dr wanted. He said because of her weight loss, he suspected cancer. Sis and I discussed on the way back to her house...do you want mom to know....do you want me to tell her...we decided that I would tell my mother the truth...this was before Alz had set in. I am tearing up retelling this but it has to be said....so I drove to our mothers house and told her. We both cried together not knowing what the outcome was going to be. Lucky for my sis, (I guess lucky but her health is not good even today)...all tests were negative except for diabetes. She has not had a drink since March of 2007...it took its toll on her body and health. You would think I would have never started to drink back in 2009...but I did anyway. I have not had a drink since May 13, 2014. I don't want to get like my sis...her quality of life is not good. Blessings to you and your friend and his family.

How is everyone today? Very quiet. I had an electrician out today for a possible circuit breaker issue. Our A/C and washing machine have gone out twice now in the last 6 weeks. After flipping the circuits yesterday...it did not improve...this morning both were working fine. The electrician replaced 2 breakers but said we also need to replace 2 bus bars (have no idea what those are), the work is only guaranteed for 1 year without replacing the bus bars. I do trust this company...they have been in business here since I was little...they know who my family is (kids going through school together), I know who they are. In a couple weeks we will get the bus bars replaced. Tomorrow the repairman comes back to replace the water inlet valve on our dishwasher.

Have a good day and night everyone!!

Oo.

Phone call from my brother this evening. One of those spooky ones - you're talking about somebody earlier in the day, his ears start burning (presumably), and next thing you know he's on the phone. Anyway.

It seems that they have given up the idea of finding respite care near their house and instead have decided that mother will be fine spending a week in their home.

They decided this, by the way, following a conversation SIL had with the care home where mother has stayed on three previous occasions. I have no idea what the conversation entailed. I didn't know it was happening.

So, what do you say? Brother was being very belligerent in his tone, I'd say, anticipating objections I expect. But the objections are so numerous and so obvious…

I turfed this to mother. Kept brother on the phone and passed on the invitation to her. Her face was a picture of rapidly switching emotions - wow! A week with brother. Oh. A week with SIL. But a week with brother! But who's going to be looking after her? - yup, SIL…

Decided I was being cruel and gave him her first response of "thank you very much, how nice."

Well now. What's the worst that can happen?

Brother said it would be okay, because if it turned out to be disastrous they'd bring her straight back again. Well, actually, no that is not okay because when I get a week off, I want a week off, not a week on call. But never mind that, if it turns out to be disastrous in the way I fear, namely that they drop her on her head or she gets disoriented and leaves the house, they won't be bringing her anywhere. She'll be coming back either in an ambulance or in a box.

In the end I stuck my tongue in my cheek and said to brother: "rather you than me."

Mother wants to go, is the thing. Which kind of settles the argument. And if/when she comes back absolutely shattered, with her arms bruised from SIL's vice-like grip and her legs ulcerated and her bowels all over the place… well, happy Christmas. It'll take me a month to sort her out again. This is just the *worst* idea.

Hi, everyone. I hope the start to your week has been good?

My dad is still hospitalized. My mother has taken over in calling the hospital all the time and telling the nurses and doctors what to do. She started this last week, but there was enough for me to think about, so I just have let her go and do what she is going to do, and tried to keep myself together and my dad's spirits up. My father can't eat and my mother is accusing hospital staff of letting him starve to death, which isn't true of course, they are working on helping him, but she thinks she will get results by being harassing.

I've been too weary of all of it to even write about it. My mother takes an already stressful situation and works everyone (me) up into a frenzy. Now, because she is insisting they send him home (so that I can take care of him), I may not have a chance to get him put into a rehab. He still isn't swallowing or eating. What in the world can I do to help that if he comes home? My mother said I could get home nurses for him while he recovers. That's fine, but arranging that will take a few days I would think, and doctors are not saying what his prognosis is yet. I'm not pleased that she is, again, butting into a situation and making things so much more dramatic than need be. Nothing she says or threatens is actually going to get my father fed any sooner. It seems they simply haven't been able to get to the bottom of why he can't swallow. :-(

Anyway, it doesn't look like doctors are keen to just release him when they haven't sorted out if he will be able to eat by mouth or will require feeding tube.

Between my poor, sick, stubborn father and my intrusive, short-sighted, but well-meaning mother -- I'm quite grouchy lately. Hope everybody is well. (((((hugs)))))

glad - I am truly sorry about your friend, and also the person you called who was nasty. You don't need that right now. Alcoholism is a dreadful disease and it sounds like your friend is very ill indeed. Please update us when you can. (((((((hugs)))))

toxic - I am so glad that you have taken these steps and are recapturing your life. You are a good example!!! Enjoy.

Sharyn - that was courageous and the right thing to do with your parents. Good for you, and for not drinking since May. My daughter has been sober for about 20 years now. I know your recent stresses must have brought some temptations. Hope you get the electrical and dishwasher all sorted out. It is great to have a reliable company.

cm - What is he thinking? It makes me shake my head - like my sister thinking she can waltz over here and move mother to an inferior facility, and improve her life. I gather you are taking another chance at it. Ignorant - meant in the most literal way - sibs are not helpful. And thinking that he can return your mum to you, on your week off, if it does not work out. Aaaargh!!! What is his objection to the care home? When my sis used to visit mother, mother would tell me that they fight, and if it got too bad sis could just come and visit me, to get her out if mother's hair. I said "No!"

Alison - oh dear - bad enough with just your dad, but your mum now too!!!! You don't need that. You can't take care of him in his condition!!! You could refuse to bring him home on that basis. Surely the hospital will not release him until/unless the feeding issue is resolved. How much clout does your mother have other that harassing you and them. I would not think she has any if they are divorced. I would be inclined to tell her to back off - not her circus - not her monkeys. Don't let her brow beat you into anything you are not comfortable with. It sounds like your father is quite ill. Do you think you will be able to continue to look after him at home? Please do some things for yourself in the middle if this - hard I know but necessary for your health. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))

Some family developments here. Will start a new post.

Alison, remind me, does your Dad have advance directives? If I remember he doesn't have POA's. Feeding tubes is just too hard for me to get by.

Had a minor meltdown a couple of days ago, realizing that this can go on for some time - easily another 5 years, which would put me over the age of 80 - as mother is so physically healthy, and that I probably need to make some changes to my life, to ensure a decent quality of life for myself. I need to do whatever is necessary to see that I don't get knocked down by this infection again. That means getting more help and I don't take well to that. I am very independent, but have to learn to modify that. It is not a failure, though I tend to see to that way, but a smart thing to do for myself. It means more help with mother from her old shopper and maybe others, and more help for me in the house and other ways. I am taking in some pants to be hemmed - used to do it myself, but don't feel like it.

Some good news. My son needed a drive to the airport the other day so I had a chance to talk to him alone. I told him how I feel about the restrictions dil puts on me, and he nodded and said she is having some problems these days. A few years ago, all he said was that he had to support his wife. I mentioned that I would go to their pastor with them re resolving family problems and he thought that was a very good idea. I also told him that I was finding someone else to do my nails because of the comfort level, and he said he would tell dil at the right moment. Good enough. They actually wanted to come over and talk about something else - but he said it was dil's stuff and she could tell me if she wanted. I said I would not have a repeat of what happened before, and, if it was not inflammatory, they could come over sometime. I am very cautious as I feel she wants something from me, and right now I do not have much to give her except a wide berth. I am hopeful that son is finding his spine and standing up on his hind legs. I know he has it in him if he wants to use it and she needs to know that the world does not revolve around her.

G is off hunting - alone - his uncle couldn't go. I called him and he was in the middle of nowhere in the pitch dark, had essentially lost his way, needed water and sounded tired. He will get a good talking to from me when he gets home about looking after himself better. He found a fence line when he was on the phone, so he will find his way back and will text me when he reaches the truck. Meanwhile, I am praying for his safety. Thankfully, he does have a gun and the cell phone is working. He is getting a bit old for this.

Oldest grandson has a new job - did I mention that before - and is doing well at it. I found a few more bits of clothing for mother, so getting that done - and cm - I am keeping receipts now. She wants to go out for lunch or tea once a week so we are setting that up. SW says she even smiles at her now. The wonders of meds!!!

All in all it could be worse. Now, if I could just completely get over this infection once and for all, and make sure I don't get knocked that far down again.

Have a good night all and look after you.

emjo, you're always such a rock that I know it is bad. I hope you feel better quick.

You've been doing the same pondering I am doing about how much longer and how much more can I do. It is a huge concern about where I'll be when I come out the other side of this if I don't start making some changes. It would be easy to get lost. emjo, you've done such a good job at caring for yourself while tending to things for your mother. Even when we are tough, it can wear us down. Most of the time it seems we're okay, then something hits. I guess it is telling us we need to make changes when we can't shake something off.

Big hugs coming your way. I hope G doesn't have any bear stories. Shiver. Let us know he made it back okay.

Aw, thanks Jessie. I appreciate the hugs. Just got a text from G and all is well. I am getting better, but it is slow and I am over my meltdown. I have a new green salsa pork recipe in the slow cooker, so you know I am OK. But, I KNOW I have to do some things differently.

Those that survive best are flexible and make the needed changes. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Never too old to learn and change.

I worry a bit about you, Jessie. It is very easy to get lost in caregiving. At least I have G and the kids and grandkids to bring me back into the world. What changes are you looking at? Do share - we may earn something.

G does have bear stories, but that was before I met him, thankfully. :) Hugs back to you

Oh Joan Rule #1 never go off in the wilderness especially hunting alone. Rule #2 well not a rule really but more of an observation. it take far far longer to recover from something the older we get. I am still recovering from the acute diarrhea (never diagnosed) that put me in hosp for 2 weeks a year ago and led to kidney and heart failure. I have stubbonly refused a colonoscopy but finally agreed and they can't do it till Jan I made a fuss because if it is that important it needs to be done NOW.. Medicare is as bad as the VA.

Alison who has POA for Dad if parents are divorced are you next of kin.
What does he want to happen? He can certainly come home to die with hospice if not able to eat or go to N/H either with or without a feeding tube although N/H don't usually like them. Hospice is unlikely to bring him home with an IV.
I don't remember what his general health is like. Ask lots of questions.

Sharyn hope everything gets fixed OK

Thanks Veronica - Gary is a licensed guide, so he does know what he is doing, and has been off on his own many times. He got back to his truck in about 20 minutes. I had to laugh as his comment was "I lost the truck" - rather than he was lost. His sense of direction when moving in the wild is very good. Nonetheless, he is a risk taker and that worries me at times.

Yes, it does take longer to recover as we get older. You certainly did have a bad bout. I have never had a colonoscopy They usually stop them around age 70 unless there are reasons, and no dr. ever suggested it to me in the preceding years. Hopefully, yours will be clear.

Ex G is coming into town and asked me for a lift to one of the plants this afternoon as he got a job there. Wish me luck. The traffic on those roads is heavy and I haven't driven out there in a long time. Last time I did this was a few years ago and I managed fine, and there are more lanes now. He gives me rides when I am in E'ton, so it is reciprocal.

sharynmarie- Its really not that easy, for so many years, my life basically I have been treated this way. Its weird to say because I tell people its easy too, just get out and go ( no matter situation) and think after your gone, after you atart your life again. After some friends and exes treated me badly after years I shut them out of my life, I give people chances but always gave too many. But I think because grandpa is family, its harder for me to say no, plus he pays for most things, again guilt trip, I have no right to say no. I love him but Im so ughh! He got uspet because I didnt go to his appts today, his old caretaker took, by HIS choice because hes mad at my dad! So she can handle it and why do I have to go? Dont take it the wrong way, I feel family should be with family at appts if possible but if we have help, why not? Sorry about Roxie, you'll find one! Be careful out there, your right about some breeders. Your dinner also sounded interesting- Pumpkin Soup! Sorry about your mom and dads issues, I agree theres only so much any of us can do. Electrical problems are horrible arent they? Our house is 1956, so I understand!


gladimhere-Im so sorry to hear about your friend.Also all your work and stress, you do need a break. And some good news.

emjo23-I hope everything works out for you too. Idk what Im going to do about me. I know its hard to let others to things for our loved ones, Im the same way, it took a while for me to get used to others taking my grandpa places after he went blind, people who took care of my mom, my kids etc. But, if they ever needed help with us, they would get it, so you need to get help for you. Look at it this way, you have been wonderful to so many people,( incl me) its your turn to relax, your turn to get "spoiled". You need to do what you love to do, but get some to join you! I am glad your feeling better and hope you get over your infection asap. Glad G is ok :) Good luck with your son.


toxicfamilymemb-Im sorry you were abused and you went through so much. Im also glad you were able to help you mom but walk away too. I bet its hard without your sisters, the ones we are suppose to count on huh? Im glad your at a peaceful healthy place now. My grandpa never hit us, just the verbal putdowns and demands. I hear you about family, mine is divided in two- One side is money hungry and mostly prejudice.. ( we dont talk to them except for one) the other side- with few relatives remaining have been mental disorders or alcoholics but luckily they are open arms. Still, like you, I dont have much family left either.


Countrymouse- Oh my gosh I hope everything works out for your mom and you. Im glad your mom settled it, but, I understand once you have her back what you have to go through. Can you leave town that way your not on call? Or even hide out at a Hotel? I wish you a nice week :)

AlisonBoBalison- I hope they find out what is going on as well as what needs to be done asap! I think a Rehab would be wonderful, even if he needs a NH after rehab, they could make the decision also so your mom wouldn't be able to say much? I know she means well, and I hope theres improvements for your dad and well needed rest for you. Hugs to you all.

JessieBelle- You hang in there to, your not alone, you have us! Hugs

Veronica91-you have many good points :) Hope your doing good too!


*****sorry if I forgot anyone since I last wrote... love and hugs to all

Me1000-yes you will go through a grieving period when you stop allowing the abuse. I still had contact with my parents but it was limited. When I felt the tension building I would leave. My sis would stay and yes a horrible fight broke out every time at every holiday. I left before it happened because I did not want my husband or our children exposed to the ugliness in my family. It was a very toxic home.

The dishwasher is working like a charm...however the repairman said the valve was packed with sand. We do have sandy soil here...he said he hopes it is not a pipe issue. Our house was built in 1972 all the pipes should be pvc which can crack or break. Time to save a big chunk of money just in case. I mentioned to my hubs a while back about a possible pipe issue cause our water pressure in the kitchen gets low...he cleaned out the screen on the faucet which fixed it but it too was filled with sand. They have been doing a lot of road construction near us...possibly from that...I hope.

Joan-glad G found his truck...I chuckled at your post about him losing the truck.
jessiebelle- it is hard doing what you do and planning ahead for yourself and your mother is a good idea. You are very common sense with your mother just take care of yourself too.
Veronica-i hope you can pressure them into doing the colonoscopy sooner. If it is an insurance issue probably not. If you have a deductable then you start all over in Jan.

A shout out to everyone...Margeaux, Alison, Glad, Toxicfamily, Book, Juju!!

Sharyn do you have well? That could be where the sand is comming from

Veronica- we are as a city on well water but due to the California drought conditions water is also coming from the dams. We will just have to wait and see hopefully we will get rain this winter or a good snow pack...here we need the rain and snow after the first of the year. Getting it now does not help us.

Looks as if J will be taken off the ventilator in the next day or two and will not have the trach. One of his brothers is finally going down there tomorrow to talk with doctors and hospital staff. I talked with a nurse today that said the liver damage is now causing swelling in the brain. I have a hunch he will not last through the weekend. I wonder if family put off calling me because of the fire and thought i would be angry? What would the point be, we all have enough information to process without that. Had a sad conversation with his Dad tonight telling him that they are doing what J would want. He would not have wanted to live this long in the condition he is in. I have anticipated aomething like this for years, but i guess in a sort of denial that it would never happen. That miraculiouly he would become healthy again. Knowing it was not possible at the same time. Just tired.

(((((((((((((glad)))))))))))) you really have been going through it recently. How very sad, but it sounds like the right thing under these unfortunate circumstances. I am so sorry and don't wonder that you are tired. Look after you as best you can.

The hardest part is J was unending support for me through all of this family dysfunction. Never judged me, i could blow off steam, and we would talk again the following night and I would blow off more steam! I need to put a letter together for his family so they know that. Thank goodness gor my AC friends and my Mom's guardian!

It is so sad but absolutely the right thing to do. At this point the trach would not and could not save him. One can only hope he is not aware of what is going on. As soon as he is taken off the vent he will probably pass within hours especially with the brain swelling. One can only hope and pray his end is peaceful. I am sure his family will appreciate a letter from you telling of all the support he has given you.
Love and blessings to you Glad

Glad,

I am very sorry to hear about this news concerning your friend.
A letter to his family is a good idea. Meanwhile.....do take care of yourself,
because you have quite a lot to contend with right now.

Big Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

This conversation with your son must have been really difficult for you.
I understand......where a parent is trying to keep just enough neutrality with their own kids, then having to also put their foot down because of an in law who causes riff w/in the family.

You know.....when I start getting that feeling, and I don't care who it is.....friends, family, that things have to be THEIR way, or even situations in which one starts to notice that things in relationships w/people are invariably controlled through them,
I really just lessen my contact with them. This is something I constantly find myself doing with my sister.

Anyway Emjo, you did the right thing, and I will say that I do understand also when a parent wants to keep those lines of communication open, and all of that too.
This is what a cousin of mine says, about her own situation of having her daughter living with her, plus two grandkids. Her daughter takes advantage of her mom's kindness, etc. Although I agree with keeping lines of communication open, that IMHO, needs to go two ways. You are very wise, and do have boundaries, so that's a wonderful thing.

I also had a chuckle through this story about G, and I'm so glad that he found his truck! HAAH! HAAH! My husband is a daredevil of sorts. He's a real couch potato. But one day, we were at the beach and totally surprised me.....climbing up a single rope, in one of these exercise set ups, where they have rings to swing on, etc. Said, he learned that in the army. Of course, he was feeling it in his back and neck few days later.

O.K., my dear, take care of you, as I know you do.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

glad - again, I am so sorry about J and that you are losing someone who was so supportive. I find we don't meet many of those in our journey through life. I am at an age when, as a friend's mother said, people either die or lose their minds. Old friends can never be replaced, but new ones can be made. Let us know how things go.

Margeaux - actually it was easy speaking to my son. He is a very easy person to talk to. We have a good relationship, other than the initial dil problems, and he is more open now. I am lessening contact with dil, and felt, also, that I had to tell my son why. It is interesting, as I got an email from dil yesterday saying that son told her I had some anxiety about meeting with them. She said that when I was not available right away, they decided to speak to her parents which they did last week, so they do not need to meet with me and I need not be worried. It was a nice letter, not at all necessary, and had a good tone. All of that is good. What they wanted was financial advice - I gather more for dil than for both of them, from what he said. Frankly, I do not want to be that involved with dil. I think her parents are a more appropriate resource for her. She borrowed some money from me about a year ago or more (due to foolish spending on her part) and paid the last amount back the day before - after son would have talked to her. That is good too, but I will not lend to her again, If my son approached me for a very good reason I would consider it, but he never has.

She needs to realise that her choices - like restricting who I can talk about in her presence - has consequences. She has anger/resentment problems and needs to deal with those, rather than telling other people what to do or not to do. My opinion anyway.

Our nice fall weather is holding, so I must get out today again. Likely it will not last much longer. Also I need to do some de-cluttering - mainly paper stuff - and haven't been able to do much with this infection and brain fog and doing things for mother. Really getting better now and thankful to be able to do more. My drive yesterday went well and the traffic wasn't too heavy. G is home tomorrow, so need to plan some meals. I made a pork butt in Salsa Verde and it is gooood. He will like the heat.

Still thinking about what help I need and maybe more how to get it, and what I can and cannot do for mother. I know I overthink things - part of the territory of my upbringing. But I am moving forward.

Have a good day

Thank you everybody for your support. I was not going to tell thebtwisted ones, but did that today. No offers of support, only that terrible dysfunction rearing its ugly head. And auntie dearest has been sucked into it as well. The court hearing related to full guardianship and care agreement is Monday. And the twisted ones kept trying to draw me into discussion about those items as well. Noperino, would not satisfy them and I have a hunch they tried because of instructions from their clueless attorney. This has been going on for two years! Caring for Mom for more than three. Really think that is TS's had a decent attorney we would be much farther down the road by now. And to think originally they were going to get this worked out cordially with my Mom's estate attorney. But they just did not like what he was telling them.