
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
It is calm but not really so dreamy...the grass is always greener on the other side.... However I am sure it stops the insanity!!!!.
I wonder what they are doing, are they ok, it is not fun either!!! they were awful to me but i still care about them, i actually googled recently to see if they are still alive, etc.. After i felt so bad, was heartbreaking to me in itself to be in that position. their my family and i loved them unconditionally until their actions threatened mothers livelihood and well being!
Anyway not about me, just explaining the dark side of that choice! it is something not to be taken lightly!
I think the conservator is developing Alzhimer's of her own. It is very bizarre. She sent a large packet of the various motions, etc. In her letter to the court she stated that I had not provided the information when in fact Isaw Started printing out all emails to Pat, a 3 inch binder so far with emails and attachments.
Getting tired, too many typos!
Glad~I hope you set the record straight with the conservator...may have an typo of her own when she clearly meant your sisters.
Joan~I sort of understand what you are going through with dil. When I was dealing with my mil berating me left and right, she did it right in front of my husband....but she did it very indirectly so my hubs did not catch on...but I did. When I had enough, I told my hubs about it...he went to talk with his parents about it...they denied it, said I misunderstood. Then the next time I saw his mother, she attacked me again..indirectly...saying I had to have my husband fight my battles for me. Her ploy was to pit us against each other so her and fil's relationship with their son (my hubs) would stay in tact. So be careful as I know you will be and Yes...do not meet with them without G/ and neutral territory.
Butterfly1~great insight and your own personal quote that is very true. We must take responsibility for our dysfunction even though it was brought on by our parents/grandparents. It has to stop somewhere so why not with us??
I am off tomorrow and Tuesday and much to do. Call repairman to look at the dishwasher as we can't figure out the hoses, no screen can be found and the warnings on the dishwasher basically say not to touch the hoses, LOL!!! Hubs was confused thinking the dishwasher was already 15 years old...lets just get a new dishwasher (may still happen)...but I reminded him that I bought the dishwasher around 2006-07. I will check out the oven/broiler tomorrow to see if it is working right...the stove top works so that is a good sign.
I have to take my new cell phone in because it will not hold a charge all day. Either a defect in the phone or a bad battery which I will not pay for new battery.
Off and running, have a good night.
I looked up online the issue with my new cell phone....so I changed a setting about the screen saver turning dark...my phone was set to never...I change it to 1 minute...now my phone is not using all the battery life.
I spent most of the morning running errands...I have appt tomorrow with my PCP regarding my knee and lower right back. I will make appt right now for the repairman to come out tomorrow afternoon..hopefully that will work out with his schedule. Hugs to everyone!!
Glad - that lady is very, very strange. I know you have all the proof you need to back up your responses. What a total pain!!!
Thanks sharyn - I know my son and dil are a united front and I have no desire to come between them. I would like her to work on getting mentally and physically healthier and dealing with her various issues, and I would like to see my son stop enabling her but there is nothing I can do about it but pray for them. I really can't afford much drama, so I think I will bow out of this one. She can set whatever rules she likes about who I can speak about in her presence, but there are consequences. I just don't have a lot of energy to devote to this. I will talk to G when he gets home, but right now I just want to avoid her. I know this affects my relationship with my son, but I have no control over that, or her unhealthy attitudes. I can set some boundaries too and need to for my health. Glad you got the phone thing sorted out. Hope you get some answers for your knee and back, and that the dishwasher gets fixed soon.
Hi Me - hugs to you too.
Austin (((((((hugs))))) what a horrible situation. This division of family by in laws is not nice. There really is nothing much one can do. I agree best to let go and not dwell upon it. In my case, I suspect my dil will come to me looking for support for something too, and my response will be different from the past.
Canadian Thanksgiving here. G has requested turkey when he gets back. No prob. He showed me how to cook it frozen a few years ago. It takes a little longer, but makes a very moist bird. I am getting over a sinus infection, thankfully. Maybe I will get out for a walk today too. I love the changing colours of the leaves, and the berries on the trees and bushes.
Please share about how to cook a frozen turkey. That will come in handy for many of us.
Thanks
There are various sites on the internet if you google "cooking a frozen turkey" wikihow is one, busycooks.about and also food and others. The methods are similar.
Basically, you set the oven at 325 degrees and count on 50% more time than a thawed one the same size. Say 5 to 5 1/2 hrs for a 12-13 lb turkey. Of course, it depends on your oven too. My current oven is slow, my last one was fast, so I count on 6 hrs. You may need to adjust times. Use a thermometer to check the "doneness". Generally a low sided pan is recommended for even cooking, but I saw it done in a traditional covered roaster and the bird was lovely. It is more difficult to stuff, as the bird will be hot when it reaches the temp that you can remove the bag containing the giblets - about 1/2 way through cooking, or when it is thawed enough to do so. They suggest using silicone oven mitts. If the bag is paper you can leave it in, if plastic it needs to be removed. You can stuff at this point if you want to. I have removed the bag, or left it in. I make stuffing and cook it separately.
It is so much easier that taking days to thaw a turkey and worrying about salmonella etc. This is supposed to be very safe, and I have found it makes a very moist bird. You can tent the breast with tin foil, if it looks like it is cooking faster than the rest, or whatever you would do with any bird. In theory, this method gets the whole turkey cooked properly at the same time. Good luck!
Don't get me wrong, my sibs were never allies either, far from it, that's how this all happened, enough is enough!!! I just miss having family, not them in particular, I have none, that I have any established relationships with, any kids, sibs, cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews or in laws of alike, etc....... they all are far away in distance and bonding. Besides a 1 funeral and 1 wedding, childhood was the last time we all even talked/stayed in touch with the ones nearest. Most I have not seen or talked to since I was 4th grade on a cross country summer stay with grandma!!!!
Facebook is a funny thing too cause I looked up and found my cousins cross country, sent him a nice letter with friend request and he accepted the request but has not once answered a message or acknowledged me with one word? Why even accept the request then, anyway, I tried!
Just makes me wonder have several people do the same thing...do they need the #of friends to be high or ??? Well the cousin I do know best 8hrs away have talked a bit thru FB messenger, but very casual, it is nice to interact with her tho!
I think our extended families drifted apart due all the dysfunction going on in our lives as well as the distance, I cant be sure! I was just too little to know why but that is how it was..and come to think of it, probably why I went to spend a summer with Gma, some crap going on at home, none of the other California cousins did that.
All I do know police, courts, violence and tantrums were a constant with boys, and dad with the drinking but at least he tried to manage himself and saw a dr, the boys wont!! in our family, until it ended 9 ys ago, just a mess, anyway!
I wonder also now as I am writing this...I wonder if it is different cause they are boys...do women vs women family drama more common or intense than with the boys! IDK just thinking
So all that summarized, maybe I do need to correct my statement as ending contact is hard if you do not have any other supportive family! Thanks for letting me blow of some steam about this!
I went to dr, he wants xrays...but the hospital want $300 up front...25% of the total bill according to my insurance. I don't have it right now...maybe in a couple weeks I can do it. My deductable has not been met this year...of course it hasn't since it is $2000. My insurance is not the best at all.
Anyway, I suspect it is arthritis so it is not going to be a cure, just comfort care!!
I hope you get some relief somehow as well!
Peace, Juju
Your mother has to do her part by getting on medicare if she has no other insurance. You cannot force her..but are you willing to risk everything above to take care of her????
Linda~i do agree with you about eating beneficial foods. My biggest problem is my work schedule...I don't get off work until after 9pm so I don't cook everyday. I do know that I need to cook things like bell peppers w/the white membrane, red onions and many others...freeze it then defrost after work and heat it.I am going to research it more to see if freezing has an effect of these properties of anti inflammation when reheated. Thank you and I do agree diet is a big factor.
EMS said they can't take him if he is competent and says he won't go. He can barely get out the words but he is adamant he will not go to the hospital.
Tomorrow will either be a turn for the worse (he's close to delirium, he's not making much sense) or a turn for recovery. He isn't intaking any food or fluids... even in a sippy cup held up to his mouth. I'm very unhappy about it.
If you end up doing what Emjo says, can you let us know if it works? I might have to resort to doing that if my dad ever reaches that stage.
I have a question for you. My dad gets different home care nurses. The real home care nurses - when I'm home - just takes his vitals. Only. In the weekends, another nurse who is part-time takes her job seriously. When She comes to visit dad, she not only takes his vitals but she also Flushes His Catheter. All these past 2 years, the Regular home care nurses never did that. This part-time nurse does it Every Visit if it's her shift. Twice, she caught that my dad had infection down there. She said that she can tell when she flushes him...just from the smell of his urine and the Sediments that she sees. I like this part-time nurse because we don't have to wait until dad's UTI is soooo bad that we end up in the ER and then he spends hours on the antibiotic IV. She's catching it in time where my dad is not confused (more than his usual.)
I'm wondering if your dad's home nurse is like my dad's Regular nurses who only takes vitals but don't do that extra step of flushing his catheter? In these past 2 years, I didn't know about the flushing.
I wish I could be there with you and we can stress and worry and vent our frustrations together. {{ Great BIG HUGS }}
I cant imagine how frustrated and worried you must feel! Hang in there. XOXOX Sending blessings to you, for his recovery and guidance.
Peace,
Juju
This has probably been addressed already Book n ABB, but would an AHCD, whereas you can make health decisions, override the patients strong will...I am not sure how they work??? I would be interested to know.