The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Joan~I certainly hear you about not speaking up, I was like that too the first 13 years of our marriage. I was dutiful, worked a 40 hour week, took care of the kids, the house, the yard, all hubs had to do was go to work...that is how his family worked. In the meantime, while I was contributing my paycheck to the pool, I was limited on what I could buy and when. When hubs got his current position, he was making twice what he was before. He would go out and buy things without discussing it...a new tv, a vcr/dvd, cell phones. When I told him I was not happy at all that he did not discuss this with me...his response...when you make as much as I do, then you can make decisions without consulting me. That was when I stopped giving him my paycheck and opened my own accounts. He says he "does not remember saying this to me". I have found that if I save up the money to replace something giving him no input into my purchase...like a new dishwasher...he is more willing to help replace something else. I see this more as a lack of respect for me and what I will actually do without him. I have been strapped the last 7 years with my car payment, but now that that is paid, I can start saving again to get things fixed. The thing is that when I save to buy something...I give him no input...it is my money and since that is how he thinks...it tends to spur him into action if he wants input.

He was off today, is not feeling so well due to a cold...but tomorrow, I am telling him I expect him to pull the dishwasher out from underneath the cabinet to check where the water is coming in to see if there is a screen that is clogged with mineral deposits. I have done everything possible to fix the dishwasher due to the soap not dissolving because not enough water is getting in the dishwasher. The jets are all open, I spent good money on this dishwasher and I know it has to be a simple fix..it is not that old. He doesn't have to do it tomorrow, he can do it Sunday. If he doesn't want to do it, or doesn't know what to do, then on Monday when I am off, I will call a repairman. It does not diminish him in my eyes if he can't do these things, he knows that...what diminishes him is not speaking up and being honest. I don't think that my hubs feels he should be able to do these things...it is more about me being so completely self sufficient (according to how he was taught), so that I don't have to ask him to do these subservient chores. His families motto is...if you can't take care of something 100% by yourself, (including all mechanical things), then you don't need to have it. It is more that I am demeaning him by asking him to do any of these things.

Veronica~You shared some very personal things about your life. We all have these issues from how we were raised. My mother was taught that a man would completely take care of her...a fantasy...not to sound like I am bashing men, I am not...never expected to be completely taken care of...it is something my mother never got over, refused to change her thinking on...similar to how my hubs won't change his thinking on certain things. You know it is funny..sort of...they used to say we ( as women) marry someone like our fathers...I saw a therapist who said that is not true...male and female offsprings marry someone like their mother...depending on their personalities. I think I married someone more like my mother.

Men are great and all different, so I hope I have not given anyone the impression that I am anti man...not so...I am just married to one that was taught....do not change anything from what I have taught you...our way is the only right way. I have heard my mil say this many times.

You would think my hubs family is the Kennedy's or Rockerfeller's...they aren't...I have come to the conclusion that my mil just called repairmen and the like to get things taken care of regardless of how fil would react. I will be doing to the same thing too. I too am a slow learner...I have been too dutiful.

Margeaux~Yes...your sis is over the top. Reminds me of my sis hinting to our brother to make her something with his woodworking skills...my protests about his lung issues...her response....it will be good for him to do something useful that he enjoys.

Yes, everyone I am posting and it is after 11pm in California...however, I just got home from work an hour ago...hubs is sleeping and I am unwinding, LOL!!! This is our schedule. Money does have a power over our lives and how we work in order to earn it.

My sis has been wanting to come by my house to pick up the leave to the dinette set that was our mother's. I can't find the leaves here anywhere???? Some Panic that maybe I didn't bring them here from mom's house when we cleared everything out.Then I remembered....sis was taking antidepressants for a year that were not working for her, her memory went south to the point that I considered early onset dementia. I asked her if she may possibly already have them because I can't find them anywhere. She is looking...I hope she has them because I have no idea what could have happened ti them.

Yes I am baaaack!!! LOL!! I most often will broil some bread in the oven with cheese to make a sandwich with some meat and veggies....My broiler caught fire....hubs but a box of cheesy bread in it.... I just love my life!!!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Just need to connect with all of you here. My dad is currently in the In Patient Unit at the hospice center for a few days for my respite. He had reached down to pick up our little dog (he was sitting in his geri-chair) and he fell forward, cutting his head. My daughter who lives with me and my dad was supposed to have been watching him while I went up to the store. I thought I could depend on her, but when I walked in, he was on the floor with his head bleeding, while she was standing outside screaming into her phone to her boyfriend. After ER trip, he got 3 stitches and sent home. My daughter is a 'recovering addict' and she takes medication for that, plus I'm sure whatever else she can find. She's of no help, and drains me of any sanity I have left - taking care of my dad with NO help from close by sisters. Since the hospice nurse insisted on putting him on Haldol, (because of him falling), he's lost his ability to stand with assistance of a walker to be able to use toilet, get into bed, etc. I've hurt my back and neck badly from lifting him. So now he's in a respite for me. I argued I didn't want him on the haldol anymore because he's lost his ability to speak, to see clearly, or even use his hands to feed himself. They don't want to listen to me. I'm his POA and health care surrogate. I can't even relax while he's gone because I'm so worried about him even surviving this medication. My back, shoulder hip and neck still hurt bad. No one in my family will help....they can't handle reality. I guess of course they'll want to know when he dies. It just really sucks that I can't get any help (except a volunteer from hospice who sits to visit with dad once a week for 2 hours) And my dad can't stand him. HA!! My daughter 34yrs old just lost another job, even when working would fight with me if I asked her to help pay a bill, or do some housework. So she pays nothing, helps with barely anything - only very little because she wants to use my car. (after wrecking hers). So we are all surviving on my dad's social security check after I was laid off in 09, and had to care for dad full time with cancer and dementia. I guess my only relief will be when he dies, and that's terrible to say. Any one else have to do everything themselves with no help!? I can't get rid of my daughter either. She won't leave! agh!

Stop giving your father the haldol. you can do that. Hospice is not going to send a nurse round every few hours to shove it down his throat. you are POA you have the power. hospice is not God they are there to help you. Sometimes Haldol helps but often it makes things worse. now whether it was the haldol or dad's decline who knows but it is more likely to cause falling than stop it.
having got that out of the way. If you feel you can no longer handle Dad refuse to take him home again. Yes you can do that, That may sound harsh but you are at the stage where you physically can't manage him and provide proper care.
Now take several deep breaths and stop enabling your daughter. Do not let her drive your car she will wreck that too she doesn't care. She can't care she is an addict. if you know she has illegal drugs call the police immediately. do you want your car and house searched and for you to get arrested because they will be seen to be in your pcsession?
Keep all medications under lock and key and keep that key in your pocession at all times as well as the car keys. keep very little money in the house daughter will steal it she is not a recovering addict she is still one. Make life as uncomfortable for her as possible. Do not buy anything for her. Too bad if she runs out of tampax. Don't wash her clothes or cook her food. Keep no snacks or junk food in the house. if you smoke hide those too likewise alcohol. Don't make her bed or change the sheets. Give her a bill once a month for rent and utilities. Her grandfather should not be supporting her. Give her written notice to leave. if you are renting the house ask the landlord to give her notice to leave as well.
I hope I have not upset you because you came here for help but if you expect people here to give you a hug and sympathise you are sadly mistaken. You are the only one who can take steps to change this situation.you are at a very low point and sadly your father's death won't actually change anything. so time for those big girl panties. Go and see public health, catholic charities and social services and see what can be done to help you. Do not cave to any threats from hospice there is nothing they can do to you. if they threaten to discharge dad from hospice tell them you will report them to Medicare or the State Health Board that will get them back in line. You are a strong woman you can do this. Save yourself first. Blessings

After a 7 hour drive, we arrived at my dad's house today for a visit. He has declined to the point now where his caregiver must come with us when we took him out to eat dinner tonight. I also noticed that he is not as talkative, has trouble standing up and no longer walks as well like he was doing back in August. We will visit again tomorrow before driving back on Monday. Dad was so excited about us coming up today that he did not take his usual nap.

solegiver, curious if the rest of your family would like to see Dad in a nursing home. As for your Dad falling, elders also could fall in a room filled with nurses.... it happens. Hope your Dad will be doing better.

Solegiver,

Welcome to the thread. I sympathize with you.
When we took over the care of our mom's older sister......oh boy I could tell you some stories. She was on Haldol, and other meds....lots of them. Add to that she was a very difficult woman in terms of her temperment. So at the very end....when Hospice was in place at mom's home where she lived......she fell numerous times also because she just could no longer hold her body upright, she was in such a weakened state. Anyway, no matter the caregivers, family, etc., this almost is just a fact of the place where they are at physically speaking and unfortunately falling.

I'm really sorry that you have a daughter that is in this condition living with you.
Not only do you have to be concerned about your dad, but just by having her there, you invariably have to become involved in her problems. Maybe you have to start to employ some kind of tough love at some point. I realize it's hard for a parent to do this, but they'll just keep this lifestyle up if you don't put a stop to it at some point.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it. I don't do anything FOR my daughter - she's responsible for her own necessities and other things. Out of a 3 year period she's only paid about $600. But she hasn't paid anything for months. I have told her to find another place to live, but now she's not working, and looking for work again, so that's her excuse now. She was prescribed this medicine to keep her from using, and stop craving, and it works, BUT in my opinion it's still being addicted.
I talked to my dad's nurse tonight, and she said the doctor was there today, and ordered the haldol just as needed now instead of 3x a day. After my insistence. But he's still unable to feed himself or talk. He was a fall risk, and would climb out of bed, and take the tray off of his geri-chair, but I think (know) that haldol is overkill medicine. So when he gets home, he will no longer get it!! I don't care if the nurse gets miffed at me or not.
I appreciate your comments, and agree with you, and will take your suggestions to heart. Thank you for letting me vent. :)

Solegiver~Sometimes you must really look at a situation to see just where you are making things to easy for an adult child who isn't getting there life on track. I say this because when our son was still living at home...he had a girlfriend (son was 25 she was 26). She did not work...made no effort to improve herself, yet we allowed him to bring her into our home (she lived a 2 hour drive from us) for a week at a time for a visit. After 3 years, we put our foot down...he no longer was allowed to bring her to our home. The girl lived with her grandparents, her mother, a brother and an aunt...everyone but the grandparents was on disability for some type of depression, physical ailment, etc.We told our son many times...this is her history and all she knows...she will eventually try to get on permanent disability too. When we stopped allowing him to bring her into our home, our son decided to move out...his girlfriend refused to move in with him until she could get on permanent disability so they broke up. Find the trigger with your daughter..It may make a big difference.

Found today at work that "A" at the other store I worked at in this same city, is going on leave for rehab...no snide remarks about her or ill will...it just explains a lot about her personality..the ups and downs at work.I dealt with. I truly wish her the best outcome...she is still very young and I hope she can over come this...sending blessings to "A".

Veronica,

Your post to Solegiver was full of advice, but I must say, the tone
of it sounds like you are giving her the riot act.

Margeaux

Margeaux that was not my intention and she does not seem to have taken it the wrong way. We do not know any thing about her and from her original poist i felt it necessary to write firmly to her so the message was recieved and understood. To me it sounded like a crisis situation. From her reply she clearly was listening and is on track so next time I only need to tell she " she done good"

solegiver it sounds as though you have everything under control and are coping very well considering all the crap that is being thrown at you. reading your first post sounded to me like panic which is why Mareraux said it sounded as though i was reading you the riot act. Far from my intention just needed to get the important message over about your rights with hospice. Your loved one runs the show and if they are not apable their primary caregiver. They can give all the advice they want and order anything they think fit but it is patient and family who actually makes the decisions good or bad. nothing is "good or healthy" for a dying patient it is just what ever gives them comfort. if dad is anxious and agitated there are plenty of other meds that can be tried to keep him calm and you will be glad to have them available.

I can relate...came from a dysfunctional family myself. Mother cold & non-maternal to me but opposite of my two younger half-siblings. Bio father was an alcoholic & rarely showed interest in me. Step-dad was OK. I am 57 & caretaker for aunt & uncle with Az/dementia. Aunt has always thought the world revolves around her. It is often difficult to have compassion for her as I see she is the same as when I was a child...only worse. Much worse.

veronica - didn't mean to open your can of worms. One way or another many of us grew up with ideas about our role in relationships and that if we "played fair" our mates would to. Found out the hard way it is not true.

margeaux - better to keep it that way - little relationship. I am dealing with that right now - more later. Can you "hope she is doing well".

judda - things have been looking up for you since your mum moved. I am glad - enjoy! Long may it last.

cmag - good that your dad remembered you. Hope the rest of the visit went well.

Sharyn -good decision opening your own account. I agree about the respect and sharing and honesty. I married someone with characteristics of my mother and also my father - and not the good qualities. You don't come across as anti men at all. I need to call repair people sometimes too, regardless. I know G learned it on the farm. They did everything - mechanical, electrical, carpentry, doctored the animals and so on. You didn't waste money calling in people to help.

solegiver - welcome - you wrote that you all are surviving on your dad's social security - how will you survive when he passes? I think the tough love advice re your daughter is good. Glad you got the haldol sorted out.

butterfly - welcome - your aunt sounds narcissistic, and it does seem to get worse with age and dementia. Can't tip toe around them and keep trying to please them - never happens. My mother is similar. An antipsychotic is helping her at this stage. Wish she had had it years ago - it took over 100 years...

Just when mother is settling down, my daughter is doing better again, now my dil is on the war path against me. I am so very tired of fam dram. and feel like moving away from all of them. The son who gets along with everyone has done this. He is 8 hrs drive away - I should take a page from his book and go in the other direction. I will start a new post for that.

Somebody needs to open up a Golden Girls type home for all of us caregivers that are sick of family drama to move to when our shifts are done. I know i want nothing to do with my twisted sisters or auntie dearest when this job is finished! I have a 6 bedroom burned out Victorian that will look like a new house (if it isnt completely demoed) within a year!

I feel the same way. When this job is done I will be done with all of them. Uncle & aunt are not fit to handle finances but their kids will not step in to do what is necessary which makes things even harder for me. At the moment, they need groceries but uncle refuses to give me money to get them. Says he needs to give it to their church. I know better than to try & reason with them but tried anyway. Ha! So I am just going to let them do without.

fam dram - aaaargh

My dil here has a hate on for my daughter from about 6 years back and will not resolve it. Her hubby, my middle son, supports her, not that he hates his sister, but mainly to keep peace at home, I think. He may have some hidden anger too, as he does not deal well with anger. but stuffs it. Dil has told me that she doesn't want me to talk about my daughter in her presence. I don't know if that extends to me not talking to my son too. But it has now extended to not talking about my mother either, and, I think my grandchildren as they are my daughter's children. I did not realise how strict these rules were. It seems to mean that I cannot even mention their names in passing. She had a hate on to me as well and we had essentially no contact for about 3 years. I bent over backwards to heal this rift, and we started seeing one another again and they encouraged me to come to them for emotional support over mother etc. That has changed to the present point where I am not to mention mother, and the few things I have asked my son to help me with are being reduced. On the other hand, dil wants me to give her attention, listen to her problems, lend her money, support her efforts and praise her for the good she is doing in the church, sympathize with her ailments, many of them essentially self imposed as she is very over weight, and so on. She has called me individually to contribute money to the current effort she is doing with the youth group at church. She is a nail tech and I have been going to her largely to support her business and to connect. She does not do the greatest job.

I saw her look very angry when I very briefly mentioned some family stuff a week ago and my son called me yesterday for them to come over and talk. I was not feeling well - sinus infection - so said no and I would be in touch. The last time they came over (6 years ago) she dumped on me big time for 3 hours and they would not leave. At that time, I apologized for what felt I could. It was not acceptable to her, so she said no contact and that is how it was for 3 years. I will not go through being dumped on again. I did not realise that she would not even tolerate me making any reference to family except, I guess, for my son who lives out of town. They get along with him.

I have been thinking about how to handle this to not cause any further problems, but also realise that some of that is beyond my control. Dil is wanting stomach bypass to lose weight, but has been told she has to give up any addictions and hers is latte's - basically sugar I would say. She is in the process of suffering withdrawal symptoms, including depression. She is bipolar and on a handful of meds. She can set whatever rules she wants for her house and people in her company - no contest there. But that does not mean that she will still get the support she seems to want from me, and that I will also comply with her rules. I am very uncomfortable with her rules and my solution is to decrease contact drastically. I have also thought about the meeting with them and will not agree to meet with them and just me alone as happened last time. I will meet with them and their pastor (it would be interesting to see what he thought about it) or a counselor as the problems are pretty deep seated. I would also like Gary to be present. He is very diplomatic. He is away again next week at meetings and I need a chance to talk to him about it all.

Any ideas? Dil was abused when young and has a lot of unresolved anger and other problems. She has her good qualities too. Like all of us she is a mixture. I just don't need the drama.

Glad - what a good idea. I am already pretty well no contact with my sis. It will take a miracle to sort out this mess with dil and middle son. I get the feeling that she is saying to me "either you do it my way, or you will not see your son". I don't threaten well. I gather you are not sure whether the house will survive or not. Do let us know when there is anything from the courts and the dingbat conservator.

butterfly - you got it! They are trying to manipulate you. Good for you for not falling for it. Oh, the games people play. They will pay for groceries when they get hungry enough.

Oh the one hand, I feel sorry, even have some compassion for for my dil that she had the abuse, has all these unresolved problems and feels the need to control her environment so strictly. On the other hand, I went very low contact with my daughter for the past few years for much the same behavior towards me. Meanwhile daughter has sorted herself out and is good company for now. Not looking ahead too much.

Has a great walk yesterday and took some decent pics with my old camera. It does relax me. The memory cards for the new one haven't arrived. Maybe today I will tackle getting to know the new camera.

Oh Emjo what a mess. Do you really want any part of it? She clearly is not getting the treatment she needs for her mental issues and until she does I don't think you need any part of it. She is so toxic it really would not be good for you with all the other stressors in your life. Definitely do not loan (give) her any money. that is your son's department. I don't think stomach stapling will end her problems she will find another addiction.
Can you find another nail tech?
There are no children there which may be another reason she hates your daughter. Thank goodness she has not been able to have them. that would be another weapon she would have to hold over your head. i don't think i would ask your son to do anything for you if possible. I would talk with him privately if possible without her knowledge and tell him frankly that his wife makes things so unpleasant for you tthat although you wish it were different and you honor the fact that she is his wife you feel it is not good for either you or her to have contact. You love him and hope he will keep in touch and would do any thing to help him but him alone.
You are a kind and compassionate person but don't need to be abused, her problems are beyond your ability to solve as your mothers have been. the professionals need to be in there. has your son considered divorce? He can't he happy. Gary definitely need to be involved it is his future family too. I am sorry she had an abusive childhood but so did you and an abused adulthood and abused seniorhood too before you found a way to break free. Love and Hugs Joan.

Thanks Veronica - I appreciate your feedback. I don't think I want much to do with it all. I certainly don't need any more stress/toxicity. I don't think the stomach procedure will end her problems either - physical or emotional. She has endless doctors appointments and procedures, and then blames the doctors if her problems are not fixed, when what she needs is a life style change. Most if her problems are related to her weight and poor eating habits - lots of sugars and fats, and few veggies and fruits. When she said she was depressed, I asked what her counselor said and she told me she was not seeing her counselor any more. Yes, I can find another nail tech and will do that.

She cannot have children, thankfully, as she could not look after them. We suspect that is reason to hate my daughter. She wanted to have a relationship with my grandkids, but not with their parents. Of course, my daughter and her hub said no. Anyone who wants to do things with the kids has to have a relationship with the parents.

Anything I say to my son will go right back to her, but it may be the best thing to talk to him anyway. I like what you wrote. Someone else suggested just keeping a relationship with him. but I don't think he will do that - she would kick up a huge fuss and he is a peacemaker. He says he has to support her. One day I will tell him that she has to support him too. It works both ways.G thinks my son will leave her at some point, but I doubt it. He was a late bloomer and really never had anyone else. Between the two of them they seem to work things out and be somewhat happy - he is very patient. I can't believe that he is happy to have family contact so limited, but he has to make his decisions and will choose for her, at this point anyway. She has so much anger, I have wondered once we are out of the way as a target, if she will start on him.
Thanks again - (((((hugs))))) back.

I, too feel some compassion for the DIL; however, some people tend to play the victim because if their past. That is easier than taking responsibility for themselves. They expect people to tolerate their behavior because of past abuse or whatever. If people like that had the spine to take honest self-inventory then things would be better for everyone. It takes guts but unfortunately too many people just look for the easy way out.

I have to agree with you butterfly - it is easier to blame others than to do the work necessary to take charge of your life and get healthier. Thanks

Emjo,

The situation that you have described with your DIL, is the very same way with my SIL, who is now recovering from that surgery. She and my sister have had a go at it during my brother's 20 something yr. marriage with periods of not speaking to one another too. I'm 90% sure there's some mental illness involved with her. Then my sister...she obviously has some issues too, my guess a personality disorder big time!
I haven't been affected much, because I avoid this stuff. Lucky for me this brother lives very far, so I do not see them that often. SIL made sure of that when they bought this home, the alienation from our family.

If I were you....I would not permit this meeting, no less in your home.
If, and I do say a big if.....you do want to meet them do have G w/you and arrange it in a neutral meeting place. Nothing worse than fretting a meeting as such, and you already have a big clue. It would be awful for them to bring their craziness to your homefront. I look at that as very bad vibes, and yes they would be doing
the major nuclear dump.

Their expectations with all of what you've said that she doesn't want you mentioning your mom......is real loco, if you ask me! But this is how far gone people can become when their mental issues haven't been addressed.

My brother is in the same situation as your son about taking his wife's side.
Well, not much one can say about that! Sure it's real unfortunate for the rest of family who is ultimately affected by this. I can't tell you how many times we've been affected by this very issue in our family, when SIL is stirring trouble.
My sister's reactions don't ingratiate matters either.

Detach, detach, detach is what I think.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

1butterfly, I have already told my husband when my mom passes I am divorcing my sister's and never want anything to do with them for not helping with the care of my mother I am sick of the excuses, lies, selfishness, self importance and the horrible way they have treated me. My husband is retired now at age 57 and I am 53 we are looking into moving to Florida when my mother passes so I will be 1000 miles away from them lying on a beach with an umbrella drink and loving life.

I divorced my siblings after dad passed and they made my life miserable. I had to take care of her not waste time and energy on the negative behavoirs! thank goodness a social worker pointed it out, that I need to make a choice mom or them, I still tried for a year but it only escalated! I just moved out of state, where we could afford to live and have not contact in 9 ys.... Some day I will be on that beach with you!!! I am planning it out, now, the only way I will get thru this. After this is done, and doing it 100% alone, I deserve it!! if I just have the shirt on my back that will be fine if my toes are in the sand!!!

Thanks Margeaux. I feel dil is trying to alienate family as she feels threatened or something, This way she feels she is in control. My daughter not only has children, but is good looking and has a great figure even approaching age 50.

Re the meeting, I need to discuss it with G. I will not allow a repeat of what happened before. It was a major, as you say, nuclear dump, and they wouldn't leave though I asked them to, as they were just rehashing and rehashing, I was sick with the candida, and exhausted. It was all about her. I agree if we meet it will be on neutral ground. Dil says me talking about my mum upsets and stresses her. This came after I asked son to be my back-up when I went on holidays. All that meant was that the hospital could call him if something happened and he would get a hold of me. He declined because it upset her. But if her dad dies first, she will have her mum come and live with them. They drive south for hours to help her parents. A little out if balance, I would say. All I ask my son for is a drive to or from the bus depot or airport once in a while when I go south. Recently she comes too, I think to monitor our conversation. I will use cabs or ask my daughter from now on.

What a mess. I bent over backwards the first time to smooth things over, but nothing has really changed. I am not doing the same this time.

Thanks to you and Veronica for the support. G is away for another week, I don't want to talk to my daughter about it as she has her own problems with them. I put in a call to my oldest son, who is very sensible, but no answer yet, and he may not want to get involved and that's OK. It helps to vent and get some feedback.

Yes, detach, detach, detach.

sallie - makes sense to me. You gotta do what you gotta do and it should be good for you.

Emjo,

I totally get the part about DIL goes along to monitor conversations.
My brother is constantly monitored by his wife. When ever any one calls him at their home, or on his cell, if SIL is within earshot, she always takes my bro through an interrogatory of sorts, "Who called," that kind of neurosis! She's very possessive of all of her relationships.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

juju - you made the right decision. No contact for 9 years sounds like heaven!!! Yes, you deserve something good for you when this is all over.

margeaux - my feeling is that dil was waiting for me to say the wrong thing so she could jump in me. She never used to go on these short trips. Oh well.

Just went for a lovely walk and took a few more pics. A little cooler now but still nice. Hope everyone has a good week.