
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Talking about all of this is just making my mouth water.
It all sounds really delicious. I looked up Kulfi, and it sounds really interesting.
I recently had some kind of whipped desert at Rosh Hashanah last week.
It had a bit of fresh berries on top.
But I want to experiment with some rhubarb. I've a recipe that's made in a pie crust on a baking sheet. On the bottom of a layer of pastry dough, one puts a bunch of chocolate chips. On top of that.......the rhubarb, and some berries mixture, then you close it off w/another pie crust on top of this, WOW! I haven't tried it yet, but plan to. I got this recipe off a TV eatery show. They were doing deserts that episode.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
So the 1.5 yr. old has been running a fever, of course my sister has herself all wrapped up helping her daughter right now. When I spoke to my sister, I could tell she's doing it, but it's stressing her out. Then she has my mom to contend with.
I do wonder how mother can handle all of those people and activity in her home at 92 yrs. of age. Well just another instance of my sister becoming way over involved in her daughter's life.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Peace, Juju
margeaux - I have wondered how your mum copes with that household full of people - not what the doctor would recommend I think
me - I am sorry that you are so overwhelmed and see no way out
toxicfm - good for you.
Sharyn - diabetes does many things to the body - ex G has a variety of problems due to it
Got here very late last night and have done some catch up sleeping today. Still tired. Meetings at hospital tomorrow, then buying a mattress and maybe a sweater or two. G will come to the meeting and sort out some logistics. I think I am getting past caring what mother thinks about anything. I don't mean it unkindly, and I will take anything sensible into account, but I cannot let her critical negative comments sink in. They are bad for my health.
Do something good for you!
Getting lots of info regarding diabetes and related issues.
Spent the day cooking and ended up falling asleep on the couch this afternoon..didn't wake up til the hubs came home. Tomorrow is back to reality, go see my mom, catch up more here at home and make appt with my dr about my knee/hip issue for Wednesday.
On the job front, things are going really well. I love the people I work with, we all get along so well...it's like we have worked together for years. We have 4 new people starting this week which will reduce my/everyone's hours, but I should be ok since my CAR is paid off!!!! I just have to watch my spending in regards to pics/items for my grandsons, LOL!! They gained 3 lbs in their first month!!
You are so right, about my mother's being able to cope. My sister, believe me I do understand when a grandparent is trying to help a son/.or daughter out in this manner. Her daughter and the son-in-law, and kids are at mom's because her daughter decide to have some repairs done to a house they rent from my sister.
At first the repairs they thought were only going to be fixing damage to a floor.
But when workers, started to look......they had serious foundation problems.
This daughter was already about 7.5 mos pregnant, when they discovered all of this, and started the job. Of course they can't be in the house, while these kinds of repairs are in process, and now daughter has the baby, only 3 wks. old. But, my sister, I can't believe could have advised the daughter and son-in-law, to wait til their babies are a bit older to do all of this. I don't understand what the rush was, at this point in time. I'm thinking it's hooked up to the fact the house belongs to my sister, who knows. This is why I wrote about it.
But it appears, that my sister never considers mother in all of this. She always like to tell me that the presence of the little kids, gives some entertainment to mother,
in other words, reason to make it o.k. I don't want to sound like I don't like kids, or something to that tune......but my sister is really inconsiderate. Also, I feel my sister oversteps here too.......just assuming because she's in mom's home, she can just make these kinds of arrangements, and she thinks it's a.o.k.. Quite audacious, if you ask me, and it's in perfect step w/my sister's attitude. Lot's of entitlement.
I know you don't mean, the not caring what your mom thinks in a bad way.
But you notice Emjo.....when someone around us is causing chaos, then we have to wonder, feel as if we are the ones in the wrong. Good for you that you're past her game. I've been employing this very attitude w/certain people around me,
who are always negative, or in a bad mood. It get dog gone old, doesn't it!!!!
I completely understand, and it's detaching. I mean how much can anyone
take. I did just that today. I took myself out, since I needed some things from the store. But the reality was, I needed to be by myself, and gather my thoughts.
So I parked my car in the store parking lot, and took a walk to get my stress out.
Boy did that help. I also ate some dark chocolate.
I hope your meeting goes well.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
My hubs has been open to discussion...AND
I told him today that our marriage involves many areas that effect me emotionally.
1) getting our home taken care of...replacing flooring and other things he has said he would do but has not moved forward on.
I don;t expect him to be a handy man...we can have someone do these things for us...he drags his feet...until I go off on him...I don't want it to be that way.
2) I love to go out in the wilderness to take pics...one of the last times I went out to one of my favorite childhood places in the Sierra's, I stopped at a picnic area....I had a point and shoot camera then ( about 7-8 years ago). I walked down to the river took some shots of butterflies gathering on the soil, some shots of aspens changing colors. As i walked back up to the parking lot, there was on older couple having a picnic lunch and...a man by himself who watched me a little to intently as I got back in my car. Well, this unnerved me, so I headed for home. I told my hubs about it when it happened but of course he does not remember. Today, I told him again, I am not comfortable going out to wilderness areas that I love to go to....not because I see myself as some young sexy thang....LOL!! common sense is...I am a woman alone and a target in these areas!!! So please be willing to come with me when I want to go out.. I think he got it, he said does not remember me telling him this..I know I did because another older woman who went into this area.and disappeared. Yes, I am concerned, I will drive to Idaho by myself...I stop only at areas that are heavily populated by people... wilderness area...I love to go to,,,but not by myself anymore. Maybe a guard dog would boost my confidence???
Do you know anyone else who might be interested in going along on your wilderness trips. Perhaps one of your new co-workers is lonely and would love to go along. She may not be a photographer but might enjoy an afternoon in the fresh air. If you can't get a scary big dog go for something small that can make fierce noises like a Jack Russell or a mini doberman they can be very scary.
ABB, my father was like that about his catheter. He hated it. He demanded the home nurse to take it out. The nurse tried to change his mind. But he got angrier. So, the nurse said okay, we will take it out. I was shocked and worried. Because That Was the reason why he was put on the catheter in the first place. He cannot pee without it. The nurse took it out. And left.
Late that night, he was in pain. I told him that we would have to wait until morning to call the nurse. By morning, he was in so much pain. He called the nurse. Gasped out on the phone, "pain. can't pee. pain. prostate (catheter). put back prostate." The nurse came immediately. When he inserted it in, OMGoodness! His pee came gushing out so fast, it almost filled up the bag. We emptied it quickly because it was still streaming out fast. Now, my dad never asks them to take it out. Recently, when the nurse mentioned taking it out, dad said that he needs it to pee.
How are you doing? This is really a difficult situation you are having with your father.
It does sound as if possibly your dad's reasoning could be coming into question, given the fact that you say.....this has happened several times in the past year.
O.K., I hope you are successful at getting through to his doctors concerning this.
Let us know how you and your dad are. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I think what's happening is that he manages to get out a little bit of overflow in his bladder, but not void the bladder entirely, which is a problem. But until my dad is in pain, he is resistant to the many times I've brought up the idea that he needs a catheter. The home nurse told me to just go on up to VA - an hour each way - and try to get the correct catheter. Well... I just don't see how I can walk in the facility and get the correct part. The doctors didn't even put him in the system for the correct part... who am I getting this correct catheter from if what he is prescribed isn't the right thing? Then, will my dad even allow the home nurse to put the catheter back in? She says she will be able to do it, she will be able to convince him to put it back in, but... she doesn't know my dad like I do.
I'm committed to sticking around the house to make sure that if my father gets uncomfortable, that I can take him into ER for a catheter. And we have a Urology follow up appointment in less than a week. If he can hold out that long, I'd rather his Urology docs take a look at the entire issue and decide what to do. I'm positive they will go with a catheter again, but this time they can make sure I get the right stinking kind so this doesn't happen again. They can help get across to him that he does need the catheter even though he manages to urinate small amounts. It's not just about yanking another catheter in... my dad needs to know that he needs one or will get sick. Otherwise he will be upset and maybe feel I conspired with home nurse to force a non-needed catheter on him. Our relationship has deteriorated significantly since this past weekend when the catheter change was supposed to happen because now everyday, several times a day, I'm nagging him and asking him if he's ready to go to the hospital for a new catheter. I'm irritable about the whole situation and he's irritable about it.
One way or another it will get resolved. Just venting. Nobody gave me the rule book for how to deal with these situations.
Before I could hit "Post Comment" the home nurse called and she said she was able to order the correct catheter from the pharmacy and I am to keep an eye out for it to be delivered today! Relief on that end... and I got my dad to call her back as she requested, they are on the phone now and I can hear him "explaining" to her that he is urinating naturally now. And I just heard him agree to allowing her to put the catheter back in - she's good, that nurse. So thankful for these patient and persuasive medical people. :-)
Happy Wednesday and hugs to all.
That's a relief to me. He's really been fighting me on this issue.
Just plugging along here....got thru that rough week last week, this 10yr thing really has me wanting to finally get some real help ridding me of all suppressed stuff from the past life! I not sure how to share here cause it is all in the past. looking forward to a Dr. appt end of month for counseling/med evaluation!
Sharyn, I know how you feel, one sided relationships are no fun!!! I can remember one thing in particular that started me thinking I am in the wrong place. For me was a vacation I wanted to do sooo bad. Just get in the car and drive down highway 1 and back from Fremont, CA where I lived then, just do whatever along the way for the week! He didn't say no but he never took much interest in it, but he never did with stuff like that. It was planned for months The day came I was so excited got everything ready and packed up...set alarm for 5am to leave next morning early...
he would not get out of bed...".its a vacation and I am not getting out of bed early and matter of fact I am not going anywhere this week"! OMG..of course an argument ensued and I stayed home as well, in that moment!! Anyway he can be up at 3am for hunting or fishing trips with the buddies regularly! I started looking at things differently and noticed this riddled thru everything....just a lack of being on same page, financially, family to entertainment.
It does take a mutual interest somewhat or the agree to disagree...I do have friends that lead separate lives in a sense like that, they just do there own thing, vaca's projects, etc...and "appear" happy. I think it takes a special mutual skillset to deal with that You would think one marry's to have a companion for all those adventures in life.
Another good point tho is sometimes by " just doing it yourself" they see what you can and will do, and are drawn in to wanting to be a part of it!!!
It is a long complicated and individual situation and you will work thru it the way you see fit!!!! but I get the "if I am going to be unhappy, I would rather be alone feeling" I was only 12ys invested and much younger than now! Just remember the grass is not always greener, every situation has is bad sides!!! XOXOX to you!
Everyone hang in there with your struggles, you are in my prayers!
Peace, juju
Thanks everyone for all the feedback....I'll take care of it like I always do.