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Like I said, I don't think she is a real human. That makes him extremely foolish, which makes him typical mid-life crisis material. If it's not other women, it's a car or a motorcycle or a boat. That's why Cialis sponsors Nascar, they know the market.
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He is human. She is human Mid Life Crisis. Oh yeah. We all want and desire to feel loved. Even after years. Men especially. Do NOT take it personal shayrn... your ego is fine.His is looking for his youth and to be stroked. Still it has nothing to do with you or your kids.

Yep, went through the same as you. I handled it wrong. Very wrong. Yes, it hurts, but... look at everything that is happening in your life right now.

I am not a man bashing person. He's not foolish....mid life crisis yes.

DO NOT listen to those whom bash your husband. Take your time and listen to him and most importantly your heat. If you have to live in a world of changing passwords and mistrust.... work to change it. Your life. Your husband
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Sharyn your eyes are open give yourself time you will do what you need to do-if he is really worth it you will know-do not be afraid you would be able to go it alone-from all you have been through I know you are strong he is a jerk and you do not deserve to be treated badly I had to keep telling myself this when dealing with my late husband and pulled up my big girl pants at the time and decided I was killing me caring for a sick abusive man who did not deserve my time and decided to place him and got plenty of support -God ha other plans and he died before the paperwork was completed and now 5 yrs. later I have a good kind man in my life-God was looking out for me but knew I had to take care of myself and you will do what is right for you-take your time and continue on from strength not emotions-you will come out all right in the end.
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What???

Need to go back several pages...
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Jeanette, I think men can go through two crisis periods -- midlife and older man crises. The last one happens when they are in the late 60s, early 70s. Their testosterone and general energy start to take a dive and there is a thought there is something out there that can reinvigorate them. Sometimes they blame who they are with for not being able to stimulate them enough. I've heard of men who stray during this older crisis and end up hurting the woman who devoted so many years.

I think women also go through older woman crisis, but tends to turn it in on herself. Maybe it's why cosmetic surgery has become so popular. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just appreciate getting older? And wouldn't think looks and sexual prowess were not the big things in life? Some people have trouble handing the baton off to the younger generations in modern times.
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I like the way you explained it Jess, It would be nice if we all could just age gracefully and not worry about keeping up with the young ones. Thankfully, I only had to witness the Mid Life Crisis. My ex never found whatever it was he was looking for, not for lack of trying though, in the 8 years we've been divorced he has been married/divorced 3 more times. And men think women are strange creatures!! Ha!

Just take your time and keep the gates of communication open. Respect that his feelings are real (in his head) also he has to understand how hurtful this is to you. It's not going to be an easy time ahead... you've been married a very long time and hopefully, texts and emails are not deal breakers for you. (((hugs)))
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Oh, Sharyn. Like you need this trouble.

Unfortunately, speaking as the world's least successful relationship manager, I am not really in a position to advise. As I see it the trouble is that you like your husband and would prefer him to get back to normal and stick around - whereas I'd say oh all right then, off you go, no hard feelings. Maybe I'm the one who has commitment issues..?

Be that as it may. The reason that your husband can treat a FABULOUS loving woman like you - whom he loves, and never never forget that - in this hurtful, demeaning way is that in his mind his 'harmless' little fantasy has no connection with the real world, the part of his life where you live.

That is because he has been having fun and has therefore developed a new personality best described as "utter twat."

He's just about got enough brain left to realise that he can't say this and get away with it, but I will bet you that deep inside he's thinking "it's not fair. I'm only having a bit of fun. Why is she taking it all so seriously?"

Because it IS serious, moron!!! Because he lives in the real world, like it or not. Because what he does on line is inextricably connected with who he is in reality. There is no such thing as virtual, not any more.

Keep calm. Try to speak more in sorrow than in anger. Once you have taken the very sensible security precautions already suggested, gently lead him back to reality and remind him that love and family and your trust are infinitely more precious to him than cheap thrills off the internet. Do not throw away the riches of a 37 year marriage. May you soon be looking forward to your Ruby Wedding, with all of this nonsense long forgotten. God bless you.
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I want to thank you all for your feedback and support. This has been very painful and it will take some time for me to work through forgiveness.

CM~Believe me, if it was a physical affair, he would be gone. I say that because this has been going on for a couple of months....he has no emotional attachment to this woman...it was like you said, him having fun, getting his thrills. However, he still gave a part of himself to another woman a part that was personal and should have been given to me.

This morning I told him to change his settings on fb so no one can locate him through any search engines and link it to facebook.He didn't know how to do this and I showed him how to change it and to hide his email address, etc. She was on his friend list but he unfriended her...I think before I started to dig and check things out. While in Idaho, the only person I saw on his friend list that was questionable to me was Karen. Everyone else was family. I am not giving him the benefit of the doubt on this, for some who intelligent and works in security, he really is ignorant about fb 1) he thinks the people suggested as friends when you first login are being recommended by family. This is coming from fb...not family members in GA. In his mind, he thinks he is very popular.

Yes, this is something that has been fun for him, he knew it was wrong...that is why he hid it. He has not said anything to try to blame me. Yes, I am sure that he justified it under the thinking that he was not having a physical affair....but it is still an affair. I told him Thursday evening that I expected an apology...but only if it was sincere. I told him this morning that even though this is out in the open, it is not the end of it. I am very hurt and it will take me time to work through it. He has been remorseful, I can see the hurt in his eyes. I refuse to police him because that is not how I want to live. I will keep my eyes open and be watching and looking for signs that he may still be communicating behind my back. I have no issue with him having female fb friends and I have told him that...as long as all communication is on his timeline, no private messaging or other forms of communicating. He says he does not know how to private message on fb and does not want me to show him. The only thing he has denied is that his communications with Kate were of a sexual nature. I don't buy it. I will continue to bring this up with him in small amounts to try to understand it more. He says he had no intentions of ever meeting Kate personally.No money has been involved.

I did go to work today and it helped to be around others, joking, laughing and the fast paced environment forced me to think about something other than this situation.

Again, thank you...everyone of you!!
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Sharyn, absolutely right on every count. Well done you! I can't help wondering if it might be better - and easier for him to keep to the rules and not get suckered again - if he stayed off Facebook altogether. Lots of people manage perfectly well without it.

There probably wasn't much explicit sex chat going on - if he says he was flirting, I'd buy that. Think of Roger Rabbit looking goofy and that's probably roughly the expression on his little face (eye roll). Later on, when you're feeling more comfortable and less livid (you don't sound livid, actually - but I would be if I were you!), he can flirt with you instead. Everyone likes to be made eyes at, don't they? - you just have to do it with the right person :)

It's a good thing you caught him now, you know. He was getting sucked in and you hoiked him back out again. Clean him up and he'll be fine. Big hugs to you, good you're keeping busy xxx
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Sharyn you handled it all as mature grownup women-you are a member of my sisterhood of KAW -I admire you greatly-I think e ill come around ok and things will be ok for you -but you will know how to go forward ad will not be afraid of being without him if that is what has to happen-you are a great example-you remind me how Hilary handles dumb ass Bill years ago and they seem ok now-you handled it from strength not weakness.
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Sharyn, I really am sorry that you're having to deal with this mess. I hope the situation resolves itself soon and that your husband soon recovers his wits and common sense.
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Sharyn you done good girl. If it is dead let it rest in peace Just remain watchful don't keep dreadging for more evidence. Remember actions speak louder than words. Don't forget the small signs of affections, like the hug or kiss in greeting. you have been extremely busy and stressed out with work and the twins. He was feeling low on your list of priorities so move him to the top as long as he deserves it. Men have a much harder time expressing their true feelings. If you feel he has been neglecful ask for his help, he isn't psychic his brain works differently from yours.
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Veronica you are a wise women and you advice makes sense to me and am glad AC allowed this dialog caregivers need to vent about other things then pure caregiving-we are real people with real problems who are also caregivers-thumbs up to AC
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Veronica, you are so right.

[mutters: "I think 'brain' might be stretching it a bit, though…"]
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Sharynmarie,

Well done! I also think Veronica has given you a great suggestion about not dredging up more regarding this incident. This way, it will give him the opportunity to reflect and hopefully be truer to his feelings as they relate to you
as his wife, instead of this naughty little boy behaving badly. There's something to be said about that, which comes into play when people are talking about accountability, and that is.......one has not only to be accountable to others, but to oneself.
I was hoping you were at work yesterday, believe it or not only so that you could have some distance.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Well done Sharyn and all for such insightful input! I would add, don't dredge and try to move on, but don't ignore your gut as well. In the beginning you noticed what is going on, with the activity/behavior changes! Be cultivating but aware!!!! Love you, and glad you are feeling better and back to work! XOXOX
Juju
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Veronic, Margeaux, and Juju- you are probably right to not keep bringing it up.
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Well actually I would say you need to talk about it, OR it is the elephant in the room, just don't drag it out forever, once you feel you have had meaningful communication, just try to keep it as positive as possible!
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sharynmarie im so glad you sorted this out! seems to me and what im reading that you have a very strong marriage this incident will only make it stronger! Lets face it do men ever really grow up?

Hugs!
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He's been a bad dog, peed on the carpet so to speak and you hit his nose with the paper. Leave it at that. You wouldn't stay mad at the dog. If you did the dog would run away. Just don't let him outside without a leash, if you know what I mean.
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I have to add tho I meant...things might need to settle down a little time before you can be truly meaningful and positive, once the shock and pain wear away a bit. so might have to bring up at a later date type thing. but possibly agree to some think time then a talk time Everything so fresh and raw right now! k don't want to butt in but just my humble thoughts!
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Yes, talking about is good but not rubbing his nose in it daily. All I can say is if you notice a change in your hubs that is very differdent, keep your eyes open and pay attention. I am going to check on fb if I can stop the suggested friends that pop up. If I can then I will show him how to do it so he doesnt think these suggested friends are people who actually have an interest in him. I know you can stop ads from showing on your newsfeed so maybe this can be stopped to.

Pam-you made me laugh...I needed that. I still feel like the wind has been knocked out of me...not really angry as much as just the sadness.
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I have to add something that totally bugs me about facebook is that suggested friends deal..i think also it is friends or your friends that pop up as well as whatever FB makes happen their. ..one day I saw my Ex Husband pop up his name and face, not the way I wanted to start my day, bad enough he friended my friends we knew together!! If I shop for something at home depot next thing I know it is in my news feed! I want to just delete the darn acct at times...big brother has too much power, lol!!!
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Sorry to hear about all of your alls issues and you all are in my thoughts. Sharynmarie, hang in there, remember, you ARE a wonderful person and deserve wonderful things, keep your positives on and I do understand... You know what you need to do for you. To all of you, hang in there.

*****No my last post here really was meant just as a thank you to all of you and well wishes. But in all honesty, im not ok and Im just in a lot of pain and burnt out ( along with my burnt grilled cheeses this afternoon so everyone just got the side dishes) Everything is the same old but worse in some senses- so no sense in reposting it all, you all read it all. I dont know whats forcing me to be able to semi function- I do think depression besides exhaustion has hit. I mean I get sleep not quality sleep and sometimes when I do get good sleep its after 3 days of not sleeping well in the first place and then I just am out.

I try to come "out of it" but go right back "in " to it. I know I dont do as much as I should and others do more then I do even if they had the exact same situation, but for me, two kids with mental issues,one ill ederly who I get put down most the time, one ill senior, two houses, pets, most family and neighbors give me hell every few minutes Im needed day or night, Im just at a loss.
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Facebook also has a feature that I think can be turned off, that checks your contacts in your e-mail list and makes friend suggestions on those. Soon they will have a feature "find out if you are related". Nothing would surprise me!
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A former gentlemen friend popped up on my maybe you know list on FB so I clicked him and told him I have met my soul mate that I had been looking for all along-as a dig to him and to let him know I carried on with my life after he and I were no longer a couple and am doing better than ever.
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Yes, fb has a lot of features that make it hard to keep your privacy. Juju, I also bought something at a big retail store and the it posted on my newsfeed. I checked into and found out I (without knowing) gave the permission for it to post. These retail businesses are probably sponsors of fb...free advertising for them when you agree for them to post it. The more wide spread that account holders are connected through their friend list, the more these businesses can solicit to you in one way or another and the easier it is to locate people who would otherwise want to be kept private. I have a fb friend who is also a friend from my teenage years, she tried to find me on fb for quite a long time. It wasn't until my hubs created an account that she located him and friended me through his friend list. My account is private and only friends can see what I post, etc. however, I am going to make sure that my friend list is also private. This is still no guarantee because if someone does locate me, it will show friends we have in common.
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And FB also has a feature that tracks your internet use, your location, etc... Have you noticed that ads will post based on internet searches you have performed? So much data is being gathered on us, on a daily basis, it is unbelievable. And do you have your location data enabled on your smart phone? Some people don't even realize that information is collected too.
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I am not on FB nor ever will be but everytime I make a purchase at an online store the next time I do a totally unrelated search something related to my purchase pops up
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It's pretty spooky, how our info is shared. I've had some fun on Pinterest, but only recently discovered that if I Google myself, my pins all show up.
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