The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Margeaux-it has been more depression grieving. Getting transferred just set it off more. I am getting mind around all of it now and am back to focusing on my daughter's up coming genders reveal baby shower.She had appointment yesterday and the ultra sound tech guessed what she thinks their genders are we will know definitely in late April.

I hope your poor mom is not hurting too much and the stool softeners get things moving soon. It must be very uncomfortable for her. Keep us updated.

My niece will have surgery on April 14th with follow up chemo. We are hoping and praying the tumor has shrunk enough they can remove it.

Gotta get moving to see mom before work at 2pm, order invitations for the shower, put mom's trash cans in the backyard. You are right...when this is done I won't be running back and forth. The estate sale went well.

Love and hugs
Sharyn

Shary maybe your job will be easier at the new place and maybe the people you work with will be nicer-hoping it goes well for you.

Austin~It will be fine, I am adjusting to it, not getting home til 10:30-10:45 now. I am not happy about but have accepted it.

Sharynmarie,

I am very happy to hear that the sale went well.
How exciting the baby guessing gender shower. That's a mouth ful. That sounds like fun. BTW, my sister's daughter is also pregnant, which surprised us.
Her second little one is only turning one in May. The pregnancy has due date i September.
I completely understand. You've had a lot of things go let's say awry, especially with the job situation. I'd be so annoyed and given the situation about being close to mom, nothing else needs be said. O.K., get out there and as my cousin would say, "Sometimes, we have to be brave little soldiers." She's a cool cousin of mine, who over the years knew what to say in these kinds of times, and put a bit of humor into it.

O.K., hope things are going good w/mother these days.
Get a good funny movie, and laugh! I think this is in order for your too!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Well, mom was admitted last night to the hospital. She's having inflammation as a result of constipation. My sister tells me she just didn't know how to deal with her anymore at home, and seems to be more comfortable today in the hospital. She took a day off work, and I thought I'd go down there. But instead looks like she'll be spending the night there. So I'm going to cover tomorrow at the hospital, so my sister can return to work. Anyway, if I can request a spiritual holler for her, I'd really appreciate it. But good news is.....she did eat today, so still has her appetite.

Much Love & Light! Thank you, to everyone, asking about her, too1
Margeaux

Glad,

Thank you for your input. Yes, I lately been taking a pro-biotic, and I believe it's helping me. I'm going to look up some things as you've suggested. As I said before, my sister seems to be super careful nowadays, w/diet for her. But that day we did visit, sis had made some cornbread. Now corn is extremely hard for me to digest. I had only a little piece. She sent us home w/some. WOW, just w/a small piece, it was like glue for me. Now, and I'm not sure whether possibly mother was given some of this, since this was only a week ago. Anyway, I'm not going to stress about wondering either, nor tell my sister anything. This is where I need to be mindful as to what I say in the regards. Truth be told.....I'm really suspecting it's in large the result of dehydration.

I'm very happy to hear that things are improving for your mom, Glad.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux,
Have you tried Metamucil. I find it easiet to take in the orange flavor mixed with warm orange juice.
Blessings

Wanting-
I do exactly the same thing telling mom she has recently visited with siblings. One say her five times last year, a couple of hours each time. And she lives five miles from here. She just cannot handle it emotionally. The other sib is better, sees mom somewhat regularly on Sundays.

I spend a lot of time just biting my tongue. It would be so easy to spout off about them to mom when she is asking for the. But, what good would it serve? It would upset mom, and I would feel guilty about upsetting mom later.

Veronica,

Thanks for the suggestion. I'm not sure what they've given mother.
But apparently the stool softeners or something must be assisting, because my sister said that she started being productive, if you know what I mean. Poor thing,
because she hadn't had a movement for a couple days, she became irritated.

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Yes, I was very pleased with the results of the estate sale Eben minus the commission. Sis was expecting much more. She called me at work tonight. Said the restore had 2 appointments tomorrow to show the house. He wants to meet with us tomorrow at 5:30pm. I told her I work 2-10. She said can't you take a couple hours off? I said no, there is no one to cover my shift. She said, you ate just down the street, I don't understand why you can't be there. 1) I am not down the street, I am in Tracy. 2) I work in retail, 1 person per shift and after 5pm I am by myself. Stress Margeaux, YES. Sis has worked retail but I guess she thinks everyone is a data entry clerk in an office like her.

Margeaux, since I had my last blood test result showing my LDL level had risen sharply each year, I'm finally being pro-active as in... now taking the Lipitor pills (every other day) and not pretending that it doesn't exist. I cannot do exercise because my body is continuously tired and walking just tires me more. So, instead, I googled on food that would help lower my LDL even though my doc said that food will not lower it but only exercise and Lipitor.

What I'm trying to say is that I googled on food and found that oatmeal is great in lowering cholesterol - specifically LDL. Of course, I'm cheating and Not eating the real oatmeal that is plain. Instead I buy the flavored Maple & Brown Sugar packets. Because I'm cheating, I decided to up the nutritional value by throwing in chopped walnuts and slivered almonds. Yum!!! I'm already wondering what my oatmeal will taste if I chopped up the apple into small pieces and throw it in?? The one very good side effect of this daily oatmeal eating (11pm snacking) is that I'm now very very regular in using #2 in the bathroom. I no longer have constipation where I know it wants to come out but it cannot. It's a very smooth process and Quick process. =)

I have bought several times probiotics but never took it. Hmmm.... I wonder if the last one I bought has not expired....

Sharyn, your sis knows. She just assumes that you will do her bidding. She really should have checked with you first before accepting the appointment. Since she agreed to it, she can definitely go. She works in the mornings, and you work the afternoons/evening shift. Tough for both of you to meet together. She has more flexibility than you. So it would be better to try to fit it with your schedule. Too bad it's at 530pm.

Book you have found the great cholestrol secret FIBER FIBER FIBER. Plain instant oatmeal can be made with milk which makes it palatable. Any thing can be added as long as you like the addition.
In addition to the statins there is something called Questran which binds to the bile and gets rid of the cholesterol. This stuff may be effective but it is like drinking liquid sand and is absolutely disgusting. Metamucil is a good alternative. I use the orange flavor and mix it with warm orange juice.
I don't believe in making life totally miserable but I think avoiding very fatty food ie bacon or deep fried as in french fries. Plenty of fresh fruit and veggies and keep meat portions small and add in more fish but be careful because so many fish have high levels of chemicals these days.
You are at very high risk Book as both your parents have had strokes and we would really miss you on AC and who is going to change your diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!?

gladimhere: I do bite my tongue a lot! surprised I haven't bit it straight off..

but I have to vent...so I am writing each of these people a poison pen letter detailing every time she asks for them, every time she cries and exactly what I think of them...don't know that I would ever send them out LOL but it is cathargic to pound the keys of my laptop!

Wanting, just look out for that smallest unit of time in the universe, the ohno-second - that terrifying blip when you realise you've just hit 'send' instead of 'delete'..!

Hi Book,

Yes, oatmeal is great! I eat it just as you described, sometimes I add raisins.
Mom eats oatmeal, too. In her case....as I posted before, she doesn't get exercise.
Yes, exercise is a component in all of this also.

Didn't you write some time ago, that you had some work out videos?
Maybe you could start out little by little. But I do understand that if it tires you out, especially with all you do with your current schedule.

Reminds me, I need to go buy some oatmeal.
My husband has high cholesterol, but refuses to eat it.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I spoke w/my sister late yesterday.
So I asked her if she was returning to work today, so that I'd go to the hospital and just be there w/mom. She then informs me that she got the impression they were hinting mom may be released today. So she'll be there today.The hospital also gave her some form, apparently to contest the release. On the back of this, she says that mom apparently expressed she felt more comfortable being in the hospital. Mom must have felt pretty bad at home to be saying this.
So my sister was hoping they'd keep her there at least til tomorrow.

Today they're delivering a hospital bed, and other supplies that they'll be needing, once mom is released. I could hear it in my sister's voice. Her exact words were,
"I think we're going into another level of care w/mom." She's even wondering whether mother may be able to get out of bed.
Well, so I was thinking about several things last night if you can all imagine.
I started to feel stressed, so I gave a big chant for mom. This Saturday mom will be 93 yrs. old.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Wanting-
I vent as well, and did have a tongue transplant. I understand very, very, well. LOL, gotta laugh or we would all go absolutely nutty!

Book-sis watches too much reality tv on home buying/selling. She thinks she to react Now. She could have agreed to meeting thursday morning...she doesnt go to work til 1pm gets off at 5pm

Does anybody have the problem with other family members and their innate ability to correct, question, etc. when they know that their loved one has no idea what they are talking about.

This happens with my mom's husband. He seems to get some sort of perverse pleasure in trying to straighten out her thinking and questioning her on what she has been doing. He KNOWS that she has no freaking clue the answers to his questions!

Glad, he's being sadistic and enjoys mentally tormenting your mom. Plus, he's trying to prove that he's still in control. If he's beginning to go down the road of senility, then this is his way of denying it and showing that between them, SHE is the one who is"crazy" - not him. It's my lunch hour and I will need to go back to work soon. I would try doing a search to see if anyone ever asked this question on AC.

Sadistic was the first thing that popped into my head. Then the next word to pop was...power control. Then final word was..denial of self.

Yup, Book, I think he is losing it too. He had a CT of the head a couple of weeks ago because I had noticed considerable changes in his memory. He has multiple infarcts. Had ultrasound of cartoids and echocardiogram earlier this week to see in something there could be causing his problem. I know he wants to try to maintain control, but he just is not able to anymore.

He absolutely hates to go to doctor about anything. This is a man that walked around in wet socks for probably 15 years before he even said anything about it to the doc. He had a cyst removed that was the size of a pocket watch, ended up with MRSA, lost a toe, then was in rehab because the infection made him so weak. If he had taken care of it 12 years sooner, none of that would have happened.

Glad~I agree about the power control/denial of the disease. I have read on this site, others who have posted that they will confront their elder who has dementia with the truth because they do think the dementia patient uses it as an excuse.I used to try to educate people, but now when I read post like that, I leave the thread...it is not worth it. A relative told me the other day to hand out brochures to co-workers or bosses who don't really grasp the progression of Alz/dementia. Maybe leaving some laying around for your father to read would help him to understand more about it.

I agree she should have considered what works for you since she did not let her deal with it-maybe next time she will be more considerate of your working schedule.

Glad, I may have gone overboard with "sadistic." I'm sorry.
As I was showering tonight, I was thinking about the book I'm Trying to read. It's my favorite author but reading her Darker series. I have this thing about trying to read all the books written by my favorite authors. I forgot how awful this series is. Her main characters have to suffer pain/rape before they die. And the cavalry rarely arrives in time. I stopped reading book 3 chapter 4. Slaver killed another main character, tortured a 15yr old by cutting her ear off, then a pinky, etc... just so that her sister can let them enter the house. Promised to free them, sister opened the gate, and they chopped off the 15 yr old's head..... I've decided to Not finish the book. It's way too violent and I'm finding myself displaying negative emotions and negative thoughts. I will put a note to never ever buy another book of that dark series.

Margeaux, I hope your mom is better today.

Book, not to worry. We all come from our own places and other things that impact the way we are thinking and the things we do or say. All of us, as caregivers, know that this is a stressful existence. No harm done.

I went to mom's yesterday, as she's returned home from the hospital.
The night she returned, she began complaining to my sister that she had a pain that was occurring across her entire rib cage. It must have been pretty bad, as she told my sister to take her to the doctor again. But now mom is in the Hospice program. So my sister called their nurses, and they instructed her to look inside a kit they'd left w/her. It had morphine in it and she was given instructions how to administer it to mother. It was an oral syringe.

So yesterday morning my sister called my brothers and me to let us know.
I went there, as well as my brothers. My youngest brother came on a lunch break, so really couldn't stay long. The other one, golden boy came, and was there w/my sister and me, when the Hospice nurse came to take mom's vital signs, and explain Hospice to us. He was very nice and thorough. He asked whether we had questions. Golden boy sat there and grilled the man about the morphine. Of course, golden boy's tone was very defensive, and expressly suspicious bout they giving mom morphine. But the nurse explained in great detail, and even put up with some attitude by my brother. I told them that I was on board w/Hospice care,
as I realize my sister really needs guidance in terms of where mom's care is currently going. After the nurse explained and re-explained the criteria for Hospice, and how its supportive of terminally ill patients. He also told us, that the doctor determined that mom is in decline, and that it's been determined she could pass away w/in six mos, well any way the possibility. So definitely my sister and myself think that it's best to keep mother comfortable. But oh boy, golden boy went round and round about the morphine, of course saying mostly negative things.
If you can all imagine, here he sounded like the Christian right with his attitude, but he's not there dealing with the diarrhea, constipation, etc., and late nights when mom doesn't sleep because she's been in so much pain!!! I looked over at him, behaving like a stupid macho w/total attitude, and he sat there with a 24 oz. can of beer between his legs drinking while this conversation was going on w/the Hospice nurse. He brought 3 cans of the stuff to this meeting, which really......I couldn't believe this. I mean he wasn't coming to some party! I realize anybody, no less a son or daughter asking questions like this......but why on earth did he have to do this drinking his beer. I've written before about how he dioes have a habit of drinking. So I truly believe some of his salty attitude possibly was coming from the fact he drank. Oh, and he managed to finish another one. I was so embarrassed w/this Hospice nurse. It was interesting how my brother was against the morphine, and I find it truly hippocritical, given that he obviously has a substance abuse problem. This experience totally drained me.

But I stayed the night w/mother, and relieved my sister since she'd been up and down going crazy with mom all week long.

Anyway, I'm back home,......didn't get any sleep whatsoever.
I am glad I'm home too. No place like home away from all that family drama!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hi Guys,

Sorry for my misspellings. I can't see straight at the moment.
It's 3:30 p.m., and I'm a lousy napper. But anywho!

Margeaux

Margeaux, Your brother sounds like my sister in law......She arrives at her mother's home and her and boyfriend (the gigolo) drink their gin and tonics. Just what you need. A drunk golden boy. As things aren't hard enough you have to put up with the bs. My MIL is getting rapidly bad..... and we are thinking hospice... You hang in there....and get a good sleep tonight.