
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I'm home from ER, diagnosis: bronchitis… I think it was a default diagnosis in light of what else I DON'T have… and I have Rx for Z-Pak and expect to be all better in a week. This time, I will be taking quality probiotic after the antibiotic… having learned the hard way that my system doesn't like antibiotics so much.
The great news is they actually injected dye into me and ran me through CT (?) machine. Now I can be certain that there is no pneumonia, no blood clot, no fungal infection present in my lungs. That's just nice to know.
After the 'mold business' was found, the Trust told me that they would be purchasing HEPA filters to clean the air in the home. They never did. I learned long ago they don't mean what they say, but I'm going to use this respiratory illness of mine to push for them to keep their word. Its just too important that I can reasonably rely on living in a home that will not cause me - or my father - further harm.
So… that's how my ER visit went. You guys are the best. I wouldn't have gone without a little push and I'm so glad I did go.
to where he was before the surgery and
I found it too difficult to care for him and
my mom in their home by myself. They were both in denial that they even needed
help. (Im not sure how they thought they were getting to appointments or who was cleaning and taking care of the house and yard). Anyway after he overdosed on his meds, and ended up back in rehab I managed to move my mother into an aassisted living facility and he moved
in after rehab. He complained constantly
about being there, that he didn't need anyone to give him his meds or help with
anything else for that mattet, and my mother won't let anyone clean the appartment, because they don't clean
under the beds?!?? She also just wants to use me as her sounding board to complain about my father, the food, the people...., yes it can drain the life out of you. I do have a brother that has been in jail the whole time this has been going on
and he will be released soon. Oh goodie. My parents still own their home and I am pretty sure he will be allowed to move back in there when he does get out. My concern is that he may try to spring them
and take them back into that unsafe environment. Which will become even
more unstable if he goes back to using drugs which was the main reason he did what he did to end up in jail. My parents
have always been great enablers and I
know that will never change. My brother 49 now. I did try to convince them to let
me have power of attorney, but after three
hours at the law office it didn't happen. I
know I should just stay in the now and live one day at a time, but it's hard not to project what a nightmare this will turn into. Linbel
I too don't do well after antibiotics especially IV ones so I eat an Activia yogurt every morning. if you choose yougurt make sure it contains live cultures.
As far as the mold is concerned, if it still exisits go to your health dept and she if they can help motivate the trust. Well done.
Yes all the things you fear are very likely to happen so step aside but have a plan.
Forget your brother he is responsible for his own actions.
There is a huge financial incentive for him to move the parents home and move in with them. They don't like AL and have always been enablers so thats the way it will continue.
The parents seemed to be deemed able to manage there own afairs so all you can do is wait till conditions in the home get bad and call in APS
Whatever you do do not take on any responsibilities of caregiving, shopping house cleaning, cooking etc. brother made this happen so he can take care of all that. Yes I realize they are your parents and you care for them and feel responsible but sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better - ask any alcoholic and there are several on this site who have beaten their demons but they won't tell you it was easy.
Your mother has no one else to complain to so let her vent but when you talk to her have some other subjects you can insert into the conversation and cut her off when you have had enough.
Can you be there one day when the cleaners come and have a quiet word so they can make sure she sees them cleaning under the bed. Just try and be proactive with them to protect yourself.
You may not care for my suggestions I probably would not in your position but do what you can for the time being. They won't listen to you anyway but eventually they will have to listen to someone like it or not. So stop worrying about something that hasn't happenend yet. Does the ALS have a social worker?
Blessings
had the foot surgery, but eight days later was in the hospital for urine retention and intestinal blockage,(they say could be from the anesthesia) was in for 14 days, in the meantime they (mother and son) moved into our rented house and of course my basement section (where my computer is) I could not get to because of abdominal weakness and the foot surgery. I have alot of catching up to do, I hope all is well for everyone most importantly, your health.
Lesson for everyone if you take narcotic pain meds after surgery make sure you take care of your bowels.
Anyway after such a horrible experience glad you are back and on the mend
I don't know how old she is but they don't give the pneumonia till you are older. Can't remember the earliest but it may be 60.
The pneumonia vacine is more complicated and seems to be given at any age with lots of restrictions and recommendations. Anyone 65 or older should be given the vacine, again with medical restrictions.
by Tuesday after the open house tomorrow. I fell on Tuesdays at mom's, badly bruising my left wrist, hip and knee. I sliced off the tip of my left thumb. Today at a company meeting with 7 other people, I fell off the make shift seats right on my A$$, LOL!! I guess you can say, I provided levity for those around me and the poor man sitting next to me received the brunt of it as to "Why he did not react quickly and prevent my fall," LOL!!
If we don't get higher offers after the open house, we will counter with an offer that is $4,500 higher. It is half way and reasonable. Mom's house, our childhood, house may be sold by next Wednesday. We knew it would probably sell quickly because of how my parents maintained it even though it was build in 1961. The family who is interested are farmers from Tracy, they have 2 children under 12 and want to live in the city plus they have family who live a few blocks away.
We stipulated that the house not be sold to anyone looking for income property, renting the house to someone else. This family does fit our request.
Best wishes to everyone,
SharynMarie
This should be a lesson to all caregivers out there that in order to care for others the caregiver must first make their own self and needs the primary priority.
This is not a critism of caregivers in general. Many back into their roles without the benefit of foresight Not their fault but once in the roll just do not feel able to get out and loyalties bind them to the family and the needs of their loved one. Nothing is fair in this world and each does the best they can.
Best wishes for you continued treatment and your positive attitude.
Like everyone else I am sure your days are not all wine and roses or cofee and chocolate if you are ladee M You have taken actions that have ensured a secure and happy end of life for MIL. Not what she had hoped for I am sure but none of us get all our wishes fulfilled in this world. Blessings for a job well done
Apparently, my sister says that she thought mom was suffering from a UTI.
She also, was very, very constipated. Does this sound familiar, anyone?
So they sent her home with stool softeners. My sister has toned down considerably, mother's diet. But she was telling me mom is refusing to drink water, so we're sure this aggravated things for her. Anyway, poor thing....she's suffering a bit right now.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I'm glad to hear that you went to the doctor to have your condition checked.
Try to rest, so that you can clear up the bronchitis.
You're in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
They did send her home w/some stool softeners, but they yet haven't worked.
I'm wondering if I should suggest to my sister for her to give mom some pro-biotic,
say in the form of plain yogurt, or something. This is getting worrisome for me.
Also, I feel for my sister because the way she described the night before the first time they went to urgent care, mother kept getting up to try to use the bathroom all night long. She said it started showing as a UTI problem, then the constipation appeared.
O.K., just checking in with my pals here.
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
I feel for you and your losses.
You sound very, very stressed out right now. Do try to relax and take some deep, deep breadths. I think when people start falling like you have, your body may be trying to tell you something. I don't want to sound insensitive about all you're going through at the moment.....but the truth is you and your family have decided to liquidate, and there's going to be some relief, no matter the hardship of letting go of your child home. Think about it, you will no longer be beholden to the upkeep of still owning your parent's home. Besides, imagine your family decided to instead rent it. My question would be to you, "who would be assisting you in this venture?" Your sister doesn't seem available for that. Neither do your brothers. Anyway, I hope I didn't get ahead of myself saying some of this. Just something for you to possibly ponder, the other side of the logistics.
I hope that on the offer end, you get a reasonable offer.
You've been in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I meant to say "childhood home."
Also, what I posted.....just trying to help you maybe see another perspective to some of this, and help you get through it.
Huge Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I didn't mean to ignore your hello.
How are you doing? I'll have to look up this Puddles the Clown.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Hope your mom is feeling much better soon.
it is so sad to hear my mother ask for her kids and know that they aren't coming to visit, they aren't going to call, they just don't care. I try to cover for them for her sake, she's sinking into dementia...called me at work today and asked me where the kids were. How can she know to call me and know HOW to call me and NOT know that all her kids are grown up and moved away?