The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

It's not about me. I have several friends who've been surrounded by narcissists, either in the family or at work. The word "narcissist" doesn't mean the same thing for everyone. For a lot of people, it's not a medical term, and they don't mean it medically.

In any case, I strongly believe narcissists know what they're doing. They're not a - victim - of some disorder. If that - particular person - does have a disorder (in addition to being a narcissist), then it's some other mental illness. You know, "doctors" have invented and eliminated mental disorders and mental illnesses for centuries. You don't need to believe everything "doctors" say. I guarantee you, 50 years from now, they'll say "narcissistic disorder" doesn't exist: what we're actually talking about is simply extremely selfish, self-absorbed people.

Before, "hysteria" existed as an illness. Don't believe everything "doctors" say. Use your judgement.

Back to my point, narcissists know what they're doing. You can test it very easily. Insert a WITNESS, whom they care about, whom they don't want to show their true colors to. Narcissists can absolutely control how they behave, and towards whom they behave badly. Narcissists CHOOSE their victim. Narcissists want to DESTROY their victim. Narcissists are often extremely JEALOUS of their victim.

And narcissists often like to - team up - with other narcissists.
Birds of a feather...

If you find yourself in the line of fire, of a team of narcissists, watch your back. Don't trust them. Stay away, if you can.

Narcissists will never give you peace. On the contrary. They'll wage war against you. They won't stop. They're the opposite of peace.

@Hereiam here is the reality and truth about people with NPD and other disorders. It is a brain defect. They are brain damaged. They lack normal apathy that normal people have. That is why they can act with no remorse. It is the same for people who are excessively altruistic that is the way their brain is wired. Dementia shows how the rewiring of the brain so to speak can change a person's personality and behavior. For example a person can become hyper sexual when befoe they had a normal sex drive and did not act inappropriately. There have been cases of brain injuries giving a person the ability to paint or play a musical instrument exceptionally well when they never had that skill before.

i agree, Here I AM.
i'm glad you stand up for your friends!

i also looked up tom cruise's description of his father. seems he had an abusive father.

tom cruise:
...a "bully", and a "coward" who beat his children.
..."[My father] was the kind of person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you. It was a great lesson in my life—how he'd lull you in, make you feel safe and then, bang! For me, it was like, 'There's something wrong with this guy. Don't trust him. Be careful around him.'"

i feel this description is true about narcs/bad/abusive people, in general.
"Don't trust him. Be careful around him." --- smart advice.

protect yourselves. don't trust them. if you can, cut contact. if you can't...well,...you're in a very difficult situation, because YOU'RE THEIR TARGET, and they've got many sneaky ways to get at you. when was the last time you were truly happy?

SP196902, I think you mean ‘empathy’ not ‘apathy’. It got me puzzled for a minute or two!

😉 I failed my empathy test
but I don’t care.

Daily I am shocked at the amount of caregivers that feel exactly like I did .

So many beging with "am I the only one". I too thought I was the only one struggling with caregiving. The only one caregiving someone that has mistreated us in one way or another, in the past.

I felt so alone the last year, couldnt talk to my brothers, they don't care.
I told a long time friend that new my childhood, told her I'm having a difficult time handling taking care of mom, with the resentment inside me. She said, " well your just going to have to get over it".

Othere friends would just give me a look if I complained. One told me, ya just do what you have to do. Another told me to take her out to lunch more. Husband understandably wanted me to do less. But if I didn't go to moms , then I couldn't sleep, because I new she was annoyed with me. The look of horror on peoples face if I mentioned a facility, or if I said, shes not living with me and I'm not moving in with her. I felt so alone.

I feel like this is my "ME TOO" moment

I've got more work to do on myself, but you all through me a 🛟 and I grabbed it. So thank you!!!

Anxiety, I think so many people pre-judge caregivers if they haven't been in that situation themselves a lot of "armchair quarterbacking" if you will. It is easy to judge others if they haven't had to deal with endless doctor's appointments, taking care of someone physically, emotionally, and mentally. Many people do not see how much care one person really needs for even the most basic needs. My mother told me last night how much it cost my great-grandma to care for my great-grandpa who lost mobility and had dementia at the end of his life. It really zapped her until she was a zombie. My great-grandpa was put into a nursing facility for the last four months of his life and my grandma moved in with him (she did not need to, she was still of sound mind and mobile). My great-grandma lived until her 90s after he died (I believe she was in her 70s when he passed).

I think it's interesting how much family dynamics really come into play when you have a critically ill LO. I am just beginning to see a lot of things I should have. On Mark's side of the family, his niece did have to take care of his sister after her cancer advanced to the point it was in her brain. His niece also had to place her father in a care facility for a couple years. I think she would sympathize most out of most of his family. It's been a rough year for me losing my stepdaughter (she was 31) then my Peke (17 years old), and then all this came up with Mark.

Send,

Thanks for your support!

The weather here is cool at night and warm during the day.

The sleep doctor that I had for my sleep apnea has now handed me over to their sleep specialist. I need a better medicine to get a good night's sleep and a stronger dose or another one to make me more alert during the day. I slept about 3 hours last night and was droggy all day long. This has got to end.

Bombshell News!

I saw my therapist and my psych on Monday.

I wasn't expecting what my psych said. She's known me from about 2005 on with my leaving for a year and a half before I returned. She said that those Narcolepsy meds that I sent her information on are the big guns for when nothing else works and they are not used as much anymore with the newer meds which have fewer complications.

Then, she said this bombshell statement. I am starting to question if narcolepsy has not been your real problem all along beneath the diagnosis of depression which may not be there and bipolar although I do see some mood swings.

She said this independently without knowing I was already thinking in this direction.

I think they are discovering that bi polar is sometimes the symptom of an issue, OCD or personality disorder and it's not true bi polar.

They seem to be figuring out what I new for years . Lol