"The Art of Saying No" A good book for the people pleasers among us.

When I was in my 30's a coworker in her 20's asked "when will I learn to say no?" I told her "you will learn in your 30's to say no, I don't know what you will learn in your 40's". The older woman across from us said "you learn to say hell no"

I had a hard time saying No. When I did I was talked out of it or guilted. In the last few years I have noted that my friends have no problem saying NO to me. When your a person who never said no to anyone and now does, those friends are taken back. To the point I am asked why and I say, because I don't want to. Have a best friend who told me No about going to class reunions for years. I would say "oh come". "No, I don't want to come back to that state." Until our 50th when a classmate got in touch with her, I gave him the phone#. Not only did she then go to our class reunion but to the wive's the next year and then to an Alumni's with this couple. Jealousy maybe, but I was considered a best friend and turned down for 50 yrs. It was then that I learned to say no. As my DD says No and no explanations needed.

Husband and I are/were (work in progress) both people pleasers and problem solvers. It is enlightening to see how many people won’t take no for an answer. We are shrinking our circle. And feel more peaceful inside for it.

I think all people of good heart, the caregivers among us, have to learn this art.
It is sooooo hard to do, and I remember the first time I gave it a try; I was sooo uncomfortable. I remember the exact situation involving my daughter asking me for help with something. I used to help from my psychologist to give the "no" I had to start learning to give. It had a nasty response and I remember saying "I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but not sorry I have to learn to say 'no' more in order to save myself".
It got easier each time.
And boy, I am GOOD AT IT NOW!
We cannot save the world.
Thanks for the recommend, Strugglin