May I vent a little ? Thanks
Mom passed 3 weeks ago. If the grieving process was not enough, the final "disappointment" is the lack of compassion from my spouse and friends.
All I need is a,"How are you doing" or "It will get better." Everyone surely must see me in a zombie like state, right ?
Anyway, I have not been around alot of death, but I certainly learned how NOT to treat people. I do not want to live in a morass of pity, but crap, just a little care would go a long way.
Thanks to all through the years listening to me gripe and the advice I have received on this board.
Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
Perhaps it's best that you have shared your thoughts on this cite instead, with so many "in the Same boat" as yourself. Unless your spouse & friends are truly empathetic, then we may end up being as critical of them, even if they Had said something. That may be key-so many may be afraid of saying the Wrong thing . I've heard it said that even "It will get better" is still not Enough for those suffering the loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think that even if you feel alone over grieving your mom , it;s a really good thing that you are feeling it so much. It's proof how much you loved her.! (There's a chance that some friends may not have ever really had that in their lives.) (Some people may feel some relief when an elderly parent dies, had they been suffering & in a lot of pain, & some people create walls around their heart to keep from falling apart , but for a few reasons, your friends may not be "understanding" of what your going though. )
Everyone grieves differently . You may want to remind your spouse, & friends of that & that there is no deadline to the process. Take your time . Be good to yourself & enjoy all the positive aspects of yourself that have been passed onto you . Gratitude goes a long way-that you did have a loving mom for as long as you did & now, believe that she is at least with you always in the Spirit!
Best to you !
I don’t understand the lack of compassion in general either.
It’s been a hard road , that people don’t understand to begin with if they aren’t in your shoes . They also don’t understand that it is difficult to switch gears from the caregiver life to civilian life again . But that doesn’t excuse lack of condolences and compassion , and checking on how you are doing .
Maybe some who watched you suffering during caregiving, think , hope , assume you would make a quick turn around , now that your mother’s suffering is over and so is the burden and watching Mom decline . It doesn’t happen that way though.
It’s a roller coaster with good and bad days . Then it begins to get better .
You have all of here and we understand. I felt the same way to a certain extent after my husband died. Years ago, people showed much more compassion. It's a different world we live in.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Have you considered a GriefShare group? You would be among people who GET it.
You can find them here: https://www.griefshare.org/