My husband and I are moving my mom from her assisted living facility into our home and though I have her POA I want to have an established care contract so that everyone feels comfortable with how we are caring for her and what we will do for her. She does have some dementia, and is forgetful about taking meds paying her bills etc. I have been taking care of the bills for one year. We have her home sold and that will reduce a lot of bills and stress for all of us. She is financially well off right now with her pension, social security snd long term investments. We placed her in the care facility for her safety and best interest hoping she would enjoy all of the activites, pool exercise etc. We offered her at that time to live with us but she declined saying she didn't want to be a burden and wanted to be on her own. She has been there one year. She has not taken part in much of anything there and mostly stays in her apt and reads. She started going to the beauty shop and asking if she could buy cat food and toilet paper and they told me that they evaluated her and she probably needed to be in the assisted living,and it would cost more for her care but they would make sure she got her meds and had 3 meals a day. My mom has always been very active, has a great appetitie and previously went down to the little cafe for breakfast and lunch and had dinner in the dining room. With assisted she would have to go to another dining room for breakfast and lunch, not go to the cafe. I did talk them into letting her stay in the regular independant dining room where she was comforttable and always sat with the same people. The cost went from $2300 per moth to $3800 per month. As soon as the change was made she started getting more irritated with people telling her she had to get to breakfast by 8:30 take her meds and go eat in a different place, and have someone tell her to take a shower 2 times a week and stand by while she did it. She refused all of this and continued to go to the cafe and pay for her lunch, She told the nurse she had already showered which she probably had done and refused the breakfast they started bringing to her room. They gave her the meds but she didn't eat the breakfat they left for her.. I found at least 4 of them in the garbage and she then got sick and went back to bed till after noon somtimes. I talked to the pharmacist and they said she should have a full meal with her meds. When I suggested that they give them to her with the eveing meal because she always went down for that they said regulations were such that they couldn't go into that dining room only the assisted lliving dining room. Basically everything that she is paying extra for she is not getting and so we made the decision to move her home with us. I have been going in twice to three times weekly to do laundry and do her hair give her a manicure, make sure she has bathed etc. She loves the extra attention and I can do all that and more for her in our home. She gets cranky at times ( probably her present living experience) but she has always been so sacrifcing, never a complainer, and I want to give back to her. I am self employed so my time is my own and how I schedule it, so I can have time for her. My hubby works from home and is always here too. She will have her own bedroom, full bath and a beautiful yard to enjoy, she loves gardening, She loves my husband, they get along great. He likes to do all of the things she likes to do, will get to have more independance here, be able to snack on good fruit and nut snacks, and not be tied down to meal deadlines. She will also get her meds with food. My son who is a doctor is less than 5 minutes from me and he said we can call him if she has a concern. We have a huge extended family that visits us often and I think she will enjoy seeing all of her great grandchildren. She will her have her room for refuge if she needs to have quiet as well.
She knows what it has been costing her to live at the assisted living place.. over $4000 and she has been fretting about that for all year. We have agreed on $2000 (she wants to pay). My brother has also agreed and that she would be best with family. If she needs more care in the future her investment money will be saved for that. It costs from $5500 to $7500 for intensive dementia care and she may need that in a few years, and I want to be prepared. My mom is only on multi vitamins,vit D, a baby aspirin and one dementia med for mild to moderate. No high blood pressure and can out walk me.
I know this is long but I want to know what peoples thoughts are that may be or have been in a similar situation. I am a positive person my cup is always half full so I know that I can do this.