My mother is in nursing home (only been there a few days) I've decided not to visit for a couple of weeks as she begs to go home and the doctor and staff agree with me. Some people think to put things from her home around her will help NO - it will make it worse - she needs to completely forget her past or die to get peace from the disease. She is in constant pain, very frail, barely gets around and falls a lot and when home BEGS TO GO TO HER MOM'S home who of course is dead. She is paranoid, afraid, confused - never ever at peace or happy to be around anybody - that is no life fr anybody nor for their loved ones to be a part of. I believe her next step should be reverting to being a young child THEN maybe she'll want a doll and start smiling some. Those are the happiest type of dementia patients I have seen - sorry to sound crude but it is true. I am not abandoning her by not visiting right now - just actually making it easier on her and STAFF as she'll get really agiitated around me.

Oh I know all this for last year she broke her hip and when she came to - her dementia had advanced greatly and when she begged to go home - after she could use a walker and go to bathroom I brought her home. WHAT A SHOCK for her to say it is not her home and she wants to go to her Mommy's where she lives !!!

My home help is my son who can't do "personal stuff for her" and he and I were in constant misery as we could not satisfy her at all and of course could not take her home like she cried every night to go to. When weather would be 90 degrees out, she'd get furious over a teeny window air conditioner and a fan being on even though I dressed her IN FLEECE in summertime and she'd expect us to suffer the heat so she'd not be cold. I even would put blankets on her when she sat in her chair and she'd throw them off and demand all air be stopped in the house.

We finally had to put her in nursing home, especially when she was often trying to get out the door to walk home - one entry has steps and one a wheelchair ramp - that was scary. Does anyone else agree with me?

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is a difficult process moving an elderly parent back home. I have included some articles that most of the caregivers in your situation have found helpful. I hope these help and best of luck on your transition. and the caregivers are always here for you!

When a Parent in the Nursing Home Says "I Just Want To Go Home."

Was Putting Your Parent in a Nursing Home a Mistake?

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter