Just signed up this caregivers form. Some of the topics I have read are identical to the situation I have with my Mother. I realized there are people in the same SPOT as me, so I am not alone. For now I will read what others have posted and later post my TOPIC. By chance, this may be the simple support, therapy, or peace of mind I need. Every body needs a dream.
The link below is to a podcast of Andrew Huberman interviewing Mary-Frances. It’s a long podcast. I have listened to it three times and also bought her books though I haven’t read them yet. A lot to unpack and they do mention the Y chromosome but briefly.
I hope it helps you if you care to listen to it. This woman really knows her subject. Big hugs to you.
https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/healing-from-grief-loss-dr-mary-frances-oconnor
You should put this on your own thread in question, so others see it and answer it, actually I'm wondering what there answer will be because I feel that this happens a lot but I've never seen it addressed before.
When my dad passed my hubs was similar to this. My dad was a jerk, it was a blessing he passed, because of dementia he was getting meaner and meaner, but he was my father, so of course I was depressed, and sad and went through all the emotions, hubs just didn't get it. I think also he just didn't like seeing me upset, so he figured ignoring it and me was best. In your case , you have been through 6 years of caregiving, I suspect your hubs, just really wants life to go back to normal and I'm sure he has been through a lot too.
In my case I made a consouse decision to not let it upset our relationship. We had some arguments about it but I didn't carry the pain of him acting like he didn't care with me , or let it hurt us. It's up you to decide, but if you have been taking care of mom for 6 years, I'm sure he made many sacrifices, maybe try to think of the good things he did for you during those years, and the support he gave you.
Now I take care of my mom, and ya know , I wouldnt be able to do that if it wasn't for him because I'm not working, he is retired, it's only because of him that I can do what I do. So when Mom goes, I know I will have a lot to deal with , on my own, and that ok, he has been amazing in other ways, he just really sucks through the mourning period. So I have to deal with it alone, but honestly in the end isn't that what we all have to do, sometimes there really isn't anything others can do. We just have to go through it, whether or not we have more support, because honestly no one knows are personal hell. I had to go through my dad's death , at the beginning of covid, when we couldn't have anyone at the funeral, we couldn't hug, the loneliness in side of me during that, no one, unless they went through it could understand what that was like, then a hubs that just didn't seem to care, much. It was not easy.
I think you should get some therapy, 6 years is a long time to go through caregiving, the constant stress for 6 years changes your brain chemistry. It takes time to teach yourself that you don't have to worry non stop, how mom is doing, is she ok??
Hope that helps, 🙏🫂