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Just signed up this caregivers form. Some of the topics I have read are identical to the situation I have with my Mother. I realized there are people in the same SPOT as me, so I am not alone. For now I will read what others have posted and later post my TOPIC. By chance, this may be the simple support, therapy, or peace of mind I need. Every body needs a dream.

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It is another day of depression & a night of insomnia. I am really not even alive anymore. As the sole caregiver for my elderly parents, both with different forms of dementia, for 8 years, I guiltily almost rejoiced when my job ended and they went in peace. Freedom for me and my life at last! Then, I was shot by a bullet right in between my eyes. Immediately following, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. Needless to say, having already experienced severe caretaking burnout, I know that I cannot do this. I’m done.
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I just discovered this grief and loss neuroscientist, professor, author. Mary-Francis O’Conner from University of Arizona. She teaches how grief (and loss) affects our brain and our physiology. It is very interesting from the standpoint of understanding the why of some of what a grieving person deals with. Truly everyone will deal with aspects of grief during their life.
The link below is to a podcast of Andrew Huberman interviewing Mary-Frances. It’s a long podcast. I have listened to it three times and also bought her books though I haven’t read them yet. A lot to unpack and they do mention the Y chromosome but briefly.
I hope it helps you if you care to listen to it. This woman really knows her subject. Big hugs to you.

https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/healing-from-grief-loss-dr-mary-frances-oconnor
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Hi, cwillie - All you said is true. Thank you.
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Hi Tiredandalone - what you are feeling is NORMAL, it certainly takes more than a few weeks to process a loss (in fact it took me years to stop all of the regrets and could haves and should haves). I'm sorry your BF is an unsupportive &%#$, he's either very immature or very selfish. Perhaps you might benefit from some grief counselling, not because there's anything wrong with you but so you have a safe, supportive place to work through your grief.
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Hi tiredandalone, I'm so sorry for your loss. 9 weeks is not very long, of course you are still in mourning.

You should put this on your own thread in question, so others see it and answer it, actually I'm wondering what there answer will be because I feel that this happens a lot but I've never seen it addressed before.

When my dad passed my hubs was similar to this. My dad was a jerk, it was a blessing he passed, because of dementia he was getting meaner and meaner, but he was my father, so of course I was depressed, and sad and went through all the emotions, hubs just didn't get it. I think also he just didn't like seeing me upset, so he figured ignoring it and me was best. In your case , you have been through 6 years of caregiving, I suspect your hubs, just really wants life to go back to normal and I'm sure he has been through a lot too.

In my case I made a consouse decision to not let it upset our relationship. We had some arguments about it but I didn't carry the pain of him acting like he didn't care with me , or let it hurt us. It's up you to decide, but if you have been taking care of mom for 6 years, I'm sure he made many sacrifices, maybe try to think of the good things he did for you during those years, and the support he gave you.

Now I take care of my mom, and ya know , I wouldnt be able to do that if it wasn't for him because I'm not working, he is retired, it's only because of him that I can do what I do. So when Mom goes, I know I will have a lot to deal with , on my own, and that ok, he has been amazing in other ways, he just really sucks through the mourning period. So I have to deal with it alone, but honestly in the end isn't that what we all have to do, sometimes there really isn't anything others can do. We just have to go through it, whether or not we have more support, because honestly no one knows are personal hell. I had to go through my dad's death , at the beginning of covid, when we couldn't have anyone at the funeral, we couldn't hug, the loneliness in side of me during that, no one, unless they went through it could understand what that was like, then a hubs that just didn't seem to care, much. It was not easy.

I think you should get some therapy, 6 years is a long time to go through caregiving, the constant stress for 6 years changes your brain chemistry. It takes time to teach yourself that you don't have to worry non stop, how mom is doing, is she ok??

Hope that helps, 🙏🫂
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Going to try to post here because I have no one to talk to. I'm struggling with my mom's passing 9 weeks ago today. I put on a normal face and go through my day taking care of my chores. But I'm dying inside. My roommate/boyfriend (whatever) just found me crying. I never cry about her in front of him. He was horrible. He thinks I should be over it, she wouldn't want me to be like this. He said I used to yell and say bad things about her, because I was beyond burnout. Six years alone as caregiver broke me, physically and mentally. That is a major demon I'm dealing with, losing patience with her. Not to mention thinking of what I could have done better. I don't need him to remind me or say anything about me and my mother. I can barely breathe sometimes and no one knows or gets it. Every day is a struggle all day long. I think, I don't know how to do this? I'll get through it, I hope. It's just so lonely and painful. It's hell living with someone who is cold and unfeeling. This is difficult enough. I haven't seen any posts about how to deal with someone who doesn't understand and actually berates you for grieving. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for being there. This forum and group provide needed support to so many.
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Want to welcome you. Ignore if you are able the Pesky Bot or whatever that is attempting to take this Forum down. I have been here for five years commenting, and it's a first for one this persistent. The admins are working on it. Glad you have come for support. Again, Welcome.
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Hi helplesshick, welcome, we have been having on line scams and difficulties the last week, administration is working on it, so please don't be discouraged, there is a lot of good here!! 💞💞
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