I called the facility where my mom is living. She seems to be going downhill more. She is staying in her room more and not going to eat when they have meals. I was told by one of the caregivers that she is good during the day but then at night time, she gets a little feisty. Now she won't change into her pajamas at all. Her incontinence seems to be getting worse every so often. She has been there for only 3 months. She is 89. She was diagnosed with mild unspecified dementia last year.
I called and wanted to talk to her tonight but the lady there said that she told her that I was on the phone but she just ignored her. This is a first for me. Guess that I have to get used to it. She might not be here that much longer if her dementia progresses like it is. I don't know. I was hurt that she didn't want to come talk to me. I will see her either tomorrow or Sunday afternoon after church. I did see her last Saturday.
I was told that can take people up to 6 months or so to get used to the new location. We can't move her again without the realization that she will get worse. Just hope that my brother realizes that. Her long term policy will pay for her for 2 years. Her mom died when she was 92. My brother is taking care of her finances. I trust him completely.
I should be thankful that she isn't any worse right now. So many things that I wish I could have changed but didn't. My brother even said that I wouldn't have been able to take care of her. He is probably right but then he really doesn't know either. I wasn't given the chance. I don't think that he really wanted to deal with it and just have someone else take care of her.
Thanks for letting me vent.

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I have the same feelings as you do. My mom is now in memory care. I feel sad and guilty everyday. But I know she needs constant care and I would not of been able to do it. At least Not without giving up my whole life and it would be pretty impossible since she’s in a wheelchair. I think we still picture our mom as the version before dementia. That’s not who they are now. I know if my mom was in her right mind she wouldn’t want that either. Hugs to you.

Thanks! I have some more of her tops that I am going to take to her.

Judy can I recommend that you call her in the morning when she is not dealing with sundowning.

I agree, knowing where she is going brings a tremendous peace.

Thanks! Just hard seeing my mom being this way. At least when she dies, she will be in heaven. That is the best consolation that I have for her.

I hate dementia. My 93 y/o mother was ranting & raving last night about wanting to die and telling me I'm not praying 'hard enough' for her to die b/c she's still alive. She wants to fall and 'break her neck' she says. I had to endure 20 minutes of this before finally telling her I had a headache after working all day & was going to hang up. When I go visit things aren't always so rosy either. It's really a struggle for EVERYONE...........that's what many people don't understand. Dementia affects all of us, not just the person diagnosed with the affliction. We daughters & sons suffer as well, sometimes even more so than our mothers, because half the time they're in another world where everything is fine. Yet WE are the ones doing the worrying, fretting, feeling badly for the behavior they exhibit towards us, and so on & so forth. Right?

Sending you a hug of understanding and empathy. We can only do our best and then let the rest of the nonsense go. They're safe, they're cared for, and that is the best of a bad situation.

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