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My MIL insists the best way for her to communicate with us is through Facebook Messenger. My husband doesn't want to have a Facebook account, so I have become the "middleman" between them. He respects his mom, generally, but doesn't have a lot of good things to say about her. Anyway, recently she messaged me to be on the lookout for a very important letter in the mail. She then asked me to confirm our mailing address, and when I did, she stated she had sent it to the wrong address. We moved a year and a half ago so mail no longer gets forwarded...and this has happened at least twice even though I have reminded her that she needs to update her address book. I happen to have the email address of the new owners of our house, so I (awkwardly) emailed them asking if they could send the letter to us. I was told that they would do it, but a week and a half has gone by. Meanwhile, MIL has continued to pester me as to whether the letter has arrived and she even asked me for the new owners' email or phone number so she could contact them! When I suggested that she call us, write another letter, or wait a little longer, she got upset and said she couldn't re-write the letter because it would be too upsetting and that she should probably just try to forget about it (and a few other passive-aggressive things). I don't know how to respond. My husband just shakes his head and says not to let her get to me. I already have an unhappy mom in a nursing home 800 miles away to deal with. I just wish I didn't care so much sometimes.

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Get out of it. Communication should be handled between her and your husband, leave it to the two of them to figure out. There’s no winning for you in the middle
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When you did an address change, your mail should not have gone to the new owners at all. After 18 months it should be sent back to the sender with one of those yellow stickers on it with the new address. This can take a while for it to happen, though.

My SIL has said ever since she married my BIL that he takes care of his parents and she takes care of hers. There is no way that she would have allowed our MIL to use her for a go between. You want to talk to your son then call him. Not his secretary. My MIL would have blamed her DILs when dear sons did not respond. She was passive-aggressive but the boys seemed to know how to work around that. They would never have not called her. We all lucked out when she moved to Fl. We are in NJ, another son in GA and another in MS. All working, 2 with families and in-laws close by. So, they couldn't rush over and help.

To have Mom IM u she has to be a "friend" on facebook. Delete her. Then her message goes to a separate box where you can read what she says. If you respond, then u have excepted the conversation.

Does ur DH have a cell, then tell her to text him. That you are sorry but you are not passing on anything to him anymore. At this point you have enough on ur plate trying to do for ur Mom long distance. That she needs to contact her son directly because you no longer will be their go between. And your husband, I know where he is coming from but HE needs to respond to her. HE needs to set boundries with her. And when he doesn't and she complains to you just say "Sorry, I can do nothing about it. Its between you and him. Please, do not throw me into the middle of it".
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My MIL used to call our home phone and leave me with a list of 'honey-do's' for my DH. If he saw that she was calling, he wouldn't answer. I'd ALWAYS give him the messages and he would ignore them.

So of course she blamed ME for the communication breakdown.

I told DH I would no longer answer her calls and he needed to step up and be a man. This was ridiculous. I already have my own issues with MY mom.

Now she calls his cell phone and leaves long rambling messages. Which he ignores. But at least I'm not involved.
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Don't quite understand - when a letter comes to my home for a former owner, I simply write "Not at this address" and give it back to the postperson. If the new owners of your home didn't do this, did they throw it away? Or lose it?
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Oh mothers in law. I am happy I no longer have to deal with one.

My former MIL was a piece of work and both her sons were happy to foist her off on the daughter in laws.

I would call and leave a message for her. She never answered her phone. ever.

Then she would email my husband. My husband ignored all her emails and I have never been one to read someone else's email.

Finally I told her and her sons, that she was not my mother and I was backing out. If she needed groceries, she could order them and have them delivered. If she need a ride to the doctor she could ask her sons who always refused, then call a cab or use HandiDart.

You need to put some boundaries in place. "MIL, if you need to talk to your son, you need to contact him directly." Likely she cannot hear on the phone very well any more, which is why she wants to type.

But it may also be time for a cognitive exam.
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Sort of sounds to me like its a letter you might not want to get..LOL Or she didn;t really send one and wants to annoy you! I agree with your husband.. let it go.
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Tell hubby that you will no longer be the messenger
Tell MIL that you will no longer be the go between.
Tell both that if they want to communicate that they will have to ..OMG use the telephone or email each other.
After a few missed messages I sure they will get the idea that you are not going to give in on this.
If you have to drop your Messenger account for a time. Personally I think it is a very poor way to communicate and it is not secure.
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Step away from tbis communication debacle.
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The middle is no place to be, time to set some boundaries. Tell your MIL that you are taking a break from Facebook and block her (or whatever it is you do, I'm not a member and don't want to be). Just be sure your privacy settings are such that she doesn't see you communicating with other people in her circle.
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