Struggling today.

Follow
Share

I'm having a really bad pain day today (I have fibromyalgia), and Mom is being particularly needy today as well - nothing huge - just wanting me to go over papers, help with appointments, make FAX's, show her how to use her new phone... All I want to do is curl in a ball. She's made a dozen phone calls, the people call her back and she will never answer phone. I answer the phone, then have to go in search to find her, because she will not keep her hearing aids turned up enough to hear me when I call her. I'm struggling to remain patient because I'm hurting. She's 83 and very sweet, but losing a little bit of her sharpness. Just needing to vent a bit.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
9

Comments

Show:
Thanks, Blannie. I'll look into those.
(1)
Report

I have had two Clarity phones for my mom and dad. My dad had a real hearing loss and the phone was an issue. Clarity phones are designed for hard-of-hearing people and are adjustable. I'd recommend looking into them. They have cordless phones and regular wired ones.
(1)
Report

We don't have a tub in the house, except in Mom's room, and I won't go in there to use it. Our bathroom has a shower only. Mom's tub has never been used. It's one of those huge garden tubs. She's offered to let me use it, but by the time I got it cleaned up afterward, I'd be sore again - not worth it. I did get some Epsom Salt lotion & rub, though.

Oddly enough, Mom is not a manipulator or an attention seeker. She is a truly kind person. When she realizes she is causing me pain, she tries to help me out, and often does things that causes her more pain, which I don't want. When she has pain, it is a signal that she needs to stop what she is doing because she is causing damage to her body. When I have pain, it's not a sign of anything other than messed up pain signals in my body, and won't do anything to me other than hurt.

Mom was using the house phone, and people were calling back on the house phone. Sometimes she just doesn't hear it because her hearing aids are turned down or the frequency isn't right or she's in the other room or she's not paying attention or whatever. Her hearing is a big issue right now. She just got new hearing aids, and she is still having problems. They said that she can't expect to hear 100%, but I know it's as frustrating for her as it is for those around her. I suffer from hearing loss as well, though not as profound as her, and I can testify that it gets irritating when you can't hear what someone is saying and you miss out on the conversation. Eventually you just give up trying to participate. We have lots of quiet time in this house.

The wine sounds like an excellent idea. Can I make it a large glass? Or two :)
(2)
Report

Promise yourself a reward, like a hot bath with Epsom salts to relieve the pain, a small glass of wine at bedtime. Make sure the movie is uplifting and fun. Save some energy by not running after her with the phone-- this is her way of attention seeking and manipulating you. My MIL won't answer the cell phone either, so I put an outgoing message telling people to call the house number.
(0)
Report

Ah, your last comment helped me realize part of what was wrong yesterday - the sun wasn't shining all day! I live in the desert, where the sun shines, typically, all the time. I moved here for the reason because I tend to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Yesterday was sort of overcast/hazy. Today is, too, although we are getting sun breaks, and it is forecast to be sunny later this afternoon. Waiting, waiting, waiting......
(1)
Report

Yes equillot, the sun is out here today and I took my second Tai Chi class, which I love, so I feel great today! I have to remind myself when I'm in a bad spot that this too shall pass. I'm glad you're feeling better as well!
(2)
Report

Feeling a bit better today. Thank you for the support and the suggestions. My husband has the day off today (his first since the 9th) so after he wakes up maybe we'll go out to see a movie. My brother will be down here on the 2nd, and my husband and I are planning a short getaway to Vegas while he's here.

Today is just starting, but I'm hoping my fuse will be much longer. Blannie, hugs to you, and hope your fuse is longer as well.
(1)
Report

Yes, please keep venting...it is hard...I've struggled in the past week myself with patience.Stress is a huge trigger for Fibromyalgia, so do what you can to avoid stress or learn to manage it when it strikes.

Let the phone ring...you don't have to answer every call your mom made. Or get her a cell phone and have her carry it with the vibrate function turned on, so she can feel that there's a call coming in. Or get cordless phones and make her carry one when she's made a lot of calls. We can probably figure out fixes for the phone situation, but it's really about figuring out what to do so you don't get stressed or you manage the stress when you do. Hugs to you from another caregiver with a short fuse today...
(2)
Report

"struggling to remain patient"

I think that's a daily struggle. I hope you can get away a little bit, even if it's just to your room to read a book or just lay down for a while. Caregiving is so hard, people who aren't in that situation have no idea, do they? I'm glad you decided to vent. Vent as much as you need to.
(3)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions