I'm having a really bad pain day today (I have fibromyalgia), and Mom is being particularly needy today as well - nothing huge - just wanting me to go over papers, help with appointments, make FAX's, show her how to use her new phone... All I want to do is curl in a ball. She's made a dozen phone calls, the people call her back and she will never answer phone. I answer the phone, then have to go in search to find her, because she will not keep her hearing aids turned up enough to hear me when I call her. I'm struggling to remain patient because I'm hurting. She's 83 and very sweet, but losing a little bit of her sharpness. Just needing to vent a bit.
Oddly enough, Mom is not a manipulator or an attention seeker. She is a truly kind person. When she realizes she is causing me pain, she tries to help me out, and often does things that causes her more pain, which I don't want. When she has pain, it is a signal that she needs to stop what she is doing because she is causing damage to her body. When I have pain, it's not a sign of anything other than messed up pain signals in my body, and won't do anything to me other than hurt.
Mom was using the house phone, and people were calling back on the house phone. Sometimes she just doesn't hear it because her hearing aids are turned down or the frequency isn't right or she's in the other room or she's not paying attention or whatever. Her hearing is a big issue right now. She just got new hearing aids, and she is still having problems. They said that she can't expect to hear 100%, but I know it's as frustrating for her as it is for those around her. I suffer from hearing loss as well, though not as profound as her, and I can testify that it gets irritating when you can't hear what someone is saying and you miss out on the conversation. Eventually you just give up trying to participate. We have lots of quiet time in this house.
The wine sounds like an excellent idea. Can I make it a large glass? Or two :)
Today is just starting, but I'm hoping my fuse will be much longer. Blannie, hugs to you, and hope your fuse is longer as well.
Let the phone ring...you don't have to answer every call your mom made. Or get her a cell phone and have her carry it with the vibrate function turned on, so she can feel that there's a call coming in. Or get cordless phones and make her carry one when she's made a lot of calls. We can probably figure out fixes for the phone situation, but it's really about figuring out what to do so you don't get stressed or you manage the stress when you do. Hugs to you from another caregiver with a short fuse today...
I think that's a daily struggle. I hope you can get away a little bit, even if it's just to your room to read a book or just lay down for a while. Caregiving is so hard, people who aren't in that situation have no idea, do they? I'm glad you decided to vent. Vent as much as you need to.