My mother had a massive stroke in 2007, and after that was and is a severe alcoholic mainly to deal with pain and poor quality of life. Nearly 10 years later, her right arm cannot work at all. She has had both knees operated on, and her stroke leg is very weak. Cognitively, she has gone so downhill. She keeps asking about a dog we don't have and will yell when talking about anything. She acts like she has early onset dementia which isn't surprising because stroke victims age much faster. She falls once or more a week. Long story short, we don't have much money but she can't live at home anymore. She needs nursing home type care, but we can't afford it. Medicare won't pay for it long term. We don't have money for a home nurse either. My father is at his wits end, and I need to finish my degree so I can have a life that I want for once. Please give me advice.

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Go to the Department of Social Services in South Dakota and ask about HCBS (home and community based services) (sorry can't post links).

What level of care does your mom's doctor say she needs? Has she been referred for neurocognitive evaluation? It seems possible that she has developed vascular dementia as a result of her stroke.

She might also benefit from being seen by a psychiatrist, who could prescribe meds for her agitation.

Medicare does not pay for long term care, but Medicaid does. Your father should find a lawyer with a specialty in Medicaid regs in your state. It is complicated when there is a spouse involved, but not impossible. You dad need not become impoverished for your mom to be on Medicaid.

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