Still In the Same Rut ..Three Years Later an Update...

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Rather than hijack anyone else's post, I will give an update on my own situation. Three years ago my daughters and I moved in with the man I used to call my father. I still call him Dad but I dont feel any sort of closeness to him. I only feel stress and depression. The one good thing that has happened is I am no longer working from home. After losing my work at home position due to not being able to concentrate and focus on my work, I am now working a full time position outside of the home. I dont love my job but I have benefits and a decent hourly wage. Its been almost a year. Other than that its still the same. My father is obsessed with my sister. He now comes right out and says he is not related to my children and that they are their fathers problem..not his, they are not his children. If my sister is kind to the girls he tells her she is not related to them. Meanwhile he is still treating his home health aide as if she is his wife and the woman of the house. She brings both of her sons each day. At one point my father was driving them to get pizza after school and only offering my girls some after they were done. He takes out 200 dollars every five days . My sister and I wonder if he is giving her money. Every day she brings her laundry and goes into the basement my personal space to do her laundry. She knows I cant say anything because she knows my father will take her side and tell her its not my house. its his. He reminds me of it at least once per week that its HIS house. A couple of months ago we got into a HUGE shouting match over the way he treats my children. My girls wound up crying hysterically over the shouting. Since then Ive tried to be stupid and cheerful. It worked for a while but now the anger is back. If anyone tries to give me credit, he discredits me and tries to undermine me. He feels I should be waiting on him whenever I have a spare moment. At this point I hate him beyond words. My sister contacted his neurologist about his behavior because he was acting so crazy that the Home Health Aide called her . My sister was afraid that she would quit .Meanwhile no one cares how he acts toward me or my children. All the neurologist did was reduce his anti seizure medication. There is nothing that is going to change his evil behavior At this point Im ready to give up on life. What have I or my children done to deserve this I cant afford my own place and unless I was being physically attacked, no agency will help. I hate my life and every moment of it. Im sorry for being a Debbie Downer but I dont see how this is ever going to get better.

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TWO WORDS - MOVE OUT! Use your imagination, come up with something. There is always a solution if you look for one. Totally eliminate the word "can't" from your vocabulary and substitute "I will". The environment your children are living in will affect them (and their relationships) their whole lives if you don't.
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Hi toomuch I have no pearls to share in that area. I am so glad for youvtaking this step. I think the truth of your pain and abusive insecure situation for yourself and your girls would be a start. You have no where to go so you and your children are in a hostile volatile and abusive degrading situation not a safe healthy enviroment at all. Im happy for you and I wish you the best in all. I have no doubt the outcome will be in your favor. Just be open and humble and truth about your distress and pain and concern for welfare and mental emotional stability of your girls in that hostile enviroment. Great move on your part!
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Hello all. On Tuesday Im going to the Coalition for the Homless to get assistance with getting an apartment. My worry is that I will not get help. Any suggestions on what I should say ?
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At this point I want to come to terms with the fact that my father never wanted me in his life. Last night he was talking to my sister (thinking or not caring that anyone else was around) saying that he only wanted her and my brothers. I came along three years later (we were all adopted from different families) My siblings were infants when they were adopted years before me. My father always brags about how little my sister was when she born, etc etc They all have baby pictures on the wall, I dont. (even though I was only 3 when I was adopted). So now its time to realize where I stand and move on. Im going to start by taking my sister on her offer to allow me and my girls to stay with her. Im going to take her up on it as soon as school is over, while Im staying with her Im going to look for a new apartment...
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toomuch4me: I believe the children being referred to in the comments above are your children.
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Thank you all again for your continued support. It may sound mean, but Im not concerned about the caregivers children in this particular situation because she does not have to bring them and no one told her to bring them every day. Its a shame to me that we have this big beautiful home than can be shared in harmony and its ongoing chaos..every freaking day. The moment I walk in the door, my father wants undivided attention from me in order for me to "earn my keep" Anyway, now that school will be over in a couple of weeks (if I can last that long) I will seriously look at my options.
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Too much if you look at going to shelter just because you have no where else to go. Because you are in an unhealthy , hostile environment for your children. Call and find out info. It doesnt have to be an emergency. it can be a choice.
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Try to get therapy for you AND your children. There is usually a sliding scale type resource that allows you to pay only what you can afford. Please, please do that for your children. You are stuck in your own childhood when you mention things like sister wanting to appear superior to you. Does your sister have other family? Who does your sister think will be there for her when she needs help when she is older. Your father is ill but he is no doubt having a horrible affect on your children AS WELL AS the caretakers children. What are they supposed to learn from this behavior? The mother sounds awful. I understand your wanting to keep your children in the same home. But get them help in dealing with this. Tell your dad that they have to go to therapy. That their school hours have been extended, whatever you need to do to take care of them. You need to develop a sense of worthiness you are not modeling for your girls. You can get help for this. It will help you make better decisions. A big hug for you and your girls. Make a change. Get therapy.
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2Much if you had the shelter experience and know it then i really have to stress not to let your pride hinder moving on to better especially if you have ?2 daughters. The ugly i. Your situation will deeply effect them. I sacrificed so much of .y self and my because of pride and the easy rode. Guess what im still in same situation and getti g smae treatment only now my eyes are open so my denial is hitting back hard and now that im moving oyt of denial it hurts even more to see and now i have a harder and deeper fight to dig myself out emotionally mentaly. And sljritua)y because im older got issues and made bad decsions which i also have to deal with. Facing my reality is hard. Take a fools advice and make a home for your girls and youself. When the move on j. Life and have ther on family where r u goi g to be and what r they going to have to go tbru to see you.
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2Much I will gladly share. My computer is out. And its hard to flow using phone. Also cant seem to get to private messages. This forum is awesome. You know you open up and share your worst and the good that comes out of it. By grace and faith I have maintained thru so much. I am by far still in my struggle. So much so that it brings tears at anything good. I am still in a bad place and struggling. I had to move back to my mothers when my landlord sold her house in a long course of issues and when cleared We had one week to move. It was my only recoure otside of a shelter. My profesion and pride led to this option. I was treated like an intruder and there was no respect or consideration in any essence. Its always been that way but I grasped any crumb of consideration that I only got because I was able to do.. Good job car. Its very painful now because I dont have and I am acepting same on job I just got after long period of unemployment after illness. I someti.es wonder if im cursed. But I get positve progress in different areas in my life and it keeps me holding on. I am sensitive by nature spiritually and emotionly i give the benefit of the doubt and allow infringes till i can figure things out. And its painful to have to cut out a tie to a loved one or famy so im dealing with that. Learning to put my wellbeing first after realizing I am fragile and dont have like i used to. Getting old got issuse and cant even rely on general principles from loved ones when I was down. Its funny cUze i never depended on anyone for a y thi g from early age because that was my experience. Just wish I had thought long term a d understood the waste in. My dedication. Hope and faith keeps me going and beleving on love keeps me uplifted especially in times in mist of serial rejection and ugly from my family. My stugle sometimes is not to become like them and oh yes if i did they would not be able to handle getti g that same spirit back. I dont have it in me and am grateful that I have the grace and deep u derstanding that I cant become that. I wod be shamed to say the conditions I have settled for not to mention the constant attack on my physch. Also the longtem effect of choices i have made l hold on to a job thats going nowhere and vastly decrease hours but im not going cut my nose to spite my face. So i take what they give me and reach out hopi g to get bigger and better for myself. At least i have something coming in. Its sad to see similar issues in this forum. It helps me i get good advice that has changed me for the good and the spirit of suplort and understanding does wonders. We are fro. Al walks of life and have similar pain and jts awesome the wealth of info and serious truth thats shared.
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