Rather than hijack anyone else's post, I will give an update on my own situation. Three years ago my daughters and I moved in with the man I used to call my father. I still call him Dad but I dont feel any sort of closeness to him. I only feel stress and depression. The one good thing that has happened is I am no longer working from home. After losing my work at home position due to not being able to concentrate and focus on my work, I am now working a full time position outside of the home. I dont love my job but I have benefits and a decent hourly wage. Its been almost a year. Other than that its still the same. My father is obsessed with my sister. He now comes right out and says he is not related to my children and that they are their fathers problem..not his, they are not his children. If my sister is kind to the girls he tells her she is not related to them. Meanwhile he is still treating his home health aide as if she is his wife and the woman of the house. She brings both of her sons each day. At one point my father was driving them to get pizza after school and only offering my girls some after they were done. He takes out 200 dollars every five days . My sister and I wonder if he is giving her money. Every day she brings her laundry and goes into the basement my personal space to do her laundry. She knows I cant say anything because she knows my father will take her side and tell her its not my house. its his. He reminds me of it at least once per week that its HIS house. A couple of months ago we got into a HUGE shouting match over the way he treats my children. My girls wound up crying hysterically over the shouting. Since then Ive tried to be stupid and cheerful. It worked for a while but now the anger is back. If anyone tries to give me credit, he discredits me and tries to undermine me. He feels I should be waiting on him whenever I have a spare moment. At this point I hate him beyond words. My sister contacted his neurologist about his behavior because he was acting so crazy that the Home Health Aide called her . My sister was afraid that she would quit .Meanwhile no one cares how he acts toward me or my children. All the neurologist did was reduce his anti seizure medication. There is nothing that is going to change his evil behavior At this point Im ready to give up on life. What have I or my children done to deserve this I cant afford my own place and unless I was being physically attacked, no agency will help. I hate my life and every moment of it. Im sorry for being a Debbie Downer but I dont see how this is ever going to get better.
I understand that staying there right now is something you need to do. I hope you can find a way soon to get away from it. That area is so expensive. I know I couldn't afford to live there. And I also understand you can't afford to leave your job. I do wish your ex was helping financially. That would make all the difference in the world. But it is what it is.
I am trying to imagine who you would talk to about getting your children and you out of such a hurtful situation. I am afraid the government would have options that could be worse than you're looking at now. At least you aren't in a dangerous area now, just a hurtful one. I wish there was a way to improve things without jeopardizing loss of your paycheck.
For the sake of my job, I cannot move right now. All I really want is for all involved in the situation to work together. Ive tried speaking to the HHA about being problematic and trying to rule the roost in our home. It goes in one ear and out the other. My sister who pays her will not address the issue because she does not her to quit. Even after I told my sister that this woman once got in my face ready to physically fight me, she did not do anything. This woman brings her children to work every day, tries to take over the food shopping so that my children and I have to ask for things to eat, "Oh your grandfather bought that for himself..you have to ask if you want some.." The one who pays her does nothing. If I move out of state and Arkansas is sounding pretty good. My sister offered for me to move in with her. I dont want to do it because it is going to cause more trouble. My father will be calling her every day to complain about us being with her. Physically he is not in poor shape. He likes to act helpless but does not want my sister to lift a finger to do anything. When Im around, he wants to be waited on hand and foot. Any suggestions on how to find housing or a solution would be helpful.
YOU care about how he treats your children - and if they know that, they have something very, very important. They have your love and support, and they have YOU. I have a feeling you will find some way to hang on until you can get free for their sake even if the constant exposure to a truly toxic person is making you miserable and has you doubting your own worth. This man is indeed treating you like hired help or even a slave - he keeps you in the basement, abases you and his own grandchildren, treats you worse than the actual hired help, and expects you to be there for his needs as if you have none of your own. It's like he's the evil stepmother and you are Cinderella. You are strong and good just for surviving three years of this....and that's already three years too many.