I'm still here.....in a prison without bars!

I have to agree with the part about caregivers not being given consideration. My MIL could probably stand to go to the NH and I know she'd be much better off. She went to rehab twice and I could see the difference. She was thriving there. I guess she did so well they felt like she could go home and so they sent her home. Had she not signed her property over to my dh, she probably could go to the NH tomorrow and Medicaid would pay for it. But there's a catch. Medicaid would more than likely come after the property after she was gone and we live on the property. So where would that leave us? More than likely out on the streets, still paying on our mobile home, with no means to move it somewhere else and nowhere to move it to. Not sure if the "caretaker child" exemption would apply to us since we don't live WITH her, just on the same property. Now we don't have to worry about Medicaid taking the property, but there's that pesky transfer penalty to worry about if she went to a NH, so where would that leave her? She'd be penalized for roughly about 6 months I think.

I'm looking after her the best I can but I don't know what we'll do when she absolutely cannot live by herself anymore. Living here with us is not an option. We don't have room for someone to move in with us and I've got my kids to consider. They're 3 and 7, hardly able to look after themselves. I can't sacrifice their well-being for my MIL and she doesn't want me to. She doesn't want to live anywhere else but in her own home. She wants someone to move in with her to take care of her.

To all caregivers reading this post. Please if you haven't already, consider taking your loved ones to adult daycare so they can be watched while you work and/or get respite for yourself. I take my grandpa to adult daycare and its been a lifesaver for me so I can continue caring for him. I got the idea of adult daycare from this site! I can't thank you enough for that suggestion because before that I did not know what adult daycare was for.
I get hardly any emotional support from the rest of my grandpa's relatives. They don't even ask me how I'm doing or ask if they can help me. My parents and my aunt they gossip about me and they don't have any idea what its like. My mom and my aunt are my grandpa's daughter shame on them for gossiping about his granddaughter (me) for feeding him, giving his meds, making sure he brush his teeth and using mouthwash, driving him to and from adult daycare, give him activities, make sure he bathes, cooks and prepares his meals, shame on them for gossiping about me that is why I'm estranged from them. Only my grandpa, me and my son I consider is my family as well as my grandpa's nurse she comes once a week to bathe him and ask me and my son how we're doing and she spends time with us like a grandma bless her heart she reminds me of my grandma who passed away last year so loving and kind that's why my grandpa loves this nurse very much and always looks forward to her visit. Sometimes the kind of help we need doesn't always come from your relatives it comes from other people that you can consider your "real" family.

As for the adult daycare, contact your loved ones medicaid to see if they cover it in your area. Where we live, my grandpa's medicaid covers up to 5 days of his adult daycare and his breakfast, lunch, and snacks. We are blessed it covers it because all the other daycares I've contacted won't accept medicaid, only private pay, because they won't profit as much.

SA the caregivers here usually ask questions about their charges rather than help for themselves. When we are privileged with an insight into the caregivers personal life from what I have seen the answers are helpful and compassionate.
I agree that the majority of caregivers except professionals don't initially enter into the roll voluntarily or at least if they do they don't and can not anticipate the difficulties and sacrifices it will entail. Who thinks their sweet loving parent who has always had your best interests at heart will turn into a vicious hateful person.
The parent who would never leave their room without being properly dressed comes out of the bathroom hair awry wiping their poopy hands on their pants five minutes before you have to leave for the Drs. you can't even use the bathroom to do your makeup you have to chase the parent who is already heading out the door to the car and he's left the door open and the dog is half way up the road. With tears of frustration running down you face you head to the phone to cancel the appointment. Dad will sit in the car for an hour before you can tempt him out and get cleaned up. SA people do get it they are all in the same situation their addresses are just different butt heir bank balances take the same hits. The rich make different choices much earlier. they can afford "companions" for elderly parents and later nurses. A separate cottage in the grounds or an apartment nearby. Expensive city Drs will make a home visit if you pay them enough. Do you think Queen Elizabeth's mother sat in a Drs office or the Queen goes in for her annual physical. Prince William was the first heir to the throne to be born in a public hospital. How about the President his Dr travels with him. No doubt the President's MIL gets treated in the White House.
Roscoe admits to having the money that can enable him to make different choices. He has more choice than the majority of caregivers. Caregivers are valued and admired. When their journey ends their lives will be forever changed even if they escape the depression and PTSD. Yes I mean PTSD that's why so many hospice nurses burnout. I did not realize it till I had actually retired that I wanted no further contact with hospice and still will not even drive past the office. For months I jumped every time the phone rang.
May be caregivers are only appreciated by other caregivers?

Caregivers are understood by other caregivers there is no doubt,
and misunderstood by the others, money constraints mean we carry a tougher load,
our 86 year old sold her house via court actions now has a small nest age that the court refuses to pay us, her caregivers but will pay everyone else.

Who would think something like caregiving
would separate the mice from the me,
meaning, you have to find your family
wherever you feel comfortable and where the heart is, so is home.

They (bank court order) pay for daycare twice a week (for 12 hours total at 200.00)100.00 each day, they won't skip the day care and pay me the 200.00, because she cannot qualify for medicaid, if your people qualify for medicaid, they also qualify for cash and counseling a program that pays people to be caregivers including their own family members.