Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
1 2 3 4
Please send us an update on this page.

M 8 8... miss you!
(1)
Report

How dare he threaten you as if he's wishing that something evil will happen to you...
"How loving of him to let you know".
My mom took the mind games and the put downs only so long... she had $$$ in a secret account and planned to divorce him, sick of the alcoholism and adultery.
I was too small then, but my sibling being 6 yrs older HATED MY MOM, for ridding us of such a loser, but sibling loved dad a lot.
Mom was super smart and always fought with him whenever we weren't around. I have no recollection of those fights.
Mom made it ok, brought us up by herself, no alimony, no child support.
She wanted it like that when the divorce papers were signed,
with the stipulation that he was never to look for us... ever.
He was happy as a clam. Never knew him, met him, loved him nor missed him.
I thank mom for thinking ahead and not taking any more humiliation
and mental abuse from my "dad".
M88
(3)
Report

I agree pam. It wasn't even a veiled threat. Go to a women's shelter and get some advice. Don't put up with this any longer. Unreasonable jealousy is a symptom of a much deeper problem. He needs help.
(2)
Report

He is telling you "something bad is going to happen to you" and you don;t see this as a threat? To me this is a huge red flag...
(3)
Report

As you point out, he's mentally ill. The only way you can live with someome like that is if they admit the problem and accept that they need treatment. Has he been diagnosed? Personality disorder, schizophrenia, major depression? Curious how his psychiatrist characterizes his
Illness.
(4)
Report

While he has not gotten me to the point of needing to be put into an institution, he has gotten me to the point where I want to get a hold of him with a frying pan and/or divorce. He has worked my last nerve (as they use to say). I did ask for advice on what I could do to improve this situation and force a needed change. Of course I know the change will have to come from me. I didn’t expect the comments to be all roses. I see some playful ones and some very serious ones.

But the thing, with me going on and doing me, I get lip service. See it is the comments like these yes other examples that have just ooooowwww. I just want it to stop but going on and doing me is not working. Sleeping in separate rooms for six months is not working. Guessing duck tape is an option.

If I am on my porch and some male drive up next door, it is why have you not gone inside. Gone inside for what I am sweeping my porch or working on my car. You go inside. So now I am accused of trying to get male attention.

If I am going to church without him, he swears I have put on my Sunday’s best and proceeded to danced in front of the deacon’s bench.

A male classmate saw us in the store one day and proceeded to call my name. My husband gave him such an ugly look that the guy went to explaining and apologizing.

That’s not to mention the affair I am having during my 45-minute drive to work in the next town. This is what he told my then 81-year old dad last year. Dad told me about the conversation and told me he just had to go off a bit telling him he was acting and sounding like a dam fool.

When he feels I am being defiant he goes, something bad is going to happen to you. My comment is it already has, YOU.

I feel like this is such a silly issue to be coming from grown people. I feel so embarrassed to call him my hubby and it has started to overtake the positive in my eyes. I’m embarrassed of me.

Oh I didn’t give him a deadline because you can behave just long enough. At least that is my thinking on the subject.
(3)
Report

I suppose I should tell you that if you wait and try to separate and divorce amicably you will ultimately risk losing absolutely everything. I trusted my husband to sell the house for a bona fide price - he didn't and I lost a huge amount of equity. I also know he wouldn't have given that money away so where he managed to squirrel it is something I have never found out and I couldn't afford to have it traced. Don't think you can force him to declare it because he just said he didn't have it - end of.

My ex had money that, way way after I had signed away all rights , I found out about and it would make your eyes water. Lets put it this way he bought at least one more house and has lived abroad very comfortably for the last 20 years! So caution don't leave until its too late - our divorce was amicable when despite his behaviour with women (and men) (and drink) the fact that I met a man resulted in him divorcing me for adultery. I couldn't prove his behaviour other than hearsay because it happened abroad and no-one would substantiate his behaviour through alcohol because it always happened behind closed doors.
(2)
Report

So, I've been in your shoes, Answry. He should be the one to leave.

Ultimately, my ex became physically abusive towards my daughters, not just me. The police escorted him out. He paid the mortgage until the house was sold.

Going to a lawyer is not throwing in the towel on your marriage. Finding out what your rights are means that you stop looking at this through the lens of "I'm going to be out on the street".

No, he's going to be out of the house if he doesn't mend his ways. And he's going to be ordered to pay for your kids to remain in their home. Puts things in a different light, yes?
(2)
Report

Sorry if anyone thought I was being harsh. Maybe we could all lighten up a bit. An emotional issue to be sure, especially if you've been there.

Answry, hoping I can be more supporting. You said it was making you ill.
(1)
Report

Phoenix, you captured how I felt when I knew my marriage was over. My feelings became even darker until after the divorce. My circumstances were a little different than yours, though, Answry. We didn't have children, and I was able to support myself. The court considers your financial situation and having the children, though. You will be granted enough to get another start. Just remember you have options. My heart hurts for you. It is one of the most stressful times of my life. Life is so much better now, so it was worth it for me. God bless you.
(2)
Report

Send I agree! My dad always said "have some money of your own" and I have always told my daughter this.. too bad alot of my friends never heard it! It's a safety net when needed. And for hubs and I it was a lifeline when a business failed. Nothing like some cash in the bank to give you some self confidence!
(3)
Report

Two years-your daughter will be,18.
(1)
Report

A person with the issues of Answry's husband imo, will eventually leave.
Not because of Answry, but because of their own character flaws, their own lack of self-discipline, and because the side effects of medications have changed their brain into a dementia.
My advice, when that time comes, let him leave.
In the meantime, set up your own finances, separately, so you won't be surprised.
(2)
Report

Profound poem.
(1)
Report

Forgot to add, your poems are loading up the front of our icebox.
(3)
Report

I have not given anything or anyone a date as in we have a year to get it right or else. So that was just hand and mind typing. Right now I am doing the work thing, reading books, exercising, spending more time with the kids, etc. Whatever I can do to get my mind off the situation. If he does not like it than tough. I am not doing anything to disrespect the marriage.

So the lip service has to go.

I have asked him to change this issue and he either does or doesn’t. If he does not, then get someone else to do the prison sentence. However, I believe if you can deal with drinking until you pass out issue (yes this is where we were 20 years ago) than you can deal with this as well. If you can quit smoking real smokes, than you can deal with this as well.

He does not have permission to treat me bad although by not leaving totally out the home, I can see how he and others may think I have given permission. But I refuse to be on the street with my kids. If leaving home is a must I must be able to support us totally on our own and I’m working on that issue as well. And as counselor says, if you jump up and leave you may be losing rights. So talking to an attorney is also another step never done.

Like I said, please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. Divorce is not my first choice but may be the only choice.

Thanks all for posting, be blessed. I appreciate your comments. Off to finish the work week.
(4)
Report

Thank You M88 - it just seems to sort of flow out of the pen - sorry if it offended anyone it wasn't intended to
(3)
Report

Phoenix.
Wow
Sobering indeed!

M88
(2)
Report

The ties that bind draw tighter still
Love doesn't come and call
Those same ties will eventually kill
My heart my soul my all

Yet will I make those choices? No
Ive grown accustomed to the pain
Should I stay or should I go?
Either answer seems insane

So I do nothing and I die inside
Was this how it was meant to be
When before God the knot we tied
Was it meant to strangle me?
(8)
Report

Amen!
(0)
Report

Oh My Pam!
You can interpret MY tan tararantantan, with a composer, year and title?????

What about this one: La, lalala, OH OH OH.............

M98........haha 88 fingers not obedient
(1)
Report

Answry, THIS YEAR??? YEAR???............ a whole year? like the whole of 2016... as in May, June, July, August, Sept. Oct. Nov. Dec., and then??????????????

Was he on those meds when you met him?

Was he at the same dosages?

Is it really true this is how you've known him?

Does that give him permission to..............fill in the blanks, what you told us?

Hmmmm.............................................................

Well..............

M88
(1)
Report

I've/we've been trying to discuss this issue again this week. His answer is, "but I've been this way since we've met." My response was, "but never/ever this bad."

DH has medical issues (severe cervical and lumbar stenois) but is not bed bound. Takes narcotic meds like oxycodone and non-narcotic pain medication, flexeril. These things have caused performance issues. I believe the control has kicked up a notch for these reasons.

Anyway, I think I've done all the reassuring that I know how to do. I'm trying to be me and focus elsewhere.

Either way, I will let you all know how things play out this year.
(4)
Report

Mulata, you mean the circus theme song? It's "Entry of the Gladiators", is a military march composed in 1897 by the Czech composer Julius Fučík.
(5)
Report

thanks send.
she sings it / says it kinda quietly...

tan tan, tarara tan tan, tan tan, tarara tan tan!!!

M88
(1)
Report

Are you ready boots?
(2)
Report

Chiming in with another tune:
"These boots are made for walking
That's what I'm gonna do
La la la la la la la
They're gonna walk ALL OVER YOU".
I can't remember where I wrote la la la.........anyone please?

M88
(1)
Report

great choice!
(2)
Report

ProfeChari-I am positive that your post-and very real story, was realistic.

Here's the song, by request:
I Will Survive
Gloria Gaynor
Lyrics

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live

I w i l l s u r v i v e !
(3)
Report

First I was afraid, I was petrified
I WILL SURVIVE. Gloria Gaynor
(2)
Report

1 2 3 4
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter